10 Trusted Ways to Ensure Your Salary Lasts Till Next Month

January 28, 2022

It’s officially salary week. After waiting for January to hurry its ass up, we can finally see the finish line and we’re sure most of you have gotten the long-awaited credit alert. While you may be tempted to blow all this money on or before February 14, we’d like to remind you that sapa is still real and it’s always on the prowl . To avoid stories that touch, we listed a couple of preventive measures you can take to safeguard your salary until next month. 

1. Withdraw everything and bury it in the ground 

Out of sight, out of mind. The reason you keep spending your money like your father is Otedola is because you can see it in your account every day. If you want your money to last till next month, withdraw everything from your account, pick a random plot of land and bury it there. Make sure you don’t mark the spot. Every time you feel like going back, remember you have to dig up the whole plot of land before you find it. But don’t call us if someone else finds your money sha; all monies buried at owner’s risk. 

2. Take it to Shiloh so they can double it

Remember when we told you to take your account number to Shiloh? Well, the eagle has landed. But we’ll need you to go back with the money so they can run you another miracle. Hold on to the hem of your pastor’s garment and don’t let go until they at least 2x your salary. If you have coconut head, they might quadruple it. Amen? 

3. Give your mother to keep it for you

If you think about it, she’s been saving money for you since you were a child. Have you ever seen the money? No. But every time someone gave you money growing up, she collected it and told you she’s “keeping” it for you. Who knows, maybe when she finally gives you all that money, you can buy a house in Banana Island. 

4. Delete all your social media apps and run 

If you’re smart, this should be a no-brainer. One of the reasons your salary doesn’t last is because you’re always buying unnecessary shit from Instagram vendors and going to the fancy restaurants you see on people’s stories. To dodge the trap of incoming poverty, delete all the social media apps on your phone. The only social media app you should have is LinkedIn, plus calendar, clock and calculator to keep track of all your expenses. 

5. Break up with your partner and avoid relationships

You want to save money but you’re out here doing love and spending money on dates? You must be a joker. In fact, look for a red marker and start painting your face like a clown. One of the easiest ways to save your money is by avoiding relationships like coronavirus 3.0. If anyone tells you, “Hi,” tell them to go and greet their daddy because you’re not doing. Stay focused. 

6. Buy a bag of garri and drink it every day for 30 days

Someone in the Bible fasted for 40 days and 40 nights; surely you can survive on soaking garri for only four weeks. Think of the greater good here: suffering builds character. 

7. Find the person that multiplied his salary 23x 

We still feel like this story has long legs. But then again, maybe we’re just jealous because we can’t even manage to double our salaries. If you can find him and learn from him, then good for you. If his method works, dear, please don’t be selfish, send us a DM so we can jot one or two fings down.

8. Avoid broke people 

Please and please, shey you know that broke people can’t help each other? How do we know you’re broke? My dear, you’re reading this post. If any of your broke friends asks you to come out, reject their offer with vim because you’ll end up spending money you don’t have. To make sure you don’t go broke before next month, we’ll advise that you only roll with the rich. But don’t be doing anyhow o, be a classy parasite. 

9. Tell your family members you’re dead 

It’s crazy how certain family members can smell your salary all the way from the village. It’s almost like they’re in the same WhatsApp group with your boss. The money lands like this and the next thing, one uncle that bathed you when you were three years old is calling you to help a cousin you didn’t even know existed. Best solution? Fake your death. Make a Facebook post and WhatsApp broadcast that you’ve passed away. They don’t have Instagram or Twitter, so you’ll be fine. 

10. Sit at home 

People who sit at home save more. It’s simple mathematics. If you stay home and eat the garri we asked you to buy, you’ll be fighting with Dangote over who’s richer in like two years. We know what we’re saying. 

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

June 1, 2021

Pride month is gay Christmas that lasts longer than regular Christmas. This pride, here are few tips on how to be a better friend and ally to your queer friend. 1. Send them money Times are tuff, sapa left and right. What better way to support your queer friend?  Empty your bank account dear, especially […]

May 7, 2020

Very few people are as dramatic as Nigerian mothers. From blaming every issue on your phone to acting like you want to kill at her every turn, Nigerian mothers are super extra. Here are 12 instances every Nigerian child will relate to: 1. When you try to block a slap and she acts like you […]

July 26, 2019

As a student, N1,000 might mean nothing to you. Well, let us shock you. Here are 5 amazing things you can do with N1,000.   SEE A MOVIE Yeah that’s right. With N1,000, you can go to a cinema (On the Mainland Oh!) and see a movie to make your day. However, it is advisable to […]


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

More from Inside Life

May 20, 2022

Nobody will pass off a chance to win an all-expense-paid trip to KENYA with the winner of Nigerian Idol Season 7. So if you are still thinking, dreaming, waiting, or thinking you have enough time, then you are wasting time because this promo is ending on the 7th of June. Do we have your attention? Here’s […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.