I asked my co-workers for a recommendation for today’s So You Don’t Have To, and the lovely Bolu decided to scar me with a four-hour-long recording of Mummy GO’s 990 Years in the Kingdom of Darkness. 

Please, we’re only focusing on the first part of the first series today.

The recording starts with a prayer by Mummy GO – for grace to wax the record (her story of the 990 years she spent in the devil’s kingdom) in English, amongst other things, and honestly, this was me during that prayer.

I’ve spent my entire life in the church, so I already know this story will bang.

She lists all the secrets she’ll let us in on.

  • What she knows about the satanic kingdom 
  • How they establish fake churches 
  • The power of the devil in Christiandom
  • How they are using the power of women against the glory of the church 
 They need to free women

  • The secret behind makeup
  • The secret behind abortion

At this point, I’m actually scared my eyes would just keep rolling and end up falling out of my head. Will religious people ever keep women and our business out of their mouths?

  • The secret behind attachment 
We’re never catching a break

  • The secret behind gospel musicians 
  • How one can get the mark of the 666 in hospitals and banks
Ma???

  • The secret of darkness behind holy communion and water baptism.
I need a break

Mummy GO’s table of content has brought my brain to a screeching halt, and it feels like she’ll never stop.

I thought I was ready for this woman, but I’m obviously very unprepared.

Mummy GO OFFICIALLY starts her preaching by claiming to be a reincarnation of an Egyptian man.

Ma, please tell the truth and shame your alleged former colleagues

After the brief introduction of the man she once was – a loving husband, father, and loyal servant of his country. She goes on to explain how she died on the battlefield, and her spirit and that of her colleagues were floating in the air.

The story gets fucking wild. But first, I think it’s unfair that she claims to be initiated into the kingdom of darkness AFTER her death when the entities she’s accusing can’t even defend themselves.

Preferably in a letter like the one below

READ: This Guy Claimed To Have Received A Letter From His Friend In Hell

Mummy GO, picked up her mic on that day to record NUGGETS. She says something about the five levels in the kingdom of darkness being the same as the five stars everyone keeps putting next to everything.

So if you’ve ever been to a five-star hotel or restaurant, you might need to visit the nearest church for deliverance because you might have dined and laid with the devil.

I’m not even going to get into the fact that the levels she’s talking about are literally local, federal, national, International, and worldwide.

Is the kingdom of darkness naming their grades/levels according to a secondary school government textbook, or are my ears hurting?

Like what she’s been saying isn’t bad enough, Mummy GO basically tells us:

Wow, you don’t mean it.

Apparently, at this immigration center, the agents of darkness can change your master plan (an extensive plot of your life story) and give you a counterfeit one. So if God puts Canada in your master plan, the kingdom of darkness can change it to Ghana, and you’ll go there and struggle.

God, am I living a counterfeit plan? Is my master plan in Canada??

A quick recap:-

So far, Mummy GO has been initiated into the kingdom of darkness, placed in a level, and now the agents of darkness are going through master plans.

They go through hers, bundle her out, and lock her up.

Turns out mummy GO’s master plan showed she was meant to be a prophet and take down the kingdom of darkness.

Really?? No

The agents decide they’ll use her and make God regret sending her to earth…

… by sending her to school for 300 years.

She’s sent to the school – a big university in the deep sea where she took a theological course for 100 years.

Everytime I think I’ve heard it all, she comes with another warning.

MAMA, PLEASE!!!!!

Five seconds after warning us about reading our books and going to school, Mummy GO warns about scientific world occultism – anybody that joins them would become genius.

Do you people see that this woman is taking us around the bush with her story?

She finally finished all her courses at the Deep Sea Academy, and they promoted her to California to become Chief Justice in the highest court of the darkness.

Am I surprised that California is one of the headquarters? No.

Am I surprised that she claims the devil built his headquarters in Nigeria during Festac 77? Yes. 

Big man didn’t build it during the slave trade. He didn’t build it during one of the numerous wars and military regimes. He built it during the first Festival of Arts and Culture, but not in Lagos, in Edo state. Mummy GO and her associates have to come out and explain that.

One day, Mummy GO goes to her chambers and has to judge a case of an unborn child. 

Look, the story from here is confusing AF. She says there are astrology demons that browse stars, and they saw this star wrapped in a pillar of fire and quickly brought it for her to judge.

Please, and I beg, HAVE MERCY!!

After her 30-year tenure as Chief Justice, she got promoted to the antigod department. Which is a topic for another day, because this is the end of the first part of the first series on Mummy GO’s time in the kingdom of darkness.

GET YOUR HERTITUDE TICKETS HERE

>

OUR MISSION

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.