If you have no idea who a Coomer is, I am glad you have managed to stay mentally pure in this dark meme era and I advise you save yourself and stop reading this. Wait, you’re still reading? Okay. Let’s do this. From my extensive knowledge of coomers (don’t ask how), I have curated 6 sure ways you can use to spot a coomer.
Disclaimer: Zikoko is not responsible for any brain damage or eyesores you might experience while reading this.
1. A large left arm
All that wanking leaves a coomer with one arm physically fit and larger than the other. Some people might mistake that arm to be on the right hand but true coomers know that only posers have large right arms. wanking with your left arm is a whole world of experience only coomers have unlocked.
2. They smell like raw yam
One of the signs of a coomer is the strong smell of ejaculation juice they always seem to ooze. It doesn’t help that most of them don’t believe in proper cleanup and just let the stench of their liquid babies fill up whatever space they occupy.
3. They have terabytes of porn
Streaming porn isn’t enough for coomers, they have to physically download porn on all their devices so that even if the government shuts down the internet, they have back up. Don’t get me started on their browser history. I am so certain someone just popped to mind right now. If no one does, check yourself, you’re a coomer.
4. They know pornstars by name
We all know that one guy that has an extensive pornstar knowledge. He can give you a breakdown of how their careers started and what they are best at doing in the porn industry. He also gets offended when you watch a porno without being able to identify the pornstars by name. Yes, that’s a coomer.
5. They oversexualise everything
If you know someone who cannot help but turn EVERYTHING on the lord’s green earth into a sexual pun. When you speak to them, their face slowly morphs into the moon emoji. They are always horny on an astronomical level. Yes, you’ve found yourself a coomer.
6. Baggy eyes to accent the fact that they up all night wanking
Most coomers cannot sleep without busting a nut. They are up at night tweeting about having insomnia when actually, their coomer flesh desires to ejaculate. They are always tired and it shows. However, don’t mistake a middle-age man with bills and a pending divorce as a coomer. Most coomers show multiple signs of coomerness in addition to this one.
No coomer was harmed in the making of this post.
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