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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old woman who didn’t have sex until her wedding night. She talks about how her relationship with God was why she waited till marriage, and how she married, to have sex.  

    Tell me about your first sexual experience

    When I was 12, I had this neighbour who was a year older than me. We grew up together, so I used to go to his house daily. On one of such days, he played a CD that turned out to be porn. We watched for a bit, and then started making out. It happened three to four times over the span of a couple of months. 

    Did it ever progress past kissing? 

    It never did. 

    Why? 

    I’m a very religious Christian and waiting till marriage is my service to God. I wasn’t saving myself for a man; I was just doing what God wanted me to do. 

    In fact, in my university, people were taking a “covenant of purity”, but I didn’t because I thought it was unnecessary. Most of the people who were taking the covenant weren’t even serious about it. After they took the covenant, you could see them getting hot and heavy in corners. For me, waiting till marriage was about honouring God, and I knew I didn’t need a covenant to do that. I waited for the right time, but it wasn’t easy. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Religious Guilt Made Me Suppress My High Sex Drive

    Tell me about it 

    I tried to date only Christians, but I realised not every Christian was interested in saving themselves till marriage. When I dated those men and made out with them, I felt a little guilty, but the guilt was never overwhelming. 

    My relationship with God is a very loving one, so I spoke to Him a lot about the temptations I felt. I reminded myself of Christ’s work for me and how the life I live actually belongs to Him. I learnt about Jesus from the point of a Father, not just as a Lord and Master, even though He is. 

    So, did you stick to it? 

    Yes, I did! The first time I had sex was on my wedding night at 27. It almost didn’t even happen because we were both exhausted. Before then, many of my friends who had already gotten married shared stories about their wedding night with me. Some said they couldn’t have sex until months after, and I said it would not be me. I refuse! 

    But the wedding day came, and there was so much going on, we were so exhausted. It was so bad that we couldn’t even stay more than 30 minutes at the after-party our friends organised for us. When we got to the hotel, we just had our baths and dozed off. That’s when one strange breeze blew, and we were awake. Next thing, we were having sex. 

    Just like that? What was the sex like? 

    The sex was amazing. It was a bit painful because it was my first time, but he was gentle and soft. It made the experience incredibly intimate. He asked questions and I guided him on what worked and what didn’t. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: My Husband Taught Me Everything I Know About Sex

    Was waiting with him easy? 

    Of course not. There was even a time I had to stop going to his house for three months because the temptation was choking us. Looking at each other and spending a lot of time together was making it harder. 

    However, it wasn’t as bad because we wanted the same things. Unlike me, he wasn’t a virgin, but he was celibate in his last relationship and wanted to wait with me in this one. We checked each other and knew when not to go too far and when not to be alone. 

    I like to joke that we got married so we could have sex. We were everything without the need for marriage. He was my companion and soulmate. The only thing missing was sex. That’s why after a year and ten months, we dragged ourselves to the altar.

    Love it. How’s the sex now? 

    I’m having so many orgasms. There’s something so special about having sex with someone you love, someone who always wants you to be satisfied. It’s magic. 

    Do you ever wish you didn’t wait? 

    Not at all! I’m a very emotional person, and sex can be very vulnerable. I wouldn’t want to share that part of myself with just anyone. 

    So, on a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your Sex Life? 

    One million. I’m having the time of my life. I’ve been having sex with the same person for four years, but it feels like magic each time. I love it. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was No Longer Scared of Being Sexual in God’s Presence

    READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: My Cousin Grew Up

  • The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 23-year-old woman who loves giving blowjobs. She talks about her curiosity about what made men tick, not enjoying sex because she couldn’t tell them what made her tick, finding her voice and how it helped her prioritise her sexual health. 

    Tell me about your first sexual experience

    I was 18, and it was with a secondary school crush of mine. I went over to his house to chill, we started making out, I don’t know what initiated it, but I do know I wanted to give him a blowjob. I had never given one before. All I knew about it, I learned from porn. But that didn’t stop me from trying. He kept complimenting me on how good it was and for not using teeth. He also returned the favour by giving me head; a win-win situation. The only downside was having a sore throat days later. 

    Penetrative sex happened a whole year later. I was in university at this time and in a relationship. It was easily the most disappointing experience of my entire life. I didn’t have high expectations of my first time, but I could still tell it could be better. At a point, I started asking myself if this was the sex everyone kept hyping up. I was thoroughly frustrated. 

    Why do you think it was so bad? 

    He was obsessed with porn, and it showed in the way he had sex. Everything was theatrical, and he wasn’t invested in things I liked. His only redeeming quality was his fingers. He was good with those, but he never fingered me long enough to make me cum because he didn’t care enough about my pleasure. After a couple of months, the relationship ended, and I continued looking for good sex. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Vaginismus Isn’t Letting Me Enjoy Sex

    How did that journey go? 

    I ended up with partner number two, who I was head over heels in love with. Sex with him was better because it was different. Unlike the man before him who kept trying to perform, he was gentler. I tried to communicate the things I liked with him because I wanted to enjoy sex. He’d listen but never actually do anything about it. Eventually, he told me he had decided to revive his faith in God, and as such, we couldn’t have sex again. 

    I went on to partner number 3, still at the age of 19, but something stuck with me. I found it almost impossible to tell any other partner what I liked during sex. Opening up to the last one about what I liked, and not having it implemented, made me not want to repeat it. I wasn’t talking to my partners about anything sex-related. I assumed that the same way society spoke about how much a woman should be able to please a man in bed, men were also expected to please their women. I was wrong, and I have the terrible sexual experiences to prove it. 

    If the sex was so bad, why keep having it? 

    Because I knew it could be better, and I was inquisitive. My parents never let me leave the house, so university was my one chance to act my age and explore everything I wanted to know. 

    My curiosity, combined with my inability to speak up about what I liked during sex, led me into situations I shouldn’t have been in. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Sex Felt Like an Exam I Had to Pass

    Explain, please

    I’ve been curious about what makes men tick and what doesn’t, so I replicated many things I saw on the internet. Blowjobs seemed to be that thing. It also helped that I love the taste and feel of a dick in my mouth; like having a lollipop in my mouth. So, whenever I had sex with a man, a blowjob would come out of it. The only problem is that not all dicks should be in your mouth. 

    There’s this thing I like to call “dirty dick smell”. It’s this odour that hits you when a dick is dirty. It’s very common when the penis has been cooking for a while. It’s just a mixture of sweat and dick and is very unappealing. 

    The intelligent thing to do when you smell a dick like that is to ask them to take a shower or just outrightly refuse to blow them, but I didn’t want to humiliate them, so I’d put it in my mouth either way. The result? Days and days of battling an extremely sore throat. 

    That’s something that particularly annoyed me about sex with men who never put in any effort. Because when it came to sex, I was researching how to arch correctly, trying to eliminate my gag reflex, being called the throat goat and giving sloppy top, but I couldn’t even get one orgasm out of it — risking my physical health for loads of mediocre sex. Sometimes, I wanted to bite down on the dick while it was in my mouth.

    Did the blowjobs stop?

    No. I enjoyed the power trip that came with giving blowjobs. It was a turn-on for me; I just had to make it more sanitary. When I eventually gathered the balls, I started asking men to take a shower before we had sex. Sometimes, they’d act embarrassed, but my health was more important. It was either that or nothing.

    Finding my voice also stopped the sufferhead Olympics I engaged in regarding sex. Men would tell me they never had orgasms from oral sex, and I’d get on my knees because I felt like I had something to prove. No more. If you can’t get an orgasm through a blowjob, good luck to you and yours. 

    I’m ashamed it was not something I started doing earlier, but I had finally had enough. Better late than never, right? 

    Yeah, definitely. How did that go? 

    I met someone. He’s my current boyfriend, and I almost ruined what we had because I never spoke up. After a while of having sex with men who never cared about my orgasm, it built resentment, and I carried that into our new relationship. I’m glad he is patient enough to help me figure it out. 

    He asks me questions and is very intentional with foreplay and aftercare. Unlike my previous partners, he’s very open to having conversations with me about sex. 

    How’ll you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’d give it a 7. I’m finally enjoying sex, but the sex is not as frequent as I’d like because it’s a long-distance relationship. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: My Goal Is to Pleasure Myself Not to Orgasm

    READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: Her Jealousy Almost Ruined My Life

  • The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who masturbated for the first time when he was 22. He talks about the transition from saving himself for marriage to just enjoying sex, and why he never considered masturbation till he started having sex.

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    I was 15 years old when I kissed someone for the first time. She was the second girlfriend I had ever had, and on my way to her house, I googled how to make out. I was very nervous and didn’t want to mess up. There were some very detailed explanations on the internet, but I eventually realised that nobody is really good at stuff like that from the beginning. You have to ease into it. 

    As time went on, I graduated from kissing to dry humping, and it became a defining part of my teenage years. 

    Why dry humping? 

    At a certain point in my life, I was very religious. I believed sex wasn’t something you had with someone you weren’t married to. A lot of the people I knew felt the same way but tried anal sex instead. I wasn’t too comfortable with that. With dry humping, you get some sort of action without actually having sex. It was a middle ground. 

    So, you dry humped your way into having sex? 

    Not really. I didn’t have sex for the first time until I was 20. Like I said, I spent the majority of my teenage years dry humping, but I was about to graduate from university, and I didn’t want to graduate without having sex for the first time.

    That year, I met a woman who was four years older than me, and she was intrigued that I was 20 and had never had sex . She said she was going to introduce me to her friends and try to set me up, but I told her she was the one I wanted, and that’s how it happened. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Religious Guilt Made Me Suppress My High Sex Drive

    I thought you wanted to wait till you were married. What changed? 

    I was born into a religious home, so most of the zeal of my youth was channeled into being the best religious version of myself. Churches, and other people in my religious circle, always made waiting till marriage a big deal, so it was something I held on to. 

    Then puberty happened, and I started making negotiations with God. Sure, I wanted to wait, but my body had other plans. That’s where dry humping came in. There was so much guilt the first few times I did it, but as time went on and I kept at it, the guilt reduced. I took the same approach with sex. 

    I had grown into a person who approached life differently, and I wanted to know why I shouldn’t do the things they told me not to do. When I started having sex, it was fun. The person I was having sex with was also having fun, so why would I feel bad about it? 

    When I asked these questions, the responses always came from addressing sex as taboo and a thing of disgust. Sexually transferred demons was not a valid argument, and I didn’t vibe with that. It was a gradual process of having conversations with myself until, eventually, I got over it. 

    I tried to suppress how my body felt until I just stopped. There was no defining moment, no big “aha”. Just questions and thoughts. 

    Well, how was your first time? 

    It was a very good first time. I was really careful because I was taking my time and didn’t want to mess up. There was a point where I got really terrified. She was on top and kind of clamped on my penis. It felt great, and I was about to cum, but she said I shouldn’t. I thought I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to do, and I got scared. Later, she told me it was because I was enjoying herself, and she wanted it to last longer. 

    I love that she knew what she was doing, and she also gave me a few pointers. It was interesting. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was No Longer Scared of Being Sexual in God’s Presence

    So, how did the sex journey continue? 

    Well, I was having sex with different women and learning things, but the strangest thing was that I didn’t start masturbating until after I had started having sex. For a lot of people, masturbation is their introduction to sex. It was just different for me.

    While the message around sex was that it’s something you shouldn’t do until you were married, masturbation was something you shouldn’t do at all. Maybe that’s why it didn’t cross my mind until a woman I was talking to mentioned it. 

    We were having a random conversation, and I mentioned that I had never actually masturbated. She found it funny that a 22-year-old man who had been having sex with other people had actually never masturbated. Then I decided to just try it. 

    How would you describe your relationship with sex now? 

    Conversations around sex have changed for me, starting from the language I use. I grew up hearing people say things like, “I don knack that babe” and whatnot. These wordings give sex a wrong image and makes it seem taboo. Sex is something both people should enjoy, and if one person is not enjoying it, then there’s a problem. 

    I don’t believe in attaching negative things to sex. It doesn’t make sense to me, and if more Nigerians weren’t so closed off about sex, if we all just had enjoyable sex, we would be happier people. 

    What would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    7. It’s not like I’m having a ton of sex right now, but I’m spending a lot of time in my own space. I like it.

    READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: She Chose Jesus Over Me

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old woman who just wants to have penetrative sex. She talks about her painful experiences, the “solutions” she’s tried that didn’t work, and how she craves painless penetrative sex. 

    Tell me about your most memorable sexual experience 

    The first time I tried penetrative sex was when I was 21. It hurt, and I told him to stop. He said sex with me was like trying to put a wrong key in a padlock. 

    Three years later, I decided to try again with my friend with benefits at the time. We got a hotel room, and when he tried penetration, I was in a world of pain. It hurt so much, and the blood that followed? It didn’t seem normal. 

    We ended up just kissing and cuddling. I couldn’t go through that amount of pain again. 

    I’m sorry. So, no more penetrative sex for you? 

    Well, I tried one more time. It was with the same guy, in a different hotel a few months later. He kept telling me the pain was in my head, but I knew it wasn’t. When he tried and the tip got in, I thought I’d collapse from how much pain I was in. 

    I told him to remove it immediately, and I made a promise to myself to not try penetrative sex again until I’d figured out a solution to what was wrong with me. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: With a Big Dick You’re Your Own Problem

    What was finding a solution like?

    Well, I haven’t exactly found one, but that’s because I haven’t taken it seriously. I’ve been extremely busy. Plus, it’s not like I’m orgasm starved. I get plenty from oral sex and masturbation. 

    Those don’t hurt? 

    They really don’t. I started masturbating when I was 21 years old, and I was only able to because my mental block had left. I used to be very religious, and that meant no form of sexual activity for me. As time went on and I grew less religious, I allowed myself to masturbate one day. It felt great. I tried to insert fingers, but it felt extremely uncomfortable, so I just stuck with the clitoris. 

    I can give myself steady orgasms, and if I don’t feel like doing it myself, I meet up with my friend with benefits for oral sex. I’m not starved of orgasms. 

    Then why did you want to try penetrative sex? 

    Because I want to experience it. I want to know what it’s like to be penetrated and actually enjoy it. Plus, I can’t masturbate for the rest of my life, and I feel it’s unfair to just expect to get oral sex and not give anything in return. 

    I don’t like giving blowjobs. Semen tastes salty and the act of sucking dick doesn’t turn me on. I don’t want to be the one getting all the pleasure while the guy gets nothing. It’s not fair. 

    So back to finding a solution. What’s going on?

    I’ve tried a bunch of things. In early 2021, I started doing a lot of research. Whenever I typed in my symptoms, I’d always get vaginismus as a result. So, I started searching for solutions to vaginismus. The first one I tried was a dilator. 

    Dilators are these sex toys that look like dildos but have one fat end and a slim end on the other side. They come in different sizes, and you’re supposed to try each size to get your vagina used to a penis. The one I got had five different sizes. Using the two smallest was okay, but when I tried the third? Problem. I tried to shove it in, but it’ll end up sliding back out. So, I gave up on it. 

    Then I watched a show that talked about painful penetration. They shared breathing techniques you can use to help you take in the dilator. After learning the techniques, I tried again, but I could never make it past the second size. The third size brought too much pain so I’d stop. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Sex Felt Like an Exam I Had to Pass

    That sounds stressful. Did you try anything else? Lube? 

    I have tried so many different variations of lubricants, but it doesn’t work because my vagina muscles are too tight. 

    Late 2021, I was scrolling through instagram when I saw another woman talking about vaginismus. I reached out to her, and she gave me the number of a pelvic floor therapist who can help. Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to see the doctor. 

    There’s so much going on in my life right now, and I have so many expenses because I plan on traveling, so a pelvic floor therapist isn’t really the top of my list. 

    What about a gynecologist? 

    I’m currently seeing a gynecologist for PCOS-related issues, but I’ve been unable to bring my possible vaginismus up because the last time I went to see a doctor when I was 21, he kept asking me stupid questions that weren’t helpful. He was more interested in how my boyfriend felt about the experience than me. So, I’m just waiting till I can see the pelvic floor therapist. 

    When might that happen? 

    Hopefully, before this year ends. I might finally get a solution to this problem and maybe start enjoying penetrative sex. 

    How will you rate your Sex Life on a scale of 1-10?

    1. Sure, I’m getting orgasms by myself, but there’s nothing like having someone hold, touch and kiss you in places you can’t do yourself. I’d like to be able to have penetrative orgasms with someone. Until then? We move.

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: Our Friendship Ended Because Of My Childishness

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 24-year-old bisexual man who didn’t have sex because of his religious beliefs. He talks about the shame he attached to his sexual desires, masturbating in secret, and suppressing his high sex drive because it was against his faith. 

    Tell me about your first sexual experience. 

    When I was 13, I discovered masturbation. My best friend confided in me about some ungodly act she was into, which was masturbation. Later that week, I was going through the internet when I saw some pictures that got me excited. 

    I noticed the tip of my dick was super sensitive, and I touched it. Touching it felt so good, but rubbing it felt even better. I went to the bathroom and kept rubbing it till I had the very first orgasm of my life. The orgasm was filled with self-hate, pleasure and guilt. 

    Why did an orgasm make you feel all of those things? 

    Well, my faith at the time had a considerable role to play. I believed that the Bible must be taken at face value. I couldn’t combine loving God with enjoying sex. That’s why I felt very icky after masturbating in the bathroom. I hated myself intensely. 

    Does that mean it never happened again? 

    LMAO, not at all. As much as I had all these negative feelings associated with masturbating, I didn’t stop. It was the thorn in my side. 

    I was horny and walked around with an erection everywhere I went. So, I was masturbating every chance I got. I just felt very terrible after. At the time, I tried to convince myself that the Bible never explicitly said anything about masturbating, but it didn’t stop me from feeling the way I did. It didn’t help that I had an extremely high sex drive. 

    It was getting harder to talk to girls when all I wanted to do was have sex. Yet, I also couldn’t have sex because of my religion. 

    When I was 14, the guilt got worse. That’s when I realised that not only did I want to have as much sex as possible with all the girls I saw, I wanted to have as much sex with the men as well. 

    Did you ever act on that? 

    I couldn’t masturbate without fear, was it having sex with men I could do? I stayed in my closet and endured a never-ending cycle of reading my Bible, watching porn, masturbating, and hating myself. 

    RELATED: Sex Felt Like an Exam I Had to Pass

    Were you able to combine the two? Faith and sex. 

    Unfortunately, no. The older I got, the more questions I asked. There was a lot of cognitive bias I saw in the two major Abrahamic religions in Nigeria. That’s when I gave myself two options. Either I continue to live in this bubble of cognitive bias, or I walk away and do away with a faith that has kept me sane and helped me guide my life up until then. I chose to walk away. 

    What did walking away look like?

    Well, when I was 20, I had a conversation with my parents. I told them I was no longer going to church, and I had stopped reading my Bible. 

    There was a constant back and forth for about two years, but they’re finally making peace with it. 

    And what about sex? 

    I finally had sex for the first time when I was 22, with a woman from a GC I was in. I had done a lot of research in the years I battled my faith. I had asked for help from some people I know who had walked similar paths as me. This was very helpful in unlearning all my previous biases I had associated with women in regards to sex. I’d like to believe I went into it well prepared, and I gave her a good time. 

    As for me, it felt so good. She was such a beautiful woman, and there’s something about knowing a conventionally attractive woman wants you. It makes you feel very good about yourself. 

    Surprisingly, I didn’t feel as guilty as I thought I would. I just enjoyed the moment. 

    Why’d you think you didn’t feel guilty?  

    I think I was finally ready to enjoy myself. I had spent almost a decade hating myself and my body because I felt being sexual was a sin. 

    Since I no longer held any religious inclination, I didn’t feel like I was committing any sin. It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. 

    RELATED: I Was No Longer Scared of Being Sexual in God’s Presence

    Does that mean masturbating got easier? 

    No, it didn’t get easier. I think because, unlike sex that had never happened, masturbation did. It was the one sexual act I committed for years; the one thing I felt was going to drag me to hell because I had acted on the urges I felt. 

    It wasn’t until I was 23 that I was able to actually masturbate without guilt. I had to teach myself to make it a form of self care. There was no way to have great sex without being able to be erotic with my own self. 

    And the sex drive? Still high? 

    Yes, very much so. For the past two years, it’s like I’ve been playing catch-up. I’m exploring the various things that caught and still catches my interest. 

    I’ve been getting heavily involved in BDSM, and it means unlearning all the biases I had towards it. I’m also building a stash of sex toys because self pleasure is something I’m investing in.

    I’ve even been able to start having sex with men. The first man I ever had sex with was so silent, I thought he wasn’t that into me. I think what excited him was the fact that there was someone watching us. 

    However, the other men I’ve been having sex with are pretty good at it. So, I know it’s something I like and enjoy. 

    Tell me something you’ve learnt on this journey. 

    The most interesting thing to me is the fact that there’s been a lot of religious people who I’ve had sex with. For some time, I judged them because I couldn’t reconcile the two, but now? Not so much. Religion is a necessity for a lot of people. Life is very bleak, and not believing in something can wreck you. 

    That’s why I don’t make comments when they decide to meet up after they finish church service or have sex with me after Ramadan. I understand the role I play in their life and the role religion plays as well. 

    All I want to do now is have the sex I want with the people I want, whether they’re men or women. 

    Any regrets? 

    My only regret is not starting sooner in my teens.

    How then will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    5, because it can be better. I want more partners, and I need to figure out my taste in men because I’ve not had as much experience there as I’d like. I’m still young, so there is still much to learn and experience, and I’d like a chance to really explore myself. 

    RELATED: My BDSM Journey Started Extreme

    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 27-year old gay man who sometimes doesn’t have sex because he forgets. He talks about being a late bloomer, and the role the body standards in the gay community affects how he views his body.

    Let’s talk about the first time you had sex 

    It happened on Christmas Day in 2014. I was 20, in university and tired of being a virgin. Everyone I knew was having sex, and when they spoke about it, it sounded like they had a great time. 

    I had waited that long because I was very picky. I had an idea of what I wanted the first guy I slept with to look like or act like. Eventually, I got tired of waiting for that person to come along and took matters into my own hands. I opened Grindr one day and chose the first guy who said hi to me. I even wore white when I went to see him to mark the event. 

    Did you always know your first time would be with a man? 

    Yes. I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember. I had a crush on one of my male neighbours when I was 6, so the concept wasn’t foreign to me, and I never had a phase where I questioned my sexuality. In fact, I’d like to think I was born with a glee CD in one hand and a Lady Gaga album in the other. 

    LMAO. So back to your first time. How was it? 

    It was absolutely terrible. First of all, the sex was painful. Not as painful as I feared, but it still hurt. I think the only reason it hurt so much was because the person I had sex with was not very patient or in tune with my needs. 

    Secondly, his breath smelt like fish. Thirdly, I was on the receiving end of it, and since he didn’t know it was my first time, he just went at it. He also used bleaching cream as lube and I’m still scarred from that. I just wanted to get it over with. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Lube Is Your Comrade in Arms

    Bleaching what? 

    See. I had an idea of what sex was going to be like.  So I also knew I had to use lube, but thought he’d have some with him. Shoutout to him for his improvisation. 

    Luckily for me, one bad experience wasn’t enough to deter me from having sex again. Since my friends were doing it in abundance, I knew what sex could be like.

    What was it like the second time? 

    It didn’t happen until six months after the first because I was fighting for my life in university, and the sex was still somehow. The guy was very lazy and put zero effort into it. It even felt like he was counting because he did nine pumps and was done. 

    I didn’t enjoy sex until my third time later that year. I was in a relationship with someone in another state, but I had feelings for this guy I had been talking to. I went to his house to find out how we could remain friends and get closure, but I got there and my clothes left my body. 

    Unlike the people I had slept with in the past, he was more intentional about making me have an orgasm. He wanted me to enjoy it and I think it’s because he liked me. 

    With the other people, I had felt like a sex toy, only existing to please them. With him, I was a human being. 

    Unfortunately, it was a one-time thing. I didn’t want to keep cheating on my boyfriend, plus the guy was my friend’s ex. There would have been too much drama involved. 

    What eventually happened to your boyfriend? 

    Well, he came to see me and we had sex for the first time. Having sex with him made me realise that romantic feelings can influence how great sex is. It was very intense, and I enjoyed it. He was also very great at it. 

    He had more sexual experience than I did, so he knew just what to do. Most times, my lack of experience hindered me from fully enjoying sex. I’d spend so much time wondering if I was doing everything right. Sex felt like an exam I had to pass,and it made me very self-conscious. I had doubts. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Wasn’t Having Good Sex Until I Started Listening to My Partners

    What kind of doubts? 

    Well, since my ex had all this knowledge about sex, I wondered if I was good enough for him. It didn’t help that it turned out he was dating someone else while also simultaneously dating me which led to us breaking up. This person he was dating, there were rumours about his sexual prowess. 

    After we broke up, I didn’t have sex with anyone for the next two years. Not really because of him, but because I had moved states and was finding it difficult to meet people. So, I was just masturbating and minding my business. 

    Eventually, when I was 24, I was back in familiar territory and I wanted to have a hoe phase. It felt necessary. 

    How did the hoe phase go? 

    It didn’t really happen. I did get my body count up, but I don’t consider it a hoe phase because I wasn’t having as much sex as I wanted. If I had my way, I’d have been having sex every day. However, sex is very stressful and has a low reward.  Most times, I’d just masturbate and post-nut clarity would remind me that sex is not all that, especially for a gay man on the receiving end. 

    Explain, please.

    Sex for people on the receiving end as a gay man is different. You have to watch what you eat so your digestive system is clear, douche and clean for like an hour before sex just to make sure there’s no accident, for what? Thirty minutes of sex? When I gauge it, it doesn’t seem worth it. 

    I see. Sounds stressful. 

    It is. Add the fact that I’m also not the most sexual person, so sometimes I’d forget to have sex. As much as I wanted a hoe phase, I wasn’t thinking of it enough for a phase. 

    My relationship was sex was tied to my body. Sometimes if I add weight, I would go without sex till I had lost the weight. The body standards in the gay community also don’t make it any easier to deal with. 

    I had a lot of insecurities around my body and it affected how I viewed myself and what I had to offer. I grew up as a fat child and no matter how much I work out and how healthy I eat, I still see myself as I was a lot of years ago. Add the fact that with sex you have to be naked and open to whoever you’re sleeping with? I was struggling. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was Missing Out Because I Hated My Body

    What kind of body standards? 

    A lot of people in the community want to either look really skinny or really muscular. Then you have the men who fit into neither of these labels being excluded from the conversation. I enjoy working out but then I feel like the community adds to the pressure.

    When I started working out and getting more muscular at the age of 25, a lot of people started hitting on me. People I was friends with and looked up to started to hint at having sex with me. It felt very strange because these people had never hinted at it before I started going to the gym. 

    So were you having more sex? 

    Not really. I tend to go long periods without having sex. I have had sex three times in the past year and it’s because the opportunities presented themselves. 

    I’m not the most spontaneous person, so sex means I’d have to plan a lot. To plan, I need a set schedule and there’s currently a lot I’m juggling. Fitting in sex will take a lot from me. There’s the fact that I still feel a certain way about my body. I said I’d have more sex when I get hotter, but with the way I view myself, that’s not anything that might change anytime soon. 

    Also, 90% of the people that move to me are not people I find sexually attractive. As much as I complain about the body standards in the gay community, I feel like I am still part of the problem. 

    With all of this, how would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’d give it a 2. I want to be sexually active, but I’m too lazy for the work needed. I want to be able to have sex at least thrice a week. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: My Goal Is to Pleasure Myself Not to Orgasm

    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing. 

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 33-year-old woman who’s been out of the BDSM scene for three years. She talks about starting with extreme things like fire and blood play, a dom that helped her find herself, and retiring from the scene until someone exciting comes along. 

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    My first time was a birthday gift from a friend. It was my 18th. I had told him I was bored and ready to try sex, so he linked me up with a friend of his. 

    There was nothing spectacular about it. If anything, I found it quite boring. I thought something was missing.  Something I needed to make me enjoy sex. So I went to look for it. 

    What did you do?. 

    I started my exploration on the internet. Google was my friend. I searched for edgier ways to have sex, and kept reading and clicking links till I stumbled upon BDSM. 

    I was 19 and in the USA for university when all my research finally led me to groups of free-spirited people. These people invited me to sex parties and dungeons. 

    The more parties I attended, the more people I met and they let me know when the next party would happen. 

    Was it safe?

    Yes. Some of these parties you’d have to register for. You’d fill out forms, pay a fee, and also present tests that showed you were free from any sexually transmitted disease or infection. 

    The ones that didn’t require forms are just regular parties that sometimes spiral into something else. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Attended Sex Parties Every Weekend For Three Years

    Did you like the parties? 

    I did enjoy it. I was a very curious person who wanted to try everything she saw, and I got the chance when I was 20. 

    I met a man during one of these BDSM events. He was my very first dom and I felt safe enough to tell him about activities I was curious about. Sex with him included activities that caused pain. There was the bondage as well as the flogging. He once used a paddle with holes in them. Those paddles hurt a lot and the actions helped me realise I didn’t have a high threshold for pain. 

    There were a lot of things he was into that after trying out, I realised weren’t for me. He was into fire and blood play. He’d ash cigarettes on my body, run lighters over his skin, and use candles… The candles were the only thing I didn’t mind, and that’s when it’s done with low heat. 

    When he cut himself sometimes, the blood would make a mess. I wasn’t a big fan of being cut, but I liked to watch when he did it to himself. It was intriguing. 

    My earlier experience was very extreme. The things I did were considered extremities in the BDSM community, but that was my introduction. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Hated Sex Till I Discovered BDSM

    How long did it last? 

    It lasted for about a year because I came back to Nigeria at 21. When I got back to Nigeria, I got reintroduced to someone I had known since secondary school but never really spoke to. 

    We met at a party and hit it off quite well. He was also trying to figure out what he liked as well, and we did a lot of exploring together. He didn’t know he was a dom, but he had a very domineering personality and was willing to explore a bunch of kinky things. 

    After facing extremes, I had gotten a good amount of information on what I didn’t like and what could be modified to fit my taste, but there was a lot more to figure out. I mean, I didn’t even know what kind of sub I was. 

    With this guy, we were both young and curious. It felt slower than the last one, but there was enough curiosity to keep us going. 

    At this time, what were some things you were sure you weren’t into?

    The only two definite things I never wanted to try were age play and race play. I felt like with those two things, the lines can be very easily blurred. 

    How did you go about trying them out? 

    Parties. In my early twenties, I was still very active on Facebook and was present in a bunch of BDSM groups. They’d organise parties and sometimes to attend, you’d have to pay a fee. Not only that, but you’d have to share results that showed you didn’t have any STDs or STIs. During one of such parties, I met a woman who indulged my need to have unplanned sex. 

    Tell me about her.

    She was not a constant in my life, and we had an off-and-on relationship from when I was 21 till I was 24 years old.  I liked our relationship because it worked for us extremely well. 

    Explain “extremely well.”

    My early twenties was when I explored the most, and she was responsible for it. 

    Having to plan sex made me very uninterested because I believe that sex is something that happens in the heat of the moment. Planning takes away the excitement.  

    So if I had a fantasy, I’d mention it to her and she’d do all the planning. The next time we see, it’ll unfold in front of me. 

    That must’ve been nice.

    It was. I travelled to the UK at 24, so we weren’t able to continue the relationship we had. 

    Then at 26, I met another dom who was in his mid-forties. We met at another one of the sex parties. At the party, we chatted a bit and then linked up later to discuss boundaries and set up our agreement. 

    The relationship was the grounding point in my BDSM journey. He helped me discover I was a brat, schooled me a lot about the power that came with being a sub and helped me find a balance between the pleasure I wanted and the pain I liked. 

    With everything else I did when I was younger, I was inexperienced. He took me under his wing and made me more aware of myself. 

    Sounds like a mentor. 

    Exactly! A dom is your teacher and confidant. They look after your interests. That’s why it’s so easy for subs who don’t know what they’re doing to get abused and taken advantage of. There’s a lot of power you hand over to a dom. Anyone can misuse that. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Want to Dom a Man 

    What about romance? 

    It wasn’t a romantic relationship, just an agreement between two adults who knew what they wanted. We still talk but are no longer involved in that way. Mainly because I came back to Nigeria two years later. 

    Did you have another dom after him? 

    Yes, but it didn’t last long because he wasn’t exciting enough for me. Lack of excitement made me go kinda celibate. 

    Kinda celibate? 

    Well, I haven’t met anyone that excites me enough that I’d want to share my body with, but I also have needs. All the sex I’m currently having is with myself.

    A lot of the people I’ve met in the Nigerian BDSM space are clueless or just experimenting. It’s not their fault. A lot of people are scared because of cultural, religious, and social biases against sex and sensuality. 

    However, I know what I want, and that’s to be more emotionally engaged. It’s interesting to me how what I’m looking for in a dom has changed over the years. Initially, I wanted someone strong-handed who would take charge of things and tell me what to do even though I’d fight. 

    Now, I’m more interested in someone that’ll engage my senses while they still have mental control. I want someone that’s completely invested in me as a person. Also, I’ve not been in the mental space to act as a sub for a long time. I feel like anyone who tries to come at me forcefully would have to fight me. 

    So, what will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    The sex I’m having with myself? A 10. Sex with a partner? 0.

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was Celibate For Almost a Decade

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s sex life is a 26-year-old lesbian woman who is rediscovering her attraction to women. She talks about the rumours that made her start dating men, the guilt that came with having sex with women and currently reexploring her attraction to women.

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    I was 13 years old and in SS3 when a friend of mine and I rubbed up on each other for the first time. On that day, I was talking to some of my friends about how I missed my two boyfriends and wanted to be kissed. And she kissed me. Although it was dark, people saw the kiss happen and laughed. We talked after and she told me to teach her how to kiss because that was her first kiss. We made out every day for two weeks before she called it off because she felt guilty. 

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    That’s a lot of sexual activity for a 13-year-old 

    I knew I liked women since I was in secondary school, but I never really knew what to do about liking women. Boys at school used to ask me out a lot because I was very pretty. One boy in particular was so persistent. He was constantly buying me gifts and begging to be my boyfriend. At a point, my classmates started begging me to say yes to him. 

    So I started accepting their proposals so they’d stop. Since I was saying yes to everyone, people started calling me a slut. 

    The slut-shaming made me decide to actually start acting like who they thought I was. I’d date one guy and his best friend because that’s what was expected from me. I just never had sex with any of them until I was 15. 

    What happened when you were 15? 

    I had a 20-year-old boyfriend. I was doing my A levels, and he was in university. I was peak in my reclaiming my sluttiness era and felt in control of my life. 26-year-old me realises I was a minor without any real control of any situation, but 15-year-old me felt on top of the world. 

    That’s why I decided to have sex with him. I felt I knew what I was doing. Plus, I got tired of him constantly hinting at sex and decided to just have sex with him. It became a continuous thing that lasted for three months into the relationship, and five months after, we broke up. 

    The funniest part of having sex with him was that I kept convincing myself I enjoyed it and that’s what sex was supposed to be like. When I had sex with a woman a year later, I realised I had been deceiving myself. 

    Tell me about this woman. 

    I met her on Facebook and got a sense that she was gay. I liked her and asked if she was queer but she flat out denied it. She was so defensive about it, so I apologised and went my merry way. Only for her to switch up on me the next day and start telling me she wanted to see me and all of that. 

    I was still doing my A levels then, so she came to see me in school. While we were trying to take a picture of ourselves sitting together, she turned around and kissed me. From there, we went to the bathroom and had sex. 

    Was this when you accepted you were queer?

    I wish. After sex with this woman, I didn’t even come out to myself as a lesbian yet. I already knew I liked women, but having sex with the woman wasn’t enough to cause that. It just made me more aware of my attraction. I still felt I needed to have a boyfriend or like men. However, I still liked women and developed deep feelings for these women. My solution to this was to a boyfriend and a girl I was sleeping with by the side.

     I had fallen in love with another friend when I was 17, but I thought it was just me being “freaky”. I didn’t come out to myself as a lesbian until I fell in love again at the age of 19. 

    How did that happen? 

    Well, I had a boyfriend who was emotionally and physically abusive to me, and I was cheating on him with a male friend of mine. The male friend introduced me to a babe, and the girl and I got really close. 

    She had a boyfriend as well, but we hooked up. Comparing the sex I had with her to the sex I had with the men helped me realise I didn’t want to continue having mid sex with men. The satisfaction I got from her romantically and sexually was the kind of life I wanted to live. 

    She was also very political and gave me books about lesbianism. We’d talk about my attraction to women and running away together. It helped me realise I had been suppressing myself and the fact that I had slept with men didn’t mean I wasn’t a lesbian. I broke off my relationship with the guy, and although he was angry, I moved on.  

    Did you and the woman make things official?

    We were together for about four years. The relationship was too toxic for us to continue and I decided to end it.

    Explain toxic…

    It was a lot of emotional abuse. She’d shut me out, and I’d get so angry. I’d say hurtful things toward her. We were terrible for each other. 

    RELATED: 5 Nigerian Women Talk About Being in Toxic Relationships

    What happened after the relationship ended? 

    After it ended, I had one more sexual partner before I got into another relationship. This was my second relationship after coming out as a lesbian. The sex was soft and sweet. I was in love with them and whenever they touched me, it felt like butterflies. The sex was very vanilla and a stark contrast to what I had in my first relationship, but I was in love. 

    Did you miss the less vanilla sex? 

    I won’t say I missed it. I don’t think one type of sex is better than the other. Especially because it was a bit different. What I do know is that I enjoyed that new dynamic with this second partner. 

    A year into our relationship, we opened it up and I got a chance to explore other people. We eventually closed up the relationship when we knew we were going to break -up. Closing the relationship up made me realise I miss the freedom to explore other women. That’s why I did just that when we broke up. 

    How do you know you’re going to break up with a partner?

    We were fighting a lot, so we talked about breaking up six months after we opened the relationship. We loved each other and didn’t want things to end, but the fighting was a lot. The six months was so we could be more intentional about loving each other. 

    When we broke up, I started exploring other women. 

    Tell me about that.

    The relationship ended in 2020, and I’ve used the last two years to have a lot of sex and discover not just myself but also women. 

    One thing I’ve learnt about sex is that with every new partner, there might be a different dynamic that comes with the relationship. The person I am currently sleeping with is a talker during sex. She’s constantly asking me what I like and how I like it. I really enjoy that. That’s a dynamic I wasn’t exposed to in the beginning. 

    For me, sex is more of the journey than the destination. My goal when having sex is to not have an orgasm but instead to pleasure myself, and I’m doing a lot of that now. 

    So, what’ll you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’m getting a lot of pleasure from the sex I am having. I’m having sex with women who are sure of themselves and their sexuality. There’s no guilt attached and I get to learn so much more about myself. Definitely going to give it a 9.5. 

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 35-year-old woman. She talks about learning something new about her sex life with every partner, the “whoremone” that came with her pregnancy and how sex in her 30s is the best thing ever.

    Tell me about your first sexual experience.  

    I was 16 years old when I had sex for the first time. My boyfriend and I had tried multiple times, but we’d stop because it was painful. That day, we decided to just go for it. It ended up being a pleasurable experience. 

    We dated for three years and had sex almost every day. Even when I relocated to Benin Republic for school, I’d go see him once a month. It’s not like Benin Republic is far, plus orgasms are very important. The trips were worth it. 

    RELATED: 5 Nigerians Share the Ups and Downs of Being in a Long-Distance Relationship 

    Was the sex that great? 

    It was very explorative. He was my first physically and emotionally, and he made me feel secure and safe. It was a different kind of special. 

    Too bad we had to end the relationship because we both wanted different things out of life. Plus, he was also cheating. I had to say bye to that. 

    Oops. What then did you say hello to? 

    I got into another relationship when I was 19, and this time, the sex was terrible. At least in the beginning. 

    We both tried to hide just how much we enjoyed sex from the other person. Where we’re from — because we come from the same place — sexual purity is very important. It’s ingrained into our heads from a young age that sex is not allowed till you’re married. So when we did start having sex, we pretended that we both were new to it. 

    Getting comfortable around each other was also difficult because we lived in different states and saw each other for a stretch of time once in three months. 

    How did you eventually overcome it?

    The longer the relationship went on, we talked a lot more and as we spent more time together, we got more comfortable around each other.  That’s when we started having the kind of sex we liked. 

    He was the one that introduced me to period sex. We’d have sex while on my period, and he’d even give me head. At first I was uncomfortable with the idea, but I warmed up to it. It was very sexy. During your period, all the sensations you feel are heightened, so it felt extra great. 

    But all good things must come to an end. Our relationship ended because although the sex was great, he wasn’t a particularly great boyfriend. At this point in my life, although I liked sex, it wasn’t enough to excuse bad behaviour. 

    RELATED: 11 Nigerians Talk About Their Period Sex Experiences

    Love that for you honestly.

    I didn’t start having consistent, close-by sex again until a few months after I broken up with my then-boyfriend. 

    The new man and I worked in different zones of the same office. There was an event that required members from different zones to attend, and that’s how I met him. He was 31. Where I come from, this is a normal age range between couples, so I didn’t feel a kind of way about it. 

    We lived a street apart, so we had sex whenever we wanted, as many times as we wanted. I think I learnt the most about myself sexually during this time. 

    What did you learn? 

    That I enjoy exhibitionism and role play. We’d have sex outside, in cars, elevators, restrooms, pretty much anywhere we had a chance of getting caught. I could never predict where we were going to have sex, but one thing I knew was that as long as our eyes met? Sex was going to happen. Since we worked together and lived so close by, it was bound to happen a lot. It kept me on edge and ready. 

    As regards to role play? It was different. Setting the scene and acting out as anyone really let our minds roam free. I could be a naughty wife that needs punishment, or a sub that has annoyed her dom. I enjoyed it so thoroughly. 

    But?

    He ghosted me after we had been together for almost two years. He asked me to spend Christmas in his place. After about two days, he travelled and didn’t tell me. His numbers were switched off and he wasn’t replying my messages. This went on for almost a week. By the time he came back, I had moved on. He told me he went to get a ring to propose, but that was his business. I couldn’t tolerate a man that felt comfortable ghosting me for days. My 22-year-old self was done with his ass. 

    After him, I started dating another man. We dated for about five months and for the first three months of the relationship, he never made any attempts to get physical with me. I was a bit worried and even asked him if his penis had issues. He said it didn’t, but he just didn’t believe in sex before marriage. Me on the other hand, I believed in it, so we had sex. It wasn’t particularly exciting, and we broke up shortly after. 

    Dating him made me realise that sex isn’t a priority for me in a relationship. He was a very sweet person and I had a lot of fun just being with him.  As much as I enjoy it and liked having it, I’d never leave a good relationship built on the foundation of friendship because of sex. This one ended because his parents didn’t like me. I was distraught and sad, but not for long. In the midst of my sadness, I met someone else and we eventually got married when I was 23. 

    How was married woman sex like? 

    I won’t say I know exactly how all married women have sex, but my sex life became very mid. Not because of the marriage but because of who it was with. 

    While we were dating, we had sex a few times, but after the wedding, he came up with a bunch of rules. He said my kissing was too sloppy and he didn’t like it, that he wasn’t going to give and receive head either and that my moaning was “sluttish.”

    Ah. 

    When he gave all these instructions, sex no longer became fun for me, but rather, something I partook in. I wasn’t able to express myself the way I wanted because sex with him had to be done a certain way. 

    The thing is that some men have a very specific conditioning when it comes to sex. They had this puritanical upbringing, and so sex with women they marry should be conducted in a certain way.

    Even when I got pregnant, the sex was still just something I just participated in. 

    How was sex while pregnant? 

    I was 23 years old when I had my first child, and I call pregnancy the “whoremone” because I got a huge libido increase. My body was constantly ready to have sex. 

    If he was available, we’d have sex. If he wasn’t, I’d use my sex toys. If I didn’t feel like using my sex toys, I’d just rest and try to get along with my day. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Getting Pregnant Made Me Hate Sex

    Did it stay that way after the baby was born? 

    No, my libido dropped. For the first six weeks, doctors advised for there to be no penetration because my body was trying to heal, and I followed that religiously. 

    Even after the six weeks were up, I still had to deal with body images. Pregnancy changes your body, and you have to learn to like the new body you have. Then with the stress of taking care of a newborn? Sex was the last thing on my mind. My sex drive eventually picked back up when the child was about four to six months old. 

    We had another child together, but the relationship ended after ten years. We got divorced the year I turned 32, and I decided to start enjoying sex once more. It’s been delicious. 

    Why’s 30+ sex so great? 

    One day, the sex drive just hits you. You go to bed like a normal person, then you wake up with a puddle in between your legs. You’re energised, and you feel your best and the orgasms you have are way more intense. 

    Since I’m older now, my body looks absolutely amazing and I feel good as well. I also have more money that I can use to take care of myself. Everywhere I turn, there’s someone that wants me. There’s constantly someone in my life catering to my sexual needs, and I’m having a whole lot of sex. It’s great. 

    I’ve had a bit of experience, so I know what I want and what I don’t. I’m very clear on those things when I meet a new partner, and it takes away the awkwardness that comes with having sex. I’m much more comfortable in my sexuality. 

    Interesting! How then will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’d give my sex life an 8. The only reason it’s an 8 is because the person I’m currently seeing is just as busy as I am, so we don’t have sex as frequently as I’d like. If the frequency increases, it’ll probably be a 10. 

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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old man with a big dick. He talks about realising how his penis size might be a problem for him and the insecurities that come with having a big penis. 

    What’s the most significant thing that happened on your first sexual encounter?

    I realised I might have a big penis. The first time a woman mentioned my penis was big, I thought she was lying and just wanted to stroke my ego. It’s not like I knew what the average size of a penis was, and I wasn’t out there comparing my dick sizes to that of men I met on the road. It didn’t click till 2014. 

    I was 19 years old and in university at the time. I had a serious girlfriend that was a year older than me in age and class.

    One day, when my girlfriend came to the house, she climbed on top of me and said we should have sex. She’s someone with very  high energy, so I wasn’t surprised she did that. 

    We started with foreplay, and I tried to make her good before I did whatever would pleasure me. 

    On penetration, her face turned reddish. I got a bit scared and asked her if she was okay. She said I should keep going slowly. As my strokes slowly increased, she passed out. 

    What happened? 

    I got her some water, and she just lay there till she eventually had the strength to go home. We didn’t bring up the passing out incident until she got home. 

    When I asked her how she was doing, she just kept talking about how big my dick is and how she couldn’t believe I was hiding all that with my small body. That was when I realised that my penis might become a problem in the future. 

    Did it become a problem?

    Not with her, but unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last longer than a year. I started sleeping with people I wasn’t in a relationship with. When you have a big penis, there’s a lot of trial and error involved because you’re not sure whoever you’re sleeping with will be able to handle it. When I was 22, there was this babe that I reconnected with.

    While we were hanging out, she told me about all the fantasies she wanted me to fulfil and I agreed. She sounded like she knew what she wanted and I was ready to give it to her. We set up a date to meet. 

    Immediately she entered my house that day, we went down to business. When she pulled down my briefs, her face was shocked. Then she went, “Is it inside my vagina this thing is going to enter?” I thought she was joking and trying to ease the tension. Before I knew it, she had started putting her clothes back on. She asked me to escort her out and I did. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. 

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    Didn’t you warn her? 

    I did. I always try to warn women about the size of my penis. But they usually think I’m lying or trying to hype up my dick. Meanwhile, I just don’t want a situation where someone will collapse on my dick or leave upon sighting it. 

    That’s why my solution to that problem is to send pictures and videos beforehand. So they can realise what I’m working with and what they’re going to see when we choose to have sex. 

    And then if they say they want it? 

    I still hold back my expectations. Most of them agree to it online, but once they come face to face with it, they chicken out. If you don’t have high hopes, you won’t be disappointed when it eventually doesn’t work out. 

    It’s kind of annoying. I don’t have control over the size of my penis, and with the exclamations and comments some of the women make, it makes me feel like I should reduce its size. Constantly getting blue balls because of something that is definitely beyond my control is very destabilising. I sometimes wish I had a smaller penis. 

    So, are you still doing trial and error? 

    Luckily, not anymore. I found a partner who actually loves the size of my penis. She says the length and girth is perfect for her and fills her up very well. I feel our relationship can evolve to something more than just sex. 

    What then would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’d give it an 8. As much as there are bad times, there’s also some good times.

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