The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
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How long have you been with your partner?
Leke and I have been together for five years, and married for one.
How did you meet?
We’ve been best friends since secondary school. You know those kinds of friends everyone tells to be a couple, but they keep shouting, “We’re just friends”? We were like that for years until we woke up one day in 2020 and realised we were meant for each other.
I’m very curious about how the switch happened
It was actually a gradual process. If I’m being honest, my feelings had started going beyond friendship as far back as 2018, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I couldn’t act on it. I couldn’t risk entertaining those feelings if Leke didn’t feel the same way.
I later realised Leke had felt the same way even longer, but he kept quiet because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Then lockdown happened, and everyone thought the world was ending. Two close friends and a family member died from COVID-19. Leke said, “Well, we’re going to die anyway, but before that happens, I have something to tell you.”
I was just like, “You this big head, I feel the same.”
Romcom writers are shaking right now
Haha. We didn’t live happily ever after. Transitioning from friends to lovers was tough, and we argued a lot. Suddenly, things we didn’t mind became big deals because the dynamic had changed. We even broke up two months into the relationship because we just couldn’t find a common ground. But love won, and we got back together three days later.
What were these disagreements about?
They were mostly small issues like not calling as often as the other person liked or stubbornly refusing to see the other person’s perspective.
One of our major fights happened around my NYSC call-up in 2021. I wanted to pay a sure plug ₦120k to work my posting to Lagos, but Leke thought it was a waste of money and discouraged me. I didn’t understand his problem with it because he wasn’t even the one paying, plus I was doing it because I didn’t want us to live in different cities for a year.
The whole issue deteriorated, and I thought he wanted me far away because he wanted to chase other girls. It was such a funny issue, but we fought about it for days. In the end, Leke’s uncle helped me with the NYSC matter, and I got posted to Lagos without paying anything.
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What was your and Leke’s financial situation at the time?
It wasn’t great in those early days. Leke graduated from uni a year before me and was working as a designer at an ad agency. I can’t remember his salary, but it was less than ₦100k. He mostly survived on side gigs and freelance projects.
My own salary was the ₦33k allawee from NYSC. I also sold thrift clothes and shoes on Instagram between 2021 and 2023, but I’m really terrible with money and never kept track of my profit. I even had some stints of corporate employment during that time, but my salary often went back into my business.
There was no clear demarcation between what I made from the business and any other money that entered my hands. I just knew I was selling and making extra money to buy stuff for myself.
When I got broke, I ran to Leke for help, and he loaned me money. Sometimes, I paid him back. Other times, which was most of the time, I paid him back “in kind.” There was always some form of repayment.
It’s giving 419. Did he ever complain about having to rescue you with money, though?
He jokingly complained sometimes, but he just learnt to accept me as I am. Money hardly causes issues because he had realised I didn’t have the best relationship with money since we were just friends.
I’m very easygoing, and unfortunately, this extends to how I deal with money. If I have money, I don’t mind spending it on both important and unimportant things. I love to get things for myself, have a nice time, and treat people well.
Money is a tool for comfort, and I don’t like to overthink it. If I enter the market and see two drivers fighting because one bashed the other’s car, I can offer to foot the bill so that they stop fighting and causing traffic on the road.
Interesting
I can be frugal when I’m broke, but let money just enter my hand first and see the wonders I can do. I know it’s not great, and I’m working towards more intentionally tracking how I spend money.
While I work on that, I have Leke for balance. He’s been our financial manager since we got married. He tracks everything and makes the major financial decisions because, left to me, our money will fly away.
Speaking of marriage, how did you both handle wedding expenses?
We both contributed to the expenses. I landed a ₦370k/month job at a fintech company a few months before our wedding in 2024, and was able to handle a few expenses like my wedding dresses and makeup. Leke also had some savings, and our friends and parents pitched in. We spent at least ₦3m on the two wedding ceremonies.
How about your home’s expenses now that you’re married?
We both contributed initially. After the wedding, we had to move into a new two-bedroom apartment, which we set up from scratch. Leke paid the rent and agent fees (₦1.9m in total), while I paid ₦480k for the curtains and a single sofa.
By the way, we’re still setting up our apartment. Everything is so expensive, we must get things one at a time. The visitors’ room still doesn’t have a bed or a chair. Luckily, we received many kitchen appliances and electronics as wedding gifts, saving us some money.
Then, for daily living expenses like food and utility bills, we just paid for them as they came. Leke could give me ₦20k for food, and I could add ₦10k because I felt like eating snails.
However, I quit my job in February, so Leke has been handling all the expenses on his ₦770k/month income.
Why did you quit your job?
I hated my job and was severely depressed and burned out. It was so bad that I’d wake up in the mornings and start crying. I wanted to quit, but didn’t want to leave without a backup plan. Most importantly, I didn’t want to be a housewife who depended on her husband for money.
Ultimately, Leke begged me to quit because he feared I would break down. We sat down to discuss what I wanted to do with my professional life, and we decided it was best for me to take time to restrategise. I shared my fears about depending on him, and he said something that stuck with me: “If you can’t depend on me, who will you depend on? What am I here for?”
Right now, I’m pursuing a master’s degree and taking professional courses online to position myself for the career path I believe aligns with my passion. I’m grateful I have Leke’s full support, but I’ve given myself two years to figure things out. I don’t plan to be a housewife with no income for long. I need to make money, not just to support my home but to have some form of independence.
How does budgeting for dates and romance work in your relationship?
We don’t have a strict budget or plan around dates. Whenever we want to go out, we just talk about it.
We buy each other things randomly. Last week, I bought him a ₦3k pair of (imitation) Crocs because I didn’t like that he wore his palm slippers everywhere. Leke randomly orders food to surprise me, so I don’t have to cook.
We’ll probably reduce the frequency of these random purchases because we have a single income source now, and there are still school expenses to worry about. It makes sense to be more frugal.
Do you both have safety nets?
At this point, it’s already clear I’m not the best saver. Leke is the one who reminds me to keep money aside. I did have ₦120k in my savings after I quit my job, but that went into settling part of my school expenses. We’ve spent ₦700k so far on the school matter, and Leke paid most of it.
Leke also saves ₦200k monthly. Most of that goes into paying rent. I also know he saved some dollars in a savings app for emergencies. I’m unsure how much it is, but it’s less than $2k.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I just want us to be comfortable — the kind of comfort where we can afford to take two international trips annually without breaking a sweat.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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