Moving changes more than your location. It changes who you are when no one’s watching. For a lot of young Nigerians, new cities and countries have meant new rules around love, sex, and connection. Suddenly, the things that once felt certain, like what commitment looks like, how often you text back, or who you share your bed with, start to shift.
Between NYSC postings in unfamiliar towns, work trips that stretch into months, and Japa dreams that land people in completely new worlds, this generation is learning that distance doesn’t just test relationships, but transforms them.
We spoke to four Nigerians about how being constantly on the move has reshaped their idea of intimacy, from freedom and exploration to loneliness and recklessness, and everything that happens in between.
Mirabel*, 28, UK (Relocated 8 months ago)
How has moving abroad affected your dating life?
It’s been a slight shock. I thought I’d meet someone quickly, but dating here is so different from Nigeria. People are more casual about sex but also more intentional about relationships, if that makes sense. Back home, everyone is trying to marry you after three dates. Here, you can date someone for months on end, and they still don’t want labels.
Is this something that you’ve adapted to?
I’ve had to. I’ve gone on dates with a few guys, and I’ve had sex with two of them. One was Nigerian, and that felt familiar. The other was British, and that was a culture shock for me. He was very open about contraception, asking me what I was on, and showing me his test results. It was awkward at first, but I appreciated it.
How do you handle contraception?
I got an IUD three months after I moved here. Best decision ever. I don’t have to worry about taking pills, and I’m protected for five years. Condoms are still a must for STIs, but at least I’m not paranoid about getting pregnant.
Do you think you’d go back to how things were if you moved back to Nigeria?
First of all, there’s no reality in which I’d move back to Nigeria. But if something were to happen and I come visiting for an extended period of time, I would definitely not.
Living abroad has opened my eyes to how we don’t talk enough about sexual health in Nigeria. Everything is hush-hush, and people are out there having unprotected sex because they’re too embarrassed to have real conversations. I don’t want to go back to that, thank you.
Dabira*, 25, Lagos/Delta
So, you’re in a long distance relationship?
Not exactly. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, but I got posted to Delta for NYSC, and he’s still in Lagos. We thought it would be easy, since it’s just one year, but omo, this thing is testing us (or maybe, it’s just me).
The first two months, I was faithful and committed. I would call him every night like a good girlfriend. Then I met someone at my PPA. It was nothing serious at first, just vibes. But one thing led to another.
You cheated?
I wouldn’t even call it cheating because it felt like I was living a completely different life in Delta. Like Lagos Dabira and Delta Dabira were two different people. The guy knew I had a boyfriend, and he wasn’t trying to be anything serious either. This was rather convenient for me. We would often hook up after work, and I didn’t have to explain my day or deal with relationship stress.
What about protection?
That’s where I messed up. The first time, we used a condom, but after that, we got careless. I was on the pill, but I’d forget to take it sometimes because my routine was all over the place. I was waking up at different times, doing different things. One day, I’m at the LGA office, the next day I’m at some community project. Eventually, I just stopped taking it consistently, and we were relying on just condoms. Thank God nothing happened, but looking back, I was so reckless.
Does your boyfriend know?
No, and I don’t think I’ll tell him. I will complete my NYSC in three months, and I’ll go back to Lagos. What happened in Delta stays in Delta, abeg.
Is it right? Probably not. But NYSC changes you. You’re in a new place, meeting new people, having new experiences. It’s like your regular life is on pause.
Also Read: 4 Nigerian Women on Unlearning Everything Religion Taught Them About Sex
Tayo*, 27 (Currently in Lagos)
You travel a lot because of your job. How does that affect your dating life?
Honestly? I’ve given up on serious relationships. I’m currently in Lagos. I was in Ilorin last month, before that I was in Ogun for two months. How can I build something solid when I’m never in one place? I just do situationships. I meet someone, we chill for however long I’m around, and when I leave, we stay friends at best. No pressure, no expectations.
That sounds emotionally exhausting.
It can be, but it’s also freeing. I don’t have to worry about someone waiting for me or feel guilty that I’m not giving them enough time. Most of the women that I meet are usually cool with it because they can see I’m not staying long-term. We have fun, have sex, and move on.
How do you handle contraception with multiple partners?
I always use condoms. Always. No exceptions. I can’t have anyone calling me ‘dad’ at this point in my life, especially because I’m never in any one place for more than a few months.
I also get tested every three months without fail. It’s non-negotiable for me because I’m well aware of the risks. Some of the women I’ve been with have been on birth control, but I never assume. I protect myself regardless. I know I run a strict regime, but it’s necessary in this economy.
Do you ever want something more stable?
Sometimes, I do. When I see my friends getting married or when I look at my sister and her family, I feel like I might be missing out on something really nice. Then, I think of being tied down to one city, one routine, and I can’t quite imagine it. Maybe when I’m older and tired of moving around. But for now? This works for me.
Tamilore*, 24, Abuja
You moved to Abuja six months ago. How has that changed your approach to relationships?
Before I moved, I was very conservative about sex. I had one boyfriend in university, and we dated for two years before we even had sex. But when I got to Abuja, everything felt different. I didn’t know anyone, I was lonely, and I just wanted to feel something. So I started using dating apps, which I never did in Ibadan.
And how did that go for you?
Wild. I met a lot of guys in the first three months, and I had more sex than I’d ever had in my entire life. Some were great, some were terrible, but it was all new to me. I felt like I was catching up on experiences that I’d missed.
Were you being safe?
Not really. I was on the pill, so I thought I was covered. But condoms? I only used them maybe half the time. The guys would say that they were clean or they’d just gotten tested, and I’d believe them because I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t trust them. Stupid, I know. I eventually got chlamydia from one guy, and that was my wake-up call. Now, I don’t play with condoms at all.
Do you think relocating made you more reckless?
Definitely. When you’re in a new city and nobody knows you, you feel like you can be whoever you want. There’s no family watching you and no church members judging you. It’s freedom, but it can also make you do things you wouldn’t normally do.
If there’s anything these stories show us, it’s that mobility and sex are more connected than most people want to admit. When you’re constantly moving, whether for NYSC, work, or for a fresh start, your approach to relationships and sex changes.
Sometimes, you realise that you’ve been carrying shame that doesn’t even belong to you. Sometimes, you get honest with yourself. Sometimes, you get reckless.
Next Read: The Tech Industry Is Not Just For Coders – Here’s Your Complete Guide to Pivoting
