There are only a few things that hurt as much as seeing your team lose an important match. Aside from the pain of losing the game, the banter on Twitter will crush you further. As a lifelong Arsenal fan, I have tasted all forms of football humiliation you can think of, so I’m in a good position to tell you how to cope in these trying times. For your mental health, here is what to do after your team takes a giant L.
1. Delete Twitter
Just log out fam. The streets on Twitter are mean. Even if you unfollow all the sports pages on Twitter, one oloriburuku will retweet something that will hurt your feelings.
2. Avoid all football-related news and websites
For the next few days, avoid Bleacher Reports and Sky Sports news. Goal.com already has a screaming headline about how disgraceful your team’s performance was. Please, save yourself the mental breakdown.
3. Blame the government
We understand that you’re human and you need to let off steam somehow. Channel all the rage you feel after a stinging defeat to going online and challenging your leaders to do better. It will also be a good time to remember #EndSARS.
4. Remember there’s more to life than football
Console yourself about how there’s more to life than football. You’re attractive, you have a partner and you have a job, unlike the people currently shamelessly trolling your club on social media. Even if you don’t have any of these things, focus on nature — see how the sun shines brilliantly on your neighbour’s roof and how the breeze whispers in your ears. Isn’t it amazing?.
5. Remind yourself that your friends are good people
Your friends will surely relish the opportunity to rub it in. When they start bantering you, take a slow, deep breath and tell yourself: “It’s nothing serious. It’s just football. I know Okoro is my friend, and we’ve been friends for a long time and he loves me. It’s just football. It’s just football. He’s just teasing me. He loves me. There are more important things in this life.”
Repeat this till you believe it.
6. Do yoga
Yes o. In order to achieve inner peace, take meditation seriously, especially on the very morning after your team has taken a big L. Arsenal and Manchester United fans may not need this anyway since they’re psychologically adjusted to disappointments every weekend.
7. Focus on work
Channel all the heartbreak you feel into your work. Use the force of all that negative energy to shatter your KPIs. Footballers are going to get paid so why not just focus on your own work too?
Do all these things for one week and the whole world would have moved on by the time you’re back.