The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
My husband, Rufai, and I have been together for over six years. We got married in 2018.
How did you meet?
Rufai was my good customer. I helped my aunt sell baby clothes, and he’d come to the shop to buy items like blankets and clothes every other month. Since he always bought something, I assumed he had many children. One day, I jokingly said, “Uncle, won’t you allow madam rest from childbirth?”
He told me he didn’t have children, even though he’d been married for a few years. He was just buying the baby items to give to nursing mothers for good fortune. We developed a friendship after he opened up to me, and about five months later, he asked me to marry him.
Were you expecting that?
Not really, but it wasn’t strange. I’m a Muslim, and I’ve always received marriage proposals from married men. I just didn’t meet anyone I liked well enough to accept to become a second wife until Rufai. He was kind, and I developed a soft spot for him.
At the time Rufai proposed, I’d been out of uni for two years but hadn’t gotten a good job yet. I was practically my aunt’s salesgirl, but I made money from the shop — about ₦5k per day. It was enough to be independent and I could afford whatever I wanted. That changed after the wedding.
I didn’t work at my aunt’s shop anymore, meaning I couldn’t earn money. I suddenly became entirely dependent on whatever my husband gave me, which was a new experience. Even in school, I didn’t depend on anyone. My father passed away when I was young, so I’ve always done one hustle or another to survive.
Coming from that to waiting for my husband to give me ₦10k every week to cook was a rude culture shock. All the money went into food, and I often had nothing left. I had to ask for more money if I wanted to buy pads.
Did you and Rufai discuss financial expectations before marriage?
I didn’t think women were supposed to ask men about money. I just knew my husband was a banker. Six years later, I still don’t know how much he earns. Our only arrangement was that he’d get me a separate flat and stay with me thrice a week — that was the condition my co-wife gave before she accepted me. I don’t mind it; I like my space.
The ₦10k weekly allowance was my only problem. He increased the money to ₦20k in 2020 when I had my son, but I still felt limited. Also, I couldn’t find a job because Rufai wanted me to stay home and care for my child. I finally found an opportunity to work when my niece started living with me in 2022.
I convinced my husband I had help, and he finally relented. He gave me ₦1.2m to start a business, and I opened a baby items shop. He laughs when I tell him that the shop is the most valuable gift he’ll ever give me, but it’s true. There’s nothing better than earning your own money.
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Does he still give you an allowance?
He cut down the amount after funding my shop, so it’s just ₦80k once a month now. The money is not enough for feeding, but when I complain, he says, “But you make money from the shop. Or will you close it so I can increase your money?” Of course, I always pick the shop.
I know his reasoning isn’t fair. He only gave me a one-time fund, and I grew the shop to its current level with my profit. He doesn’t even know how much I make from the shop, so he should at least give me enough money for food.
But I don’t have the power to argue. As long as I’m making my own money, I’m fine. He pays for school fees (for both our child and my niece), rent, and anything our child needs. I can work and take care of myself.
You seem particular about making your own money
I am. I fully understand that the dynamics of my marriage can change at any time. My instinct tells me he’ll marry another wife soon to get more children, so I can’t afford to joke with my financial freedom.
Before, I could tease Rufai and get him to send my mum money or buy clothes or shoes for me. But since this year, he’s started giving excuses when I try to bill him. I know the economy is bad, but there’s possibly another wife-to-be and he’s saving to get her a flat too.
Imagine if I rely only on him and a third wife gives birth to five children, will he still have enough to provide for me and my child? I can’t risk it.
Right. Is there any room for things like dates in your relationship?
It happens once in a blue moon, usually for my birthdays. Rufai doesn’t do romance or things like that, and I don’t expect it either. He bought me a car in 2023 when my son resumed school. He also comes bearing gifts like fruits, veils, or perfume when he visits. My own gifting is only on his birthdays, and it’s either I sew him an outfit or buy him ties.
When we see each other, I cook him food and we talk. We do that a lot: talk and gossip. He tells me about his day, and I tell him about mine. My husband is my gist partner. He has an amazing sense of humour. Sometimes I wish I had him all to myself because he keeps to himself whenever we’re all together (plus my co-wife) for family events. I understand he doesn’t want to show favouritism, though.
Out of curiosity, what’s your relationship with your co-wife like?
We don’t have much of a relationship. We only see each other a few times a year. When we do, we greet each other cordially. She’s older, so I accord her the necessary respect. If she doesn’t like me, she must do a good job of hiding it because I’ve never suspected anything.
How are you and Rufai thinking about safety nets?
I know my husband has at least one property he rents out to tenants, but that’s as far as I know. I suspect my co-wife knows more because I heard they built their wealth together. But that’s fine. I know my child will inherit something; I just need to plan for myself.
I currently have around ₦1.2m savings and about ₦2m worth of gold jewellery. Rufai has promised to build me a house, and I’m gently reminding him to do that before taking another wife. I think these are good safety nets.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Rufai once mentioned relocating me and my son abroad if he had enough money, and that’s all I pray for. I honestly don’t care if he stays back in Nigeria with all the wives in the world.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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