Like many X users on Easter Monday, I woke up to the perpetual chaos that’s plagued the microblogging platform since Elon Musk took the reins. This time, a strange buzzword left me and millions of other users confused. The word? Stainless — a new coinage for “celibacy” common among Nigerian men who’ve relocated and find it hard to get laid. I was intrigued by the sheer number of people abroad who revealed that they now juggle between celibacy and self-pleasure.
I spent the next few days looking for subjects to share their experiences with forced celibacy. It was during my journo quest that I found Feranmi*.
As Told To Adeyinka
I relocated to Finland in mid-2023. It was a bittersweet move because, on the one hand, I was excited to finally escape Nigeria, but on the other hand, I was leaving everything I’d known in all my 27 years. This was scary for me. I remember my mum saying, “Will you kuku stay back?” Everyone who knows me knows I struggle to make friends or form new relationships, so a recurring question in my head was, “How will I survive?”
To make matters worse, my girlfriend said we should call it quits because she couldn’t do long distance. I tried to get her to visit for one last memorable time together before I travelled, but she didn’t come.
When I arrived in Finland, it was just like I feared. I stayed with my cousin, and in the first few weeks, he was on leave. He resumed work the second week, and that was when the loneliness kicked in. At first, I felt I could handle it because I could go days all alone at home in Nigeria. I was so wrong. There’s something different about the loneliness here. It’s that feeling of knowing you won’t get random visitors, spot someone you know or just have the assurance of familiar strangers in your street.
Get your tickets here for a day of fun, networking and partayyyyy
I soon started to get mad horny, which was strange because I wasn’t even thinking of sex. I mean, I’d broken up, was in a new country… I’d accepted it would take a while to get laid. But I kept getting awkward erections. Since I couldn’t put the feelings off, the easiest thing to do was wank. And the thing is, I wasn’t much of a wanker in Nigeria. I had my girlfriend, and our sex life was good.
Here? I’ve beaten my meat to submission, and it doesn’t excite me anymore.
I haven’t even tried to put myself out there because where will I start? I don’t have a job yet, so I hardly meet anyone besides neighbours, shop attendants and passersby. Most of the folks around here speak Finnish and have a strong “Minding my business” aura.
The other day, I sent a DM to a Finnish lady on IG who I followed before I left Nigeria. She responded in Finnish. I had to translate on Google to respond, which made our chat stressful. We still text, but we’ve never made it past pleasantries and “Miten loydat suomen? (“How do you find Finland?”)
My cousin also doesn’t help matters. He’s about ten years older, and we have a good relationship but not one where we freely talk about girls or relationships. He’s married and still trying to bring his wife and child over from Nigeria, so I can’t be talking about my need for sex with him.
I’ve accepted my fate. But I recently joined this Nigerian Twitter community for people in Finland, and I’m hopeful. Although I’ve heard it’s not easy to date a Naija babe here if you’re still hustling, I know they must also have intimate needs. It just takes finding the right person and letting them know you’re in it for real.
These days, I don’t bother to wank because it’s gotten boring. But I never thought about it as going “Stainless” until I saw the Twitter convo. I guess that’s what it is. The last time I wanked was in January.
Read next: 8 Alternatives to Wanking That’ll Give You Your Orgasm As a Man
