There are some important tips to keep in mind when you find yourself down bad and need to do number two in public toilets. These guys were super late to the party but we know they’ve learnt their lessons.

Nigerians Share Their Public Toilet Horror Stories

Dewunmi, 34

This happened at a public toilet around Ikeja along. I’d stalled from using the toilet at the office, hoping I’d manage till I get home. Bro, I was at the bus stop. I don’t know if it was the bus fumes or how rough it was but I got pressed and it was the type I couldn’t hold. Luckily, I found a public toilet a couple of buildings away, where  they charged N200 for number two.  The toilet  was a nightmare. It was dark, the last person didn’t flush properly, and the entire floor was swamped with water and urine. I tried to hold it in and run back but I was down bad.

To make matters worse, my trousers fell on the messed-up floor with the dirty water. Had to manage and wear it like that as I stepped out. I’m sure I smelt like shit through the bus ride home and it didn’t help that flies were buzzing around my trousers.

Debola, 31

I was working at Multichoice when I had this horrible experience. I’d missed the staff bus to Ilupeju earlier that day because I was purging. So, I summoned the courage to get on a public bus to Ogba and that was when the rumbling started in my stomach. I managed to squeeze it in till I got to the last bus stop and didn’t even bother to collect my change from the conductor. Everyone at Ogba knew I was pressed that day because I was restless. Eventually, someone took me to a public toilet and these area boys were there; smoking heavily but I didn’t bother. I just wanted to get to the toilet.

The toilet was  was so tiny, in a terrible state and with a stench that choked me. It was hard to use the WC, so I pulled out a DSTV pamphlet from my bag, spread it on the floor and did my thing. I folded it and threw it in the WC when I finished. I also realized that there was no water to clean up so I had to use my pant to clean up, and then I threw it in my bag. I jumped on a bike to work when I got out, and headed straight to the toilet when I got to work. I took a bath in the office toilet, stayed till I got dry and before I came out to start my day.

Hammed, 28

Definitely has to be the one at Oniru. I’d just gotten to the beach that day and I felt this terrible stomach pain. Next thing I was seriously pressed and had to find a toilet . It was a festive day so there was this crazy queue in front of the toilets. I had to join the queue and wait my turn, which was actually a very embarrassing thing to do. I just dey think am that day say shit no get shame o. 

Dimeji, 32

I used to say nothing would ever make me use a public toilet in my life, until one day. I’d taken a herbal drink that really got me messed up. I thought I could hold it in but I was fighting a losing battle, so I had to find somewhere to use. I joined a queue, and when it got to my turn, I noticed the guy that left before me refused to flush. I made sure I confronted him before he left. This guy brought out a pocket knife and threatened to stab me. We got into a scuffle and my phone fell into the WC while we were struggling. I was so pissed, I retrieved my soiled phone and ended up not using the toilet. Thank God I drove because I was stinking.

James, 29

It was 2015 and we were at the NYSC camp in Abia state. A close pal had just finished a plate of noodles from mammy market and needed to do number 2. We had just a few minutes before reporting to the parade ground but he couldn’t hold it. So he went to one of these paid toilets at the mammy market. My guy was charged N300 to use the toilet but he got in and nothing was coming out. Seeing as he didn’t defecate, he came out and requested a refund but the manager refused. The manager said my guy could go in and try again. We still tease him about paying for an excursion to the toilet in mammy market.



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