The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
My fiancée, Lola, and I have dated for about a year and a half. We got engaged two months ago.
Congrats on your engagement! How did you meet Lola?
Funny story. We met inside an Uber. We both picked the ride-sharing option, but I was the first passenger. The driver was supposed to pick her up somewhere along the way. However, we got there, and she wasn’t there. He had to start calling, trying to confirm her location.
I was pissed that she was holding me up. I even considered telling her to her face when she finally came. But when she did, I couldn’t say anything again. She was so beautiful. All I could think about was finding a way to get her number before getting to my destination.
In other words, you lost focus
I did o. She apologised for the delay, and I used that as an opportunity to get talking. Luckily, I did get her number before the ride ended. That weekend, I asked her to hang out at an arcade. We played games, ate and had a good time. I spent about ₦80k on that day, including paying for her cab ride back home.
Did you both start dating immediately?
Pretty much. I think we both just knew we wanted a relationship from the moment we exchanged numbers. There was no long talking stage, fortunately. After that arcade date, I was like, “So I can start calling you my babe now, right?” and she was like, “Before nko?”
Our relationship has sort of followed the same pattern since then: easy and straightforward. Our engagement was pretty easy, too. I just thought one day, “I love this babe, and I’d like to get married in 2027.”
Within three weeks, I’d bought the ring and proposed. Before I asked her to marry me, we hadn’t really talked about marriage. However, we’d once promised to be together for the long term. She said yes, so it’s safe to say we’re on the same page.
Love it for you both. Now’s the part where I ask about your finances
Our finances are good for Nigerian standards. However, one small problem is that I’m never really sure how much Lola has or makes. I have a regular 9-5 that pays me ₦800k/month. Lola knows how much I earn since it’s the same amount every month.
Sometimes, I earn more from side gigs, and I carry her along too. Maybe it’s because I use everything as gist. If someone pays me ₦500k today, best believe I’m telling Lola the next time we talk. Like, “How was your day?” “Oh, I’m fine. This guy just paid me ₦500k for that job I did last week.”
Lola isn’t like that. She’s a freelance writer, so she doesn’t have a stable income, but I know she earns in dollars. What I don’t know is how much she makes. She often gives vague comments about working with clients, but never talks about money. I think it’s weird to ask pointed questions like, “How much are they paying?” so I try not to. It feels like pocket watching.
On the few occasions that I do ask, she typically doesn’t give a straight answer. She could go, “The client is not even paying up to $20/hour,” or “I’m trying to get them to pay $100, but they’re insisting on $50.” It’s like giving me information without actually giving me anything.
Hmmm
Something happened a few weeks ago. We were both complaining about Tinubu and being broke when a debit alert popped up on her phone. We were cuddled up, so I could see her phone clearly. Her account balance was ₦560k. I was shocked.
For context, Lola has been robbed before, and she doesn’t like leaving “serious” money in her bank account. She’s told me before that she prefers to keep her money in a savings app and only uses a little at a time in her regular bank account. Also, she’s pretty frugal, so she saves more than she spends.
For Lola to have ₦560k in her account, it means she considers it disposable. It also means she has far more than that saved up. Even me, I don’t have ₦500k just sitting in my spending account on any random day.
Did you ask her about it?
I did, jokingly. I said, “You have over ₦500k, and you’re still claiming you’re broke.” Then she laughed it off with, “Don’t you know women are always broke? We can have millions and still want other people’s money.”
I didn’t say anything else, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think that’s when her lack of financial transparency started to bother me. I didn’t give it much thought before, but it’s like my eyes opened. I was really planning to marry this babe, and I wasn’t sure what her thoughts were about money, especially as a couple.
The whole thing struck me as Lola likely being someone who would want to keep her money to herself and expect you to handle every expense. It’s a red flag, to be honest.
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So, you both didn’t have money conversations before getting engaged?
Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t call what we used to do conversations. It was just me gisting her about gigs I got, both of us complaining about the economy, and maybe some ranting about black tax expectations from our siblings.
But for us together, as a couple, we keep our finances separate. Since this incident happened a few weeks ago, I’ve been deliberately getting us to talk about what our financial dynamic would be in marriage. So far, we’ve sort of agreed that we’ll run a “the man pays the bills, and the wife supports sometimes” system.
However, I’m not sure if that counts as progress because Lola’s still not transparent about her finances. I recently brought it up, but she doesn’t seem very open. She sees it as me wanting her to tell me every kobo she makes, and she considers that controlling. I think we still have a way to go to be on the same page, but I think we’ll get there. At least, I hope so.
What if you don’t?
Ah. I don’t want to think about that. It won’t be good, and I can’t imagine having to rethink our marriage plans. Because I don’t think it’d be wise to start a marriage with a “what’s mine is mine, don’t ask me” mentality.
Speaking of, what’s the plan to fund the wedding?
I have a wedding fund which I’ve been topping up with at least ₦30k every month for about three years. It’s currently close to ₦2m. That’s not enough for a wedding, but I’m sure my parents and elder siblings will step in when it’s time.
Do you have another safety net besides this wedding fund?
Oh yes. I save ₦50k – ₦100k monthly in an investment app. I currently have ₦1.6m there.
What does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?
There’s no strict budget to it. Whenever we can, we like to go on dates and visit new recreation spots in Lagos. I typically budget ₦80k – ₦120k for those dates. Sometimes, it’s more, but it’s not all the time. Also, it’s typically just once a month.
Gifts are usually for special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. For her birthday, I gave her ₦500k to swap her phone because the one she was using had packed up. For my birthday, she got me a two-piece set and a pair of footwear.
What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?
One where we can afford international trips at least once a year without having to think too much about it. I’ve been dreaming of having our honeymoon on some Island somewhere, but I can’t afford that. Unless maybe a miracle happens before 2027.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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