Aluta And Chill: 5 University of Ibadan Students Talk About Their Relationship Struggles

July 9, 2020

Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.

For many people, the university is the first chance they get to explore themselves. Relationships stay at the centre of these experiences, so it makes sense to have conversations about them. 

The subjects in this story are students at University of Ibadan, and they talk about their struggles with relationships and unrequited crushes.

Seyi — My ex-boyfriend broke up with me for no reason 

University of Ibadan students

This guy collected my number from a mutual friend, reached out to me, and we started talking. He lived in Abuja, and I was at school in Ibadan, so we didn’t see each other for a while. He asked me to be his girlfriend when we finally met. I wasn’t ready for a relationship.

We drifted apart for some time. When he came back, we picked up from where we left off. He still wanted a relationship. I guess I was ready to take the plunge this time, so we started dating. For some weird reason, he wanted us to keep our relationship private. 

We planned a week’s get-away to Lagos, but unfortunately, a school production put a dent in our plans, forcing us to reschedule. He travelled to Lagos a week before I was supposed to wrap up the production. The plan was for me to join him when I finished with my schoolwork.

A few days to our reunion, he posted a picture of him and a girl. He deflected and laughed it off when I asked him about it. I didn’t want to be dramatic, so I let it go. It didn’t matter at the time — I was going to meet him in a few days. 

The morning before I was to travel to Lagos, he texted me to let me know that his plans had changed. He had an interview in Abuja and needed to return immediately. I was devastated, but I told him I understood.

He texted me again two days later with some bad news for me. He had decided that we should stop seeing each other. Why did he want to break things off? Well, according to him, he wasn’t over his ex, and he needed more time to focus on himself. It was all a lie, but it’s all right. 

Francis — I had a crush on a lecturer.

University of Ibadan students

In my first year, I took an elective course in a different department. The lecturer had just gotten out of the university and was so smart that the university kept her. She was relatively young, and I developed this massive crush on her. I thought I had a chance with her. I hoped that she would still be available when I got to my final year.

Before the end of the school year, she got married. The news broke my heart. I mean, I wrote a poem about her and sent it to my class group chat. 

I dreaded returning to school the next semester. She was gone and I wasn’t sure how I would live with it. It was stupid. I saw her and realised that the attraction wasn’t as strong as it was. By the time she had her baby, I felt close to nothing. It wouldn’t have worked out, anyway. 

Bolaji — My rebound guy managed to break my heart

I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship when this guy came into the picture. I was still healing — all I wanted to do was to hurt someone else. In my defence, I warned him about the dark place I was in, but he promised that we would deal with it together. 

He was totally in, giving me all the attention I needed. Eventually, I relented and agreed to be in a relationship with him. He was nothing more than a rebound to me, though.

To be honest, I did everything I could to like him, but it didn’t happen. He did everything right — he knew my love languages and made sure I got enough of them. All this wasn’t enough for me. In the end, I just resigned to fate and convinced myself that he asked for it if I ever broke his heart.

Four months into the relationship, I found out that he was keeping tabs on his ex. We had talked about the girl before that time, and he’d implied that he would be with the girl and not me if they were in the same school. I didn’t care about this, but I cared that he lied about being in contact with her. I got mad and broke up with him.

It should be easy to move on from him. It wasn’t. I went back and asked that we tried again. We got back together. However, something changed in him. It was almost as if he now hated me and only got back together to punish me. He started going out with other girls without caring about how I felt about it. The tables turned. This time, I was the one fighting to keep us together. Finally, he admitted that he was tired of the relationship. I know we both had to cut our losses, but it felt like I was the bigger loser. I managed to get my heart broken again. 

Dami — My ex-boyfriend was with me because of my money.

University of Ibadan students

I met this guy through a friend. I liked what I saw, collected his number and reached out to him. We had an instant connection, making it seem like the start of something great. Two weeks into knowing each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend. 

At the time, we hadn’t met. He studies at OAU, but I didn’t think it was a problem. Not long after, I went to OAU for a competition, and we finally saw each other for the first time. It was everything I thought it would be. It felt so right that we had sex on our first night together. 

I returned to school, and we were still so into each other. I went to see him again after some time. However, on both occasions, I was the one spending money on everything. Again, I didn’t think that it meant anything. 

He started to drift away from me. I thought it was the distance and believed that it was something we could work out. He didn’t share the same thought. He was determined to break up with me, and it hurt deeply. I flared up on the day he called to deliver the news and said some nasty things. 

He sent me different texts the following day. He called me unsavoury names amongst other things and admitted that he never committed to the relationship. According to him, he was only using me for my money.

A month later, I called to tell him I was willing to forgive him, hoping to hit refresh. It didn’t happen. If anything, I gave him another opportunity to insult me. 

It wasn’t a good experience, and it almost broke me. I’m thankful that it happened, though. At the moment, I have a sexual partner. It’s better that way. 

Rebecca — My ex-boyfriend’s friends turned him against me.

I was 16, and he was 18. I wasn’t even in uni at the time. We were friends for more than a year before we decided to enter into a relationship. It was hard because I had a thing with his brother, and people knew about it. However, he didn’t care. That meant a lot to me. 

Things were good with him. We were together for a whole year before we had our first significant fight. Unfortunately, we never got past it.

One of his friends had asked me to be his valentine, which was very surprising because I only spoke to him because of my boyfriend. I turned him down and thought that was the end of it. 

Two nights later, my boyfriend called me. He was high. He wanted to know why I wanted to be with his friend instead of him and why I couldn’t outrightly turn him down when he asked me to go out with him. There was more — he talked about how his friends had told him that I was a hoe and how they put the other friend up to asking me out. It was a ploy to prove that I would get down with anybody. I was a virgin, so I didn’t understand why any of them thought I was sleeping with anyone. 

He apologised the next morning, and we tried to move past it. However, something changed in our relationship. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. We were different. Eventually, we broke up.

 I found out that his friends still called me a hoe and he didn’t make them stop. It hurt so much, but I wasn’t ready to let go. For about two weeks, I begged him to trust me. Finally, I came to terms that he didn’t. There was no use in fighting for something that wasn’t working out. It fizzled out, and well, we moved on with our lives. To be honest, it was his loss.

Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill? Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.

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