Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Tony* (30) and Esther* (29) met at a Christmas carnival in 2018 and kicked things off with small talk and a quick exchange of numbers before settling into a love story and swearing an oath.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the blood covenant that nearly tore them apart, why Tony almost walked away, and how they’ve built a relationship that feels unshakeable four years later.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Esther: Running into him at a Christmas carnival in my town. This was 2018. 

 We’d both been in Lagos for years, and it was our first time in the village in a while. Although I went to the carnival with friends, I felt a bit out of place because so much had changed.

Tony caught my eye because he seemed all over the place. He was ordering people around, almost as though he was in charge.  A family member who knew him told me he’d also been away for a minute, so I found it interesting that he moved so freely.

Tony: I remember that day. People don’t believe it when I tell them, but I mask my anxiety with action. When I’m in a new environment with lots of unfamiliar faces, my default is to stay busy to avoid awkward silences or loneliness.

In the middle of moving about, I noticed Esther was staring at me. At first, I ignored it, but she kept stealing glances. Later, as I settled down to have a drink, she approached me. I was initially apprehensive, but her warm, reassuring presence put me at ease. We started talking about how much had changed, Lagos struggles, and how we’d never run into each other.

Esther: I remember teasing and asking him if he had met every other members of our community who moved to Lagos.

Seeing as you both hit it off on a good start. How fast did things progress?

Esther: Not so fast. After that party, we didn’t see each other again until the week I left for Lagos. We ran into each other at another New Year carnival, and we exchanged contacts this time. He promised to find me in Lagos, but I didn’t take him seriously.

Not because I didn’t trust him, but mostly because I knew plans rarely went as expected in Lagos. It didn’t help that he stayed on the Island while I lived on the mainland. That alone was enough of a constraint.

Tony: I knew I wanted something serious from our first interaction. She was the perfect description of my ideal woman — petite, extremely light-skinned with moderate boobs and ass. I wasn’t going to let her go easily.

After I got her number, I switched gears into action mode. I knew pretty babes like her always had so many men chasing them, so speed was important. I noticed her talking to two other guys at the Christmas party so I couldn’t waste time.

I called and texted frequently and made sure to visit her the first week we got back to Lagos.

How did that visit go?

Esther: First of all, I was surprised. As straightforward as he was with his interest, a part of me felt he would slow down once we got to Lagos.

But Tony didn’t slow down. If I remember correctly, he visited me four days after we returned, and in my head, I thought, “Does this one not have work?” But it was also sweet to see him back his words with action. The day he visited, we talked about so many things — our shared interests, family, and our relationship history. That was where things got weird because I scared him with some of the things I shared.

Tony: I remember heading home that night trying to unpack what Esther had said. She told me she had avoided dating again because she didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t understand at first, until she went further.

She revealed her ex broke their covenant and was still paying for what he did. He cheated and impregnated someone else, which was against the vow they swore to each other. When I asked about the vow, she was reluctant to explain, but I pressed on. 

She eventually mentioned a blood oath.

Wait. What? 

Tony: They had sex while she was on her period and vowed never to cheat afterwards. I couldn’t believe what I heard. In my head, I had already checked out. To be honest, I didn’t plan to return after I left her place that day.

Curious, Esther. Were you trying to scare him away and did you think he was going to come back?

Esther: I wasn’t intentionally trying to scare him, even though I suspected that would happen regardless. But I also had to be honest about my past and what he’d have to commit to if he wanted to be serious about me.

Men are weird people. One minute, they swear heaven and earth to you, then they’re completely different in the next.  It was important to lay it all out and let him know there’d be consequences if he played with my heart.

I see. But how does the blood oath thing work?

Esther: To be honest, I think it’s more about the intention than the act of period sex. Sex is spiritual. I don’t give my body to just anyone, and if we get to that point, it has to be on my terms.

I didn’t exchange any oaths with the first guy I slept with, but he still had to offer some serious words of affirmation before I gave in. It made that moment feel special. 

I truly believe your first sexual experience with anyone should feel like that. You’re not just exchanging bodily fluids; there’s a higher hand at play.

For me, that higher hand is God. If you hurt me, whether we’re in a relationship or not, I will spend night and day praying against you. I’ll fast if necessary, and God has never failed to deal with my enemies. I think that’s what does the trick, not necessarily the blood oath, even though I insist on it.

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Sounds scary, still. So I’m guessing Tony stuck around regardless 

Tony: I gave her space for a couple of weeks. I wasn’t about to mess around and find out. It didn’t help that I’d heard rumours about how extremely fair and pretty ladies always had some sort of affiliation with the spiritual.

 So I went from calling to only texting, then from checking in daily to leaving days in between, until I stopped. If she noticed, she didn’t bring it up.

Esther: I knew I shared a lot, but I also felt that if he acted that way, he might not have sincere intentions for me. So I was ready to let him go.

Tony, you mentioned that you backed off for a while. Did you try to reconnect again?

Tony: Not immediately. We didn’t speak for about six months, even though we both had each other on WhatsApp. I constantly stalked her social media pages to see if she had found someone else, though.

At first, I told myself I was just curious to see the guy who fell into her trap. But the truth is, I just wanted to know if she had moved on. Nothing pointed to that. Esther barely posted pictures of herself, let alone a guy’s. I didn’t know anything, and since we didn’t have mutuals, I couldn’t ask anyone.

Then one day in June 2019, she posted a picture on her WhatsApp status. She still looked pretty AF and I was mad excited. I left her a comment, but she didn’t respond. I kept waiting for her reply, but it never came. I went back the next day and said something like, “nawa for you o.”

Esther: I actually saw his message the first time, but I forgot to respond. I barely post my pictures online, and the few times I do, I get tons of messages. I was irritated at his comment the following day, but I let it slide. I explained that I had too many messages to respond to. I don’t remember the details clearly because it’s been so long, but we picked things up again.

Curious, Tony. Were you hoping for anything serious when you reignited the conversation?

Tony: I won’t even lie, I was. As much as I had my concerns and fears, I realised I didn’t feel a strong pull towards any of the other ladies I met after Esther.

Apart from the fact that they weren’t as pretty and didn’t have her softness, they just weren’t her. When we started talking again, I asked if she was seeing anyone, and she said no. She didn’t even try to be sneaky about it. She told me directly that I was the last person she had any romantic talks with.

I found that impressive because this was about five months later. Esther’s beauty can bag any man, and the fact that she wasn’t frolicking around was impressive. I knew she wanted something serious, and at that point, her request for an oath started to seem less like an issue.

At the end of the day, we weren’t going to a shrine or taking concoctions. We were just two people making a vow to each other. Since I had no intention of hurting her, I had no reason to be scared. I asked her out in August 2019.

Wow. Did you discuss with anyone before you became official?

Tony: There wasn’t any reason to. People only plant doubt, and I’d had enough time to think. I didn’t need anyone to help me decide.

Fair enough. So did you guys take the oath?

Esther: We did. Again, we don’t like to see it entirely as that. We had sex while I was on my period, and while he was inside me, we exchanged words of affirmation and commitment to each other.

Tony: It didn’t seem as scary as I thought. If anything, it was just a super hot and intense moment of raw confessions. At the end of the day, we had — and still have — genuine intentions toward each other. That’s what matters. We’ve been together four years, and marriage is somewhere along the line for us. There are no regrets.

How would you describe the journey so far?

Esther: Beautiful. I think we’re perfect for each other. We get along so well and barely have issues. Tony and I rarely go a day without speaking; even when we disagree, we resolve things quickly.

We’ve also grown a lot since we got together. I know where Tony was when we started dating and how far he’s come. I pray for this man with such intensity that sometimes it shocks even me, and the results are obvious for all to see.

Tony: She’s said it all. I’m eternally grateful for this woman, and I’ve never regretted asking her to be mine. Sometimes, people don’t even realise we aren’t married yet until we say it.

My life has improved in every way. And her prayers? “Intense” is the word. When this woman starts to pray and speak positively into my life, I can only watch in amazement.

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Do you ever think your commitment is driven by a fear of what might happen if either of you decides to back out?

Tony: I don’t think so. We had that conversation once, in the early days, when we were still trying to steady the ship. We agreed that if either of us left, it would be a mutual decision. Not because one hurt the other or crossed a line.

We’ve only had that talk once and we’ve never had a reason to revisit it.

Esther: Like he mentioned earlier, marriage is somewhere along the line. We’re just waiting to sort out our finances and some personal things before we take the next step. We’re in this for the long run.

If you say so. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Esther: Everything. This guy gets me, and I’m glad I waited for him. He’s kind, caring, and never afraid to go after what he wants. I’ve never had to doubt his love, and he treats me like he won a prize. It still feels like a dream, considering my horrible past experiences, but with Tony, I feel like he was made for me.

Tony: My life has improved significantly since I’ve been with Esther. I’m not sure where in the holy book, but I know there’s a passage about treating your woman right if you want to make headway in life. She’s been a blessing.

I only need her to pray for me or speak positively into my life when I’m about to embark on something, and success is guaranteed. Beyond that, she’s pretty, kind to a fault, and she makes the best meals.

Sounds cute. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Tony: I’d say 9, and that’s only because we aren’t married yet.

Esther: I’d also give us a 9.5 Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this man and build a family with him.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

David* (31) and Ebby* (25) were introduced by family in late 2023, but nothing about their spark felt arranged. On New Year’s Day 2024, David drove through a sit-at-home order in the East just to see her, and a mountain-top date sealed what felt like destiny.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the faith and intentionality that shaped their journey, the family doubts they had to push through, and why they believe they’re custom made for each other.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Ebby: My first physical memory of David was on the first day of January 2024. It was technically an arranged meet. We were introduced through my mum, who connected with David through his Bishop. He came to pick me up from my house for our first date. It was memorable, which is why we’re here today. We connected on a deep level. I also found David really charming and caring, even though I didn’t expect much from the date. I’d gone on a couple before and thought this would be another one.

Did you have any first impressions of him?

Ebby: Well, my mum had shown me his picture a day before, so I had an idea of what to expect. At first glance, he wasn’t really my type. His dressing leaned a little too much “church pastor,” and in my head, I was like, “we don’t want that here.” But I still went on the date out of respect for the people who introduced us.

David: My earliest memory of Ebby goes back to October 2023, when my Bishop from our family church in Anambra sent me her picture. He was deeply invested in helping me find love and strongly believed Ebby was meant to be my wife. At that time, I was not thinking about relationships because of my past experiences. I wanted God Himself to reveal my wife directly, so I ignored the message, especially after hearing she was not even based in Nigeria. I didn’t want to deal with long distance.

Fast forward to December 29 when I travelled home for Christmas and New Year. I went to see my Bishop, and he brought Ebby up again during our conversation. He asked why I had ignored his earlier message. Out of respect, I listened as he pressed further, thinking perhaps it was God nudging him. Before I left his office, I took her number. I was still not entirely convinced, but I made a note to call.

On December 31, I finally picked up the phone. That call turned into one of the most beautiful two-hour conversations of my life. We spoke like we’d known each other for years and laughed a lot. That conversation led to a date the next day, January 1, 2024.

I was in Anambra and she was in Enugu, but I took the risk of driving through a sit-at-home order in the East, braving insecurity and the fear of unknown gunmen just to see her. It was worth every mile because not only did I meet Ebby, I also met her mum that day. That was the beginning of something truly divine.

Sweet. Any reason you still hesitated to call after getting her number?

David: I still wasn’t convinced, even after talking to my Bishop. But he later sent me her mum’s number and asked me to call her. I introduced myself, and she said good things about my bishop. She also mentioned that he was a family friend, and if I came from him, she trusted I was a good man. Then she started telling me interesting things about her daughter. Between the 29th and 30th, I prayed and fasted, asking God for direction. Everything that happened from then until the 1st felt divinely orchestrated.

Ebby: I wasn’t aware of that conversation with my mum. All I knew was that she gave me details of someone coming to take me out.

Right. Let’s talk about the date. How did that go?

Ebby: We visited about three restaurants because we wanted a lovely spot. Enugu isn’t as aesthetically pleasing as Lagos, so that was a struggle. I’m from the States and he’s from Lagos, so we had high expectations. One place didn’t have light, and another was too rowdy. We eventually ended up on a prayer mountain at my mum’s church. It’s a beautiful spot with lovely views. We sat there for about three hours and talked; not just surface-level first-date questions. We went deep, sharing our dreams, fears… it wasn’t about the food or our outfits.

David: Everything she said. We skipped the random “what’s your favourite colour” questions because of how the conversation flowed. Ebby was transparent. She told me about her strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, purpose, and faith. It was real. I just knew she was my wife from that date. I knew my fasting and the risky drive weren’t in vain.

So, what happened next?

Ebby: I left the date crying because it felt like my spirit confirmed I’d just met my husband. We were both on our journeys to finding partners, and everything converged. I was strict about what I wanted, and honestly, if I didn’t know he was my husband that day, we wouldn’t be here. He ticked off everything I wanted, which shocked me because I expected another random date. We became official that day. It wasn’t expressly said, but we both knew. I even cut off everyone else I was talking to.

Over the next couple of weeks, we talked more and spent time together. David returned to Lagos and invited me over. I was supposed to return to the US on January 12, but I extended my stay. That time with him was when we did all the fun date stuff and visited prettier restaurants.

Curious, was this when David asked you out?

Ebby: He never asked. We skipped the whole girlfriend phase.

David: It was straight to marriage. Like she said, we knew we would marry after the mountain date, even if we didn’t say it out loud. By the time she visited me in Lagos, we were already courting.

A couple of weeks later, she returned to the US, while I went to see her family officially with gifts and my intention to marry. By March 2024, we had our introduction, and everything just started falling in place. Ebby returned to Lagos in July, and we had our court wedding.

How did you both feel about Ebby returning to the US?

Ebby: Honestly, we had just met, so there wasn’t enough time to build the kind of connection that felt like a deep separation. After our civil wedding in July, though, leaving was heartbreaking. That was when it hit me. But at first, it was more of a test. I wanted to see how intentional he’d be when I wasn’t around. I wanted to see how he communicated and showed up for me. I think we both did a good job. I was in the US when we had our introduction, and things still went as planned.

David: For me, I was already convinced she was my wife. Even though she left for America, I kept hope alive because I knew our story was divinely orchestrated. Long distance is hard, but we didn’t let it affect us. We held the fort for five solid months.

From January to July, we spoke every day. Despite my high-pressure job and the time difference, we kept communication consistent. I set up to five alarms on my phone to remind me to call her. I even factored in her work schedule. It was intentional, hard work. I also sent her gifts from Lagos to America. Those five months tested our love, but we held it together.

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Love the intentionality. Curious, since family matchmade you, did they play any role in your relationship afterwards?

Ebby: At first, everyone had butterflies—our families, us. But soon, there were realistic concerns, especially about the distance and the speed of our marriage. They wanted us to wait at least a year to build stronger connections. But David and I were insistent.

David: Even though they matchmade us, it felt like we had to prove our love to them. But we held our own and showed them we were genuine. My family had questions at first, but they trusted my judgment. As the first son, they’d seen how clear-headed I was about what I wanted.

I also had friends who questioned why I married someone so far away, especially since I’d always dissuaded people from doing long distance. But in the end, everyone accepted it.

Ebby: Those early days weren’t easy. I didn’t have the traditional “just married, me-and-my-husband” phase. After our civil wedding and church blessing in July 2024, I stayed in Nigeria for only a month. During that time, we began to spend more time together, experiencing each other on a deeper level, but always with the reality hanging over us that I was leaving for the US again.

In December 2024, we had the second phase of our wedding — the “big Nigerian celebration” in Anambra. After that celebration, I truly felt the reality of being a wife. We woke up, went to bed, ate, and simply enjoyed being with each other as husband and wife.

It was a very interesting season for me because I spent more time in Nigeria, learning what it meant to share life and space with someone. It was filled with new experiences all at once, and just when I was beginning to settle into that rhythm, I had to leave again in March 2025.

David: The early days were beautiful. We did a lot of church activities together and grew our bond as a couple. We only had to contend with family insisting we were rushing. Everyone wanted to know why we were in a hurry. If we weren’t Christians, they’d have assumed she was pregnant. But I think it was just God’s purpose for us.

Living together was new. I now had someone in my space, and we had to make important life decisions together. I looked forward to coming home from work just to be with my wife. We also deliberated on where to live. Ebby is a Canadian citizen living in the US, and we were trying to figure out where to stay, especially because of our God-led NGO mission (Saved2Save International) to rescue young people from addiction. We needed to know where God wanted us to base the work He entrusted to us. They were really good days.

I imagine it was lots of smooth sailing. But did you ever discover any differences about each other?

Ebby: David is easy to live with. The only challenge for me was cooking. I grew up in the US where you have access to anything you want to eat, but here I was with a husband who loves fresh meals all the time. It wasn’t spelt out when we were courting, but I noticed it. Still, he never imposes because he knows I don’t enjoy cooking. I just had to learn to do my best and make sure he’s well-fed. For anything heavy or extra, we outsource.

David: Differences are easier to accommodate when you’re with your person. Some things I would’ve frowned at before, I now find ways to work around with love.

For example, I’m the organised partner, but my wife? Not so much. I’d get home and find items moved out of place. If she’s looking for something, she’d ransack everywhere like a storm passed through. At first, she thought it would be a problem, but communication and acceptance helped. Since I know she’s not the most organised, I try to keep things in order while she’s learning.

Food is another. I’m a traditional Anambra man with umami taste buds. I love good food. Ebby loves good food too, but it’s never her first instinct to cook it. If we crave a certain dish, her first thought is where to order or which chef to call. But that can never be an issue. We outsource because we have more ambitious goals — like our God-given NGO and making money. I had a chef before meeting my wife, so cooking wasn’t a big deal.

Fair enough. Have you guys had a major fight yet?

David: I’d say most of our trying times came before marriage. The five months apart stretched us — that was when we fought the most. Family differences and expectations also caused tension. We’re both from prominent families in the East. If you’re not mature, those things can affect your relationship. But what didn’t kill us made us stronger. Right now, we know ourselves. Anything that makes us question our love would have to be invented.

Ebby: We’ve had differences, but I’ve never let my mind wander to dark corners of wondering if I’m with the right person. It’s easy to fall into that trap, so you have to be intentional about protecting what you have. Communication has also helped. We both know nothing is unfixable. Whatever the issue, we lay it on the table, talk through our opinions, and reach a compromise.

We’ve never had explosive blowouts. In the middle of arguments, I’ll tell David to close his eyes so we can pray. That way, tension doesn’t get the chance to take root.

David, you mentioned earlier that you’re both from prominent families. Does that ever put pressure on your marriage?

David: I’m not trying to please anyone. Everything Ebby and I do is based on our own path. Our parents have amazing unions, but we’re writing our own script. We don’t want anyone imposing or telling us what to do.

Ebby: For me, it was just the fact that I married young. Some family members felt I should still be in school, and others said we were moving too fast. Maybe there was a bit of pressure to prove them wrong. But at the end of the day, I knew what I wanted and went for it. I wouldn’t compromise or force myself into something just to prove a point.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Ebby: David really has my back. I can be myself with him. I didn’t grow up in an expressive environment where you could laugh, smile, and be free. But with him, I can. He’s patient, and he leads by example. If he wants me to do something, he’ll do it first. He never attacks me about what I didn’t do. He makes me laugh a lot. He’s prayerful and truly submitted to God — I respect that. There’s no bad news I could get that he wouldn’t help me process. Before marriage, I’d cry and scream, but David knows how to calm me.

David: God really answered my prayer with Ebby. She’s my partner in every sense. She’s my backbone and brings out other sides of me. People say I’m too serious, all about work, but Ebby shines a light on my jovial side. These days, you’ll find me full of joy and happiness because of her.

Neat. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1–10?

David: I’ll give us an 11. I’ve found my person; the blood of my blood, the flesh of my flesh, and the rib of my rib.

Ebby: 10. Life has really improved since I met David.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Tolase* (23) and Dehinde* (24) met at work in 2022 when she resumed as a corps member and he became her unofficial office buddy.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about building an intense friendship on shared values, navigating crossed signals and unspoken feelings, and how Dehinde quitting his job became the push they needed to finally define their relationship.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Dehinde: December 2022. She walked into our office briefly and immediately caught my attention. I even pretended to run an errand to get a closer look. On my way back, I summoned the boldness to ask her name and why she was at our office. She said she was there for NYSC placement and would resume the following week. It was an attraction at first sight. She’s a pretty hot babe.

Tolase: I remember that day. I left pretty early because I didn’t have any tasks yet. I remember Dehinde asking me some questions, but I didn’t think much of our interaction. I just knew he was the one person who made me super comfortable. He seemed nice and even offered me his jacket when he noticed I was cold. HR also said he’d be my office buddy.

So what happened next?

Tolase: I resumed about two weeks before the company’s Christmas party. I think that party kick-started our cordial relationship. I didn’t know anyone, so I mostly kept to myself. But Dehinde walked up to me and asked to take my picture. Again, he made me feel comfortable and even walked me to the car after the party. We exchanged contact information that day because we had spent time talking about work and other things.

Curious though. What was your working relationship like that week you resumed?

Tolase: Oh, he stayed super friendly to me. He showed me the ropes and always bought breakfast for me before I arrived. It was sweet, but I didn’t read any meaning into it. I’d learnt earlier that if a guy doesn’t say he likes you, don’t assume anything.

But yeah, it wasn’t until the Christmas party that we bonded.

Dehinde: I’m not even sure I liked her like that at first. Was I attracted? Yes. Was she my spec? Yes. But that was all. I’d just ended things with someone who broke my heart, so I wasn’t ready for love.

The breakfast thing happened because I noticed she always came to work tired, and during one of our small talks, she said she couldn’t function on an empty stomach. So I started getting her food. I don’t even know where the money came from, but I made it happen. I was her work buddy and wanted her to feel extra special.

I see. So, how did the relationship progress over time? 

Tolase: We moved from colleagues to actual friends. Dehinde and I had a lot in common. We also shared the same Christian values, which made it easy to talk. He’d even gist me about the girls he liked, and I’d give relationship advice.

Dehinde: Everything she said. We bonded over faith. We’d talk about sermons or whatever she discovered during Bible study. We also talked about personal struggles. I found it easy to open up to her.

There were days I’d leave my peaceful house in Ikorodu to meet her at the office because she didn’t have light. I think it was then that I started to realise I wanted more. The guy she was talking to wasn’t even serious with his faith, so I figured I had a better shot.

But I’d just been heartbroken, and I wasn’t mentally ready. I was also in a useless talking stage, so I decided to chill.

Tolase: I remember when the girl he liked broke his heart. I also stopped talking to the guy I liked because he didn’t believe in God, and I couldn’t date someone like that. So I let it go. After the rollercoaster, it was just Dehinde and I,  building friendship and focusing on work.

Around July 2023, we went for a mid-year retreat and spent most of our time at the resort together. One day, the coach asked him if he liked me. He said we were just friends. That response broke my heart. It also made me realise I liked him. But his answer made me feel like I should back off.

Did you?

Tolase: He didn’t give me the chance. A few days after we returned, we were waiting for our Chickwizz order at Chicken Republic when he reached for my hand and caressed it. It was weird because he’d never touched me like that. I was confused. Just days before, he said he didn’t like me. I didn’t understand what he was doing. Then he invited me on a date.

Dehinde, why did you call her a friend if it was attraction at first sight?

Dehinde: The funny thing is that I didn’t even want to attend the retreat. We argued about it, but I showed up to surprise her. We were always together at the retreat, and the coach soon noticed. But I hadn’t figured out my feelings when the question came. There was something, it just wasn’t fully formed. After we returned home from the retreat, I processed everything that transpired between us. I realised it wasn’t infatuation I felt, it was love.

On our first day back at work, I took her to Chicken Republic, and that was when I held her hand. I hate physical touch, but something about that moment felt easy. I didn’t ask her out that day, but I started a three-day fast to get clarity. I got my answer on day three and started applying pressure. I visited more, went to church with her, basically everything to mark my territory.

So, when did things become official?

Dehinde:  It took a while to get to that point. I started applying for jobs because I wanted to be free to date her without workplace complications. Coincidentally, I also got an offer to study Aeronautical Engineering in Kenya. Whether or not I got a new employment, I planned to leave and pursue the relationship with full throttle.

She had also moved to her cousin’s, so I visited often. One day, I asked if she’d go on a date with me after I returned from Kenya.

Tolase: I suspected he’d ask that day. I said all sorts of things about men just to discourage him, but it didn’t work. He told me he liked me and asked me on a date. I said yes, mostly because I knew he was travelling soon and could ghost him later.

But he didn’t let up after asking me on a date. He got more intense. He started talking about our future, how he told his dad about me, how we’d move to Canada together. That intensity made me want to ghost him even more.

I’m confused.  You didn’t like him too? Why were you scared to commit?

Tolase: It felt too good to be true, and I didn’t know if I was ready. Dehinde was moving too fast, and I couldn’t keep up. He’d be my first real boyfriend, and I wasn’t dating for vibes. I was dating to marry. Saying yes felt like saying yes to marriage.

Luckily, a mutual friend advised me to talk to him about my reservations. I did, and he slowed down a bit. He kept asking me out, but I didn’t say yes until much later.

Dehinde: I didn’t get a yes until December 2023. That was also the perfect time because I’d gotten a new job and cancelled my plans for schooling in Kenya. 

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But did you consider moving on at any point?

Dehinde: I got tired a few times and felt a strong urge to give up the chase, but I decided to wait. I knew about her past with some foolish men, so I wanted to show her I wasn’t like that. I needed to make her trust me, and I was up to the task. 

Tolase: This guy was very consistent. He never got angry or made me feel bad when I said no. I felt safe with him, and when I saw that his actions matched his words, I started considering that dating him would be the best decision. I also prayed a lot because I wasn’t about to do what God didn’t want. I got multiple confirmations and finally said yes in December 2023.

Fair enough. What were the early days of your relationship like?

Dehinde: They were really sweet. Nothing major changed because we behaved like partners before she said yes. We went out on dates, I was always at her apartment working, we went to church together, and we talked all the time. But one thing that stood out to me was how emotionally safe I started to feel around her. She wasn’t just a friend anymore; she was someone I was building life with.

Tolase: Strangely, I became very guarded while he opened up more. He always begged me to talk about my feelings, but I struggled. On top of that, I never asked him for anything. Not because I didn’t need stuff, but I didn’t know how to.

Why do you think that happened, especially considering the strong friendship foundation?

Tolase: My past experiences with men didn’t end well. I’d find someone I liked, and they’d seem interested too, until I realised they were not serious or didn’t align with my values. Mind you, those weren’t even real relationships. So, being in an actual relationship with someone I cared about deeply was scary. I kept waiting for Dehinde to switch up.

And I’ve always seen myself as someone who can handle her own needs, so I didn’t want to become that person he’d start to take for granted. I was trying to protect myself from disappointment and “see finish”.

How did you handle this, Dehinde?

Dehinde: Patience. I didn’t rush or push her into doing what she wasn’t ready for. I always told her we had eternity together, so there was no need to force anything. I also kept opening up to her — about work, about personal stuff — and I think over time, it made her feel safe enough to start opening up too.

Nice. Have you guys had a major fight yet?

Dehinde: We’ve had a few. Most of them were about how I manage work and communication. When she was in the UK for some months, I got so wrapped up in work that I didn’t put in enough effort to keep in touch. But one fight that really stood out happened shortly after we became official. She said I wasn’t giving her enough attention, even though I was always at her place.

Tolase: He was there but not there, and I wasn’t getting attention. Dehinde would be in the living room glued to his laptop while I was in my room. When it was time to leave, he’d pack up and go without spending any quality time with me. So I confronted him about it one day, and he got upset. He didn’t understand why I was complaining, especially because he was always coming all the way from Ikorodu to Victoria Island. 

I tried to communicate it as best as possible, but he walked out. I couldn’t believe my eyes. But he returned a few minutes later, and we tried to have a sane discussion. 

Dehinde: I walked out because I was so confused and didn’t understand why she was complaining. I thought I was doing my best by always showing up. But as I was leaving, it hit me that walking out like that was rude and unfair. So I went back in, and we had a proper conversation.

Right. Considering work will always be a constant, how have you both tried to be more intentional with time and communication?

Dehinde: She was in the UK for some time, and staying connected over the phone was tough. I hated every minute of long-distance communication because it’s not my thing. I was always either distracted or busy. That’s why I tried to visit her often when she was back in Nigeria. But over time, I realised I had to be more deliberate.

So I started calling her first thing in the morning, checking in during the day, and talking to her before bed. We even set monthly virtual date nights.

Even after she returned to Nigeria, I kept the same routine, and it’s helped us stay grounded.

What is the best thing about being with each other?

Tolase: Dehinde pushes me a lot. I’m naturally laid-back, but he sees potential in me that I don’t see in myself. He gives me the confidence that I need and is very supportive. I feel very safe around him, and I can just be myself without judgment.

He also curates an event catalogue on my birthdays. It’s an entire presentation of all the activities he has planned for the day. It’s the sweetest thing. I’m eternally thankful for this man. 

Dehinde: Have you seen my babe? She’s the best!

I’d say that our differences are what make us complement each other. Tolase helps me relax when I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. She reminds me of who I am when I’m losing myself, and I’m always reminded that I’m human first whenever I’m around her.

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Love it for you. How would you both rate your love lives on a scale of 1-10? 

Tolase: I’d give us an 8. There’s a lot we’re still working through. But we’re really good friends first before anything. We laugh more than we argue and are aligned on what we want to do and where we want to be.

Dehinde: 9. We’re not married yet, but I’m looking forward to that because there’s more to be discovered about each other.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Hannah: It was during an early morning GNS class in 2021. The lecturer asked a question, and this really good-looking guy whom I’d never seen before stood up to answer. Quite a number of people also looked in his direction because no one seemed to have seen him around before.

Tade: Actually, no one had. It was my first day of class as a direct entry student.

Hannah: Right. Anyway, after the class, I got curious and kept an eye out for him. I didn’t see him for the rest of the week and didn’t even know who to ask. However, he was at the GNS class again the next Monday, and I talked to him after class.

Tade: My first memory of Hannah was during the second class. I had to run around for registration after the first class, so I couldn’t attend other lectures. I remember her walking up to me and saying, “Scholar, why didn’t you answer questions in class today?” I was taken aback because I didn’t even think anyone noticed me. But I liked her energy. We stood by the faculty gate and spoke for about 20 minutes. By the end of that week, she had become a guide who helped me settle into school.

Hannah: I found out he was smart. I’m talking ‘First Class’ easy. And he didn’t brag about it either. He just wanted to help everyone understand things better. I started attending his tutorials, and I started falling for him.

Did you try to let him know you liked him?

Hannah: Oh, I definitely tried to make him notice. I’d linger after tutorials and start random conversations to spend more time around him. I also started texting him questions I already knew the answers to — just to keep talking.

Tade: I noticed but wasn’t sure if it meant anything. I thought she was just being friendly. It wasn’t until she started showing up with snacks and randomly asking about my day that I thought, “Hmm, this might be something.”

And what did you do with this realisation, Tade?

Tade: I didn’t act on it immediately. I liked her, but I was still finding my footing at school and didn’t want any distractions. But she made it hard to resist. She was so intentional and easy to talk to. Eventually, I asked if she wanted to grab lunch after one of our tutorials, and that’s how it started.

Hannah: That lunch turned into a weekly thing. Then we started studying together outside tutorials, and before long, it felt like we were already in a relationship.

Who made things official?

Tade: I did. One evening, after a long study session, I walked her back to her hostel and told her I wanted us to make it official. She didn’t even let me finish before saying yes.

Hannah: I think my feelings got intense when I realised how safe I felt around him. I’d been in a previous situationship that was just completely horrible. The guy rushed me into having sex when I wasn’t fully ready, and he always had his hands all over me at the slightest chance. 

Because of him, I stayed away from intimacy for a long time, but Tade somehow reignited those feelings. Only, he hardly made any move and would say “I’m sorry” at the slightest brush of his hands on my body.

When he asked me out, I was the happiest girl in the world. More importantly, I was curious to see what intimacy with him would look like. 

So when the intimate moment finally came, how was it?

Hannah: Mind-blowing. I’d never felt anything like it before. From the very first kiss, there was this electricity I can’t quite explain. It wasn’t just about sex; it was how deeply in sync we were. Every touch felt like he’d known my body for years. He read my cues without me having to say a word.

Tade: It was the same for me. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I remember that first night, we kissed for what felt like hours before we even undressed. And it wasn’t rushed. Everything was slow, intense and deliberate. She made me feel like I was the only man on earth.

Hannah: And we just kept going. I’m talking every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It was like our bodies were addicted to each other. I’d be thinking about the last time in class, already wanting him again. Like he said, it wasn’t even about the act itself. We could spend hours kissing, touching, whispering things to each other. I genuinely didn’t think I could be that obsessed with someone.

Tade: I used to joke that if sex were a language, we were fluent speakers. There was never any awkwardness. We just fit, like our parts were designed exclusively for each other. Every time felt like the first time, only deeper. More intense. I still don’t know how to explain it.

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I think I get the picture. Outside of all that intensity, what were the early days of your relationship like?

Hannah: They were soft and sweet. When we weren’t making out or getting lost in each other’s bodies, we were studying, cooking, laughing at the dumbest things. We had built our own world. 

Tade: Yeah, we balanced each other out. I was all about school; she brought in the fun. But even in the playful moments, there was still that undercurrent of desire. I’d be helping her prep for a test and still be distracted by her body. We were obsessed, but in a way that still made room for love.

Hannah: But now that I think about it, there were small moments where I realised we might not want the same things long-term.

What kind of moments?

Hannah: Tade is very — what’s the word — academic? Everything had to be about growth, discipline, and structure. I admired this, of course. But I also love the little things —birthdays, random date nights, impulsive getaways. And he never really cared for those things. 

I’d be excited about us going out to see a movie, and he’d say something like, “Let’s just rest instead and watch a TED Talk or listen to a podcast.” It wasn’t a big deal, but I’d file it in my mind.

Tade: I won’t lie, I noticed she was more expressive and romantic than I was. I just didn’t think it mattered much. In my head, we were solid, so what did it matter if I didn’t get her flowers every other week? But she was right. I didn’t always show up in the ways that counted to her.

Hannah: I didn’t say anything early. I kept rationalising it. Like, “He’s a good guy. He’s not cheating. He helps me study. The sex is amazing. That should be enough, right?”

Tade: Meanwhile, I thought we were doing great. No fights, no drama, fantastic sex, solid friendship. I just didn’t realise I was missing the emotional cues.

So at what point did things boil over?

Hannah: A week before our third anniversary. I’d planned something really simple — dinner at my place, candles, just the two of us. I even made amala because he always joked that my amala could raise the dead. But he called around 7 p.m. to say he couldn’t make it because he had a virtual academic conference.

Tade: That conference had been on my calendar for weeks. I even told her about it, but I didn’t remind her, and I guess I assumed she wouldn’t plan anything for that evening.

Hannah: That’s the problem — you assumed. It wasn’t just about that day. It was the accumulation of many other disappointments I never voiced. I remember sitting alone with all the food I’d made, candles already melted halfway, and thinking, “This man loves me, but he doesn’t prioritise me.”

Tade: I felt really bad when she told me. But it also made me realise we’d been drifting and hadn’t said it out loud. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her. I just wasn’t showing it in the ways that mattered to her. 

We talked, and she cried. She told me she didn’t think she had the emotional strength to keep making excuses for us. I didn’t want us to break up, but I respected her decision. Part of me thought it was a phase, and we’d find our way back.

Hannah: And we did. Just not the way I imagined.

What do you mean?

Hannah: We didn’t talk for a few months after we broke up. We said hi occasionally on campus, but that was about it. I thought cutting him off would help me move on, but it didn’t. I missed him: not just the sex, even though that was a huge part, but also the way he listened to me, made me laugh, calmed me down when I spiralled. Still, I tried to move on. I went on a few dates and even slept with someone once, but it felt empty. Like I was trying to recreate something that was too specific to us.

Then, one evening, I bumped into him at a mutual friend’s hangout when we returned to school for our final year clearance. We talked like old friends, laughed a lot. I’d missed that version of us. After the party, he offered to walk me to my cab. It was about to rain, and he held his jacket over my head, like something out of a movie. I remember standing in the drizzle, looking up at him, and thinking, “God, abeg.”

Tade: That night did something to me. Seeing her again reminded me of everything I’d buried. The way she looked at me, smiled at my jokes, it didn’t feel like time had passed. I tried to play it cool, but when I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I texted her the following day, just to say I enjoyed seeing her. We started talking again, and the conversations quickly went from casual to emotional.

Two weeks later, we planned to meet again in school under the guise of coming for clearance. We stayed at a friend’s hostel and I remember we had dinner, talked like old times, but you could feel the sexual tension building up between us. Then she said she needed to use the bathroom. She stood by the door and stared at me when she came out. I stood up, walked to her, and kissed her. We didn’t stop. It was like our bodies remembered each other in detail. We made love for hours, and I remember lying next to her thinking, “There’s no one else I’ll ever connect with like this.”

Must be nice. 

Hannah: I wish I could say it was a mistake, but it wasn’t. It felt too right. Like I said, he’s my sex soulmate. I’ve had other partners, but no one gets my body like Tade. 

I’m curious. How do you handle being with other people while still sleeping together?

Hannah: Not well. It’s not fair, and I know that. I tried to stop. I even told someone I was seeing about Tade once and it didn’t end well. So now, we don’t tell. We just sneak around.

Tade: I’ve not really gotten into anything serious since we broke up. I’ve focused more on preparing applications for a fully funded master’s program. But I’ll admit, there’s someone I talk to; a talking stage. She wouldn’t be entirely pleased if she found out I’m still sleeping with my ex.

Hannah: And she’s smart. I think she suspects. She called once while I was at his place, and he had to act like he was alone. I felt so guilty, but I also thought, Why am I still here? It’s like I’m addicted to him.

Tade: We’ve had the conversation about becoming official again. Multiple times, actually. But we both know nothing’s changed fundamentally. I’m still that guy who’s obsessed with planning the next big academic move, and she still needs someone who’s fully present, emotionally and otherwise. We’re not pretending anymore, though. We’re just honest about what we are — each other’s fix. And maybe that’s all it’ll ever be.

ALSO READ: Her Anger Issues Bring Out the Worst in Us, But We’re Still Trying

Have there been issues or moments when this arrangement became hard to maintain?

Tade: Yeah, there’ve been moments where it wasn’t simple. I remember she came over after a bad date, and I stupidly asked her what the guy did wrong. She snapped at me and said, “What do you care? It’s not like you’re trying to replace him.” That night ended in silence — no cuddles, no lingering conversations like we usually have and no sex. I think we both realised again that this thing we have comes with invisible lines we’re not allowed to cross.

Hannah: That night messed with me. I went home thinking, What are we really doing? But then I saw him again the next week, and everything just fell into place again. It’s confusing. Sometimes it feels like emotional self-harm, but it also feels too good to quit.

Tade: What makes it harder is that we don’t fight. We understand each other too well. It’s almost like we’ve created a little world where we don’t have to explain anything, and that’s hard to let go of.

What would you say is best about being with each other, even now? What keeps pulling you both back?

Hannah: With Tade, there’s no pretence. Even when we’re not officially together, he sees me in a way no one else ever has. Like, I could be breaking down mid-sentence and he’d already pull me close before the tears fall. And when it comes to intimacy? I don’t know how else to say this, but he just gets me. I never feel rushed, judged or like I have to explain anything. It’s the kind of chemistry you don’t come across twice in a lifetime.

Tade: For me, it’s the comfort and familiarity. I know the exact look she gives when she’s stressed. I know how to calm her down and make her laugh even when she says she doesn’t want to. We have this rhythm,  like our bodies remember each other even when our minds are trying to forget. I’ve tried to recreate that with someone else and failed. There’s just something about us that fits.

Hannah: Sometimes I’ll be lying in bed alone and remember how he holds my waist or how we’d just lie in silence afterwards. Like, “Yeah, the world is mad, but I still have this.” 

Right. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Hannah: As exes or as sex soulmates?

Tade: Both.

Hannah: As a couple, 6. As sex soulmates? 11.

Tade: I agree. We broke up for good reasons. But what we have now? I’m not sure we’ll ever find this with someone else.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?  

Mojeed: It was in 1998. I visited her family home with my cousin, and she went to buy bottles of Coca-Cola to entertain us. The funny thing is, the same cousin had visited her home with other guys interested in Tinuke, yet he still followed me to her place knowing I also had plans of wooing her. 

Tinuke: I remember that night. I was still in secondary school, and he was also in SS3, preparing for graduation. 

But my earliest memory of Mojeed happened when I received a love letter from him professing his feelings. It was the sweetest thing, and I laughed so much after reading the letter. 

Was this before the visit?

Tinuke: Yes, it was before the visit. Although I can’t remember when because it’s been so long. After the letter, we developed a friendship.

Mojeed: We had lots of mutual friends. Some of them were women, and they were constantly around me. I think Tinuke assumed there was more than a friendship between us, so she kept a safe distance. But nothing was going on with these people. That was what prompted me to write a love letter confessing my feelings and explaining the situation to her. 

Sweet. What was your friendship like?

Mojeed: We were casual friends for about 13 years before we moved to the next phase.  A lot was happening in our individual lives, and there was also the distance. I moved to Lagos to live with my brother, and also got into Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU).

Tinuke: We only got to spend time together during festive seasons. After he moved, I remained in Osun State until I completed my secondary education, and then I relocated to Ilorin. 

Mojeed: There were no mobile phones or social media, so it was really hard to connect when we weren’t home during Ileya and other festive periods. We’d meet and catch up on what we’d missed until we parted ways. It continued like this for a while, and at some point, I’m sure we forgot we had wooed ourselves.

However, my interest was reignited after I learnt Tinuke had moved to Ilorin and enrolled at the school of nursing. I’d always fancied myself being with someone in the health sector. I was living with my elder brother at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), and my daily interactions with people in the line made me interested in the sector. 

Curious. Did your feelings for him remain the same during this period?

Tinuke: To be honest, I think I wasn’t entirely in the headspace of being in a relationship. I felt I was too young to get myself entangled in a romantic situation.

Mojeed: Is that so? She constantly sent messages through my mother to check on me and see how I was doing. She’d also buy stuff for me and have my mum send it to me.

Tinuke: Please, don’t mind him. I only did that from a platonic place of care and concern for a friend.

Right. What about you, Mojeed?

Tinuke: He had them in troves.

Mojeed: Well, she’s always known me to be a man of many. I had so many male and female friends and got involved with girls whom I thought I’d end up marrying. Also, I’m from a polygamous home with many male siblings, and flocks of people have always surrounded us. My family threw our doors open to everyone. So, people were constantly wanting to be around us. Not many people could handle that level of constant attention-seeking, so it slowed things down between us until we reunited again in 2007.

How did that happen?

Mojeed: By this time, we had both relocated again. I was serving in Abia State, while she had moved to Egbe, Kogi State, for her midwifery course. I had travelled to Kogi to visit another potential love interest I was considering for a serious relationship, but the moment I got there, I realised I’d only be cheating this lady if I proceeded. She didn’t have the level of maturity and patience I needed.

I had been a student activist and had been suspended for four academic semesters because of student campaigns for politicians in Osun State. I knew that with the kind of life I was living, I needed a partner who was bold, brave, and emotionally strong. After spending time with her, I knew she couldn’t handle the pressure of being associated with me.

I remained in Kogi for three days, and during that time, I crossed paths with Tinuke again.

Tinuke: We had a long conversation, and he was surprised I hadn’t gotten married. Then, he asked if we could revisit our conversation from years ago.

Naturally, I wanted to know about the lady he had come to see, but he admitted it wouldn’t be fair to pursue things with her. He told me he would end up cheating, pressuring her, and making life difficult for her because she wouldn’t know how to handle him. He called himself a stubborn and restless activist and said he needed a mature partner who could live without him.

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And you felt you were this person?

Tinuke: I’ve always been mature and level-headed, even as a kid. I know how to handle issues without making a big deal, and Mojeed knew. So his stubbornness or activism weren’t concerning for me. However, I ensured he came clean to the lady he visited and fully explained the situation before I entertained his advances again.

Right. Is this point you made things official?

Mojeed: Yes, we started dating in 2007 and courted for about four years before getting married in March 2011.

Tinuke: During that time, we were very intentional about our relationship. We constantly visited each other’s families, and everyone on both sides knew about us.

Mojeed: Tinuke got a job offer from the Ekiti State Government around that period. That meant a lot of back and forth between Lagos and Ekiti so that we could spend time together. But after a while, I realised Ekiti wasn’t the best place for her if she wanted to grow in her career.

Without informing either of our families, we started planning for her to move to Lagos. That’s one of the biggest sacrifices she made for our relationship. In Ekiti, she had free housing, cheap transport, and a great salary. But the Lagos job paid far less, the daily commute was stressful, and I could tell the entire experience was exhausting for her. Yet, she stayed.

I assured her she was making the right decision, not just for us, but for her future.

Tinuke, did you feel this was the best decision for you and not one made for Mojeed?

Tinuke: It was a bit of both. We understood each other, and whatever he suggested was for my career growth. There was also the part of him being in Lagos and me in Ekiti. We were putting each other at risk with the road trips, which wasn’t sustainable. Despite the pay cut and harsh working conditions, I considered all these and agreed it was in our collective best interest to come to Lagos.

Did you ever regret the decision?

Tinuke: Not at all. It was difficult because I’d been yanked from my comfort zone, but I knew it was in my best interest. 

Nice. Speaking of getting married, when did you know you’d fallen in love and wanted to commit forever?

Tinuke: I had many moments of deep introspection when I considered his feelings for me and the actions that backed those confessions. Mojeed was very intentional about my growth and career progression. He constantly involved me in his plans, and I could tell he wanted the best for me. 

Did you discuss with someone?

Tinuke: I didn’t. I’m a private person, and even though I have a sister, we don’t discuss such intimate matters. I only presented Mojeed when it was time to make things official, and that was it.

Mojeed: I had a similar moment in 2008. I looked around at the women in my life and realised that marriage wasn’t just about personal feelings. It was bigger than me. I had to consider if my partner could accommodate family, handle the realities of marriage beyond the romance, and if she had the patience to deal with my excesses. Tinuke ticked all those boxes.

It also helped that my family naturally gravitated towards her. I remember when I finished NYSC and refused to take a job because I wanted to be my boss. Tinuke stood by me through it all — encouraging, supporting, even spending her salary on me without hesitation. That kind of sacrifice showed me she was the one.

Nice. Was marriage any different from courtship?

Mojeed: Definitely. In Islam, the Prophet (SAW) said three things must happen before truly knowing someone: you must do business, travel, and live together.

Living together was a different ballgame entirely. I started seeing things I hadn’t noticed before — things she had been managing during courtship. The shift was massive for someone like me, who had lived as a student activist. I realised I couldn’t make impulsive decisions anymore. I once took an unplanned trip to Maiduguri in my activist days, but that wasn’t an option now.

I also noticed that Tinuke kept a lot to herself. While it wasn’t a problem initially, I worried about how much she bottled up and what would happen if she reached her tipping point. Conversely, I’m an open book — I share things easily. She would berate me for talking too much in public, but I didn’t see it as a big deal. Learning these new sides of her made our marriage an interesting journey.

Tinuke: I always knew Mojeed was stubborn, but living together as husband and wife gave me a deeper understanding of him. I saw that beyond his strong opinions and activism, he was incredibly open and supportive to me and everyone around him.

His restlessness was another thing I had to learn to manage. He was always moving and involved in something, and I constantly talked him through his decisions, trying to get him to slow down. This new dynamic made our marriage more layered and, even stronger, in some ways.

Nice. When did kids come into the picture, and did they change anything?

Mojeed: We had our first child in 2013, and while parenting has been a rewarding journey, one of our biggest challenges has been how attached the kids are to me. They refuse to sleep until I’m home, and as sweet as that sounds, it has affected our ability to bond as a couple.

The kids never want to stay in their room — they sneak into our bed as late as 2:30 a.m., and nothing we do seems to change that. It’s not like they don’t have other people around the house to keep them company; they just insist on being with me. Our lastborn even has a designated spot on the bed — my side, never Tinuke’s. Setting boundaries has been a real struggle.

Tinuke: Beyond intimacy taking several hits, the most challenging part of parenting has been juggling my career and managing the home. Like Mojeed said, we always have people around to help, but some responsibilities can’t be delegated.

No matter how much support we have, there are still school runs to handle, house chores that need my attention, and a million other little things that fall on me. It’s a lot, but we’ve worked on finding balance over the years. We’re intentional about carving out time for ourselves, even though it’s nothing like what we had before kids. Still, I think we’re in a good place.

How do you feel about the kids’ attachment to their dad, Tinuke?

Tinuke: It’s not a problem. They’re all boys, and I think it’s only natural. Plus, it gladdens my heart to know I have a supportive partner who is good with the kids. They pretend around me, but once their dad is around, you’ll see them in their true form.

Makes sense. What would you say has been the biggest challenge you navigated as a couple in 14 years of marriage?

Mojeed: The most challenging period in our marriage was the waiting period before our first child. Tinuke suffered multiple miscarriages, and each one broke her a little more than the last one. I wasn’t worried, but she was; even though it had only been a year or two into our marriage.

There’s also a ridiculous misconception that female nurses try to delay pregnancy because they’re promiscuous. Of course, I never believed that, and thankfully, neither did my family. My gynaecologist brother ran tests and confirmed that she was okay. I kept reassuring her that we had time, but she still struggled with the weight of it all.

Tinuke: That period was incredibly tough for me. The biggest problem wasn’t just the losses — it was what people would say. I was worried about the stereotypes about female medical personnel, about people assuming I had aborted so many times that I couldn’t conceive. Even though Mojeed and his family gave me no reason to feel that way, I still couldn’t help it. Thankfully, our prayers were answered in 2013.

Do you think you would have stayed together if you never had kids?

Tinuke: Of course. Why not? We were both certified medically fit. What guarantee was there that the situation would have been any different with another partner?

Mojeed: I’ve always told her that if anything, she would have been the only one troubled. I don’t bother myself with what people say. If the kids had never come, we would have adopted and carried on with our lives.

I always say that marriage is beyond children and just a husband and wife. It’s a complex institution, but also the best one you can have. You’ve still won if you have nothing else but a great partner. And in my case, I bagged the best.

Being married to Tinuke is the best thing that has happened to me. I told God I wanted someone like my mother, and I found Tinuke.

Neat. How would you say this marriage has changed you? 

Tinuke: In various ways. I always say I’m blessed to be doing life with someone like Mojeed. Through my husband and Almighty Allah, I’ve made incredible career progress. He continues to push me to become a better version of myself. Before we got married, I was only a registered nurse and midwife. Now, I have a BSc degree and am a registered nurse anesthetist. Outside of my career, I have three handsome boys and a beautiful home. I’ve only had positives in this marriage.

Mojeed: Being with Tinuke has changed my views about life. Her understanding, maturity and support keep me levelheaded. I used to be very restless, but now I want to spend most of the time at home with my family. There’s also the part where she has made me a better haggler at the market. I generally don’t worry about price tags, but Tinuke believes I work hard for my money so it shouldn’t be spent anyhow. I know how to get the best prices because of my wife, and I’m more financially accountable.

She also challenges me when I’m wrong. Earlier, I said I couldn’t marry the lady from Egbe because she was timid. I’d feel like I was cheating her, which wouldn’t be good for my conscience. Tinuke isn’t like that. She calls me out with her chest when it’s needed.

Tinuke: Mojeed has been a beautiful partner, and I’m using this moment to say how much I cherish him. My husband has been a pillar of support to this family, and even my family. If Mojeed has ₦50, he’s spending ₦45 on the family. He doesn’t hide his money, I know where he keeps his cash, and I have full access to it. Also, I can’t thank him enough for what he’s done for my career. I remember backing out from a program when I heard the form was ₦20k, and he stepped in. Today, I’m reaping the benefits of that investment. I’m grateful for the gift of him.

Right. On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate your love life?

Tinuke: I’ll rate us a 9. I think there’s always room for improvement. We’ve known each other for 27 years and have been married for 14, and the journey has been beautiful. We had our ups and downs but always found our way back to each other. 

Mojeed: It’s an 8 for me. There are things we aren’t doing in our relationship that I’d like to see us try out. There’s so much seriousness with both of us. We’re constantly working and hustling, but I believe we should have private times when it’s just her and me. 

Why is that not happening? Does she turn down your requests?

Mojeed: Not outrightly, she doesn’t. It’s just the nature of her job. She’s extremely occupied, and I’m also not free when she’s on leave. So we’ve had this constant circle of not having time to celebrate ourselves as a couple. There are also times when she makes a mental calculation of what going out will cost, and she’ll end up saying, “Why not let us put this in the children’s account?” Then, I have to spend time trying to convince her.  I’d like to see an improvement on that front. My wife deserves so much more, and I want to give it all to her.

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