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  • Sometimes you might have used a condom and it broke or forgotten to use one, don’t panic, here’s what to do after having unprotected sex.

    P.s: This shouldn’t stop you from seeking out professional help.

    1. Pee within 30 minutes

    Peeing after sex is very important. Sometimes, your bladder might feel empty but still go to the bathroom, you’d be surprised. Peeing helps flush out any bacteria which could cause an infection you might have been exposed to during sex. Remember that peeing won’t remove the risk of pregnancy.

    2. Do not douche, do wash up

    In your panic thinking about what to do after having unprotected sex, always remember that your genital’s do not need a thorough cleanse after sexual activities. While washing or douching might make you feel more comfortable, vaginal or anal douching can put you at increased risk of infection because douching products can irritate.

    3. Check in with yourself

    Make sure you make space to check in with yourself and your partner if need be. It’s okay to feel worried, angry or sad after having unprotected sex. You don’t have to deal with the burden of this, talk to friends or family about it so they support and you. If you aren’t comfortable speaking to anyone you know, consider talking to an expert. 

    4. Take the emergency contraceptive pill

     Emergency contraceptives need to be taken within 72 hours of sex without a condom. It’s vital to take preventive medication for HIV within the same timeframe. The sooner you take it, the better. Make an appointment at Family Planning or with your doctor as soon as possible.

    5. Get checked for STIs two weeks after

    Unusual discharge and pain when urinating are common symptoms of both gonorrhoea and chlamydia, also look out for bleeding after sex and between periods. This is one of the most important things to do after having unprotected sex. So,  get tested, remember that it is treatable and avoid having sex until the infection clears up.

    6. Do a pregnancy test three weeks after

    Even after taking all these precautions, if you are convinced you might be pregnant, take the test after three weeks. As pregnancy tests work by detecting a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin. It can take a while for enough HCG to build up in your body, so you should wait to take a test until 3 weeks after sex. If your test is positive, book an appointment with a professional to discuss your options.

    7. Make sure you use contraceptives next time

    Next time you’re thinking about what to do after having unprotected sex, remember that there are long-lasting contraceptives like the IUD and implant that are effective at preventing unintended pregnancies and they last for 3 to 10 years. Using a condom plus your regular method of contraception will help protect you from unintended pregnancies and STIs. Stay safe.

  • I think most people would agree when we say King of Boys: The Return of The King was very enjoyable. Shola Shobowale’s rent was due when she made that show. But that’s not the only thing I enjoyed. Every so often, when a character says a phrase, I’d pause the movie and laugh at the innocently sexual phrases that were sprinkled all through the series. Here are some phrases in KOB 2 That you could totally say during sex.

    1. When you finally meet your dick appointment after sitting in traffic for 2 hours.

    2. When your partner wants some and your inner dom comes out

    3. When you contemplate letting him cum in you but change your mind at the last minute.

    4. When it was bigger than he claimed

    This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Screenshot-160-1-1024x576.jpg

    5. When he finally agrees to have sex with you.

    6. When your man introduces you to his side chick for a threesome.

    7. When he’s asking for a 5th round but you’re tired.

    8. When you finally gather the courage to ask him to eat your ass.

    9. When the AC is too cold and you can’t find the duvet.

    10. When you want to have urgent sex but your car is the only option.

    11. When he asks you “whose pussy is this?”

    12. When it grazes your G-spot.

    13. When he tells you what he’s going to do to you tonight.



    Not really a phrase, but you get the gist.

    14. When your woman orders you not to touch yourself before she comes see you.

    15. When your woman’s period is finally over.

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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 21-year-old straight woman who talks about being averse to sex for a long time, discovering that she loved BDSM through her ex and navigating sex with her current partner.

    TW: Sexual Abuse

    What was your first sexual experience?

    The first was non-consensual. I was eight, he was 15. He was a family friend. I never spoke to anyone about it until recently when I told a few friends because I thought it was my fault. It instilled a fear of naked men and penises in me for a long time.

    I’m sorry. How did that affect your sex life in adulthood?

    I essentially became a prude. I even wanted to become a reverend sister. Nothing about sex appealed to me. I never even made out with anybody. One day, I realised that I couldn’t let what someone did selfishly control my life and stop me from living. It had gone on long enough, and I had to have sex. 

    What did you do?

    I told the person I was dating then that I was ready to have sex. He had wanted to for a long time, but he never pressured me. He asked me several times if I was sure I was ready. It was easy because I was in love with this person and he was gentle. It was more about sharing the experience of sex with him than the act of sex itself. He let me take charge of everything — getting the hotel room, planning the day and all of that. I guess he wanted me to feel in control, and he made it clear I could back out at any time.

    How was it?

    I knew first-time sex wasn’t the way it’s portrayed in Hollywood movies, so I gave myself a pep talk to relax. When we got to the hotel room, we talked for a while and he didn’t make a move until I initiated it. It was initially painful and I didn’t enjoy it, but I think that was because I was too scared and anxious about sex. 

    What came next?

    I broke up with my first boyfriend and I didn’t have sex for five months. Then I met this guy online. We instantly had sexual chemistry and although we hadn’t met, it felt like we’d known each other a really long time. Then we met up at a party. He had a striking but quiet face but his eyes told me that he was sinister. I would know because I’m sinister too. He’s tall, dark-skinned and intelligent, which are all things I’m attracted to in men.

    There was a lot of sexual tension between us. He had this dom energy and that drove me crazy. He was due to travel out of the country for a few months, so we knew we had to fuck before he left.

    How did that go?

    We met at his apartment and whew, we fucked everywhere. We fucked in the room, bathroom, living room, balcony — all over the place. We engaged in BDSM and that was the moment I realised that I loved sex. It was so good that he delayed his flight for three days. He did things that still give me flashbacks till now.

    Wow. What did he do?

    He cuffed my hands, blindfolded and gagged and had me kneel in front of him for a few minutes which felt like hours, without touching me. Then he asked me to lie still on the bed and spread my legs with a spreader bar. At this point, I was shaking so badly out of anticipation and sheer horniness. The wait was killing me. I couldn’t move and that multiplied the sensation for me. There’s a difference between making love and fucking, and he fucked me ruthlessly.

    We had so much sex that I fell sick after because my body was exhausted.

    Omo.

    It was more pain than pleasure. It was a different kind of sex that I didn’t realise I loved. Considering the fact that I had hardly had sex before that, I started craving it a lot and he was there to walk me through all my cravings. It was ruthless sex, the kind that was devoid of all emotion. 

    Whew. Then what happened?

    He became my dom. We dated for eight months but that had to end because it was becoming toxic. There was a lot of shouting and yelling and crying. We dated off and on but kept getting back together because of the sex. 

    Did you sleep with other people after him?

    A few but nobody was really measuring up to my ex-dom. There was this one guy I fucked that was really good but I blocked him after.

    Walk me through your thought process?

    I didn’t really expect the sex to happen but it did, and it was good. But that needed to be the end. He wasn’t really my type.

    So what are you up to now?

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now. Our sex is pretty great and he knows how to make love to my body.

    I met up with my dom and had sex a couple of times after the final break-up. The last time was a few months ago. I couldn’t really help it. There’s like invisible, unexplainable chemistry between us. 

    What do you think would happen if you met up with your ex-dom now, considering you’re in a relationship?

    Hmmm. Hmmmm. I can’t assure you that nothing will happen oh. We’re nothing but pencils in the hands of the creator. 

    LMAO. What would you rate your sex life right now?

    I’ll give it a 9. We have great sex. He’s open to trying out freaky stuff and knows my body like the back of his hands. We fuck every time we see, which is almost every day. I’m content with it, but I still crave that disrespectful sex sometimes. I find myself comparing him to my ex-dom and I don’t think anybody can beat that. 

    Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

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  • One in three men will suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives. Only a third of these men will seek help for this condition. In Nigeria, men often opt for orthodox and traditional sexual enhancers to treat erectile dysfunction. I spoke to 4 men about their experiences with sexual enhancers.

    Deji

    2020 was a very stressful year for me, perhaps even the worst year of my life. I was dealing with work stress and other issues in my personal life, combined with the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing lockdown. Because of these, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Along with therapy sessions, my therapist prescribed ant-depressants. One of the side effects of that brand of anti-depressants was a loss of libido and difficulty ejaculating. Man, it was not funny at all.

    I found it difficult to get and maintain erections when I wanted to have sex. When I managed to get hard, I couldn’t cum. I complained to my doctor, he suggested that I shouldn’t take the antidepressants until after sex. This worked initially, but it restricted the timing of my sex. I complained again and he suggested that I take a pill of Viagra just before sex, assuring me that it was perfectly normal for men in my situation to use it. I was hesitant because no man wants to feel like his equipment is not firing properly.

    Using it really helped my erection, delayed my orgasms and boosted my performance generally. I wonder why it doesn’t get talked about more often and why more men with erection issues don’t use it. It’s been a year since I started using antidepressants and I’m happy that I’m getting better. I’m even getting weaned off my meds to see if my brain can cope without them. My erections now occur organically, without any enhancers and I’m back to my pre-medication abilities. Still, I don’t shy away from popping a pill when I think the session could do with an extra push.

    Morufu

    I started looking for a sexual enhancer when I realised I suffered from premature ejaculation. I had just got into a relationship with someone new and I wanted to impress her, as per first impression. I bought 100mg of viagra from a pharmacy. 

    When I used it, it didn’t give make me extra hard nor did it give me an erection after ejaculation. However, I noticed that my recovery period between ejaculation and a second erection reduced from 20 minutes to about 15 minutes. 

    I also suffered side effects, like a headache that lasted till the next day. I concluded that sexual enhancers just don’t work for me.

    Dumebi

    Out of curiosity, I took the popular burantashi, a herbal medicine just before sex. All it did was irritate my urethra and gave me the urge to pee. It also caused me to produce a lot of precum. It didn’t give me a better erection or make me hornier.

    Tunde

    When my wife first got pregnant, I discovered that I couldn’t get or maintain an erection. So I bought a brand of viagra from a drugstore. The pharmacist told me to take one pill, but I have coconut head and I really wanted to get the erection of my glory days back, so I took two at a time. Boy, what a bad idea that was!

    I got aroused, but from there on, my problems had just begun. I kept thrusting for minutes on end but I couldn’t cum. My dick was hard but it felt dead. No sensation, no orgasm, just hardness and vibes. It would go down anytime she came and we stopped and rested but then it would get hard again. This lasted for about two days and I had to call a doctor friend to save my life. He advised that I eat meals with heavy fat content in order to slow down my metabolism. I was swallowing egusi and pork meat like my life depended on it.

    I haven’t used it since then, and my erections are back to normal. It just turned out that my body needed time to adjust sexually to my wife’s pregnant body. Our sex life pretty much amped up after that. I’m never going to mess with viagra again.

    Are you a man who would like to be interviewed for a Zikoko article? Fill this form and we’ll be in your inbox quicker than you can say “Man Dem.”

    Read: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Vasectomies

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a gay man who talks about experiencing hypersexuality while in secondary school, dealing with a lover who outed him to his mother and juggling his love for the church with his sexuality.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    One time in school, the boys in my room were talking about cumming and wet dreams, and it turned out that only I and one other guy in the room had never cum before. I didn’t want to be the last person to experience cumming. Sometime later, I started touching myself and the other guy who hadn’t cum before saw me and started touching himself too. He then reached over and started giving me a handjob, and I did the same. After that, he’d come to my bed to hump me. He was transferred away from the school in SS1, and I didn’t get with anyone else till I was 22.

    How did that go?

    He was a doctor and an acquaintance. I had always had body image issues, so I never felt comfortable enough to get intimate with anybody. I asked him to check out my body to see if I was okay, because I was always worrying something was wrong with me. After the examination, he said I was perfectly fine. We went to his house for the most intense make-out session I’d ever experienced. I had my first orgasm and it was explosive. I was close to screaming. I still haven’t felt that way with anyone else. Still, he taught me a lot about my body. Because I was religious, I used to have a lot of guilt about being gay. He taught me not to rush off to the shower after sex like I had done something wrong.  When I was with him, I always felt comfortable in my body, a feeling that faded quickly if I wasn’t with him.

    But you never had sex with him?

    No. He was huge and that would have been my first time. He was also concerned for me and didn’t want to hurt me. He was protective like that. I was having sex with other people. I met one very hot guy in my school. I didn’t think I stood a chance because he was a spec. Way out of my league. I got his number and started talking to him, but he had to leave Lagos soon after. We talked for a year before I came out to him. When he came back, we met at the place he was staying and had the most memorable sex I’ve ever had, even though I was awkward because it was my first time. It wasn’t even the penetration that was nice. It was just the feeling of being there with him.

    You never had any experience with sex before you were 22?

    Except for the guy in secondary school, no. I used to be very religious. Like the knock-on-your-door-to-preach kinda religious. Both my parents are pastors. But in uni, I discovered I was feeling things I wasn’t supposed to be feeling, like getting turned on while holding someone’s hand during prayer sessions. I had always questioned why I felt attracted to men and even hated myself for it. I spoke to some church leaders about my sexuality and asked them to explain to me why it was wrong, but all they said was, “Because the Bible says so.” I tried so hard to believe it. 

    How did that go?

    I left the church. There were other issues, like the fact that being active in the church was affecting my academics. Prayer warriors would wake me by 5 a.m. to go pray with them. My classes were coinciding with church responsibilities, yet the church was expecting me to sacrifice more of my time.  I had a lot of anxiety during that period. So I said, “Fuck this shit.” I left that church but still go to church because my parents are pastors and I love the church atmosphere and gospel music.

    What happened after?

    I met this guy while volunteering for an organisation. He was beautiful and had such friendly energy around him, so we started talking and dating. We realised a little too late that we didn’t have common interests and he wasn’t as into sex as I was, so I started seeing other people while I was with him. 

    Wow.

    I even confessed to him a couple of times. He was hurt, but as time went on, he got used to it. I tried to convince him to open our relationship but he didn’t want that. We also struggled with communication so we used to brush a lot of serious issues under the carpet. I realised six months in that the relationship wasn’t for me, but we held on to it for almost two years. We also weren’t having regular sex because neither of us had a place. I was experiencing what I wanted with other people, so I knew I wasn’t asking for too much. We eventually broke up because while we were good friends, we were terrible lovers. He cried when I broke up with him. I wonder why because the relationship had been dead long before then. We’re great friends now.

    What’s your sex life like, right now?

    I’m on the streets. I’m waiting for three people from out of town. I don’t care; my conscience is non-existent.

    Really? What’s the worst thing you’ve done?

    I had a three-way in church.

    Jesus.

    Okay, it was a church office, but still. I went to see someone who was a church executive (who is married, by the way) and he had a guest over. Somehow, we all got naked and started having sex. There was also the time I met a married (but separated) guy who almost ruined my life.

    Tell us about him.

    We had a complicated relationship. I met him while he was single.  He was also religious when it benefited him. In fact, when we met, he was trying to convince me to stop having gay sex. 

    We later had sexual encounters but I didn’t want to date him. He wanted me at all costs, showering me with attention and gifts, which I refused most times. I didn’t want to date him because he was impulsive. That’s how he “impulsively” got married.

    Ah.

    I told him getting married while actively queer was a bad idea, but he didn’t listen to me. I blocked him everywhere and in a desperate attempt to reach me, he found my mom on social media and told her I was gay. He and my mom would have phone prayer sessions over me. It was wild.

    WTF.

    The fallout was terrible. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of that incident. When I challenged him, he was very sorry and begged me to forgive him. I had feelings for him so I did but I didn’t have any sexual relations with him.

    Then he separated from his wife, lost his job and was suicidal, so I came in as emotional support. Then it became physical. He’s the closest thing to the love of my life. But it’s a closed chapter now.

    That’s…intense. What would you rate your sex life?

    5.5, because I don’t have a place of my own. Once I get my own place, it’ll be 10/10. I think people take sex too seriously. It should be something that should be shared among friends.

    Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 20-year-old bisexual woman who talks about her initial struggle with the shame of masturbation, discovering her kinks and chasing sex fuelled by danger.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    When I was 14, Fergie’s “MILF” had just come out, and I was curious about what MILF meant so I went to watch the video and kept watching other suggested videos until I stumbled on one that had the word MILF in it. In it, an older woman was playing stepmother to a younger woman, and it was sexual. I continued down this rabbit hole until I got to a lesbian porn site. I was so intrigued. There was this particular video. Nothing has ever made me feel the way that video did. That was the first day I ever masturbated in my life.

    So you knew you were attracted to women.

    I didn’t know what I was then. I was in SS1 or SS2 at this point. I was still very religious — I was an usher in church. So you can imagine how the post-nut clarity hit me. I felt so much guilt. I deleted all the 15 videos I had downloaded that day alone. I just kept praying to God for forgiveness because they’d taught us in school that masturbation was a sin. I even took a chastity vow at some point.

    A what?

    A vow to remain pure for my husband, LOL. It was a whole production. They brought a guest speaker to talk to us about remaining virgins and how masturbation would make it hard for anything to satisfy us in our marriages.

    That’s a lot to take in.

    It fucked my brain up! They told us masturbators would become useless. Nobody wants to be useless.

    So that was the end of masturbation then…

    Not quite. After praying to God and crying about the sin I committed, it continued. I’d be going through my day and feel stressed. So it’s like, “Okay, I’m stressed. I know what relaxes me.” I ended up doing it two to three times a week.

    When did things change for you sexually?

    I was in an all-girls school battling with my attraction to women. You know how women can be very touchy-feely, so hugging and getting undressed in front of each other was not an issue. I was so stressed trying to hide how I felt. This continued till I was out of school, and I started to tell myself that I needed to start finding men attractive so that I could get married and make my parents happy.

    I wasn’t even having sex or thinking about sex because everything I’d heard about sex was boring. Guy, girl, penetration… like what else?

    Then the 50 Shades of Grey books dropped and curiosity would kill my cat again.

    Great pun

    You’re welcome.

    I was in uni now. I googled 50 Shades after reading the book and found a lot of people bashing it because it was abusive and didn’t represent the BDSM community well. I followed more links and read up on BDSM, and I discovered something about myself that day…

    What’s that?

    I like iranu. I genuinely like nonsense.

    LMFAO. So about this nonsense…

    I first discovered that I liked degradation. Being degraded and being the degrader.

    So like insort?

    Yes, but at the same time, I had a praise kink. One time this guy I was talking to told me I was being a “good little girl”, and I swear my body had never reacted as violently as it did that day. I encourage my partners to tell me how good I am.

    Keep in mind, all these were mild discoveries.

    They were?

    After degradation, I discovered I liked pain too. I linked with this babe once and while we were having sex she slapped me across the face. Hot slap. I was so turned on, I told her to do it again.

    Something tells me we’re not at the end of this list of events…

    I like danger. The more adrenaline a sexual situation gives me, the hotter the orgasm.
    I met my girlfriend on Twitter. It was the first time I was seeing someone proudly put “lesbian” in their bio, so I followed and we got talking. The first time she visited me, we kissed. I knew my mother was home and could walk in any minute, but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to see how far I could go.
    Once I know I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing, my body gets a thrill. This is why I like to sleep with people in relationships.

    Pardon?

    All that sneaking around, I love it. 

    Have you ever gotten caught?

    Well the last time, I wasn’t caught red-handed. In my defence, I met her when she was single. We used to vibe, she slapped me a couple of times, degraded me sometimes; it was fun. Then one day she springs on me that she has a girlfriend and asked if it would change things — it did not. If anything, it made me more interested. One day after I left her house she sends me a text and says her girlfriend passed me by the gate as I was leaving. This same girlfriend would catch us again with this babe’s hand under my dress.

    How did that go?

    She gave me the dirtiest look I’ve ever gotten in my life. But the story we told then was that her hand was under my dress because it was cold.

    Did you feel some type of way about being caught?

    Remember I enjoy being in these risky situations. There was even this one time I masturbated in front of a cross.

    I-

    I was staying with this Catholic aunt of mine, and I was alone at home. I wanted to masturbate on the balcony because I wanted people to see me — I discovered I liked being watched when I was at home, my windows were open and I got aroused from the thought of people watching me masturbate. 

    Anyway, as I was going to the balcony, I looked to the right and saw these pictures of Jesus. I asked myself, “Random strangers watching me, or our heavenly father watching.”

    Let me guess. No guilt this time?

    Nope! I was in such a good mood for rest of the day. I got such a high from doing it because it was something I wasn’t meant to be doing. But if myself of five years ago had seen me, she would have died.

    Understandably. I’m curious about how your kinks have affected your relationships.

    In my search for adrenaline-fuelled sex, I try to find the easiest ways to get it, and luckily for me, my first girlfriend was open to trying things. We did a lot of exploring without any judgement because we knew that even though I was being degraded or slapped, it didn’t extend beyond the realm of sex. All my initial sexual experiences were with women. 

    My current partner is a man, but it’s an open relationship. He’s on the asexual spectrum, so he’s not as open to trying things as I am.

    If you had to rate your sex life out of 10?

    Well, I did a threesome in May and had sex with someone’s partner last week. I’d say an 8.7 if we factor in the fact that I’m not having the sex I want to with my boyfriend. Exploring kinks with someone requires a level of trust I can’t share with someone I’m not in a relationship with. So this means that I don’t have sex as often as I want to in the way that I want to.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    TW: Sexual Assault

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 20-year-old heterosexual woman who is finally enjoying good sex after a series of bad ones. She talks about what good sex has taught her, and how she is still on the journey to finding an orgasm.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    It was a kiss. I think I was 14 when it happened. I was in SS1, and I had a boyfriend then. This was in 2015. We kissed for like three seconds before I stormed out of his house. On my way home, I was praying to God for forgiveness.

    Aww. Was your boyfriend also a student?

    Yes. He was in SS2. We never did anything beyond kissing and touching. I didn’t have actual sex until four years later, in September 2019.

    Was there a reason for that?

    I was going to do it as a one night stand in SS3, but it didn’t work out, so I just moved on. 

    A one night stand in SS3?

    It was at a party. I felt like I was ready to do it and let go. I had grown up hearing people say that a woman would always be attached to the first man she has sex with, and I wanted to go against that misconception by doing it with someone I had no prior attachment or connection with. I met the guy at the party, we vibed and there was very strong sexual chemistry, but the actual sex didn’t work out. He tried but couldn’t penetrate me. I was too tense. We just had to let it go.

    And then I thought I would do it in my first year in university, but the person assaulted me.

    Oh wow. I’m so sorry about that.

    We had a thing, but apparently he had a stable girlfriend that I did not know about. One night, he asked me to come over. I told him it was late but he insisted, so I went. I got there and realised he’d just returned from a party and was drunk. I wanted to leave, but he locked the door and fingered me until I bled. The next day, he came over and tried to apologise. After that incident, I just knew there was no point rushing to do anything or trying to prove a point to anybody. I decided to wait till I knew the sex was not to please anyone but myself.

    And this happened in 2019…

    Yes. I was in a relationship and was convinced I wanted to do it, so it happened. 

    How was it?

    Honestly? I was bored. It wasn’t the classic case of an exciting first time. It wasn’t painful at all, but it was completely bland. After it happened, I was like, “LMAO, is this the sex you people always shout about?” I had read a lot about it, but the act itself was underwhelming. I should have told my partner how I felt though, but I just kept quiet.

    I knew I would do it again, but I was not looking forward to it. And the more it happened,  the more bored I got. I would just zone in and out until the whole thing was over and I could go about my day.

    Since it was boring, why did you keep doing it?

    He was my boyfriend. The foreplay was great, so I thought I was the problem. 

    One day we got excited and didn’t use protection. I had to use the pill, and it made me bleed for more than a month. It was hell. After that, I told myself, “No more sex.”

    That’s rough. Did you eventually have a good experience?

    Yes oh, but not with him. We broke up. The second person I was with was absolutely annoying. He had zero common sense. Why would someone be playing “Sekkle Down” during sex? 

    LOL, WHAT?

    The whole thing just put me off.  

    When I think of my sexual experiences, the number of bad experiences outweighs the good. If one person isn’t biting my clit, another person is pouring saliva in my mouth in the name of kissing. Once, I went home with swollen lips because of kissing. 

    But I’ve had good experiences. 

    Tell me.

    Soft love making and hard, intense sex that were great. 

    The first good experience happened March 3rd, 2020. He’s my friend. We hit a vibe when I was in secondary school, but he ghosted me. One day, he tweeted about needing directions to my faculty so I texted him. After that day, I just shot my shot that I wanted to be with him if it was cool. 

    When the sex eventually happened, we got wine and food. To crown it all, it rained that day. 

    Look at the universe coming through for you!

    See, I thanked my stars that night! That sex was sweet, soft. See, I was pleasured. It was so good, it changed my notion of sex. That’s when I began to understand that sex isn’t overrated.

    But even as great as they were, I still haven’t orgasmed. I know I will get it soon; I’ve have been having really good sex and I’m happy. No more fake moans or any of that drama. 

    Given that you’ve had bad experiences, what made this one particularly good?

    I was super comfortable with him, I guess. I didn’t have to overthink anything and he really wanted to pleasure me. Plus, the mood was perfect and the sexual chemistry was strong. It happened just once because of COVID, but I’ve had good experiences this year.

    I’m listening.

    I think I have figured out that I like to have sex with people I pick, not people that want me. I don’t know if that makes sense? Like, one of the guys was the president of an association I joined. The chemistry was insane. I have never felt that way for someone else. It’s like once he touched me, the rivers in me began to flow. The foreplay was stupendously excellent. I’m sorry for the choice of words, but it was too good.

    The second person I liked was my best friend. 

    Ah.

    We started out as just friends and still are. In fact, I often talk to him about everything. I find him really attractive, so the sex was spontaneous. We went to a hotel from campus. The foreplay was great, but the sex was mindblowing. Maybe I broke my back, but it was worth it. I was crying tears of joy. It happened a second time and now I’m hooked for real.

    I like being submissive, and I just love how I can be submissive for him without him even saying anything. I’m just ready to bend over, get on my knees and do whatever he asks me.

    Were these people in relationships?

    No, they weren’t. But I’ve been with someone that was. I was drunk and it happened, but it was not bad. We did it two times after, but it wasn’t that great. The sex was a lot of gymnastics, honestly. I only liked it because I knew he liked fucking me, so I stuck around. 

    At some point, he was trying to shame me for having sex with him even after knowing he was in a relationship. I told him, “Abeg, boss, you can’t do that one because I made a conscious effort and you did too, so all this talk of you having a babe does not make too much sense.” Anyway, I didn’t feel guilty. His girlfriend is not my friend.

    Fair point. So, where are you now on the journey to getting an orgasm?

    Right now, I don’t think great sex equates orgasms. And this is a level of growth because when I just started out, I thought if I was getting with a person, I must try to orgasm. I wasn’t trying to enjoy it.

    These days, when I feel myself returning to that path, I just stop or ask whoever I’m with to stop. I want to ease into it and enjoy the process. I know I will orgasm in due time.

    How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 – 10?

    7.5. It’s not as frequent as I would like it to be, but I hope that changes soon. 

    [donation]

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    Whether you’ve been reading Zikoko Sex Life for two years or you’re reading it for the first time today, here are some stories you must enjoy at least twice.

    1. Awakening My Bisexuality At 27

    I remember when we were making out, it was so intense that I suddenly felt the urge to tell this complete stranger that I loved him.  I figured it was just a fluke that came in the heat of passion, but for the next couple of days, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

    After unexpectedly making out with a guy at a party, this 27-year-old had a bisexual awakening. Now, he feels like he has hit reset on life.

    2. Using Kayan Mata Aphrodisiac To Improve My Sex Life

    When this 28-year-old was a teenager, the fear of her mum finding out someone had touched her breast kept her from exploring sex. Six days after her wedding, she was ready to tackle sex by the horns. Why did it take six days? Find out here.

    3. I’ve Had 3 Sugar Daddies Since I Got Married

    I did not start out with the intention to cheat. I have had difficulties carrying a pregnancy to full term — I’ve had seven miscarriages and we’re still childless. In my husband’s nonchalant attitude towards joining me in finding a lasting medical solution, I met an older man. The first of three older men. 

    This 39-year-old heterosexual woman has only ever enjoyed sex with older men. Since she got married 10 years ago, she’s only enjoyed sex with her sugar daddies. Read her story here.

    4. Settling Down After A Body Count Of Over 350

    You know how this story goes now. I entered university and started rolling with ‘bad boys’.

    This 34-year-old had been married for five years when we had this interview. You’re probably wondering how he’s managed to stay with one person and what his sex life is like with this person. Well, find out here.

    5. Women Keep Making Fun Of My Penis Size

    I sent a babe my nudes using the best angles ever, she sent me really positive feedback. I thought we were cool. A few days later, she blocked me everywhere.

    This 24-year-old heterosexual man feels the size of his penis is preventing him from living his best sex life. He talks about how being shamed by multiple women has scarred him and what he’s learnt to do to please women.

    Read Next: 11 Quizzes That Will Help You With Your Sex Life

  • The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman. She talks about how her first sexual relationship ended in shame because her partner spread gossip about the sex and how her fear of being tagged promiscuous prevented her from having sex with the men in her social circle.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    My very first sexual experience was with my first boyfriend. I was in SS3, and we had been dating since SS2. I was convinced we would grow old together, marry etc. We had sex twice and then suddenly, he told all his friends and before I knew it, I had a reputation. It felt like a Nollywood movie.

    What type of reputation?

    I became known as this ashawo that was easy to get. I felt betrayed because I felt I shared something special, but to him I was a conquest. His friends started making passes at me. It was annoying and disgusting. 

    That sucks. Did that shape your perception of sex?

    It made me view sex as something you gave men and something that devalued you. For a long time, I refused to have casual sex even when I wanted to and was attracted to the man.

    When I was in university, I was a hot babe.The men around me still acted the same. You’ll have sex with them, they’ll tell all their friends and call you an easy target.  I started playing hard to get. I was also very careful with who I slept with.

    Why was that?

    The first person I slept with in university, without protection mind you because I was stupid and naive, gave me a mild STD and then told my friend while flirting with her that I forced myself on him even though it was her he liked. I felt so disgusted with myself.

    I’m so sorry.

    Yeah. I decided to avoid sleeping with people who knew or were friends with people I moved around with. I slept with non-students and only non-African men. 

    Oh?

    I should add that I went to school in Canada. 

    Got it. How did that work out?

    If you are a non-African who is not a student, chances are you won’t be friends with African students. They were far removed from my world and my social group, so I could have casual sex with them, do everything and not be bothered about what they had to say. Their gossip didn’t affect my life, social standing or how people viewed me. 

    Smart move.

    I thought so too! To the people in my social group, I was this fine babe who was doing well in school but no one knew who she was dating or sleeping with. People made assumptions, and rumours spread but no one could confirm them. The only people who knew who I was sleeping with were me, my best friend and some men I can’t name who have probably never stepped into Nigeria.

    So that system of sleeping with people far removed from you never failed you?

    It didn’t till I returned to Lagos, the land where everyone knows everyone.

    Lmao. What was it like returning to Lagos with your system of hooking up?

    So the thing with Lagos is that there are a very small group of men that are good looking enough for you to have sex with and most of them are gay. 

    LMAO.

    So what you are left with is a smaller group and chances are that you know them or they know your friends.

    What scares you about sleeping with people that you know?

    I have huge trust issues. I don’t trust men in particular. My image matters a lot to me. The idea of people looking at me and thinking “she’s a whore” or “she’s easy”, makes me feel devalued. It makes me feel like a bad person who isn’t all that.

    Having sex in Lagos was hard. For a while, I was celibate. When I finally started having sex again, it was with someone I thought I could trust to have sense. Three weeks later, a friend of that guy DMed me and tried to strike up a conversation. I expected him to let it go when I made it clear that I wasn’t interested. He didn’t. Then I realised his friend had probably told this person that he got to bed me without much of a hassle so this person figured I was easy and wanted to try their luck.

    Did you confirm that it was the case?

    I didn’t bother. It seems like paranoia, but I’ve been in that position enough times to trust my gut feeling.

    Fair enough. Has it gotten better?

    Yeah, it has. 

    What changed?

    As corny as it sounds, I fell in love.

    Tell me about that.

    He’s Jamaican, and we were supposed to be a hookup because he didn’t know my friends. Turns out, I was wrong. He has friends here.

    At first, I was irritated by it. You know when in romance movies and books, the heroine hates the good-looking romantic male lead but he keeps chasing her. That’s what happened. The sex was great, and it kept happening. One day, six months into what had turned into a relationship, I told him why I hadn’t wanted anything serious to happen with us. 

    How did he react?

    At first, he looked like he thought I was stupid then he said he understood. We had more conversations about it. He asked if I was okay depriving myself of experiences because of how people whose perception of me can’t affect my life perceive me? I think that jolted something in me.

    Has your idea or mindset regarding how people view you changed?

    I think it has changed a lot. For one, I started introducing my partner to my friends. Before, I wouldn’t do that because I was scared of them breaking up with me and people talking. My life feels joyous now. It’s crazy.

    What’s your sex life like now?

    Sex with my partner has always been great. Two and a half years in, and it’s still great.

    On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate your sex life?

    A very solid 9 and only because 10 belongs to Rihanna.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old bisexual man who talks about being sexually abused as a kid and how that led his developing a sexual addiction and finding it hard to say ‘no’ to sex. He talks about dealing with his sexual addiction, going celibate and eventually finding love and maintaining a healthy sex life.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    My first sexual experience wasn’t consensual. My mum had this sales girl who sometimes slept in our house and ate with us and stuff. One day, when I was around ten, she made me put my hand in her vagina and finger her. And it kept happening. She would come over and instruct me on what to do, with my hands and with my penis. I couldn’t even get hard then, so I have no idea why she wanted me to do it.

    I’m so sorry.

    Yeah. It went on for almost two years, then my mum found out and was so mad. She wanted to beat the girl, but she ran away. My mum tried calling the girl’s people; they said they hadn’t seen her. 

    I was and still am so grateful to my mum for that. She protected me from what could have gone on for even longer and reacted in a way that made me know I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I could talk to her about sensitive things.

    That’s amazing. Shout out to your mum. Do you think being sexually abused affected your sex life?

    I do. I became so fascinated and obsessed with sex and sexual things. From like 15, I watched way too many pornos, read porn comic strips, hentai etc. I was a little bit too excited about anything sexual. When I started having sex on my own, it kinda went into another realm.

    Explain…

    I had consensual sex for the first time at 17. This was after secondary school and before uni. I was home for a year, and attending computer class. I was close to a girl in class, and one day, our teacher, didn’t show. Her house was close, so we decided to go there. One thing led to another, and we had sex at her house. 

    After that, we started a habit of missing classes to go to her house when her parents weren’t around to have sex.

    I became curious about sex with almost everyone I met. And right after this period, I had some big changes in my life. I moved to Abuja for university, my mum finally let me have a phone and I realised I was bisexual.

    Oh?

    It’s funny. I always found guys as attractive as I found girls, but it was when I moved to Abuja that I met people who made me understand what that was and what I meant.

    So what was your sex life in university?

    Let me set the scene for you: I got into uni at 18, a brand new adult, away from my mother for the first time, a brand new bisexual ID card and unattended trauma. To worsen the matter, my grades were great and I was good looking. All I can say is, for the duration of my university education, I had a busy sex life.

    Can I get more details?

    People wanted to sleep with me and I was always down.  I was very experimental and didn’t say no to sexual experiences. At one point, I was having a new person sleepover at my off-campus apartment at least twice or thrice a week. I discovered 2go and Badoo and started hooking up with guys, then girls from school. It was a lot of sex.

    Why didn’t you say no? Did you just not want to say no or didn’t feel like you could?

    I didn’t even realise that I could say no. The thought of saying “no” didn’t cross my mind. 

    I wanted to sleep with some people, don’t get me wrong. But a lot of the sex that I had wasn’t because I wanted to. It was because the people I was sleeping with wanted to. Abuse and rape damage you in ways that you don’t even realise.

    That’s heartbreaking. What was it like after uni?

    For a while, it was mostly the same. I think I developed a bit of sexual addiction — a lot of sex, a lot of sex parties. Then I met my girlfriend. I consider her my very first girlfriend because she was the first partner I had an emotional connection with. She was also the first person I tried to be monogamous with.

    How did that play out?

    Horribly. We dated for about four months, then I ended things because I felt really bad. I couldn’t stop sleeping with other people. I hated being in a place where I couldn’t control myself. So a few months after we broke up, I went celibate.

    How long were you celibate for? 

    A year and six months. It was horrible and great at the same time.

    Can you explain?

    It forced me to deal with my trauma and establish boundaries and learn how to say no. That wasn’t easy and required so much work, maturity and strength from me, my friends and loved ones. But It was great because I felt more in control of my life and myself for the first time. 

    Did you go back to dating after you ended your celibacy?

    Yeah, I did a bit of casual dating. Then I met my boyfriend — who I am still with.

    What’s your sex life like now?

    Very moderate and healthy. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and it has been great. I am at a place where I understand myself and my body and know how to say yes and no. My partner and I are experimental, so we occasionally bring other people to bed just for the fun of it. Other than that, it’s great sex and with me in control of myself and what happens to my body.

    That sounds amazing.

    It is.

    On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your sex life right now?

    10. I’m very happy with it. I’ve found a great balance and I’m having great sex so there’s nothing to complain about.