How To Pick Money From The Floor Without Turning To Yam

September 3, 2020

Have you been wondering about how you can pick money from the floor without turning to yam? Well, worry no more. This is how you should go about it:

1. Shadow the environment.

This is to know if the real owners of the money are not hiding somewhere waiting to grab whoever picks the money. The heart of man is desperately wicked, shebi you know.

2. Remove your blokos and piss on the money.

There is power in urine that can neutralize juju. This step one will be hard if you are a woman. But if it’s in a closed area, baby gyal, raise ya skirt and wet that cash. Who shame epp?

3. You can also spit on it.

This one is when the money is dropped in an area where you cannot remove your blokos or bend low to spray it. If one way does not work, another one will. That’s what I have learned in this life.

4. Don’t forget to call the “Blood of Jesus”.

This one is more necessary than the urine and spitting. Jesus will probably not answer a thief like you who wants to reap where you did not sow, but you can try first. Mercy prevaileth over judgement.

5. Step on it and grind it into the ground.

Act like you’re killing a cockroach. Just grind it and grind it. If people look at you one kind, pretend you’re about to dance shoki or gwara gwara and you are getting your leg in motion. They will leave you alone.

6. Now go low, go lower, go lower again and pick up the money quickly.

Or you can drop your phone and bend down so it can look like you’re not actually picking what is not your own.

7. Enter the nearest shop and buy something with it.

That way, you have successfully spread the cash around. Even if you will eventually turn to yam in the middle of the night, it will not be only you. The shop owner will become a tuber, and everybody who ate from the thing you bought will become tubers too.

The shop owner.
You, the ring leader.

Sha, I hope the owner of the money pounds you and eats you with proper soup. The next time you come to life, you will look away when you see people’s money on the floor.


11 Quizzes That’ll Separate The Ajepakos From The Ajebutters

Are you an ajepako or an ajebutter? Take these quizzes.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 29, 2020

While you were off sleeping when your mates were out painting the town red, contestants of reality TV show MTN Y’ello Star were turning up the volume at the craziest party. Sponsored by Music Time, the party featured celebrity DJ Kaywise and tons of fun. Here are our favourite moments from the party. 1. The […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

December 6, 2022

The Nigerian Voter is a series that seeks to understand the motivations that drive the voting decisions of Nigerians — why they vote, how they choose their candidates, why some have never voted, and their wildest stories around elections. This week’s subject of The Nigerian Voter is Umar, a tech freelancer in his early twenties […]

December 6, 2022

The Socio-Economic Rights and Accountability Project (SERAP) has a track record of suing Buhari every three market days. The organisation has dragged the president to court over the embezzlement of ₦1.4 trillion meant for oil refineries, and for his failure to publish the repatriation details of Abacha’s $23 million loot, amongst others. The list of […]

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X