Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Hannah: It was during an early morning GNS class in 2021. The lecturer asked a question, and this really good-looking guy whom I’d never seen before stood up to answer. Quite a number of people also looked in his direction because no one seemed to have seen him around before.
Tade: Actually, no one had. It was my first day of class as a direct entry student.
Hannah: Right. Anyway, after the class, I got curious and kept an eye out for him. I didn’t see him for the rest of the week and didn’t even know who to ask. However, he was at the GNS class again the next Monday, and I talked to him after class.
Tade: My first memory of Hannah was during the second class. I had to run around for registration after the first class, so I couldn’t attend other lectures. I remember her walking up to me and saying, “Scholar, why didn’t you answer questions in class today?” I was taken aback because I didn’t even think anyone noticed me. But I liked her energy. We stood by the faculty gate and spoke for about 20 minutes. By the end of that week, she had become a guide who helped me settle into school.
Hannah: I found out he was smart. I’m talking ‘First Class’ easy. And he didn’t brag about it either. He just wanted to help everyone understand things better. I started attending his tutorials, and I started falling for him.
Did you try to let him know you liked him?
Hannah: Oh, I definitely tried to make him notice. I’d linger after tutorials and start random conversations to spend more time around him. I also started texting him questions I already knew the answers to — just to keep talking.
Tade: I noticed but wasn’t sure if it meant anything. I thought she was just being friendly. It wasn’t until she started showing up with snacks and randomly asking about my day that I thought, “Hmm, this might be something.”
And what did you do with this realisation, Tade?
Tade: I didn’t act on it immediately. I liked her, but I was still finding my footing at school and didn’t want any distractions. But she made it hard to resist. She was so intentional and easy to talk to. Eventually, I asked if she wanted to grab lunch after one of our tutorials, and that’s how it started.
Hannah: That lunch turned into a weekly thing. Then we started studying together outside tutorials, and before long, it felt like we were already in a relationship.
Who made things official?
Tade: I did. One evening, after a long study session, I walked her back to her hostel and told her I wanted us to make it official. She didn’t even let me finish before saying yes.
Hannah: I think my feelings got intense when I realised how safe I felt around him. I’d been in a previous situationship that was just completely horrible. The guy rushed me into having sex when I wasn’t fully ready, and he always had his hands all over me at the slightest chance.
Because of him, I stayed away from intimacy for a long time, but Tade somehow reignited those feelings. Only, he hardly made any move and would say “I’m sorry” at the slightest brush of his hands on my body.
When he asked me out, I was the happiest girl in the world. More importantly, I was curious to see what intimacy with him would look like.
So when the intimate moment finally came, how was it?
Hannah: Mind-blowing. I’d never felt anything like it before. From the very first kiss, there was this electricity I can’t quite explain. It wasn’t just about sex; it was how deeply in sync we were. Every touch felt like he’d known my body for years. He read my cues without me having to say a word.
Tade: It was the same for me. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I remember that first night, we kissed for what felt like hours before we even undressed. And it wasn’t rushed. Everything was slow, intense and deliberate. She made me feel like I was the only man on earth.
Hannah: And we just kept going. I’m talking every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It was like our bodies were addicted to each other. I’d be thinking about the last time in class, already wanting him again. Like he said, it wasn’t even about the act itself. We could spend hours kissing, touching, whispering things to each other. I genuinely didn’t think I could be that obsessed with someone.
Tade: I used to joke that if sex were a language, we were fluent speakers. There was never any awkwardness. We just fit, like our parts were designed exclusively for each other. Every time felt like the first time, only deeper. More intense. I still don’t know how to explain it.
I think I get the picture. Outside of all that intensity, what were the early days of your relationship like?
Hannah: They were soft and sweet. When we weren’t making out or getting lost in each other’s bodies, we were studying, cooking, laughing at the dumbest things. We had built our own world.
Tade: Yeah, we balanced each other out. I was all about school; she brought in the fun. But even in the playful moments, there was still that undercurrent of desire. I’d be helping her prep for a test and still be distracted by her body. We were obsessed, but in a way that still made room for love.
Hannah: But now that I think about it, there were small moments where I realised we might not want the same things long-term.
What kind of moments?
Hannah: Tade is very — what’s the word — academic? Everything had to be about growth, discipline, and structure. I admired this, of course. But I also love the little things —birthdays, random date nights, impulsive getaways. And he never really cared for those things.
I’d be excited about us going out to see a movie, and he’d say something like, “Let’s just rest instead and watch a TED Talk or listen to a podcast.” It wasn’t a big deal, but I’d file it in my mind.
Tade: I won’t lie, I noticed she was more expressive and romantic than I was. I just didn’t think it mattered much. In my head, we were solid, so what did it matter if I didn’t get her flowers every other week? But she was right. I didn’t always show up in the ways that counted to her.
Hannah: I didn’t say anything early. I kept rationalising it. Like, “He’s a good guy. He’s not cheating. He helps me study. The sex is amazing. That should be enough, right?”
Tade: Meanwhile, I thought we were doing great. No fights, no drama, fantastic sex, solid friendship. I just didn’t realise I was missing the emotional cues.
So at what point did things boil over?
Hannah: A week before our third anniversary. I’d planned something really simple — dinner at my place, candles, just the two of us. I even made amala because he always joked that my amala could raise the dead. But he called around 7 p.m. to say he couldn’t make it because he had a virtual academic conference.
Tade: That conference had been on my calendar for weeks. I even told her about it, but I didn’t remind her, and I guess I assumed she wouldn’t plan anything for that evening.
Hannah: That’s the problem — you assumed. It wasn’t just about that day. It was the accumulation of many other disappointments I never voiced. I remember sitting alone with all the food I’d made, candles already melted halfway, and thinking, “This man loves me, but he doesn’t prioritise me.”
Tade: I felt really bad when she told me. But it also made me realise we’d been drifting and hadn’t said it out loud. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her. I just wasn’t showing it in the ways that mattered to her.
We talked, and she cried. She told me she didn’t think she had the emotional strength to keep making excuses for us. I didn’t want us to break up, but I respected her decision. Part of me thought it was a phase, and we’d find our way back.
Hannah: And we did. Just not the way I imagined.
What do you mean?
Hannah: We didn’t talk for a few months after we broke up. We said hi occasionally on campus, but that was about it. I thought cutting him off would help me move on, but it didn’t. I missed him: not just the sex, even though that was a huge part, but also the way he listened to me, made me laugh, calmed me down when I spiralled. Still, I tried to move on. I went on a few dates and even slept with someone once, but it felt empty. Like I was trying to recreate something that was too specific to us.
Then, one evening, I bumped into him at a mutual friend’s hangout when we returned to school for our final year clearance. We talked like old friends, laughed a lot. I’d missed that version of us. After the party, he offered to walk me to my cab. It was about to rain, and he held his jacket over my head, like something out of a movie. I remember standing in the drizzle, looking up at him, and thinking, “God, abeg.”
Tade: That night did something to me. Seeing her again reminded me of everything I’d buried. The way she looked at me, smiled at my jokes, it didn’t feel like time had passed. I tried to play it cool, but when I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I texted her the following day, just to say I enjoyed seeing her. We started talking again, and the conversations quickly went from casual to emotional.
Two weeks later, we planned to meet again in school under the guise of coming for clearance. We stayed at a friend’s hostel and I remember we had dinner, talked like old times, but you could feel the sexual tension building up between us. Then she said she needed to use the bathroom. She stood by the door and stared at me when she came out. I stood up, walked to her, and kissed her. We didn’t stop. It was like our bodies remembered each other in detail. We made love for hours, and I remember lying next to her thinking, “There’s no one else I’ll ever connect with like this.”
Must be nice.
Hannah: I wish I could say it was a mistake, but it wasn’t. It felt too right. Like I said, he’s my sex soulmate. I’ve had other partners, but no one gets my body like Tade.
I’m curious. How do you handle being with other people while still sleeping together?
Hannah: Not well. It’s not fair, and I know that. I tried to stop. I even told someone I was seeing about Tade once and it didn’t end well. So now, we don’t tell. We just sneak around.
Tade: I’ve not really gotten into anything serious since we broke up. I’ve focused more on preparing applications for a fully funded master’s program. But I’ll admit, there’s someone I talk to; a talking stage. She wouldn’t be entirely pleased if she found out I’m still sleeping with my ex.
Hannah: And she’s smart. I think she suspects. She called once while I was at his place, and he had to act like he was alone. I felt so guilty, but I also thought, Why am I still here? It’s like I’m addicted to him.
Tade: We’ve had the conversation about becoming official again. Multiple times, actually. But we both know nothing’s changed fundamentally. I’m still that guy who’s obsessed with planning the next big academic move, and she still needs someone who’s fully present, emotionally and otherwise. We’re not pretending anymore, though. We’re just honest about what we are — each other’s fix. And maybe that’s all it’ll ever be.
Have there been issues or moments when this arrangement became hard to maintain?
Tade: Yeah, there’ve been moments where it wasn’t simple. I remember she came over after a bad date, and I stupidly asked her what the guy did wrong. She snapped at me and said, “What do you care? It’s not like you’re trying to replace him.” That night ended in silence — no cuddles, no lingering conversations like we usually have and no sex. I think we both realised again that this thing we have comes with invisible lines we’re not allowed to cross.
Hannah: That night messed with me. I went home thinking, What are we really doing? But then I saw him again the next week, and everything just fell into place again. It’s confusing. Sometimes it feels like emotional self-harm, but it also feels too good to quit.
Tade: What makes it harder is that we don’t fight. We understand each other too well. It’s almost like we’ve created a little world where we don’t have to explain anything, and that’s hard to let go of.
What would you say is best about being with each other, even now? What keeps pulling you both back?
Hannah: With Tade, there’s no pretence. Even when we’re not officially together, he sees me in a way no one else ever has. Like, I could be breaking down mid-sentence and he’d already pull me close before the tears fall. And when it comes to intimacy? I don’t know how else to say this, but he just gets me. I never feel rushed, judged or like I have to explain anything. It’s the kind of chemistry you don’t come across twice in a lifetime.
Tade: For me, it’s the comfort and familiarity. I know the exact look she gives when she’s stressed. I know how to calm her down and make her laugh even when she says she doesn’t want to. We have this rhythm, like our bodies remember each other even when our minds are trying to forget. I’ve tried to recreate that with someone else and failed. There’s just something about us that fits.
Hannah: Sometimes I’ll be lying in bed alone and remember how he holds my waist or how we’d just lie in silence afterwards. Like, “Yeah, the world is mad, but I still have this.”
Right. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Hannah: As exes or as sex soulmates?
Tade: Both.
Hannah: As a couple, 6. As sex soulmates? 11.
Tade: I agree. We broke up for good reasons. But what we have now? I’m not sure we’ll ever find this with someone else.
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