You’re supposed to be happy for your friends when they find love. But what happens when you meet their partner and you only feel irritation or flat-out dislike?
From controlling behaviours to serial cheating and backhanded “jokes”, sometimes the person your friend is head over heels in love with is the exact person you can’t tolerate.
These six Nigerians open up to Zikoko about the times they couldn’t stand their bestie’s partner, and no amount of “you don’t know them like I do” could change their minds.
“He told me not to poke my nose in their relationship” — Derayo*, F, (29)
When they met over the phone, Derayo initially liked her friend’s boyfriend, Isaiah*. However, it took just one weekend staycation for her to dislike him for the duration of his relationship with her friend.
“When my childhood friend, Dayo, introduced me to her boyfriend, Isaiah, in 2019, we hit it off. He seemed like one of the rare “good ones”. Fast forward to 2021, they invited me for a weekend staycation, and I obliged.
It was in close proximity to Isaiah that I realised how deeply I disliked him.
He spent the entire weekend giving Dayo backhanded compliments and comparing her body to every female celebrity on the planet. Dayo confided in me that she hated it when he did that, so I tried to step in to explain to him, but he told me not to poke my nose in their relationship.
After that, I was his number one hater till that relationship crumbled. Of course, I told my friend how much I disliked him, but right up until they broke up, she tried several times to make me see his “good side”. I couldn’t be convinced, though. They broke up in 2021, but I’ll still squeeze my face today if his name ever comes up.”
“I hated her boyfriend because he always called her ugly” — James*, M, (36)
James never had strong feelings about his friends’ partners until he met one whose behaviour left much to be desired.
“I don’t really care who my friends date. If you like it, I love it. But my friend, Tomi*, started dating one guy in 2022 whom I despised.
It wasn’t because he disrespected me or anything. In fact, he was so polite to all of Tomi’s male friends. He was fun to talk to and always shared jokes.
My main issue with him was that once we were in a group and Tomi was there, he’d find a way to mention that she wasn’t as beautiful as the girls he usually went for. On several occasions, he even called her ugly right in front of us.
The first time, I thought it was just an odd couple’s joke, then I saw Tomi’s face fall. I knew it hurt more than she’d admit, even though she laughed whenever he said it.
I called Tomi aside and asked her to tell her man to stop calling her ugly, but she said I didn’t understand their relationship; ribbing was normal between them. Thankfully, they broke up in 2024 after she caught him cheating. I was scared they were going to be a permanent couple. I couldn’t stand that guy.”
“I disliked him because he wanted to control her every move” — Margaret*, F, (54)
Margaret and her sister-in-law, Debby*, became close friends after she got married. She shares how she grew to dislike Debby’s husband.
“My sister-in-law, Debby, is a lovely, social, and bubbly woman, but sometimes I think her husband hates these aspects that the rest of us love about Debby.
Since they married in 1998, he demanded that she reduce her number of friends and only allowed her to visit her siblings. It was these visits that allowed our friendship to grow.
In 2001, when mobile phones were becoming more popular, he got Debby a phone, and she had to call him every hour they were apart to give him updates about what she was doing and where she was.
I thought it was crazy. I tried to talk to my husband to chastise him, but he said it wasn’t right to get in the middle of a married couple, and that we don’t know their dynamics, so I had to keep quiet. Over the years, he has forced her to go on diets to lose and gain weight, change her dressing and relax her hair, even though she wasn’t interested in doing these things.
I don’t like him at all, and everyone knows it to this day. I avoid speaking to him as much as possible because I’m afraid I’ll snap at him one day.”
“I hated my friend’s partner because he was a serial cheat.” — Timi*, F, (26)
Timi shares how Femi*’s constant cheating led to her permanent dislike.
“When Ayo* told me she and Femi* were dating back in 2023, I was happy for her. She had been having issues connecting with people emotionally, so I was glad my friend was finally experiencing the love she had always wanted. But I celebrated too early.
Barely four months into their relationship, she came to the group chat crying that someone had “come to her as a woman” on Instagram after she posted a photo of her and her boyfriend. We encouraged her to speak to him about it just to be sure, and to my dismay, he confessed. But she forgave him and took him back.
Shortly before their anniversary, she found out he had cheated again, and I was really irritated when she told us. I encouraged her to break up with him because I couldn’t stand the disrespect, but letting go was difficult for her. This made me dislike him a lot. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the time they were together, and whenever his name came up, I made sure I was the biggest hater.
They split up when he japa-ed at the end of 2024, and I just thank God for a successful breakup because that guy showed my babe pepper.”
“He doesn’t appreciate her like he should” — Dolapo*, F, (26)
Dolapo doesn’t like her friend’s partner because he doesn’t reciprocate the energy her friend shows about their relationship.
“I really dislike my friend’s boyfriend, Tobi*. He just doesn’t appreciate her the same way she does him.
For example, on his birthday in 2024, she got him a cake and sent him a snap with the caption, “Happy Birthday, Baby!” on the photo. This boy removed her caption and posted the birthday cake without acknowledging my friend at all. It was so irritating.
I’ve told my friend I don’t like him, and she tries to make our relationship more cordial. But I’ve told her I don’t care because they’re not married. Tobi himself has clocked it and doesn’t greet me anymore. To be honest, I prefer it. Let everybody stay in their lane.”
“I disliked her because she didn’t want our friend to hang out with us” — Demola*, M, (38)
Demola knows that couples need some time to themselves, but his friend’s girlfriend didn’t want them to hang out at all.
“In 2021, my friend started dating this girl in his church. She seemed nice and gentle at first, but after a while, we noticed we saw less and less of our friend.
I understand that couples will spend time together, which may reduce how frequently they hang out with their friends, but it was more serious than that. He missed birthday parties, match-watching days and more. So one day, I called him and asked if everything was okay. He seemed fidgety but eventually confessed that his babe didn’t like it when he hung out with us because she felt we were bad influences. She wanted him to have more “kingdom” friends. I have disliked her since we had that conversation.
When they broke up in 2024, I didn’t even pretend to feel bad. It was a good riddance to nonsense. I hope she finds her kingdom partner or whatever she’s looking for.”
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