Love Life: We Left Our Partners for Each Other

June 9, 2022

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Oba, 26, and Precious, 27, have been dating for four years. This week on Love Life, they talk about meeting on a group chat, falling into a relationship even though they were dating other people and the one incident that almost broke them.

What’s your earliest memory of each other? 

Oba: In April 2018, we were on the same WhatsApp group for queer women, and we were both admins. We met when the group hung out for the first time. 

Precious: I was late for the hangout because of traffic. When I saw her at the thing, I thought she looked nice. 

Oba: Me, I felt an attraction towards her. We went to buy suya for the hangout, and while we were together, I caught a glimpse of her ass. It looked soft and thick, and I liked it. When I like something, I chase it. 

Tell me about the chase

Oba: It started at the party. We were playing games, and they asked who I liked in the group. I said I liked her. 

Precious: I was shocked because she’d never shown any interest until that moment. I indulged her, and we talked that night. 

Oba: But then, she tried to disappear on me. I called her the next day and tried to set up a hangout for just the two of us, but she wasn’t having it. 

Why Precious?

Precious: It was odd. We’d been in the group for about a month, and we’d never spoken to each other directly. Plus, she was involved with someone else in the group, and so was I. Yet, there she was saying she had feelings for me.  

Wait, what of your partners at the time?

Oba: They weren’t in the room. 

Precious: Me, I thought it was too fast, and I wasn’t really interested at that time. 

What changed? 

Precious: She kept applying pressure. She called and texted me often. She’d send me pictures of herself from work. I appreciated that she’d still try to talk to me late in the night on her way back from work. By the time she got home around 11 p.m., we’d still be talking. 

We discussed everything on those phone calls. She knew things I’d normally tell my closest friend. That’s how we became inseparable, and the next thing I knew, we were dating. 

Hol’ up. How did dating enter the picture?

Oba: No one asked anyone out. Our relationship just started. 

Precious: Yup. After talking for a few months, I told her I loved her, but this babe didn’t say it back. I felt embarrassed, and I started withdrawing from her. 

Oba: I really liked her, but it wasn’t love at the time. When she said she loved me, I didn’t want things to get complicated. We were enjoying each other’s company and “I love you” felt like I had to make a decision., 

But when she started to push me away, I realised how much I wanted her. She wasn’t calling me as often or replying my texts as fast as she used to. We talked about it, and I decided to let go of the thing I had with the other person. 

Precious: I wish I could say it was that easy to just start our own relationship but things became complicated after that. I lost my job and was breaking up with someone I’d been with for years. That same month, I lost my dad. I was going through a lot and needed to be alone, but I still wanted Oba. 

Oba: I, on the other hand, wasn’t ready. I was still in a relationship with my ex. 

But you liked Precious?

Oba: Yes. My relationship with my ex wasn’t smooth. She’d hurt me, but I was choosing to stay until I met Precious and fell in love with her. When I decided I would break up with my ex, I went to see Precious. But while I was with her, I realised I couldn’t just let go of my ex. I still wanted her in my life. At the same time, I wanted Precious too. It felt like my heart was being torn apart. I told Precious this. 

How did you take it, Precious?

Precious: I had a lot on my plate with the loss of my job and my dad. But I knew I was in love with Oba and I enjoyed her as a friend. When I needed to start my business, she helped me design a logo, and she’s so smart — she’s always suggesting things I could do — but at the time, I knew I couldn’t keep her. I wanted her to be happy, so I encouraged her to go to her ex, and she did. 

READ: Pros and Cons of Dating Somebody’s Boyfriend

Oba: I’d never met anyone that selfless. I loved that she was willing to let me go. I took the next bus to Abuja to see my ex. On the way there, I saw that Precious had blocked me. Omo, it was hell. My ex became suspicious, and I kept denying I was cheating on her. Eventually, she called off the relationship because she could tell I was distracted. I took some time before reaching out to Precious again. 

What was reaching out like?

Precious: First of all, we talked about everything. I didn’t want a relationship with residual issues, so we made a promise to not cheat in the relationship we were starting with each other, knowing our history. We also needed boundaries with our exes. I knew that she’d do anything for her but I was now fully in the picture and I didn’t want the kind of drama that came with exes. After we settled that, we started dating for real. This was in June 2018. 

June until now, how’s your relationship grown in that time? 

Oba: We both had some growing up to do. In my old relationship, I could get away with anything, but Precious didn’t let certain things fly. As I am doing something, she’s calling me out for it. I loved her because she made me better, but I hated that I couldn’t get away with anything. 

Anything like?

Oba: I’m not proud of it but I had anger issues. I get on a rant cussing everybody out when I’m angry. Precious would allow me to shout and then when I was finished, she’d tell me what I did was wrong. I loved how patient she was with me. Honestly, I don’t know how she stayed through the first two years of our relationship. 

Precious: We did a lot of work to get to where we are now. We decided what we wanted for our relationship, and every day, we work towards it. 

Oba: In December 2020, I asked her to be my wife. We’d gone out to get jewellery some weeks before, but she didn’t know I was buying her a ring to propose with. 

I know she’s a private person, so one weekend, I booked us a hotel room, and I proposed to her there. 

Precious: I wasn’t expecting it, but I also knew that marriage was the next step for our relationship. That period was interesting for me because we were going to bury her dad that weekend. 

Wow 

Oba: Yup, but I just couldn’t wait. We were also going to my family house for the first time, and they don’t know about our relationship or my sexuality. It was indeed interesting, but getting engaged just felt right.

Funny enough, I never wanted to get married. Before I met Precious, I always said I didn’t wanna get married. The plan was to adopt a kid and call it a day, but after two years in a relationship with Precious, I knew I wanted to marry her and have kids with her. Our relationship is everything I’ve ever wanted. The thing I love most about us is the respect we have for each other. This helped us when I got a job in Dubai five months later and had to relocate. 

Precious: And then, we didn’t see each other for a year…

How did respect help with distance?

Oba: It kept me in check. I didn’t want to disrespect her so I didn’t do things I knew she wouldn’t approve of. I didn’t look at other women or even think of them. It was very hard, I won’t lie. There were days we’d cry on the phone. I was alone in Dubai. I wanted to wake up next to her and the video calls just weren’t cutting it anymore. 

Precious: It got too much for me at some point. To the extent that this January 2022, I considered breaking up with her. I told her about it. We had survived the first part of the relationship only to now end up apart? I couldn’t deal anymore. 

Oba: That’s when I started making plans for her to come and join me here. Then, she got a job in March 2022 and joined me a few weeks ago. 

Great! Tell me about your biggest fight

Precious: Sometime in 2020, she had a beach hang out with her friends. While she was there, I got a message from an anonymous Instagram account saying they could have Oba if they wanted. As if that was not enough, Oba came back home high as fuck, calling her ex’s name in her sleep. I was so mad and convinced I was leaving this relationship.

Oba: When I woke up, she confronted me and I was honest. I wanted to have my ex in my life but not at the detriment of my relationship with Precious. We had a conversation about it in which I apologised. 

Precious: It was a long talk. I didn’t want us to go through the back and forth we had at the beginning of our relationship. She promised me she was here to stay and didn’t want to get back with her ex. Since then, we’ve been good. 

Sweet! What attracts you both to each other? 

Oba: She’s a very attractive woman. Her body is so soft, and it’s one of the first things that attracted me to her. She’s also an amazing cook. 

Precious: I’m attracted to how smart she is. Also, her confidence is insane. When she was chasing me, I thought it was hot that she wanted to be with me. Loved it. 

Rate this relationship on a scale of one to ten

Precious: 9 because of how far we’ve come as a couple. This is life, and you really don’t have control over the things that happen. 

Oba: 8 for us, 1 for me, and 1 for God. I’m proud of how much I’ve grown, and everybody around me can see it, not just her. I know we still have work to do though. 

READ: Love Life: We Met on Twitter, But I Already Had a Boyfriend

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