The concept of financially supporting loved ones isn’t strange in Nigeria. If anything, as long as a person can provide support, they’re expected to do so. But what happens when generosity meets entitlement and outright disrespect?

In this article, 10 Nigerians share raw, personal experiences of helping others financially, only to be met with shocking ingratitude. From family members who forgot their sacrifices to friends who rewrote the story, their stories reveal the emotional cost of giving and the hard lessons that often follow.

“She said ‘Anyway, thank you’” — Joshua*, 31, M

I used to pay my cleaning lady ₦80k/month to deep-clean the house twice a month. I also often gave her foodstuff because she was a single mum with kids.

One day, she came crying, needing ₦50k for her child’s school fees. I was to pay her the next day, so I added ₦20k to her salary and sent her ₦100k. This woman texted me, “You could have just sent me the complete money to receive your full reward from God. Anyway, thank you.” My brain sparked. I fired her that very second.

“I was feeding her, but she was badmouthing me” — Rachel*, 22, F

I let my friend stay with me for “one week” after her roommate evicted her. One week turned into one month. We were both students, but she claimed her parents weren’t sending her money. So. I was using my ₦5k/week pocket money to feed two people.

Later, I heard she was telling people I was giving her “only bread and eba” to eat every day. When I confronted her, she said I shouldn’t blame her, that she was just “tired of eating the same thing.” On top my own money? I said nothing, but I found an excuse to evict her two weeks later.

“He got angry when I couldn’t help” — Bode*, 27, M

A colleague was always complaining about the cost of transport, so I started giving him lifts to work every day. His bus stop was some distance from mine, and picking him up meant I had to take a longer route to work. But I didn’t mind. Plus, he was grateful at first.

Then one morning, I told him I couldn’t pick him up. I didn’t trust that the little fuel I had in my car would make it through the traffic around his bus stop and still get us to work. This guy got annoyed and said, “Why didn’t you tell me since yesterday? I didn’t plan to use bus today. What if I don’t have money?” 

This was someone who never once offered to pay for fuel. I’ve stopped the morning pick-ups; it’s just evening ones now.

“She stopped answering my greetings” — Faith*, 28, F

I used to dash an elderly widow on my street money whenever I saw her. ₦1k here, ₦2k there. My mum warned me not to always give her money, but unfortunately, I had coconut head.

Last year, the widow sent her son to tell me they needed a generator and I should give them ₦350k. I politely declined, and the woman stopped answering my greetings. To date, whenever I pass their house, her children gossip about me. I heard one of them call me “that stingy aunty.” My mum thinks I deserve it for not listening to her.

“She said it was ‘just ₦5k’” — Olaitan*, 24, F

A church friend once asked me for ₦5k to sort out an emergency. I sent it and forwarded the transaction receipt to her on WhatsApp. She read it and didn’t respond.

I thought, “Maybe her phone died or something.” Later that day, she uploaded pictures on her WhatsApp status without acknowledging receipt. I DM’ed her and said it wasn’t nice that she didn’t even confirm getting the money. She said, “Sorry, I forgot. But it’s just ₦5k na, calm down.” No matter how many times I retell this story, I always get flabbergasted anew.

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“It turned into entitlement” — Jacob*, 29, M

I started sending money home to my parents monthly as soon as I started earning an income. Nobody asked, but I felt responsible for them as the first child. At some point, they started calling to inform me about the house bills and even to support my siblings’ school fees.

The one month I couldn’t send anything because I had issues at work, my dad said, “So you want us to believe you don’t have any money at all?” That sentence changed something in me permanently. We had crossed “helping out” territory and had entered entitlement. I had to take a step back and now only send money occasionally. 

“She said I was a fake friend” — Onyi*, 26, F

I spent about ₦100k helping my friend start a POS business so she could escape her abusive dad. She had some savings but needed ₦100k more, and I gave her that.

A few weeks later, I was at her POS kiosk when another girl joined our conversation. The girl then started talking about her plans to open a POS business in her area, and asked my friend how she got the machine. Since I was the one who got it, I said, “I’ll connect you with the same person who helped me with (my friend)’s own.” 

Later that day, my friend said I was announcing to people that I helped her and I was a “fake friend”. I thought it was a joke. This babe blocked me.

“He cost me my job” — Michael*, 23, M

I loaned a colleague ₦50k to complete his rent. He was desperate, almost in tears and promised to pay back as soon as he stabilised. I didn’t hesitate because I knew what it meant to need help and not find it.

Months passed, and there was no repayment or explanation. We worked at the same supermarket, and I’d literally see him buy food every day. When I confronted him, he started keeping malice with me. The whole thing escalated into a physical fight, and we were both fired.

“He blocked me when I asked for help” — Israel*, 36, M

I paid my cousin’s uni tuition of ₦550k/year for two years because his parents were struggling. This boy used to call me every week to update me on his grades, say thank you, and pray for me.

The moment he graduated and got a job, he blocked me everywhere because I asked him to help me with a ₦50k loan when I was in a tight spot. When I reported him to his mum (my uncle’s wife), she asked why I’d ask someone who was just starting life to give me a loan. Apparently, that justified the blocking.

“She sent the money back” — Tade*, 25, M

I was in a talking stage with this babe, and she said she was craving a particular meal from a restaurant. I was trying to impress her, so I offered to pay for her food. However, I didn’t ask how much it cost; I just sent her ₦10k.

This babe said, “What am I supposed to use ₦10k for?” Then she insisted I send my account number so she could send the money back. I was so surprised. I sha sent my details and collected my money back. End of talking stage.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: “Everyone Thinks I Owe Them Something”: The Economics of Nigerian Entitlement

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