Wedding | Page 6 of 7

1. This Ethiopian bride and her bridesmaids are gorgeous!

2. Look at this Zulu bride looking like glory!

3. This kente clad Ghanaian bride is so lovely!

4. This Eritrean bride is the definition of gorgeous.

5. Look at this Moroccan beauty!

6. This bride from Mauritania looked fantastic!

7. This Ugandan bride is picture perfect!
1. So you just found out your ex boyfriend is getting married.

Wow!
2. And to be honest, you’re a bit confused

“What’s going on?”
3. Because he had the guts to invite you!

He is brave oh!
4. It’s not like you are a bad belle person oh!

At all!
5. But the reason you people broke up is that he said he doesn’t believe in marriage!

“It’s just a piece of paper”
6. So now he has been converted abi!

Very what? Very good!
7. Does he think you won’t attend?

Could it be?
8. Because you will oh! And in grand style!

YES!
9. The day of his wedding, you take more time than usual bathing, so your skin looks and feels like velvet.

Most beautiful!
10. Then you give them the most sizzling make up look you have perfected.

11. Now you’re looking fine, smelling great and ready to go!

We move!
12. You walk into the reception like:

How Lagos girls walk into their ex's wedding reception pic.twitter.com/A1SyGOX9I7
— Jola (@Jollz) September 19, 2016

“I have arrived peasants!”
13. And then smile at all his useless relatives that could not talk sense into his head when you were dating.

“I hate you all.”
14. You say hello to all his friends like you care about them.

Useless bunch
15. And eat all the food there is in sight.

Chop all their money!
16. Before you leave, you greet the bride and groom like:

“Good bye peasants! Have a nice life!”
1. This yoruba bride brought all the swag as a true daughter of Oduduwa.

2. This Igbo bride is giving us life.

3. This Efik bride looked like royalty!

4. While this Edo bride repped the Bini Kingdom to the max and did it well!

5. This Fulani bride did not come to play!

6. Just look at this Ijaw queen!

7. This Tiv Bride looked absolutely fabulous.
1. First of all, don’t tell anyone you’re getting married.

Tell them after maybe like 2 years of marriage.
2. Get married on a weekday, not the weekend where people have time to crash your nuptials.

Awon alakoba! Stay where you are.
3. When anyone mentions aso ebi, you’re like:

I don’t want to hear noise!
4. If anyone recommends a caterer that has an instagram page, this should be your reaction:

Their eye is too big please, bring the one that barely has mobile phone!
5. A reception is overrated, just share takeaway at court/church.

Everybody should carry their wahala and go!
6. No need for a wedding cake, it causes jedi jedi.

Give each guest an apple if they really want something sweet.
7. Instead of a DJ, just attach your brother’s phone to the speakers.

All na entertainment.
8. No need to rent a hall, if your father has a sitting room.

If they don’t like it, they should not come!
9. No need for souvenirs, how can you give guests presents?

Are they not the ones supposed to give you presents?
10. If you are really serious, just elope!

Go to court, sign the papers and be done with all the wahala!
1. The power hungry bouncers

These ones want you to call them “chairman” one million times before they allow you enter, even though you have an invite.
2. The dancing waiter

There’s always one waiter that forgets his tray carrying work and starts giving some hot steps!
3. The enthusiastic photographer

Ready to lie down on the dance-floor to get the “perfect shot”. Baba take it easy oh!
4. The cassanova groomsman

Every woman there is a possible target. No one is safe oh! Not even great grandmothers.
5. The very excited mother of the bride

This is actually her wedding. The bride and groom are just attending.
6. The desperate bridesmaid

She wants to meet every single eligible bachelor there and treats the tossing of the bouquet like it’s an olympic sport.
7. The tipsy uncle

Has a little to drink and starts disturbing all the bride’s friends even though his wife is watching him.
8. The stingy caterer

These ones act like they are not being paid to provide food oh. So stingy!
9. The “mo gbo mo ya” guest

Does not know the bride or groom. Came strictly for the party with no shame or regrets!
10. The souvenir hustler

Ready to fight for her right to that bucket and bottle opener if need be!
11. The bored cousin

There is always a relative of the bride or groom that is clearly attending the wedding by force and is not happy to be there.
12. The judging aunties

They are there to pass judgement on any and everyone at that event. Including you!
13. The oversabi couple

It’s not their wedding but everyone must see they are in love at someone else’s wedding oh!
14. The oversabi MC

He will do more than the bride, groom, waiters, relatives and everybody combined. Uncle face your talk talk work and go!
So you are minding your business, scrolling through Instagram during working hours (as you do) and you see another wedding hashtag:

Ayyyyy weekend rocks don set!
“Ahn ahn! Is that not our former neighbours aunty’s, cousin’s brother in law’s daughter with a man?”

Wawu! Small girl does your mother know you’re here?
“Ah see how she’s carrying her hand as if it’s paining her. Because of engagement ring?”

Na wa o!
You do some more amebo to find out aso ebi colours.

Which one is “pungent asexual turquoise” or “freckled pastel champagne” for goodness sakes! Ahn ahn?
Then you remember your cousin has one dress you can borrow like this.

We move!!
That day of the wedding, you open Youtube and start copying one look your favourite vlogger created.

#Facebeat #Yasss
You call your neighbour to help you take “unlooking” photos.

“I didn’t know anyone was taking my picture that’s normally how I am”
You and your crew arrive in grand style:

Baddest guys!
Only to see that there is entry tag.

God is this how it all ends? What a betrayed.
Then you recognise one of the bouncers from a wedding you attended last week (and the week before that and 3 weeks before that).

Look at God!
So you greet your guy and enter the place with confidence.

Kent stop me abeg!
Because you don’t want to look like you don’t have home training you only eat a little … of each option on the menu.

Balanced diet!
Photobooth dey? Time to give them your best poses!

#WeddingFlow #WeddingStyle #WeddingRocks #AsoEbiBella #HimHer2016 #WeddingGuest.
Then the live band packs their load and your favourite DJ starts to do his thing.

Gbedu time!
You gathering all the souvenirs you’ve collected:

“I must carry my load go.”
Then over the next one week you upload different pictures from the same event till the next weekend when you can do it all again.

Because every day for the guest, one day for the wedded.
1. When you haven’t even finished your graduation ceremony but your mother is already looking at you somehow.

I literally just finished!
2. How Nigerians see you when your above 24 and female…and unmarried.

Hian!
3. When one person actually asks why you’re not married yet.

Nigeria.
4. Everyday you log on to Facebook and someone from your secondary school is getting married.

Is it everyday?!
5. When your married friends start telling you “God will do your own”.

Did I ask you?
6. When someone is getting married and their aso ebi is 100k.

Will the souvenir be gold?
7. When someone tries to involve you in their elaborate proposal plans.

I no dey do!
8. When someone tries to insult you with “Go and Marry”.

Try again.
9. When your relatives start talking to your mother about your “condition”.

You will not mind your business now.
10. When you hear that people go to weddings to find marriage prospects.

Ehen?!
11. But you’re just always there for the food.

Plis don’t skip my table.
12. How people imagine you feel because you’re single.

Is that so?!
13. How you actually feel.

Does my crown bother you?
14. When everyone around you starts trying to set you up.

No! No!
15. When your parents ask what are your marriage plans.

I don’t understand the question.
1. When they change their menu for their fancy client.

This one pass your power.
2. When they tell you they don’t do small chops.

3. How they listen to you tell them to come early when they know they damn well won’t:

You will wait.
4. When you see their bill for the first time.

I’m dead.
5. When the guests are not even having it.

Is it aso-ebi they will eat?
6. When you no longer trust your caterers to share the food well.

No time.
7. How they look at guests that come back for more food:

Better leave this place.
8. When someone tries to “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” for them.

They don’t care oh!
9. Nigerian caterers and “meat has finished”.

ALL THE TIME!
10. When they serve you strong meat and you’re wearing white.

Is it fair?
11. When you taste their puff puff and it’s actually not soggy.

It’s a miracle.
12. When you make eye contact with the caterer stealing centrepieces during the event.

“Wetin you dey look?”
13. When you see the caterer that told you food has finished carrying packs home.

Is it like that?
1. When you’re going to do Mogbo Moya but you still dress like parent of the celebrant.

Mogbo Moya = “I hear, I branch”
2. You, calling the person that told you about the party when you see bouncers at the gate.

Where is this one?
3. When you find out that the person that told you to come was not even invited.

“It’s actually the bride’s tailor’s neighbor that told me about the party.”
4. How the guests look at you when you enter and you’re not wearing the dress code:

No vex!
5. When you realize you actually don’t know anyone at the event.

Who sent me message?
6. When people start using style to ask you which of the celebrants you know.

Uhm *coughs* Actually…
7. When they ask you to “please move” to the back and you have to carry all your shame and go.

Is this my life?
8. How the people sharing food look at you when you try to call them:

Jisos!
9. When the owambe is not even sweet but you remember you don’t have the right to complain.

Let me just shut up.
10. When they finish serving food to the real guests and give you bottom pot rice without meat.

Hay God! I’ve now turned to dog.
11. You, when they ask the friends of the celebrant to come and take pictures.

Don’t look at me.
12. When it’s now time to dance and you still do more than the people they actually invited.

All this gbedu cannot waste.
13. When all the souvenirs they are sharing are just passing you by.

Chei! It’s not your fault sha.