We know it’s tempting, but just because your best friend has abandoned you in the clutches of Tinubu and his cohorts doesn’t mean you should abandon her on February 13th,  the sacred Galentine’s Day.

It’s five days away, so you have enough time to get her the gifts on our list to show her that, besides the distance, nothing should even think about coming between you.

Your presence 

Whether they believe it or not, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them, so find a way to appear at their doorstep and give them the surprise of a lifetime. If they don’t act surprised enough, then consider getting yourself a new best friend or shaking them till they receive some sense.

A playlist

Think of all the songs you loved dancing and crying to togethet, and put them all in a playlist. Hopefully, it will make her remember the love you shared in-person and cause her to return to Agbado Central for a month or two just to suffer with you a little.

A pet

Get them a cute little animal and name it after yourself. This way, they’ll feel like you’re always around them, keeping them company, even though you’re miles away.

A date

Everyone knows loneliness is what’s killing our people over there. So set them up with another of your friends in their city, and at the end of the night you get piping hot tea on all the things that went down on their date. It’s a win-win.

A rose 

The type of rose you get them doesn’t really matter. Whether they’re smelling it or it’s giving them the orgasm of their life, we promise, they’ll appreciate it.

A plane, a helicopter or a witch’s broom

We’ve given you all these options, so you have no room for excuses. Get her one of the modes of transportation above, so you both can see each other any time you want.

We recommend the broom though. Are you truly best friends if you’ve never been referred to as witches?


By jewelry, we mean a friendship collar. That way, you’re not in another country hoping someone isn’t trying to steal her from you. Just get them a collar with your name boldly written on it, so everyone knows who she belongs to.



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