How To Protect Yourself Against Village People

November 23, 2020

Old Nollywood was very obsessed with “village people” in the 90s and early 2000s, but as it turns out, they were on to something. Isn’t movies a reflection of reality? I know you know a few things about what village people do and how they operate, do you know how to protect yourself against them?

Thank your stars that you came across this post because it contains actionable steps that have been put to the test and proven to be effective. You won’t find this anywhere else. Again, thank your stars. 

Now, let’s begin.

1. Only sleep with red or black blankets

See, the first step to winning this eternal fight against your village people is to learn how to confuse them. They like red and black colours, so why don’t you use that to your advantage? Wrap yourself in red or black blankets before you sleep. If you can manage it, also light candles of the same colours in your bedroom. 

This is how this will work for you — every time they send whatever they have planned for you, the thing will get confused because of the colours, think you’re an ally and turn back. The best part? Your village won’t even know that their mission failed. They don’t get delivery reports.

I know red and black isn’t great for bedroom aesthetics, but na who dey alive dey do interior designer. 

2. Don’t be a glutton in your dreams

This one is tricky because you can’t control what you do in your dreams. Your village people know this too, that’s why they like to get to you this way. 

If they send food to you in your sleep and you eat a portion out of it, don’t be a glutton and continue eating. Wake up immediately. Now, you have a very short window to turn the situation around. You need to get whatever you ate out of your system. Stick a finger into your throat and hope gag reflex does the rest. 

3. Cover your ears when an invisible voice calls you 

I know science will have an explanation for this, but what I’m about to tell you is the real deal. Think about it, your village people are old as science itself. So, what do you do when you hear someone calling your name but no one is there? Simple: you react immediately and stick two fingers into your ears.

More like if you hear that voice three times.

Stay like that until you’re sure the threat is over. You won’t find this tip anywhere else. Jazz up!

4. Visit your village in select months during the year

Going to your village is almost like you’re announcing yourself and showing off, and they don’t like that.

Avoid the place altogether, but if you have to go, plan your visits around March, June, and September. Those are the three safest months. They don’t expect any of the village’s illustrious children around that time

However, don’t get comfortable; get out as soon as you can. Those goats, hens, cats, dogs and birds you see have a job to do. In fact, everything you see reports to only one set of people. Get out as soon as you can. A word, they say, is enough for the wise. 

Recommended reading:

10 Solid Proof That Your Village People Are After You

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