Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
For many years, Cooking Gas has been one of the most trusted and dependable workers in the average Nigerian home, but while it almost always gets the job done — cooking our meals to perfection — it also seems to have a slightly vindictive streak.
Many Nigerians across the country have noticed that Cooking Gas always waits for the worst time to finish: Sunday mornings. So, we decided to sit down with Mr. Gas to ask if this is an intentional ploy to frustrate or merely a series of stressful coincidences.
Zikoko: Hello. It’s great to have you here.
Cooking Gas: Thank you so much for having me. It’s great to be here. This might sound hard to believe, but this is the first major interview I’ve ever done. I was shocked when my manager told me.
Really? But you’re such a vital part of our lives.
Yeah. I think it’s just a very bad case of ‘see finish’. People rarely pay me any attention, until it’s time for a refill. Before then, I’m usually just stuck in a dusty cylinder at the corner of the house.
Damn. Before we get into it, how has this pandemic affected you?
It’s been so hectic. Everyone is shouting “work from home”, but my work has always been from home. So, the cooking has been non-stop. I rarely get a moment to rest, and still, no one has said a simple “Thank you”.
How does that make you feel?
It hurts, but the disrespect is not new to me. It’s actually why I decided to start finishing on Sundays. It’s the only time I feel in control. After being under-appreciated for months, it’s my way to get a little payback.
Oh wow. And you never give a little warning?
It wouldn’t really count as payback if it was expected, would it? There are even times I almost finish on a random weekday, but I hold it out. Boil a few pots of rice until Sunday reaches. Then I bounce.
Yup. I actually love to do it right in the middle of cooking a meal. That one tends to pain them a lot more. It’s always funny to see them scrambling to refill me, so they can finish cooking their soggy pot of beans.
What if they decide to use an electric cooker?
Lmao. An electric cooker? With which light? They should use it na. I’ll be here waiting for the reality of Nigeria to slap them across the face. Then I’ll still punish them by finishing a few Sundays earlier.
Ouch. Before we go, is there anything you’d like to tell your users?
Clean my cylinder more, it’s my home, and say thank you when you’re done cooking every meal. If I see that happening across the country, then maybe, I’ll rethink my timetable.
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