7 Nigerians Talk About The Worst Sex They’ve Ever Had

September 30, 2020

Sex doesn’t always work out the way we hope it will. If you’re a sexually active adult, it’s very likely that you will have terrible sex at least once in your life.

So, I decided to ask a few Nigerians about the worst sex they’ve ever had. From a smelly vagina to an avalanche of vomit, these were 7 of the most interesting stories I got.

Farouk, 25/Male/Bisexual

My roommate and I had started fooling around, but since it was his first time with a guy, he always needed a bit of alcohol to give him the courage to get through it.

On the night we planned to go all the way, he drank a little too much. He ended up vomiting right on me. It was so much. I don’t think our relationship has been the same ever since.

Yewande, 18/Female/Straight

I had never had casual sex before, so I was both excited and nervous. I had only ever slept with one guy before him. He came over and seemed very confident. Then the nonsense started.

We had barely kissed and he was already pulling my hair and choking me. I don’t have a problem with either of these things, but it felt so unnatural. He was obviously trying to re-enact all the terrible pornos he’d watched. 

Then he went in, and all I can say is harder and faster is NOT always better. To make matters worse, he kept calling me by my Twitter name. It was so terrible, I had to stop it. I hope he reads this.

James, 28/Male/Straight

My main babe wasn’t around, so I had to find someone else to hook up with. I met this hot babe at a party and she came over that same night. With how quickly it happened, I wasn’t able to properly gauge her. 

The first thing that should have tipped me off to what was in store for me that night was the “aroma” of her wig. I assumed it was because she had been dancing, so I didn’t think much of it.

Anyway, we started making out, and as I was working my way down to eat her out, the stench hit me. I hadn’t even crossed her navel and it was already so intense. 

I came up for air and quickly got to thrusting. I couldn’t even enjoy that because I kept picturing maggots in my head. I got out of there as fast as I could and went to sleep. I blocked her the next day.

Mary, 22/Female/Bisexual

I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, but the worst one was with my ex-boyfriend. It was the very first time we had sex, and it was full of disappointments. 

He’s a very tall guy, so I was expecting his dick to be big. That was my first disappointment of the night. Then, he went on to chew on my labia and clitoris in the name of head. 

After all that, he couldn’t get it up. Then he started crying, saying that he had failed me. I was so confused because he wasn’t even a virgin. I slept over, so we decided to try again, but it was the exact same issue.

David, 31/Male/Gay

The night was a bit chilly, so he offered to give me a massage before we got started. I don’t know who sent him message, but he decided to use some Aboniki to help warm me up.

You can probably guess how this ended. Anyway, to cut the long story short, there was still some Aboniki residue on his fingers when he was applying lube on his dick. The burning sensation shot right through me.

Ada, 22/Female/Straight

I’ve only ever had bad sex once. I had recently broken up with my ex, so I was hooking up with this guy. We weren’t really friends; all we used to do was smash like rabbits. 

One day, he came over and asked me to only play with his balls. I did it for a long while, but he didn’t come. Then, when he was ready to leave, he just flipped me over, did five quick strokes and came. I was pissed. 

Then he got up, wiped his dick and saw blood — my period had just come. He got really paranoid and took the tissue with the blood home. Apparently, he thought I was a witch or something.

Ebuka, 28/Male/Straight

This babe just bent over and stayed there. Her back was straight like a desk, no gradient. Then when she got on top, I knew she wasn’t serious. She sat there like she was waiting for the bus. 

I finally got tired and faked an orgasm, so she could go to her house. It was extra annoying because this was my first time. She definitely set a bad precedent because I’ve faked a lot of orgasm since then.

QUIZ: How Good Are You In Bed?

Are you memorable or terrible? Take this quiz.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 28, 2020

Yesterday, we told you 7 Things You HAVE To Know Before You Peg Someone and while most people screamed in revulsion, some others were more open to the idea. I was curious so I asked six Nigerian men what they thought about pegging. Abomaye, 25, Straight Honestly, I really think it opens a whole new […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

More from Sex Life

August 13, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old queer woman who owns half a dozen sex toys and wants more. She talks about her sex toy curiosity, the trial and errors before she found the perfect ones and how she navigates sex with people. 

July 30, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old virgin. She talks about how she’s only been kissed twice, her inability to orgasm when she masturbates and waiting till marriage to have sex. 

July 9, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old woman who doesn’t enjoy sex. She talks about the various ways she’s tried to spice up her sex life and realising sex isn’t something she’ll ever enjoy. 

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X