Congrats, you just got engaged! You’ve got the date, the ring, the partner and a ₦1.5 million budget. Do you think you can stick to it?
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Do you want to know the ethnic group your partner should be from? Plan a wedding, and we’ll tell you.
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We’ve shared a first timer’s guide to attending a Nigerian wedding in case you’re new to the Owambe lifestyle. If on the other hand, you’re the one wedding please pray these 6 things don’t happen.
They can seriously ruin your matrimonial plans.
1. If your caterer decides to be a witch
Never underestimatetbe power of a Nigerian caterer to ruin your wedding. Never, ever.
2. If you have been deceiving people’s children
You have finished deceiving your three side lovers that they’re the absolute loves of your life. Now, you want to get married in peace? You lie!
3. If you don’t share souvenirs
Ehn? After buying Aso-ebi 25k, you will leave people empty-handed? You want to see crazy. Share something, even if it’s a roll of tissue
4. If you don’t share Jellof, small chops or Amala
Is it even an Owambe if small chops or Jellof rice isn’t on the menu? Mama Rasheeda literally skipped meals just so she can eat four plates of Amala. So come correct.
5. If you hire a mad DJ
Imagine expecting a playlist containing classic wedding bops, only for the DJ to play a recording of their last sexcapade… To the hearing of all your 500 guests. Ah.
6. If you hire an anyhow photographer
Beautiful moments at your wedding are documented so you can revisit and cherish the memories. Videos of that you-may-kiss-the-bride moment nko? Sweet. But everything can go wrong if the person you hire for the job does anyhow.
In the spirit of Nigerian weddings and the culture surrounding it, bCODE will be rewarding a Nigerian couple will full video and photography coverage of their wedding ceremony.
How to Win:
- Create a 1minute clip telling about your love story.
- Upload on social media using the hashtag #HavaianasOWAMbe
- Tag @shopthebcode on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
Submission of entries starts on Saturday August 1st and ends September 11th, 2021.
Voting of shortlisted entries commences on 11th of September, 2021. Couples with the most engagement will be entered in a raffle and a winner picked.
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Are you looking to get married to your sweetheart without losing the love of your life? You can do it. Just follow everything we say in this article. We will tell you what to post, what to wear, and how to act. Don’t worry, nobody will catch you.
Here’s what to do:
1. Post one person publicly, but date another one secretly.
That way, when news of your wedding leaks, people can defend you by saying, “Ahan, no oh. S/he was dating this person and they were posting each other publicly.” Before they realise the real truth, you go don born like two children.
2. Don’t throw a wedding party.
Clearly, that goes without saying. If there’s no evidence of a wedding party, then what will they use as proof? And if you throw a wedding party, don’t fret. Do the following things:
3. Post a photo of yourself in your outfit and caption it: “Groomsman duties.” Or, “Maid of honour things. Showing up for my best gal.”
Nobody go know say na you dey do the do.
4. Tweet/post the following things:
a. “Having a small event with friends and family.”
b. “Not me planning to lose my virginity again tonight.”
c. “Damn, I look good today.”
d. “If you are in love with me, this is your last chance.”
e. “This place has fine men/women. I’m leaving here with one of them.”
f. “Not me being overdressed for a church event.”
g. “What a day.”
h. “The DJ at this wedding is lit oh. Ahan.”
i. “Trust nobody.”
j. “Why are these people throwing confetti on me ffs?”
5. Be a Yoruba man.
If you are a Yoruba man, getting married without letting people know is your speciality. You don’t need any tips from us. Keep doing the things you do, Femi. May your reign last long, and may your empire never crumble.
6. Be an Igbo woman.
Although, as an Igbo woman, people will eventually know you got married. It’s just the person who was planning to get married to you before that will find out later when news of your marriage to someone else pops up. Anyway, keep going to your hometown, babes. We see you.
Read next: 11 Ways To Win The Heart Of An Igbo Woman
7. As for the rest of you, follow our advice oh.
Zikoko is showing you the way. Follow who know road.
[donation]
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Have you broken a lot of hearts or are they always breaking yours? Create a groomsman outfit and we’ll tell you what we think.
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Everybody knows that Nigerian weddings are an experience. Aside from smoky jollof rice and the bride’s dress, one thing that keeps the wedding going is the bridesmaids — running from one corner to the other, making sure everyone is happy. In this article, three Nigerian women talk about being bridesmaids.
Labake, 30
My cousin asked me to be her maid of honour because she had two best friends and couldn’t pick one. Her best friends hated the idea, and by extension, developed an aversion for me.
It was my duty to find dresses for the bridesmaids. I found some nice ones online from China and everyone liked them when I sent pictures, but when they arrived, it was a different story. Mine needed a little adjustment to fit right but the other bridesmaids complained that theirs were either too short or too big. The best friends were irritated — they sent messages and voice notes expressing displeasure. They said they had to get different dresses. I offered the company’s number and even asked them to try tailors but they said they wanted their money back. Of course, that wasn’t possible, so they continued shouting. Curses were flying around. Our mothers had to get involved to try to calm them down. The bride kicked them off the bridal train at the end of the day.
They attended the wedding as guests and were giving me side eyes. My cousin has a kid now and she and her friends are still in touch but the friendship is not what it used to be.
Ibukun, 25
I was my sister’s chief bridesmaid. I didn’t even know what my job was. I cried through the entire wedding because my best friend was getting married. Her friend had to swing into action when everyone realised I was useless. She made sure my sister ate and helped her change outfits. I tried to give a speech but tears didn’t let me. I know I’m not doing bridesmaids work again sha.
Princess, 24
Last year, one of my closest friends told me I couldn’t be part of her bridal train because I am too short. I accepted it in good faith, but a few weeks to the wedding day, after some of her bridesmaids had cancelled, she asked if I could be her chief bridesmaid.
On the day of the wedding, she asked me to step back because one of her taller friends was available. I was so hurt. I gave her my gift and went home. We stopped being friends after that.
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QUIZ: How Will Your Wedding Be?
Take this quiz to find out.
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Will you get married at the beach or not at all? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.
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Weddings are a big deal in this part of the world and everyone looks forward to having a perfect day. Here are a few things to know before planning your perfect day.
1.Your parent’s friends will outnumber yours.
Nigerian parents know the whole world. No matter what you say to them, Nigerian parents will still invite the uncles and aunties you’ve never met before. Just give them that day for your peace of mind.
2.Your caterer can move mad and carry your food to another event center.
I didn’t make this up, I’ve seen it happen.
3.Your tailor can mess up a day to the wedding.
No one can be trusted in Nigeria especially tailors e.g. Make sure you threaten your tailor with police so they know you are not joking.
4.The event center can turn off the gen while you are dancing.
You’ll be doing gbese and the next thing you’ll know is the gen has gone off. Even if it means bringing your own gen from home, just be one step ahead.
5. Your bridal train will definitely get stuck in traffic.
Especially in Lagos. Just arrange jets to transport you and your bridesmaids to the venue. Or better still, have someone who can control brooms as part of your bridesmaids.
6. Your partner’s other family can show up unannounced.
His wife may show up at the venue unannounced. Just go on with the wedding and attend to her when the party’s over.
7. Your partner sef might not show up.
If you are getting married to a Yoruba man, we can’t assure you that he’ll show up. Not that he doesn’t want to marry you, it’s possible he forgot.
8.The caterer will definitely steal your food.
Also, not making this up, I’ve seen it happen. The caterer can steal your food and lie that food didn’t go round. Make sure you have a small cooler of food for yourself.
9.You can even oversleep and end up forgetting your wedding.
People who love sleep more than anything know this isn’t impossible. The stress of this country can make you oversleep sef.
10.You can decide to not get married again.
It’s on your wedding day you’ll realize all the things you don’t like about your partner. God forbid this one happens to you sha.
When planning weddings, anything can happen, just make sure you stay one step ahead.
We have said our own
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Are you even Nigerian if Aso-Ebi is not on your wedding list? Let’s guess what colour yours might be.
Start the quiz.
QUIZ: Who Will You Marry?
Find out who you’ll marry now o. God no go shame you.
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Nigerians love weddings and they usually have so many expectations. Will yours be how you pictured it to be? Take this quiz to find out.
