30 Things To Expect If Your Bae’s Mother Is Yoruba

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March 9, 2016
Nigerian mothers are epic, but Yoruba mothers even more so. We found this thread that Wale Lawal shared a while ago about the various things to expect if your boyfriend or girlfriend has a Yoruba mother. And we’re sure you can relate to some, if not all of them.

1. She has the all seeing eye.

2. She’s the best cook in the world. Argue with your ancestors.

2) My mother cannot cook but she can cook better than you. Yes, I know you’re a certified gourmet chef. My mother gave you the certificate.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

3. Your family’s social status will be in question.

3) “Who is her father?” is what will come immediately after I mention your name. You might be right there, standing beside me even.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

4. The wedding has nothing to do with both of you and everything to do with only her.

4) Rookie mistake babe. It’s not our wedding. If we’re both Yoruba, it’s our mothers’ wedding. Bride and Bride. Fathers not involved.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

5. For her, prayer is the major master key to everything.

5) Aspiring Yoruba Mothers, the job is not easy. Prayer is next to breathing. Prayer is punctuation. The moment you feel it, pray.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

6. She knows how to give the epic side eye.

6) Aspiring Yoruba Mothers, to qualify for your degree, you must take the compulsory course YM112: The Side Eye as Disciplinary Action.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

7. And it’s useful for situations such as this.

7) The Side Eye will come in handy when your son/daughter brings home a useless woman/useless man.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

8. She asks the right questions.

8) Yoruba Mothers know how to ask the right questions.

“Yes, he dropped out of school but Mummy, I love him.” “What is love?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

9. She believes that your bae wants to kill her.

9) To be a Yoruba Mother is to be sure that your children, who love you, whom you love deeply, are trying their best to kill you.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

10. And she will remind bae that he or she can’t kill her.

10) Aspiring Yoruba Mothers, when Kehinde bruises himself, or brings home a rada-rada girl, you must remind him that he can’t kill you.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

11. She will let you know that money is important.

11) “But Mummy it’s not about the size of the ring, I love him.”

“This shoelace is a ring?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

12. You can even be a Yoruba mother.

12) A Yoruba Mother is also a state of mind. When you forgot the Cosine Rule in that Maths exam and prayed on your pen: Yoruba Mother.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

13. Cane solves all childish behaviour.

13) A Yoruba Mother brings a cane to school whenever it’s Open Day or Report Card Day, because that’s what her Yoruba child needs!

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

14. And she will find anything around that will work as a whip.

14) If she forgot her cane at home, a Yoruba Mother is not proud. She will ask if she can break a branch off a nearby tree in the school.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

15. Nothing stops her from dealing with a naughty child – anywhere.

15) “I’m not embarrassing my son in front of his friends. I’m saving him. Those are not friends, they are a useless foolish bad gang.”- YM.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

16. She says it as it is.

16) A Yoruba Mother is probably your only source of truth.

“Jumoke, do you have any friends? You are getting fat and ugly.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

17. She will snitch on you, then console you later.

17) One time my Yoruba Mother reported me to my dad. I got caned. Later, she hugged me and told me I deserved it for being a bad boy.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

18. You must be overqualified to be able to date her child.

18) You may not have standards, but your Yoruba Mother needs to see a CV, reference letter and transcript before that man can date you.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

19. If she takes off her gele, you’re finished.

19) Do. Not. Let. A. Yoruba. Mother. Take off. Her. Gele. Because. Of. You. Please.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

20. She doesn’t settle disputes.

20) If Timi and Jide are fighting and Timi reports Jide to you, your responsibility as a Yoruba Mother is to see them fight to the finish.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

21. She’s good for confiding in.

21) A Yoruba Mother is a natural confidant.

“Mummy, I think Tunde is cheating on me.” “Why won’t he cheat when all you do is eat?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

22. She’s a good listener.

22) A Yoruba Mother listens.

“Mummy can I have -“ “Shut up, there is rice at home.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

23. She knows how to gist.

23) Yoruba Mothers have THE BEST gist (gossip). Please, aspiring Yoruba Mothers, you have to know how to gist. Not everyday twitter-fight.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

24. Let her not hear your complaints.

24) I don’t think Yoruba Mothers are petty but if you complain about the salt in the jollof rice, please be prepared to cook for yourself.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

25. She’s always right.

25) A Yoruba Mother is always right.

“Mummy, there are 8 planets in our solar system now, not 9.” “Upon all you came in last last term?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

26. Do not try to surprise her.

26) A Yoruba Mother does not like surprises.

“Mummy, we’re planning a destination wedding!” “And you’re just telling me? There is Skype.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

27. She can throw shade.

27) Can’t really say a Yoruba Mother revels in I-told-you-sos.

“Mummy, you were right, he was a fraud.” “Good for you. Good and sweet.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

28. Her bargain skills are out of this world.

28) A Yoruba Mother is conscious of the nation’s economy.

“Mummy, the cake is N250,000.” “Ok, we’ll pay N50,000 because of the economy.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

29. Her holy grail is Africa Magic.

29) A Yoruba Mother and the DSTV channel AfMag Yoruba are two peas in a pod. I dare you to change the channel. Just try it.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

30. She can order anybody around, whether they’re her child or not.

30 continued) And the YM may not even be your mother. She may just spot you in the airport and decide you must help with her luggage.

— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014 [zkk_poll post=22849 poll=content_block_standard_format_31]
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