Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 43-year-old heterosexual man who had a three-year affair that ended his marriage. He talks about the woman being his soulmate and why he doesn’t want his wife back.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    I was six or seven, and it was with a 13-year-old family friend. I was on holiday at my grandma’s house, and we were playing “husband and wife”. We’d been playing that game for years, but this time, she started touching and kissing me. 

    I didn’t understand what we were doing, but she seemed to enjoy it so much that it made me curious. So, I tried it with her cousin, and we ended up fooling around for the rest of the holiday. She was my first unofficial girlfriend. 

    What happened when you returned home?

    I started exploring more. I made out with a lot of girls, but it never went beyond that. I grew up in a very religious home, and penetrative sex was framed as the worst possible sin. I was too terrified to cross that line.

    When did you finally cross that line?

    When I got into university. I failed WAEC a couple of times, so I was around 23.

    How was it?

    I don’t think I lasted more than five minutes, but it was great for me. The babe was really beautiful, and while I don’t think the sex was as nice for her, she seemed genuinely proud of herself when she realised she was my first.

    Did you feel any religious guilt?

    Strangely enough, I didn’t. I guess I was too euphoric to care.

    Fair enough. What happened after your first time?

    The babe and I became a pair, but we decided to end things after four months. We were both in relationships with other people and were becoming too consumed with each other. My actual girlfriend and I weren’t having sex, but we had plans to get married. 

    Wait. What? You had a girlfriend?

    Yes, I did. She was my first love. We belonged to the same church, so our relationship mostly involved dates with chaperones, group hangouts and zero sex until marriage. Sure, we stole the occasional kiss, but we were not allowed to be intimate.

    So, you were cheating on her?

    I was. It happened a couple more times with other women — sex was just too sweet for me to stop. Thankfully, we eventually started having sex, so the cheating stopped. We were together for six years before we broke up. 

    My sisters haven’t forgiven me for not marrying her. They are still friends.

    Why did it end?

    We had many issues, from family pushback to poor communication, but the main problem started when she cheated on me. I caught her, we spoke about it and we agreed to move on. Well, as it turns out, she didn’t move on.

    She went for NYSC in Calabar, and when I went to surprise her, her neigbour stopped me at her door and told me she was busy. When I told him I was her boyfriend, the guy looked at me with pity and told me she was inside fucking someone else. 

    I left, but I was still willing to forgive her — I didn’t want to lose her. I asked her to come to my house in Lagos; she didn’t. After a while, I went back to Calabar to see her, and while I was there, another man came over and she refused to see me off.

    Oh wow. 

    See ehn, I was hurt. Anyway, I got home, cried for a few days and decided we were done. A couple of months later, she came with my sister to apologise, but I had already mentally checked out.

    It wasn’t even the cheating that bothered me, it was how flippant she was about it.

    What did you do after the breakup?

    A friend advised me to use my newfound freedom to have as much sex as I could.

    Did you take his advice?

    Not immediately. I grieved the relationship for almost two years. After I moved on, I took my friend’s advice. For five years, I went on a sex spree. Then when I turned 35, I decided to get married.

    How did you meet your wife?

    She’s someone I have always known; our families were quite close. She had also been in love with me for as long as I could remember, so, at the time, it just made sense for us to get married. 

    Did you love her too?

    Not really. I was fond of her though.

    Ah. What about the sex?

    It was interesting. She was a virgin when we married, so there was an experience gap. Thankfully, she was easy to teach. The sex was amazing, and we did it almost every day for the first three years of our marriage.

    Then we started having some issues, and the sex kept slowing down until we went two whole years without even touching each other. We are currently separated — we were married for seven years. 

    I’m sorry. 

    Don’t be. 

    What were the issues?

    I had an affair with a friend of hers. After about three years, I decided to come clean and become a proper husband to her. All hell broke loose when I told her, and she moved out of the house. 

    She eventually came back, we had a child, and then she left for good.

    Why did you have an affair?

    I found my soulmate. She was having issues with her business, and my wife told me to help her out with strategy. The more time we spent together, the closer we got. She was there for me in ways my wife wasn’t. 

    The thing is, my wife wasn’t the one who first introduced me to her. We had a fling years before we both got married, but it wasn’t serious. Obviously, my wife didn’t know any of this when she told us to work together. 

    Oh? She was married too?

    Yes, she still is. At the time, I felt bad about doing that to her husband, but we just knew we were meant for each other. So, the initial plan was to tell our spouses the truth so we could run away together.

    Why did the plan change?

    She had a change of heart. She had a daughter that we both thought was mine, but after a DNA test proved it was her husband’s, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. There were a bunch of other reasons, but that was the main one. 

    She didn’t know how to tell me about her decision, but I figured it out. I told her to stay and try to make do with the situation. That’s when I decided to come clean to my wife and try to make our relationship work.

    This was when all hell broke loose, yeah?

    Yup. Before moving out, she called the woman’s husband and her family. It was a mess. 

    Damn. Have you seen the woman since then?

    We didn’t speak for about a year, but after my wife left the second time, she reached out to say she felt bad about how everything turned out. So, we talk from time to time, and we’ve seen each other once or twice.

    Do you still feel the same way about her?

    Of course, I do. We both do. We’ve had sex once since everything happened, but I told her we can’t do it again. It’s just too hard. She feels she made a mistake staying with her husband, but unfortunately, nothing can be done about that. 

    Do you miss your wife?

    No, I don’t. My wife’s character was always an issue for me. She was obsessed with performing for social media, and I found that grating. She was also constantly telling our business to her family and church members. I just couldn’t stand it. 

    It was easy to accept our separation because it felt like a burden was being lifted.

    So, what’s your sex life like as a separated man in his 40s?

    I’m focused on my career right now, so my sex life is basically non-existent. 

    What would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    I’ll give it a six. I really enjoy sex, but I’m not exactly adventurous. I don’t do threesomes or things like that. As long as my partner is having a good time, I’m happy. So, yeah, I’ll give it a strong six.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old heterosexual woman who doubles as a sexpert in her free time. She talks about how much she enjoys helping people learn about sex while ironically experiencing the worst dry spell ever. 

    What was your first sexual experience?

    I was in primary school and I had sex with my seat partner, a girl. We started kissing each other and it kind of escalated. Of course, we didn’t know what we were doing, we were just jamming our genitals against each other. We’d seen a porn clip where that happened. 

    That’s interesting. Was that the point when you discovered your sexuality?

    I didn’t know anything about sexuality then; we were just mimicking what we saw on television. It’s the same way you’re a kid and you mimic gender roles, dance steps and all of that. However, because I grew up in a liberal home, I learned about sexuality not too long after. I think it was a conversation with one of my sisters. 

    Anyway, at the end of the day, I realised I wasn’t attracted to girls — even after I did what I did with my friend. I liked boys. 

    Okay, so what was your first sexual experience with a boy?

    Still in primary school, I kissed a boy. Then in secondary school, I started making out properly. I remember the first time I got oral sex from a boy in my set. It was so bad, I almost swore off sex completely. Then a female friend gave me head and I felt redeemed. I think this was the point I knew I wanted to help people learn more about sex and their bodies. 

    How old were you?

    I was 13/14.

    I read books about sex. Nancy Friday’s Woman on Top was one I really liked. Then there’s this really famous one that my mum had. I read it cover-to-cover. Of course I didn’t let my family know what I was doing. It was through reading that I first understood how to pleasure myself and the different ways I could do this. So, at some point, I stopped doing anything with anyone and just helped myself. It was fantastic, but it eventually got boring. 

    What did you do after?

    I went back to boys. I was in university at this point. That was when I had sex. It was frustrating because I had to teach him everything. From reading and doing my research, I knew that men were almost always clueless about sex, I just didn’t expect this guy to be that clueless. He came in less than five minutes. Worst part, the condom broke. 

    Oh wow.

    I got the morning-after pill the next day and decided that I needed to start screening my partners carefully. I couldn’t just sleep with anyone. So apart from asking about their sexual history and getting tested — even though we still used condoms —  I’d talk to them about “sexual best practices”. Once you start telling me you don’t give head, you only give head for a minute or you come in less than 10 minutes, I see those as red flags. Although there were people who were dishonest, I tried my best to scan them properly. 

    I know some might ask “All this trouble just to have sex? Why not get a boyfriend?” Well, I just wasn’t interested in a relationship. I’ve never been in a relationship and don’t think I will ever be in one. 

    That’s interesting. So all your sexual partners have been random?

    In a sense. If I feel some kind of sexual tension or attraction to you, I’ll most likely tell you about it and ask if you’re down to have sex. I’ve also had sexual partners who were with me for certain time frames. 

    For example, some time after uni, I had a sexual partner who lived with me. We were pretty much a couple, but we only had sex with each other and did nothing else together. Ironically, we broke up because he had sex with someone else — you can say he cheated. I always ensure that there’s an agreement when we start sleeping together. One of the major things in that agreement is that they must not sleep with someone else during the time we’re together. 

    Ah I see. 

    Yeah. That breakup worked out for him because he clearly liked the girl and wanted a relationship with her. Unfortunately, the sex wasn’t as great as what we had, so he begged me to sleep with him a few times. I didn’t.

    It was messy, but I’ve had more sex partners since then. Sex partners or “fuck buddies” are usually the best types of partners for me because I often have to teach men about my body and how to have different kinds of sex. Teaching random people is stressful., but if I teach one guy and we stay together for a couple of months or a year, it’s great. 

    And you won’t sleep with anyone else during that time?

    Nope. I’m committed to my sexual partners — whenever I have one, anyway —  and I expect them to be committed to me. 

    So what’s your sex life these days?

    It doesn’t exist. It’s ironic because I’m supposed to be a sexpert.

    What does that mean?

    So you know how I said that I teach men about sex? Well, I also do it properly for a living: men and women. A lot of people come to me and say, they need help keeping their partners happy or they just need help getting better and they can’t talk to their friends or partners about it. 

    I give them tips and show them how to do it. A lot of men learned about sex through porn and porn doesn’t teach you anything. It’s unrealistic. I remember this man who was complaining that his babe was coming too soon. I asked him what was too soon, he said 30 minutes. He wanted to go on for more than an hour.

    I remember this other man who came to tell me that his wife just never got wet and wanted to practice with me. I was like, no, that’s not what I do. I could counsel both of you, but I won’t sleep with you. I’ll teach you how to give head, I’ll teach all the different kinds of positions, using props. I’ll teach you about foreplay and all the different ways to spice up your sex life. I also educate people on the importance of sexual health and on how to remove the stigma and shame around sex. 

    How does one become a sexpert?

    I did a few courses and read a lot of books. I also learn from other sexperts online. 

    Is it a full-time job?

    For me, it’s not. For some others, it is. I work with an organisation. The money is good but it could be better. I actually just enjoy doing it. 

    Okay, so why doesn’t your sex life exist? 

    Because I haven’t had sex in like two years. I slipped up a while back and started having sex with strangers. This was a very stressful period in my life. So I’d just go on the internet, on some of those hookup sites and get anybody I saw. The very last person I did it with gave me an infection that was really hard to treat. 

    While I was treating it, I had to abstain from sex and then after it cleared up, I wasn’t just interested in having sex with anyone. I think it’s more correct to say I didn’t just want to orgasm or be touched. I think I felt some level of shame and was really just afraid to start having sex again. 

    I’m sorry. 

    Thanks. Even after I got over my shame, it became hard to find people to sleep with. Nobody has time for my questionnaires or to get tested. Everyone just wants to have sex. I’ve given romantic relationships a rethink during this period, but I’ve often just ignored this inkling because it might end up a disaster. I’m not the most fantastic person in the world. 

    What about masturbating again?

    I’m now doing that. It’s all I do these days, but it’s boring as fuck. Covid made the situation worse for me. I think I went a month or two without physical touch because I live alone. It was depressing. Physical touch is very important oh my God. 

    Haha. What are you doing to change the situation?

    I don’t know because I’m not doing much. Sometimes I’m so horny, everything is sexual and everyone is sexy. Maybe next year, I can start trying again, but I’ll just wallow in my sexless life right now. 

    So how would you rate your sex life? 

    When I was having sex, it was defintiely 10/10. I rarely ever had bad sex, except when I started sleeping with strangers.  Now that I’m not having sex, it’s like -10.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old pansexual man who went from attending sex parties every other weekend in America to going months without sex once he returned to Nigeria. 

    What was your first-ever sexual experience?

    My first experience wasn’t consensual. I don’t remember the exact age, but I know I was younger than 11. I was abused by four different domestic staff in my house — three were male and one was female. 

    Both of my parents were working, so whenever I returned from school, it was just me and the help. They’d then grope and fondle me. There was a time my mum almost caught on, but I denied it. I still don’t know why I didn’t just tell her.

    I’m really sorry. What was your first consensual experience?

    I mean, I fooled around a bit with a few people, but I didn’t actually have full-on sex until I moved to America for university. I was 18, and it was with a guy who turned out to be married. 

    Oh? Before we unpack that, when did you realise you were into guys?

    I think I always knew, but it became very obvious to me in secondary school. There was this game we used to play, hide-and-seek in the dark. I always used that as an opportunity to fool around with the guys I liked.

    While I started out liking girls a lot more, my attraction to guys has gotten more intense the older I’ve gotten. Right now, I’d say I’m a lot more attracted to men than women.

    All right. Back to the married guy in America. What happened?

    It was horrible. I went on Craigslist, a website for classified ads, and went to the “men seeking men” section. I had never done anything like that before, and I still don’t know what made me go there in the first place.

    Anyway, I found this guy and decided to meet up with him. He was a little far from where I was, so I took a taxi, which was expensive. Then when I got there, I realised he was basically a catfish — his pictures were intentionally deceptive.

    You didn’t leave once you realised?

    After that expensive trip? Nah. In my head, I was like, “I’m already here.” We ended up having sex. It wasn’t until we’d finished that I noticed his wedding ring. I felt so dirty. I took a two-hour shower as soon as I got home and swore I’d never have sex again. 

    I’m guessing that didn’t last long.

    LMAO. After about two months, I was back on Craigslist. This time, I noticed a few parties that were being advertised. They looked pretty interesting, so I got an invite. I was shocked when I arrived.

    Why?

    It was a sex party, and at the time, I didn’t know those were a thing. The party was in a big, dark house, and people were having sex upstairs. I was so uncomfortable, I couldn’t bring myself to go up the stairs that first time. 

    The first time? You went again?

    Oh yeah. For the next three years, attending sex parties became my thing. Since I wasn’t ready to be open about my attraction to guys, I used this underground way to explore and come to terms with my sexuality. 

    How often were you attending these parties?

    At first, I was only going once a month, then after a while, it went up to almost every weekend. The parties started at 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays, then ran till 6 a.m. the next day.

    I used to try and trick myself by sleeping early so I wouldn’t be awake to go. It never worked. Somehow, I always woke up around 11 p.m. and then I’d be like, “Shit! I guess I have to go.”

    LMAO. What actually went down at these parties?

    First of all, they weren’t free. It cost me around $15 every time. At the door, you’d get a bag with a number and a matching wristband. You then had to put your clothes and phone in the bag before entering. You could only get them back when you were leaving.

    The whole thing was surprisingly structured and organised.

    What happened when you entered?

    You got drinks and condoms once you came in, and the TVs downstairs would always be blasting porn. There was also food, but I don’t who goes to a sex party to eat. Once you’re ready to get into it, you go upstairs.

    Upstairs was like a blackout room — you couldn’t really see anyone. There were usually around 20 to 30 people just going at it in the bedrooms and the hallway. People just fucked wherever they found space.

    So, you couldn’t see the faces of the people you had sex with?

    Rarely. Sometimes, if I was vibing with someone, based on great sex and a nice body, I’d take them downstairs and check out their faces with the brightness from the porn TVs, but for the most part, no, I couldn’t see the people I slept with. 

    You didn’t mind that? 

    I particularly liked the darkness because I wasn’t very confident in my sexuality or how I looked, so that gave me a safe space to explore. It was also very close to my campus, so once I was done, I’d just head back.

    Were you actually enjoying all the sex?

    Yeah. They were all nice experiences. I really enjoyed them. 

    All right. So, why did you stop going?

    I came back to Lagos. There was never a period during my stay in America that I wasn’t attending sex parties. Maybe the frequency reduced sometimes, but I always went. Since I couldn’t date openly, this was my only outlet for sexual release. 

    Honestly, the only reason I stopped was because I had to leave.

    How did your sex life change once you returned?

    Obviously the sex parties stopped. I mean, I have zero intention of attending one in Lagos. That is never going to happen. I also moved back in with my parents, so that limited the freedom I have. 

    So, yeah, my sex life has been very inconsistent. There are times it gets pretty active, but for the most part, I often go for months without sex. I’m also not interested in hooking up with random people in Lagos.

    Why not? 

    I was cool with it in America because it was generally safer. While I haven’t had any bad experiences in Lagos, I’ve heard too many stories of queer people being robbed, extorted and blackmailed, so I try not to hook up with strangers.

    I need to know you through a friend or at least have seen you around.

    Fair. How have you adjusted to the drop in the frequency of sex?

    It hasn’t been that difficult. This year was when I realised I could alternate between being very sexually active and simply watching Netflix. Honestly, I think Netlfix, food and sex are equally enjoyable to me.

    As long as I can have one of those three, I’m good.

    Since you’ve been back, what’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?

    Six months — I was stuck at home with my parents during lockdown. It actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, I was still watching porn and masturbating, but I didn’t feel like I was missing anything. 

    So, you don’t miss the sex parties?

    LMAO. I miss it sometimes. I’m still on their mailing list, so I still get the invites, and that always makes me laugh. I feel like I’ve outgrown it, or maybe I’m just saying that because I haven’t had a chance to attend one in about five years. Who knows?

    How is your relationship with your sexuality now?

    There’s more clarity. When I was younger, I didn’t understand what I felt, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more confident in who I am and what I like. It’s a great feeling.

    Do you still hook up with women?

    The last time I hooked up with a woman was four years ago  — I met her at a party while I was still in America. I enjoyed it, but honestly, I don’t feel as connected to women as I used to.

    How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    It’s been good recently, so I’ll give it an 8. It’ll probably go up to 10 once I leave this country.

    You plan on leaving again?  

    Yeah. In two or three years. I can’t live my best years in this place.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old heterosexual woman who entered a celibacy pact with her partner before marriage. She didn’t keep her end of the pact and often cheated on him. Now that she’s married and finally having sex, she feels sorry that she cheated.

    What was your first sexual experience? 

    I didn’t start having penetrative sex until I was 27. I was having other kinds of sex before this and I was satisfied with that. 

    What kinds of sex?

    Oral sex mostly. I wanted to save myself for marriage, but because body no be firewood, I allowed myself to do other things. 

    And that was enough?

    Mostly. I wasn’t really having orgasms except for when I helped myself and I liked helping myself, so really, I was happy. 

    So what made you decide to have sex eventually?

    Small mistake. I had just started dating my now husband, and we had decided that we would remain celibate until marriage. 

    Wait, was this your first relationship? 

    It was my first serious relationship. Everything else before it was child’s play. We decided we would both remain celibate until marriage. It was mostly based on our religious beliefs, but I don’t remember who brought up the idea, only that I didn’t think it was  big deal. I’d gone my entire life without sex, so what was a few more months of no sex? We had agreed that we would be married within a year, although that didn’t happen. 

    What about oral sex? 

    That was off the table too. He was like, we’d also have to not make out, and I was like sorry, what? But because I was in love, I assumed it wouldn’t be very hard. We were then very religious —  him more than me.

    And that’s how the mistake started. I was talking to a few friends about this promise we made to each other and they made it sound outlandish. They said it sounded like a pact or a covenant. They asked me what would happen if I didn’t eventually marry him. I ignored them because I was so sure we’d get married in a few months. It wasn’t like I was in a rush to have sex, but when I initially told my friends I finally had a boyfriend, they were excited that I was going to stop being celibate. 

    A few days after, I was hanging out with this other male friend. One thing led to another and we started making out. My subconscious was probably still thinking of the comments my friends made because I don’t know why I impulsively told him we should have sex. 

    Oh wow.

    He didn’t want to because he knew my boyfriend and they were becoming friends, so we decided to leave the house  instead. He even sent an email the next day apologising to me for the make out sesh. Something that I was still thinking about and had even masturbated to.

    Haha. What happened after this? 

    We were hanging out again, this time with other friends — we really didn’t want to be alone together because there was some sexual tension. For context, we had actually had a fuck-buddy type relationship in university, but this was just making out and nothing serious. 

    However, on this particular day, it started to rain and we all decided to sleepover. I wasn’t even thinking about sex. But somehow, somehow, we ended up having sex in the bathroom that night. Three rounds, from the bathtub, to sink, to toilet seat.

    Worst part is after it happened, we didn’t even talk about it.

    How was the sex? 

    It was really good. I really enjoyed it. 

    So why didn’t you talk about it? 

    Maybe guilt. And to pretend like it didn’t really happen. However, we kept getting into situations where we were alone together and we just settled into the routine of having sex with each other without really talking about the implications. Even when he started dating someone and I was properly engaged to my partner. 

    You didn’t feel guilty? 

    There were times I genuinely felt really bad and was on the brink of confessing, but I used to ask myself, how was I sure that he wasn’t doing anything with anyone? Abi? I mean, I loved him —  still love him and was happy with him, honestly, but I can’t describe how having sex with my friend made me feel. Maybe liberated? I don’t know.  

    Did you eventually stop? 

    Yeah. My friend moved, but even before then, he had broken up with his babe, was seeing someone else and was hinting that this new girl was the real deal. It made me feel bad because me nko, am I not still sleeping with you as I’m with my real deal. His leaving was just the easiest way for us to eventually stop. I sha gave him goodbye sex and it was really good. I mean we’d been fuck buddies for two years, it was emotional. 

    What about your relationship with your partner?

    It was still good. We eventually scrapped our no oral sex rule while we were engaged. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t feel enthused. Maybe it was because I had already been having sex and was having oral sex without having sex. I never wanted to be the demon and ask for the oral sex to go further, so I said nothing. Sha we got married and started having sex.

    How was it? 

    It was ten times better than sex with my friend. First of all, I told my husband, I can’t believe you made me wait all these years for this. I joked around and said, I hope you were not practicing with someone else, and he joked back and said, if I was practicing with someone else, doesn’t this make it worth it? That was how my suspicion about him sleeping around while we were still dating and engaged grew. But I didn’t have the moral right to investigate or feel bad because I knew what I had done. So I just took the sex that he gave me and enjoyed it. 

    What’s your favourite part about married sex?

    For me, my favourite part isn’t even the sex, it’s the new levels of surpise that I’m open to all the time. One minute, we’re vanilla, the next we’re trying BDSM. It’s like I thought I was dating a gentle, reserved, religious person, but I’m now married to someone who flips that entire script around. He’s very passionate in bed and is open to exploring different things. I feel like I didn’t entirely know him before marriage. Married sex is also really comfortable if I’m being honest. 

    How do you feel about this, based on the fact that you had an affair? 

    I have mixed feelings. Sometimes I feel maybe I needed to have sex with my friend in order to properly value what I have now. Not that I’m justifying what I did. But again, I often regret it because my husband is perfect and he deserved my respect — having an affair wasn’t respecting him.

    Do you feel you’ll ever tell him? 

    I’m really not one of those people who believe that you need to tell your partner everything or that the truth is some kind of holy grail. Why spoil something good by telling him the truth? Sometimes keep the skeletons in your closet locked and bury the keys. Talking about it now is my own final recollection of it.

    So how would you rate your sex life?

    A solid 10 man. Nothing less.

  • On November 16, 2019, co-creator Ope Adedeji published the first-ever Sex Life story, one that addressed the complexities of sex on antidepressants, and that thoughtful interview set the tone for the rest of the series.

    Since then, we’ve spoken to over 50 Nigerians of different ages, sexual orientations and gender identities, opening minds and sparking necessary conversations along the way.

    Now, as Sex Life turns a year-old, we’ve gathered 10 of its biggest hits:

    1. Why I Keep Cheating On My Husband

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 31-year-old heterosexual woman who’s been cheating on her husband for the past year. She talks about their total lack of sexual chemistry and why she feels no guilt.

    Read the most-read Sex Life story here.

    2. How I Went From Straight To Bi To Gay

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 33-year-old gay man who started out dating only women until he was 20. Then he dated men and women until he was 27. Now, he exclusively dates men.

    Read the second most-read Sex Life story here.

    3. I Regret Saving Myself For Marriage

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual man who waited until he was married to have sex. He talks about having very little sexual chemistry with his wife and finding gratification outside his marriage.

    Read the third most-read Sex Life story here.

    4. Sleeping With Older Men Changed My Life

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 24-year-old heterosexual woman who prefers older men as sex partners because she doesn’t rate sex with men her age. 

    Read the fourth most-read Sex Life story here.

    5. Discovering Sex After 20 Years Of Marriage To The Wrong Man

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 40-year-old heterosexual woman who has been married for 20 years and never enjoyed sex. Now, she looks forward to divorcing him and exploring sex outside of marriage. 

    Read the fifth most-read Sex Life story here.

    6. I Regret Letting My Body Count Enter The 300s

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 31-year-old heterosexual man who has slept with over 300 women. He talks about regretting the unbelievable number and the stories behind a lot of the encounters.

    Read the sixth most-read Sex Life story here.

    7. How Opening My Marriage Changed My Life

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 30-year-old queer woman who, after agreeing to an open marriage, realised she is primarily attracted to women. She talks about coming out to her husband and embracing her new reality.

    Read the seventh most-read Sex Life story here.

    8. I Think My Husband Might Be Gay

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 26-year-old woman who was having great sex before marriage. She’s been married for a year now and has not had sex with her husband since their wedding. She thinks he might be gay.

    Read the eight most-read Sex Life story here.

    9. Living With A Vagina That Refuses To Be Penetrated

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 27-year-old heterosexual woman living with vaginismus, a condition that makes it impossible for her to have penetrative sex, undergo a gynaecological exam or even insert a tampon.

    Read the ninth most-read Sex Life story here.

    10. How Being Abused By My Aunty Affected My Sex Life

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 26-year-old woman who waited till marriage to have sex for several reasons which include religion, her size and the fact that she was sexually abused by her aunty for years as a child. 

    Read the tenth most-read Sex Life story here.

    Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. You can sign up for the newsletter here and catch up on older stories here.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual man who had a heart attack when he was 24. From erectile issues to fainting spells, he talks about how his weak heart has affected his sex life.

    What was your first-ever sexual experience?

    I was eight when I first found my father’s collection of porn magazines. I would lock myself in a room and just flip through the pages for hours. I didn’t fully understand what they were, but I knew I liked what I felt when I looked at the pictures.

    This continued for about a year until the magazines mysteriously disappeared from my hiding spot. I still don’t know who took them. Then when I turned 11, I found my father’s second, even larger stash of porn — comics, laserdiscs and more magazines.

    Ah. More?

    Yup. I blame that man for my porn addiction. I mean, it was A LOT. 

    So, you were just casually consuming porn?

    At first, yes. Then a friend in school taught me about masturbation. We were gisting in class and he announced that he’d slept with a pornstar the night before. I was so confused, but then he explained that I could have sex with anyone by wanking to them.

    He told me that I could use a fleshlight to do it, but my dumb ass thought he meant flashlight. So, I took a flashlight, removed the batteries and just put it on my dick. Obviously, nothing happened.

    LMAO. Don’t kill me.

    I went back the next day and he explained the whole thing a bit better. He told me to just rub my dick until something happened, and that was a real game-changer. I started masturbating all the time — multiple times a day. It was almost like I had a timetable.

    When did you have your first sexual experience with another person?

    I mean, I kissed a few babes, but I didn’t do anything sexual with them. I was afraid that I’d become a sex addict. Growing up, one of the constants in my life was infidelity — my father was always cheating on my mother. He was like an addict.

    So, it’s not that I didn’t want to have sex or be sexual; I was just scared. My greatest fear in this life is becoming my father. When someone told me I walked like him, I started walking differently. That’s how bad it is for me.

    It made me run away from women who liked me. If I noticed that a babe wanted to get intimate, I would immediately ghost her. I didn’t have the energy to explain that I didn’t want to have sex.

    Oh wow. Did you ever get over that fear?

    Yeah, but it was for a ridiculous reason. There was this babe I liked in uni who treated me like shit, and that made me decide to be a ‘fuck boy’. Thankfully, I was terrible at it. It was around that time I finally decided to just have sex. 

    How was your first time?

    It was a complete mess. I was 20 and it happened in a hotel. It’s a long story, but my friend accidentally barged into the room while we were going at it. The babe was horrified and ran into the bathroom. She thought I had planned it.

    We never finished, so I’m not sure if that still counts as losing my virginity.

    Did you guys try again?

    No. I never brought it up again. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.

    Fair. So, once you crossed that bridge, what was your sex life like?

    It alternated between good and bad for a few years. It wasn’t very consistent at first, mostly because I was living with my parents and had a horrible job with shit pay. So, I couldn’t afford to book hotels. 

    Then after a year, I got a better job and a consistent fuck buddy. 

    How was sex with the fuck buddy?

    It was actually good until I fainted in front of her.

    Wait. Are you serious? What happened?

    Basically, I had a heart attack when I was 24. I went in for surgery, and a drug I was given stopped my heart on the operating table. When it started back up, it shot up to a dangerous 200 beats per minute. I was still awake and I felt like my heart was going to pop

    It was an expensive hospital, but they were useless. Everyone in the room seemed genuinely confused and afraid. After about five minutes of fighting for my life, my heart rate finally settled down, but the damage was already done. 

    Fuck. That sounds awful.

    It was very traumatising. To this day, I can’t enter a hospital without feeling anxious. Right after my heart attack, I struggled to accept the fact that my body was now different, so I decided to just ignore it. 

    Even though my blood pressure was very high and my heart rate would randomly drop and rise to dangerous levels, I was still in denial. So, of course, I went to meet woman. I think I just wanted to prove to myself that I was still the same.

    How did that go?

    In the middle of sex, I was breathing heavily and sweating a lot more than normal. After we were done, my entire body was tingling and I felt light-headed, so I knew something was off. 

    I went into the bathroom to wash my face, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the floor with the babe panicking over my body. Luckily, I had an afro at the time, so it helped break my fall when I hit my head on the tiles.

    Damn. How did she react to all this?

    I didn’t tell her about my heart issue, so I’m sure she still thinks her pussy was so good it knocked me out. I mean, it was good, but it definitely wasn’t good enough to make me pass out.

    LMAO. So, what happened after?

    I was terrified to have sex for a while because I was sure I would die on top of someone’s child. I could picture my naked body being carried out, and my parents finding out how I died. I mean, I’d already be in hell, but it would still be embarrassing.

    Then, on top of that, my heart started affecting my penis. For about a year, it wasn’t pumping the blood needed for me to sustain an erection. The whole thing was just so embarrassing.

    I’m sorry. Is that still the case now?

    It’s better. I mean, I still have bad periods when my heart issues are serious, but it’s definitely better. Granted, I’m not currently having a lot of sex, but that’s not only because of my heart.

    What’s the other reason?

    Honestly, I’m tired of sleeping with people I don’t have an emotional connection with.

    Oh? Is this a recent development?

    Yeah. Made the realisation late last year. Had sex with this babe I had no connection with and it was just awkward. We didn’t even talk after we were done. That’s the moment I decided I no longer want to have sex just for the sake of it.

    It’s pointless and numbing. So, no, I can’t do it anymore. 

    So, what do you do when you get horny?

    I feel like my libido has halved, so I don’t get horny a lot. But when I do, I watch porn and masturbate. I no longer watch as much porn as I used to when I was younger. That feels just as numbing as meaningless sex.

    How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    I’ll give it a 1. It’s basically non-existent at this point, and this insane year hasn’t helped. 

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 23-year-old heterosexual woman who only enjoys sex in public places. After getting caught and harassed by the police, she’s been terrified of even kissing outside.

    What was your first-ever sexual experience?

    My cousin who lived with us had a porn stash. The first time I watched one of the movies was with a family friend. Watching it felt so good that we decided to practice. She humped me and it felt great. We were about 11.

    Was it just a one-time thing?

    No. We kept meeting up every Saturday to do it, but after a while, she stopped coming over. 

    Do you know why?

    I’m not sure. Maybe she was disgusted or scared. We were still friends, but we just never hung out like that again. 

    What did you do then?

    I had another neighbour who was also into it, so I picked it up with her. I didn’t really understand what was going on, so it was easy to just do it and forget about it until the next time. There was also my sibling.

    Wait! Your sibling?

    Yeah. My sister asked to try something with me once, and that was it. I figured it was something she picked up from the girls’ boarding house she was in. 

    Did your mother ever suspect?

    She didn’t, but she once caught me masturbating and all hell broke loose. She made me strip and had my father beat me. She also shamed me every day after that. 

    I am so sorry.

    I mean, it scarred me for a while, but it is all good now. 

    Most of your earliest experiences were with girls. Do you consider yourself bisexual?

    I consider myself bi-curious. I’m attracted to women and I’ve fooled around with them, but I’ve never ventured into anything serious. So, I’m not sure I can call myself bisexual.

    Fair. Did you try anything else apart from humping and masturbating?

    Oral sex too. The first two or so times men tried to penetrate me, it was hellish. So, I took my mind off it for a while and just enjoyed these other activities. Peer pressure and manipulation from the guys I messed around with eventually made me interested in penetrative sex again. 

    How did you eventually hack it?

    Well, I realised I couldn’t get maximum pleasure from sex unless my heart was beating fast from fear or a little bit of physical pain. 

    How did you even realise that?

    It was my third year in University, and I had this friend in school I was into. I attended a private Christian university and my campus was quite small, so the risk of getting caught was high. It was on top of a table and my heart kept beating. I knew there was no going back after that.

    So, the sex was good?

    Yeah, but I didn’t even have an orgasm. The risk was what made it fun for me. 

    So, where is the riskiest place you’ve had sex?

    A makeshift bathroom at a wedding. 

    Do you intentionally look for these places? 

    Well, sometimes, I scope out the places. For the bathroom, I followed my friends to touch up their makeup. While they were doing theirs, I kept thinking, ‘What part of this place will be convenient for me to have sex?’

    Does that mean every place is a potential spot?

    Yes, if it has good vibes. By good vibes, I mean relatively clean. 

    Is there any out-of-bounds spot? 

    My house. I cannot imagine having sex on a bed any of my family members have touched.

    But every other place is fair game?

    Yeah. Cars, parties or even work.

    Ah. Work too? 

    LMAO. Yup.

    My office is open, it cannot even work. They will nab you.

    Not when the person you are having sex with has friends in high places or, even better, is the friend in high places. 

    So, how does it work? Do you just approach one Segun and ask him to have sex with you on the roof?

    LMAO. No, that’s not how it happens. I guess I’ve just been fortunate when it comes to finding guys who like public sex too. Like, even just a little PDA excites me. I remember when a guy I had a thing with in uni kissed me in public. I was so excited.

    Are you still about that public sex life?

    Nah. I stopped after the police caught me one day.

    Omo. Wahala. How?

    I was having sex with a fuck buddy in his car one time. The place was known to be patrolled by the police regularly, and as I was riding this man, I noticed flashlights. He asked me to get off, but I couldn’t comprehend until I heard them shouting at us.

    I can’t imagine what was going through your mind.

    I went through a rollercoaster of emotions that day. I thought I was either going to die or get sent to jail. They kept threatening to shoot me and leave my body on the streets if I did not comply. They scrutinised my entire body, called me a prostitute and said a lot of terrifying things. 

    What did complying mean?

    It meant I had to pay them off. They separated me from my partner. While my partner was able to negotiate a lower amount, I was so scared that I was ready to pay whatever. He was even pissed off by it. 

    Ah? Was he not scared?

    I don’t even know for him. He actually tried to reinitiate sex that night, and I found it wild that he’d want to keep going even after we had just been harrased.

    How did you recover from that?

    It was hell for a while. I think I was celibate for about a year after the experience. 

    So, you haven’t had sex in public since then.

    No. Right now, I am not sure I can even kiss anyone in public again. 

    Would you want to though? 

    I think so. If I get over this trauma, then sure, but I don’t think I want public sex to be my source of maximum pleasure anymore. That’s really not sustainable.

    Have you considered therapy?

    Please, I cannot afford therapy right now. Also, I am not a very expressive person, so I don’t know how that would even work. 

    All things considered, how would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10?

    Right now, about a 5 or 6. I have a fuck buddy, and sex with him is pretty great, but sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can still feel the police staring at me. It’s not a nice feeling to have. 

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old bisexual woman who was sexually assaulted multiple times while growing up. Now, she’s reclaiming her power by dominating men in bed with strap-ons and bondage play.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    I was eight or nine. Teenagers in my estate would gather all the kids my age, pair us up and force us to make out in front of them. I knew it was weird, but it wasn’t until I got older that I realised it was sexual abuse.

    That’s awful. How long did that go on for?

    A few months. One of the younger kids told their parents and that’s why it stopped. It’s funny that you called it “awful” because it didn’t feel that way at the time. Now that I think about it, it definitely affected the way I look at sex.

    A lot of my sexual experiences following that were also not under my control. 

    How do you mean?

    My first-ever boyfriend raped me, and before that, I was sexually assaulted in secondary school — a senior took me behind one of the classes and groped me. By the time I was in university, I just wanted to know what consensual sex actually felt like.

    I’m so sorry. What was the first consensual experience like?

    It was with a friend-turned-boyfriend. I initially didn’t want to date him because I knew he was a hoe. He used to tell me stories about all his sexual conquests, and I was sure he’d just fuck and leave me. 

    I eventually agreed to date him, and we started having sex. While I appreciate that he helped awaken my body to sex, he was never able to make me come. I was always faking it. The only way I could come was through masturbation. 

    When did you first get to orgasm from sex?

    I was 23 and my ex had just ghosted me. So I started having a bunch of one-night stands to help get over him. I wasn’t having orgasms with them, but I was enjoying the thrill of being with new people.

    After a series of guys, I eventually had a one-night stand with someone who seemed to know my body better than even I did. He gave me head, and I had my first proper orgasm with a man. That’s when I finally understood all the hype around sex.

    If you didn’t get the hype up until that point, why did you keep having it?

    I’ve always been interested in the act of sex. That interest was what propelled me to continue sleeping with different men even though I wasn’t enjoying it. I held on to the hope that I would eventually figure it out. Thankfully, I did.

    That’s great. What’s your sex life like now?

    It’s really interesting. About a year ago, I realised I’m very into being a Dom (dominant) in bed. I love having that control and power. It turns me on to tie men up, blindfold them and use their body for my will. 

    At the start of this year, I pegged my first guy. Like, I actually used a strap-on to fuck him. It was great. I think I just decided that if I’m going to continue having sex, it has to be the kind of sex I want. 

    Interesting. What made you decide that?

    Last year, I dated someone who was a complete asshole. He crushed my spirit. When it ended, instead of just sleeping around to get over him, I actually sat down and asked myself what I really wanted from sexual and romantic relationships.

    That was the catalyst for me deciding to get my power back. I knew I no longer wanted vanilla sex. I was ready to do all the things that had always been at the back of my mind.

    Is it easy to find Nigerian men who want to be dominated by a woman?

    Yes and no. No, because a lot of Nigerian men subscribe to that I-am-the-head bullshit. Thankfully, social media has helped me find the type of men who are open to exploring. 

    I have a burner account on Twitter where I share all the thoughts in my head, and I’ve gathered a little following of interested people. I even get approached by men abroad who are looking to be dominated. 

    What exactly do you tweet with that account?

    Anything from pictures of the strap-ons I’ve used, to all the nasty things I want to do to men. 

    How many guys have you met off Twitter?

    About 10. I’ve pegged three out of the 10 guys, and two of them are now repeat clients. The last guy I pegged is coming back for more, and he plans to pay even more money. He really enjoyed our last session.

    Oh? You charge the men?

    It depends on what we’re doing. If we are just chatting on Twitter, I won’t charge for that. If it’s an in-person session, then I charge for that. Getting paid to fuck a guy in the ass just adds an extra layer of domination that I love. 

    I don’t charge everyone the same amount. I know Nigeria is tough, so I pity some people. I generally charge based on what I think the person can afford. I think I’ve even had a session where I didn’t charge at all.

    Interesting. Do you still do romantic relationships?

    Yeah. I’m currently sleeping with a man I’ll call my main submissive. We met organically and developed a romantic relationship. When we started sleeping with each other and talking about sex, I realised he was the sub I’d been looking for.

    So, right now, we are in a Dom/sub relationship, as well a romantic one. 

    What’s the difference?

    A Dom/sub relationship is defined by the power dynamics. The Dom, me in this case, always takes the lead. Even outside the bedroom, I’m in control. For example, when we go on dates, I decide where we go and also order food for both of us.

    That’s just one of the many ways we’ve infused the Dom/sub relationship into our romantic one.

    Does he mind that you hook up with other men?

    Nope. He actually gets turned on by it. It’s a very interesting relationship.

    How is sex with him?

    It’s so much fun. Before him, my main sexual partner was a fellow Dom. We both kept trying to outdo each other in bed, and that was interesting in its own way. With my current partner, it’s more fulfilling.

    He always wanted to do kinky things, but he never had the opportunity until now. I’m basically his teacher. Right now, we are preparing him for his first-ever peg session. I’ve never pegged a newbie, so I want to make sure he’s ready.

    That’s sweet. Is there anything else you’d like to try in bed?

    I’d like to finally sleep with a woman. I came out as bisexual a year ago, but I’ve never had sex with a woman. I just know I’ve always been into women. Even when I watch porn, I’m always focused on the women.

    I’ve made out with a few girls, but I’ve never gone all the way.

    Why not?

    Honestly, I’m scared that I’ll be bad at it. I know how to sleep with men, that’s pretty easy, but with women, it’s more complicated. That being said, there is a woman I’m currently talking to. I’m really interested in her, and I’m excited to see where that leads.

    How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    I would rate it a solid 9. I’m really enjoying my sex life right now, especially getting to explore my kinks with my partner. When I finally get to be with a woman, it’ll definitely be a 10.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old heterosexual woman who realised she only enjoys sex with people she’s not supposed to sleep with — what she calls “forbidden sex”.  

    When did you start having sex?

    After university. But I’d done other kinds of sexual stuff before then. Everything minus penetrative sex. 

    Is there a reason you waited until after university?

    Saving myself for marriage and all that. 

    So, what did you think about sex the first time you had it?

    It was just there. I didn’t feel like I had been missing out on anything. It probably didn’t help that it just felt like something I wanted to tick off my list. It wasn’t even with someone I was emotionally or sexually attracted to. 

    Why did you want to tick it off your list though?

    I was about to turn 25. I expected that I’d be married by then or at least in a stable relationship, but I wasn’t. So, I had a bunch of things I decided to do before 25. Sex was on the list. 

    When did you eventually have good sex?

    I actually had really good birthday sex a few months after my first time. It wasn’t great, but I thought, ‘Hmm, okay. I can see why people like sex so much’.

    It helped that I had always had a crush on the guy. The downside was he was a friend’s ex and still had feelings for my friend. It got messy and I almost lost that friend.

    I told myself that I wasn’t going to have sex with anyone that wasn’t a boyfriend or partner ever. Specifically, I told myself to never have sex with people I knew. That was my rule. 

    Was it hard seeing that rule through?

    At first, no. I wasn’t having sex steadily, but when I did it was really bad. I was actually attracted to the guy and we were on our way to starting a relationship, but the sex sucked.

    I honestly just believed I had a problem. Then one night I was working late, I began flirting with a colleague, and we had sex multiple times in his office and in the open workspace. It was the bomb. Scary but also the bomb.

    I should mention that no kind of romantic or sexual relationship was permitted between the staff in our office. I never believed I’d break that rule, seeing as I was one of the people who fought to have it in place.

    LMAO. Wow.

    A few weeks later, I discovered the guy was engaged. At first, I was furious with him and accosted him for not telling me, but that led to very hot argument sex. My orgasm was more explosive than before.

    I squirted on the office rug. I didn’t even know my body was capable of that. 

    Wild. Did you continue seeing him?

    No. He broke it off a week to his wedding, saying he really wanted to be committed. That made me want to chase him more. I didn’t though. My pride would never allow me. 

    Was it at this point the rule became a problem?

    Not yet because I didn’t even see the pattern. Then I had great sex with another friend’s ex, and I realised the danger was the appeal. I saw that it’s the thing they said I shouldn’t touch that always got me excited.

    That was when my rule became a problem. If I’m being honest, it didn’t even become a problem. I just threw it away and began a steady sexual relationship with the friend’s ex.

    I told myself I technically wasn’t doing anything wrong because they weren’t dating.

    So, you told her?

    After months of an internal battle, I did and she didn’t even care. That’s supposed to be good news, but my attraction for the guy just went down. Perhaps it was the way she made it seem like he was her left-over. I don’t know. I sha broke things off with him. 

    But you knew it was a thing. 

    Not even just with the people I sleep with or where I sleep with them, but also the kind of porn I watch. My preferences are typically stepbrother and stepsister or stepmother and stepson or lecturer and student.

    After I turned 27, I realised I was ready to settle down. So when I started dating, I decided to explore roleplay. I told my man that it was my only fetish. He was very open to trying it with me.

    We create all these circumstances we think are typically forbidden, complete with scripts oh. We even get the required outfits and go to places where we can act it out properly.

    For real?

    Yup. For example, when we want to play sugar daddy and sugar baby, we start on a campus and end up in a hotel. I’m sure people will think we’re weird, but there’s nothing like finding a partner that matches your energy.  

    Fair point. And there’s no BDSM involved?

    None of that, please, dear. 

    What’s your favourite roleplay scenario?

    Married church minister committing adultery in the church office. Keep me anon. 

    LMAO. What’s your sex life these days?

    I have a new craving and it’s to fuck handymen, like a carpenter or a mechanic. I don’t know if it’s the porn talking, but I just feel like sex with these type of men would be super lit.  

    Right. But you’re still dating?

    Engaged actually. 

    Does your partner know about your craving?

    Oh, yes, he does. He thinks I’m crazy. Haha. Maybe we’ll open the relationship, I don’t know, but I’m happy with where we are. 

    So how would you rate your sex life?

    10/10 shikena. 

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old heterosexual man who’s been married for three years. He talks about going from his hoe phase to having the best sex of his life with only one woman.

    What was your first-ever sexual experience?

    I genuinely can’t remember my first non-penetrative sexual experience, but I remember the first time I had full-on sex. Mostly because it was very weird. I was 14 and it was with a 17-year-old.

    She was my friend’s girlfriend, and we were both staying over at his house for the holiday. I remember really wanting to have sex with her, up until it actually happened. That’s when it hit me that I’d fucked up. 

    Do you remember how it felt?

    Honestly, I don’t know. Even right now, I’m struggling to remember that experience fondly. I can’t remember her body or how she made me feel. All I remember feeling is guilt and regret.

    So, I’m guessing it happened only once.

    LMAO. Nope. I wish I could say it happened only once, but it continued for the rest of the holiday. We were sneaking around while my friend was in the house, and I guess the guilt mixed with the fear of getting caught made it very exciting. 

    Wow. Did your friend ever find out?

    In the strangest way. Months after we’d stopped, I found out she was pregnant. It turned out to not be mine or my friend’s baby — she was apparently fucking a bunch of guys  – but it was during that mess that he found out. Our friendship still hasn’t recovered.

    Was your next experience as dramatic?

    It was the opposite. It wasn’t exciting or memorable at all. I went out with a couple of my uni friends and we ended up picking some babes. At the end of the night, we all just paired up and had sex. 

    What was wrong with that?

    I didn’t want to. It was peer pressure. I wasn’t attracted to the babe, but she was interested in me. My friends kept egging me on, and I didn’t want to look like a slacker. So, we had sex and it was terrible. It’s one of the few times I didn’t have an orgasm. 

    Damn. That bad?

    Very bad, but I actually consider the experience to be a good thing. Having sex that awful so early on made me realise that I didn’t want to be one of those guys who just had sex for the sake of it.

    So, I became a lot more deliberate about picking my sexual partners.

    How did that work out?

    I think it worked out pretty well. I don’t think I’ve had a sexual encounter I regretted. They might not always be great, but I don’t regret being with them. Actually, that’s a fucking lie. I’ve found myself in a few regretful situations.

    Like?

    There are usually two scenarios. It’s either I sleep with someone in a relationship and things get awkward, or I sleep with a close friend and it ruins our dynamic. I don’t like stress, so I end up regretting those.

    So, besides those few instances, your sex life was good?

    Yeah. I’d say my sex life in my early to mid-20s was solid. The bulk of the sex I was having was in actual relationships. There was also the occasional cheating. While I was a Tony Umez-level lover boy, I was also a bit loose. 

    I had sex with a lot of very interesting people.

    What’s your sex life like now?

    I’m married. I’ve been having sex with one woman for six years now, and it’s been GREAT.

    Really? Was that always the case with her?

    Nah. We didn’t start off on the same page at all. I was way more experienced than her, and I also wanted to have a lot more sex. I really like sex, and if you allow me, I’d have it every single day. Three times a day. 

    She wasn’t like that at all, so I had to slow down and wait for her to catch up. It taught me a lot of patience, but it was also fun. I felt like I was starting my own sexual journey again from scratch. It’s almost like it rewired my brain. 

    How so?

    I’m now more concerned with how good the sex is every time it happens, as opposed to the frequency of it. It’s funny because this was one of the two major sex-related things I was really hung up on when we first started dating. 

    What was the second thing?

    For the first year of our relationship, she didn’t have an orgasm. Before her, I was very proud of my ability to make any woman orgasm through oral sex in five minutes or less. Not being able to do that for her really stressed me out. 

    I was worried that I couldn’t please her. Thankfully, we got over that hump.

    What’s sex like now?

    We have to schedule it so we don’t get too carried away with life and forget to be intimate. That has really improved our sex life. Since we know it isn’t happening as often, we pull out all the stops to make it excellent every time it does.

    How often does it happen?

    Two to three times a week. Our work schedules don’t really allow for more than that. 

    Does scheduling take the passion out of the sex?

    I thought it would, but no. We don’t necessarily schedule sex; we actually schedule moments of intimacy. We pick a time to just spend with each other, away from work and other distractions. Sex doesn’t have to happen, but it usually does. 

    Fair. This has helped improve your sex life?

    A lot. We also understand each other’s bodies more with each passing month, and that makes the sex so much better. It’s very exciting. I can’t wait to see what it’s like five years from now. We would probably be able to make each other nut in seconds.

    LMAO. So, you’re fine with never sleeping with anyone else ever again?

    Man, I don’t know. Currently, that’s where I’m at. That is the commitment I have made. I’m very willing to do it because I can’t imagine being okay with my wife sleeping with someone else. 

    We’ve had the conversation about possibly including someone else in our bed or opening our marriage, but we are currently on the same page about not wanting to share each other. I don’t know if that will change down the line, but we’ll see. 

    How experimental would you say you are as a couple?

    We’ve tried toys, and that was fun. We also both used to hate anal play, but I watched a porno of a guy getting his ass eaten, and the look of pure ecstasy on his face was very appealing to me. We eventually tried it, and she was surprisingly into it.

    Honestly, I feel like we’ll eventually get bored of the semi-traditional sex stuff, but what comes after anal? Are we going to start pissing and shitting on each other? I don’t think so, but who knows?

    Please, let me know if you ever get there. It could be a sequel.

    LMAO. Will do.

    How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    I’d give it an 8.5. The quality of the actual sex is amazing. At least once a month, I’m convinced I just had the best sex of my life. I won’t give it a 10 yet because I know it can still be better. I know this because it keeps getting better.