The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
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How long have you been with your partner?
It’ll be one year in September.
How did you both meet?
Kitan and I have attended the same church since 2021 and were just friends until last year. He approached me one day in July and told me he liked me. He had prayed about his feelings and felt God’s leading to start a relationship with marriage in view.
Did that feel unexpected?
Somewhat. As a single church girl, I’ve learned over the years not to read meaning into any kind of attention from guys. I love my Christian brothers, but they’re always at the scene of the crime of raising ladies’ hopes. So, while I knew Kitan paid some attention to me, I didn’t think much of it until he came and opened his mouth.
I already really liked Kitan as a friend, but a relationship was different. I had to be sure. So, I took about two months to pray and check my own feelings before saying yes. Then we informed our pastor and have carried him along on our journey since.
It sounds like there was a lot of intentionality on both sides
Intentionality was one of the non-negotiable expectations Kitan and I discussed at the start of our relationship. We plan to get married someday — most likely next year — so we had to make sure we share similar values in specific areas and are intentional about growth.
We discussed things like how we settle arguments, when to involve third parties, our position on our in-laws living with us after marriage — everybody should stay in their house — the number of children and how we want to run our finances.
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Tell me more about the finances part
I know the usual approach to splitting bills is 50-50, but we intend to do 100-100. This means handling a particular bill is not one person’s job. We’ll be completely transparent with our incomes, and any of us can pay for what we need, depending on how much we have. This will be after setting aside 20% – 30% for savings.
We haven’t started this because we aren’t married and have no shared expenses yet. However, we have a joint savings system to save for our wedding and any future joint projects.
How does this joint savings system work?
We use a couple’s savings plan via a savings app and drop a percentage of our salaries monthly. We both have access to the app. I contribute 50% of my salary, and Kitan contributes 20%. When we get married, we’ll keep both percentages between 20% and 30% and keep aside for major projects.
I save a higher percentage because I earn more and have minimal responsibilities. My salary is around ₦1m, and Kitan earns ₦550k. I live with my parents and eat their food. Kitan lives alone and still has to pay his ₦1.2m rent. So, it makes sense that I have a higher capacity to save. Even before I started dating Kitan, I saved 50% monthly because there’s nothing I’m using all that money for every month.
We currently have almost ₦4m in that account, and the goal is to reach ₦15m by next year. We plan to use it to fund our wedding and buy a car, but who knows? God can bless us with a car before then, and we use the money for something else.
Have there been any challenges with this savings arrangement?
Kitan isn’t a natural saver, so I sometimes have to nudge him before he sends in his contribution. Sometimes, he complains about the economy and tries to skip a month, but I don’t let it happen. He’s even the one who set the 20% goal, so I’m just helping him reach his goals.
I believe saving is a muscle you train. If you don’t get used to it when the money is still “small”, it’ll be more difficult to stay disciplined when you’re making more and your responsibilities increase.
This savings matter has caused a few issues, especially when he implies I don’t understand because I don’t pay for anything. We always make up eventually, though. I can’t stay angry with him. I’m learning to lovingly (and firmly) hold him true to his savings commitment to reduce issues like that.
How do you both budget for dates and other romance stuff?
We see each other every week, but proper dates happen once a month, which Kitan pays for. He’s adamant about treating me to a good time, and who am I to refuse? We’re both adventure junkies so we constantly scour Lagos for indoor and outdoor recreational centres. A date usually costs around ₦50k – ₦70k.
We also randomly buy gifts for each other. I do that more, and I think Instagram’s algorithm targets me. Every time I scroll, I see something that would look good on Kitan. Just last week, I got him an adire hoodie for ₦35k.
Our anniversary is in September, and I’m already mentally preparing to go all out. I’m not sure what I’ll buy yet, but I pity my account balance in advance.
I’m screaming. Do you both have safety nets besides the joint savings?
I have ₦2m in my savings account from before Kitan and I got together. It’d have been more, but I had to take out ₦1.5m for a medical emergency last year. Kitan has a different ₦70k/month ajo contribution he does for rent.
It used to be ₦140k, but he reduced it because of our joint savings. He’ll probably have to take out of our joint savings to meet rent because the full ajo contribution is only ₦840k.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I just want us to be financially comfortable. There’s an occasional nagging fear that we have it so easy because we aren’t married yet. When we do, our cost of living will definitely increase, and I wouldn’t be able to rely on my parents anymore. But Kitan says we’ll be fine as long as we take things a day at a time and live within our means. I believe him.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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