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As an African woman, if you want to get a man, you can go anywhere. But if you want to be toasted properly, you need an Igbo man to do the honours.
And who better to teach this than Flavour…
Correct toasting! Watch Flavour & Juliana sing together on Coke Studio Africa below…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaCUUHaxt5E
… and don’t forget you can watch more videos on the Coke Studio Africa YouTube Channel here or catch it on TV at any of the stations listed here.
Celebricity.com reports that Karen Rainford , the mother of six who was beheaded in Mountain View, California was killed by husband. Friends report that Mr Rainford has recently used DNA testing to discover that none of their 6 children were his. Karen reportedly used to come to his place of employment and embarrass him for child support money, meanwhile possibly know that the kids weren’t his all along.
We have asked Judge Don Jazzy to handle the case. He has questions:
1. Why did Karen keep having children? Hadn’t she heard of contraception?
2. What made Mr Rainford get suspicious at number 6? Why not after the 3rd kid?
3. You mean he did naming ceremony and child dedication for 6 children that weren’t his?
4. Ok. Why couldn’t he just accept those children? Can’t he see Baba Segi?
5. Can’t you see the hand of God in this matter? Is it easy to have 6 children?
6. Can you imagine how many times Karen had to cheat to result in having 6 children?
7. Did Karen have the children from 6 different men? From one other man? Does she know?
8. Now that you’ve read this, why aren’t you sharing to your friends?
Remember how difficult it was to break old Nokia phones? Well, we have a new testament to their strength today.
Facebook user Ella Delarose posted 3 pictures to show how an old Nokia phone deflected a stray bullet! Sounds insane? Yeah, that’s what we thought too.
So we dug into the archives to find other examples of Nokia’s awesomeness…
The One About Nokias Against the Wall.
Nokias Vs Train.
Nokia vs Liquid Nitrogen.
Of course today, we can’t find any of these kinds of phones again. So let’s have a moment of silence for the awesome ancient Nokia phones.
The BVN registration deadline has passed. As usual, Nigerians have ended up with tales of woe from all angles “It’s not our fault, it’s the situation in the country.”
Let’s tell you how you got to this position…
1. You first heard about BVN…
Everyday, everyday, register for something.
2. When you knew you were broke and wondered what the point of BVN was.
Please what other transaction can I do from here? What kind of life is this please?
3. When that teller asked you “Have you done your BVN?”
But if you mind your business, will you die?
4. Then you went to the bank to beat the first deadline…
As per LastMinute dotcom. Wait, is the whole of Nigeria here? I can’t deal abeg.
5. Before they postponed it.
Of course they did… as per Naija!
6. So you went back to ignoring your bank.
*Marked as spam*
7. Until the guy who owed you money came to pay you back.
Praise Da Living Jesus!
8. And you had to rush to do your BVN.
I’m next on the queue please! My friend, answer me now!
9. But somehow, your account still got deactivated.
Chei! I have no luck.
But don’t worry, you’ll enter another queue, sort yourself out and be alright.
Last week, Nigeria was shocked with a disturbing report that secondary school students in Kano had been raped by some unknown men.
How could this happen? Who let it happen? We have so many questions about everything but these are the biggest ones….
1. Why does the Nigerian press seem to struggle with the word “rape in this case?
We’ve read “sodomy” a few times but apart from Premium Times, has anyone used the word “rape” to describe what happened to the boys?
2. Is it inconceivable that victims were raped by senior students?
Why are the authorities insisting that the rapists came from outside the school?
3. Are the students getting medical attention?
Premium Times reports that the school is preventing the victims from receiving care outside the school.
4. Is this an isolated incident or an epidemic?
Has this happened before in this school? And are students being raped in secondary schools across Nigeria?
5. Will the perpetrators be caught and prosecuted?
Our history in this department is not very great. Especially since the proprietor of the school reportedly denies the incident.
6. If your child, sibling or relative were a student of that school, what would you do?
African parents (especially Nigerians) are the same all over the world. But when this chap decided to prank his mother by pretending to get a tattoo.
Her reaction is straight out of the African Mother’s Playbook.
1. She Will Blame Your Friends.
Because you cannot be the bad one among your friends; they are always influencing you.
2. She Will Bring the Spiritual Angle.
In case you don’t know, the Bible [or Koran] is against that thing you just did. You mother knows chapter and verse.
3. When She Discovers You Got a Dragon Tattoo.
You sef no try. A dragon? Are you Harry Potter?
4. A Holy Book Will Be Quoted.
This is why you should pay attention in Sunday School.
5. She Will Close the Door So You Can’t Escape.
You’re a prisoner in your parent’s house. If you doubt it, try and pass that door she just closed.
6. She Will Bring Up Your Health.
Your mother is concerned about your health. Because if you die, how will you give her grandchildren and shame her enemies?
Enjoy the video here.
And ask yourself, what would my mother do if I came home with a tattoo?
In case you have been under a rock (or climbing a mountain), please be informed that Diezani Alison Maduekwe, the first female minister of petroleum and first female president of OPEC, has been arrested in London on charges of corruption and theft and sturves.
Reactions below:
1. When you get arrested in the UK for corruption
2. When you consider what would have happened if you’d been arrested in Nigeria
3. When you see one piece of Hyde Park you coulda, shoulda, woulda bought…
4. When you remember your Birkin collection
5. When you remember they don’t carry Birkins in jail
6. When people say you stole £13 billion
7. When people ask you if you’re richer than Goodluck Jonathan
8. When people say that women are more corrupt than men and should not be allowed near power
9. When you hear Buhari will be the next Minister of Petroleum
10. When you decide to tell the whole world how you did it
