There’s almost nothing as satisfying as hanging out with your friends after a long week or finally taking that group trip out of the group chat. But after the excitement dies out, the numbers begin to come into focus: Who pays for what?
Money is a sensitive topic for many Nigerians, even more so in friendships. From unspoken rules to awkward moments and wild expectations, these Nigerians share how they navigate the complexities of shared expenses with their friends.
“We take turns paying, but I often feel cheated” — Jire*, 28
We’re three girls in my friend group, but we also have a few other mutual friends, and everyone often hangs out together as a group.
Our hangouts usually happen at restaurants and are centred around birthdays or other special occasions. When we hang out like that, we choose one person to settle the entire bill. The next time we go out, someone else picks up the bill. We’ve been doing that for about a year. I can’t even remember whose idea it was to start it, but I think it’s pretty stupid.
I’ve picked up the bill thrice since we started the “strategy”, and I often feel cheated. For instance, if Bisi* paid the last time, she knows she won’t pay next month, so she’ll order things she wouldn’t typically order. Or it can be Dorcas’* turn to pay, and her boyfriend will choose to pay on her behalf. Other times, some people don’t show up, and the person paying pays for fewer people, which may not be the case the next time.
The last time I paid, I spent around ₦160k for five people. It was excessive, but I couldn’t complain because I had eaten other people’s money too. My closest friend and I both agree this payment strategy doesn’t make sense, but there’s not much we can do. Everyone else seems fine with it, and if only two people keep complaining, it’d be like we’re trying to avoid paying. The only other option is to stop hanging out with my friends, and that’s not an option.
“We split bills equally, but my friend is richer than I am” — Joe*, 26
I share a two-bedroom flat with my guy, and we share the bills equally: rent, groceries, fuel and utilities. We’ve lived together for two years.
It’s a good arrangement because I spend only a fraction of what I’d spend if I lived alone. Plus, we’ve never had any money issues. We both know what we’re supposed to pay for. The only challenge is that my friend is richer and has more expensive tastes.
For instance, he runs the generator immediately NEPA takes light and keeps it on until electricity comes back. We both work remotely, so I understand we need light. But it’s expensive, and I don’t think the generator should be on 24/7. We spend ₦50k weekly on fuel, and I must pay half. I’ve mentioned it to him, but he just jokes about it. The cost doesn’t dent his wallet because he earns ₦1.2m/month, but my own salary is just ₦500k. We’re not on the same level at all.
It’s not just fuel. Sometimes he wants to buy more expensive groceries, and I joke that I can’t afford his taste. We don’t argue about money, but I sometimes feel awkward about explaining why we can’t get certain things. I know he doesn’t mind picking up expenses alone, but I don’t want to be a burden.
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“Each person pays for what they get” — Esther*, 31
It’s an unspoken rule in my friend group that everyone pays for what they get when we go out. However, we don’t pay separately. If it’s a restaurant, we’ll get the bill and send our share to a designated person.
If the restaurant has a service charge, we add a little extra to the amount we’re sending the person so it can cover it. We don’t calculate that part, though. We just round it up. For instance, instead of paying ₦18k as my share, I send ₦20k.
We also do the same thing for Uber rides. If we’re all going to the same place, we share the money. But most times, only one person pays the fare when we’re returning home.
For instance, if Bolaji* lives in Yaba, people who live along the route enter his Uber so they can drop off along the way. No one needs to pay Bolaji for that.
“I avoid joint outings because I don’t know how to mention money” — Moses*, 25
My friends like to be outside. We’re always meeting up in clubs and bars. I love hanging out with them, but I’ve started avoiding these outings because I don’t know how to mention money.
Here’s how a typical outing with my friends goes: One of them calls and is like, “Moses, we dey XYZ place. You go show?” When I get there, we drink and eat. When the bill comes, sometimes the person who invited me pays. Most times, I have to contribute something.
One time, the bill came to ₦80k, and my guy transferred ₦30k. The other guy with us transferred ₦20k, automatically meaning I had to transfer the balance, which I did.
There have also been times when I’ll arrive at the location and my friends will jokingly say I’m the one paying that day. Of course, I won’t want to fall hands, so I just pay.
I’ve started ignoring these invitations because I never know what they mean for my account. I’m not rich enough to have habits like that, and the worst thing is, I can’t even bring it up. How do you start a “How are we sharing the money?” conversation with your guys? It’s just weird. It’s better not to go unless I’m sure I can afford anything that comes up.
“My friend expects me to pay the biggest share of the expenses” — Anita*, 28
I’ve been friends with Jade* since 2014, and we’ve been transparent with our earnings since we started working in 2020.
My salary has always been slightly higher than hers, usually a ₦30k – ₦100k difference, but it has translated to me automatically taking the bigger share of expenses. I think she actually expects it.
We can be talking about getting a friend a gift now, and Jade will be like, “The gift costs ₦50k. Bring ₦35k, I’ll handle the rest.” One time, we planned a staycation and the cost came down to ₦150k. I handled the payments for the trip, and we agreed that Jade would just send me her share. She only sent me ₦50k and said, “You know you’re my sponsor.”
I feel like my money is just another way to show love to my friend, so I don’t mind paying more. However, I sometimes wonder if that’s how everyone does it. Am I being a mugu, or is it not a big deal?
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
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