When you get over your ex

It’s been years already. How do you expect God to listen to you if you haven’t moved on from the ex that showed you pepper? You’re not ready yet.

When you stop being a couch potato

Leave the house so love can finally find you. Your soulmate is on the streets, not in your kitchen.

When you stop using “am” instead of “I’m”

Learn the difference and stop putting your crush off with watery English. It’s not a good look, you know.

When you stop fighting on social media

You’re always starting arguments and getting dragged on social media. God can’t let you drag any son or daughter of his into that mess, please.

When you stop splitting the bill on dates

You keep asking people out on dates and making them pay for half of it, and you still think the problem is that God isn’t listening to you? You’re the problem, my dear.

When sapa stops being your middle name

You’re broke, and you want to find love. God is doing you a favour by making you wait. Find money first.

When you stop ghosting all the people in your DMs

What if God answered your prayers since, but you’ve just been looking in the wrong places? You need to maximise every opportunity to find love because heaven only helps those who help themselves.

When you start paying attention to your friendzone

You’ve probably met your future spouse, but you’ve kept them in your friendzone because you want to avoid distractions. If we hear “God, when?” from you one more time, we’ll fight you.

NEXT READ: Zikoko’s 7 Rules For Engaging With Your Twitter Crush

What do you think of our website’s new look? It’ll only take a minute to fill this form and let us know.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.