Have you ever listened to a song and thought to yourself, “Can never be me?” Yes, we’ve done it too. While we bop to all the songs on this list, their lyrics are a little bit extra, if we’re being honest — it’s just small love, let’s all be calming down.
1. “Your lips like poison, I’ll take my chance with you.” — Lojay & Sarz, Monalisa
Poison? Poison? Somebody’s mother is praying for them everyday and they’re out here saying they want to chop poison because of knacks? Nah, we can’t – we won’t — relate. Na only one life wey person get
2. “See the way I dey beg you, shey bambi allah mo je ni?” — Ayra Starr & CKay, Beggie Beggie
Begging a man in this millennium? Sis, is Nigeria not tough enough for you? You want to drag your bad bitch cred in the mud? We don’t beg in this household, we collect applications, periodt.
3. “She making me bark a like a bingo” — PSquare, Alingo
Something about a woman making me bark like a dog just doesn’t sit right with my inner spirit. Is she a witch? Peter and Paul, please come out and explain to the class what this means because, whattt?.
4. “Dance and sweat like say na fight. We must to settle this thing tonight” — Tiwa Savage, All Over
Tiwa, sis, it’s not that deep. Are you in a relationship or Maltina Dance All?
5. “I will cross all the seven seas, just to give you what you need.” — Ric Hassani, Police
God forbid! What kind of pick me behaviour is this? Let’s not forget that Ric did all these things and the babe still showed him pepper. No wonder he’s now singing “Thunder fire you”. It is well.
6. “I don fight uniform men” — Omah Lay, Understand
LOL. Fighting uniform men because of love? When we’re not on crack? The answer is no. The crazy part, after all of this, his love interest still slept with his best friend and stole his pendant. In this life, it pays to be wicked.
7. “And I’m all up in your face like pimples” — Omoakin, Talosobe
8. “All my ego na for you” — Teni & Davido, For You
Imagine giving all your funds to someone after being a slave to capitalism five days (six or seven days in some offices) a week. Why the hell would I do that? Love? I don’t recognise that emotion.
9. “See you broke my heart but I wish you well” — Dwin, The Stoic, Ifunanyam
If you break my heart, it’s only God that will punish you. It’s not only “well”, it’s Wellington. Please, shift.
10. “She say make I dey choke her” — Ajebo Hustlers, Solace
So she can die and the police will arrest me? If anyone wants to be choked during coitus, they should please choke themselves. After all, we both have hands.
11. “You don’t need no other body” — Wizkid & Tems, Essence
As a Yoruba demon, I’m inclined to decline this suggestion. So Tems wants us to put all our eggs in one basket? What if they cancel on us? In this life, it’s important to have multiple backups.
12. “You should know I got you, but you don’t need to get me too” — Chike, Running
It’s all recipocrity in 2022, chief. Can’t be out here dying for someone who doesn’t care about you. Please, jazz up and move on. Life is short.