1. When you see your secondary school friends after 4 years and you’re like
The best feeling!
2. How you guys gist as if there’s no tomorrow
All the hottest gossip.
3. When you say an old joke and they still remember
Realest g!
4. When you see the senior that punished you guys in school, you’re like:
“See her legs like broomstick”.
5. When someone now creates a chat group for all your closest secondary school friends.
Yaaas!
6. How you treat them with care because they know all your dirty secrets
First class pampering to keep their mouths shut.
7. So when they ask you to do something difficult, you’re like:
“Of course!”
8. When you can crash their house anytime, because it’s really your second home.
You even crash their kitchen too.
9. When you use body and eye language and they instantly get you
Oshey baddest!
10. When you guys fight but you’re chill because you know it will never last long
That’s how they used to do.
1. When you flush the poo and one lone soldier decides not to go
2. When you sit on the toilet and it’s warm and wet
3. When you you’re pooing and it smells like hell itself
4. When you finish using the toilet and realize the water is actually not running
5. When you enter the toilet right after someone else has brutalized it
6. When your poo has so much force that toilet water splashes on your bum
7. When you don’t aim right and you miss the toilet bowl.
I don’t know about you, but I like the trash that is Nigerian music.
Me, every time Wizkid starts singing.
Mainstream Nigerian artistes just know how to sing about money, sex and drugs but we all love it!
Everytime ‘Molowo’ ‘Molowo’
But is that what we’re here for?
And no one addresses important issues like mental health, especially depression
For the olodos, ‘Depression‘ is a constant state of feeling sad and hopeless, and could lead people suffering from it to have suicidal thoughts and actions.
You think ‘depression’ is not really a thing, but it is!
It affects people around us, and we really need to be attentive to these people before they hurt themselves
The way Folashade did in Praiz’s new video
Folashade, who suffers from depression for unknown reasons refuses to talk to Praiz – her lover. She later commits suicide in a bathtub.
Nigerian artistes, will you die if you talk sense in your music once in a while?
Except Runtown, we like his nonsense like that.
Please, a big round of applause for this Praiz’s video.
Praiz is fine, Praiz can sing and Praiz has sense. Be like Praiz.
This thing is serious. Be more attentive to friends and family and help prevent suicide.
Gonna drop this here for whoever needs it. You never know.
1. You remember to get petrol for the generator every time
NEPA can never disappoint you.
2. You have the gas man, the electrician and the plumber on speed dial
Because gas cannot let hunger come and kill you.
3. You have a job that you try not to suck at
You try o!
4. Your saving game is on point
Superstar that you are.
5. … And you’re very strict with spending money
No money to waste, biko.
6. But you also know when to have fun and splurge because you cannot come and die
You cannot come and go and die.
7. You actually catch up with your old friends
Aren’t you the sweetest?
8. You know how to make serious concoction
Pour everything together and eat, please.
9. You have enough money to stay on your own, but you’re smart enough to stay with your parents
Only people with sense know this.
10. You know when to let some people in your life go
Biko, don’t kill me with headache.
11. You have customers in every market
You know all the cheapest spots too!
12. Your pricing game is not anybody’s mate
Even when you’re not on a budget, you’re on a budget.
13. You exercise and drink plenty water everyday
Fitfam, show yourself.
14. You know real adults need to use real protection during sex
HAVE SENSE! AIDS IS REAL.
15. You actually use the overhead bridge. Every time!
Everytime? You’re extra sha, but 3 gbosa for you.
16. You know very well you have to choose your owambes carefully
Just buy the aso ebi that concerns you and go.
1. When one fine boy is talking to you and you’re like
Eskis sir, do you really mean me?
2. You, when someone is trying to form small talk with you
Just stop and leave me alone, abeg.
3. You, trying to up your flirt game
Shebi applying lipstick is sexy?
4. When a fine boy just says ‘you’re beautiful’ out of no where
No, why you lying?
5. You trying to smile in public so you look like you’re fun and interesting
I kuku use Close-Up before.
6. When your crush says something funny, you’re like
Laughing like hyena so he knows it’s real.
7. You, when your crush is actually talking to you
Do I reply or do I just keep looking like a mumu until he goes away?
8. Anytime you’re at a social event, you and your phone are like
You can’t make awkward eye contact if you’re not looking at anybody.
9. When you’re really trying to be funny with a group of guys and nobody laughs
Even your crush!
10. When someone cute tries to make eye contact with you
11. You, when you see your crush losing interest in you because you’re weird AF
See my life in the outside!
12. When you finally give up and just kuku stalk your crush on Facebook
One huge ela episode occured at the 2017 Oscars just last night
But you were snoring away, weren’t you?
While everyone had been expecting the Oscar nominated ‘La La Land’ to win Best Motion Picture- which is basically the biggest award of the Oscars- we also knew that ‘Moonlight’ actually deserved to win Best Picture.
For the current people like me who have actually seen both movies, you’ll agree that ‘Moonlight’ is a fucking GREAT movie.
Moonlight chronicles the coming of age of a young black boy in Miami. It addresses topical issues like racism, adulting while being black, it addresses sexuality and even abuse. It portrays the black man in a way we are not used to -as someone who can be vulnerable, bullied or abused, and even gay- as opposed to the hardened, drug addict roles that are usually assigned to black men in the movies.
I mean La La Land is great, but it’s not exactly Oscar-worthy, message-wise.
La La Land is a Hollywood movie about Hollywood. Not much to see here, really.
Anyway, I digress. The real issue is that ‘La La Land’ had been announced as the winner, when we discovered it was all a mistake.
WATCH: Moment where crew/cast of 'La La Land' realizes a mistake had been made and 'Moonlight' actually won Best Picture. #Oscarspic.twitter.com/WCCopwsJ66
La La Land cast when they collected the award from them.
But who did they offend in this life? Aye le o!
Meanwhile, Moonlight cast was like:
”Winner ooo, winner!”
May God Moonlight your life in this manner, and chase your La La Land off the stage!
You never thought you’d see Toyin Aimakhu, a grounded Nollywood Yoruba actress, and Chris Attoh (Nollywood English) play lovers in a movie, did you? Well, neither did I.
In ‘The In-Laws’, Nancy Okezie, the daughter of a retired judge falls in love with Tobi Balogun, a policeman’s son. The couple, however, faces hard times owing to the deep hatred the intending in-laws have for each other.
Directed by Charles Uwagbai and produced by Bola Oba, the movie stars Nollywood veterans like Ayo Mogaji, Dele Odule, Ijeoma Nwosu and Charles Inojie.
Also watch Toyin Aimakhu (now Toyin Abraham) feature in ‘Hakkunde‘, another ‘English’ movie, alongside Frank Donga, here.
No one seems to know the release date yet, but trust us to give you the gist when it get it.
1. So your love for beans is like that of Beyonce and Jay Z
2. And you and the ewa-agoyin seller are the best padis
3. But your tummy does not mean you well
4. And even your bum-bum is in this conspiracy
5. Because everytime you eat beans, bad things happen
6. First, there’s a rumble in your tummy
7. And then there’s a tumble
8. And you know if you don’t visit a toilet immediately, all hell will break loose…
9. Literally!
10. How can something so good, be so bad?
So did someone actually drive a danfo on the streets of London? Sadly, no. Talented Nigerian photographer and writer, Wonuola Lawal used her amazing Photoshop skills to create a brilliant fusion of pictures taken in Lagos with those taken in major cities abroad and she called it ‘The Displacement Series’. Her reason is simple – “by combining two different stories, each picture is able to tell a new one”.
1. When oyinbo people realize roasted corn is fire
A Nigerian woman roasting corn in a New York subway station.
2. When Lagos danfo meets London bus
Crossroads; when two popular means of transportation from two different worlds meet.
3. Kekes cannot be left out
Keke Maruwas in New York.
4. These hawkers fit right in
Pastry sellers from Awolowo road, Ikoyi selling their pastries in Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia.
5. People in France still have to eat groundnut, right?
A trader from Marina, Lagos selling her wares on a side-street in Sitges, Spain.
6. When you’re going abroad and you remember to take your busstop with you
Lekki Phase 1 bus stop in Boston
7. Lagos taxi lounging in Monaco
A Taxi driver from Monaco points as a Taxi from Lagos, Nigeria suddenly appears in the middle of the road.
8. When you’re in Britain and Nigeria at the same time
A man makes a call in a British telephone box, while on the streets of Lagos.
I know you love it. You’re welcome!
Pictures and captions from Wonuolalwal.com. Follow Wonuola’s Instagram too for some brilliant photography.
If you love Olamide’s music and treasure the bars of late Yoruba rapper, DaGrin, you’ll love Davolee. Born Oluwasegun David Shokoya, Davolee was signed to Olamide’s YBNL record in November 2016. He hit the limelight after his ‘Panda’ cover went viral. Now, he’s back with a fire Yoruba rap song with an interesting story line. No metaphors, no complicated Yoruba adages, just pure rap telling the stories of Segun himself working in ‘Festival Bar’, (a drinking parlour in Ikotun, Lagos) with his smart-ass colleague Salewa and their abusive boss, Mama Gee. Check it out!
Warning: Fire Yoruba Rap Ahead!
https://youtu.be/JCsRhDsSxRU
If that sounded like total gibberish to you, we feel you. These guys have translated the song into English for your pleasure.
Isn’t this fantastic storytelling? More of this, please!
