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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this Sex Life is a 27-year old gay man who sometimes doesn’t have sex because he forgets. He talks about being a late bloomer, and the role the body standards in the gay community affects how he views his body.

    Let’s talk about the first time you had sex 

    It happened on Christmas Day in 2014. I was 20, in university and tired of being a virgin. Everyone I knew was having sex, and when they spoke about it, it sounded like they had a great time. 

    I had waited that long because I was very picky. I had an idea of what I wanted the first guy I slept with to look like or act like. Eventually, I got tired of waiting for that person to come along and took matters into my own hands. I opened Grindr one day and chose the first guy who said hi to me. I even wore white when I went to see him to mark the event. 

    Did you always know your first time would be with a man? 

    Yes. I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember. I had a crush on one of my male neighbours when I was 6, so the concept wasn’t foreign to me, and I never had a phase where I questioned my sexuality. In fact, I’d like to think I was born with a glee CD in one hand and a Lady Gaga album in the other. 

    LMAO. So back to your first time. How was it? 

    It was absolutely terrible. First of all, the sex was painful. Not as painful as I feared, but it still hurt. I think the only reason it hurt so much was because the person I had sex with was not very patient or in tune with my needs. 

    Secondly, his breath smelt like fish. Thirdly, I was on the receiving end of it, and since he didn’t know it was my first time, he just went at it. He also used bleaching cream as lube and I’m still scarred from that. I just wanted to get it over with. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Lube Is Your Comrade in Arms

    Bleaching what? 

    See. I had an idea of what sex was going to be like.  So I also knew I had to use lube, but thought he’d have some with him. Shoutout to him for his improvisation. 

    Luckily for me, one bad experience wasn’t enough to deter me from having sex again. Since my friends were doing it in abundance, I knew what sex could be like.

    What was it like the second time? 

    It didn’t happen until six months after the first because I was fighting for my life in university, and the sex was still somehow. The guy was very lazy and put zero effort into it. It even felt like he was counting because he did nine pumps and was done. 

    I didn’t enjoy sex until my third time later that year. I was in a relationship with someone in another state, but I had feelings for this guy I had been talking to. I went to his house to find out how we could remain friends and get closure, but I got there and my clothes left my body. 

    Unlike the people I had slept with in the past, he was more intentional about making me have an orgasm. He wanted me to enjoy it and I think it’s because he liked me. 

    With the other people, I had felt like a sex toy, only existing to please them. With him, I was a human being. 

    Unfortunately, it was a one-time thing. I didn’t want to keep cheating on my boyfriend, plus the guy was my friend’s ex. There would have been too much drama involved. 

    What eventually happened to your boyfriend? 

    Well, he came to see me and we had sex for the first time. Having sex with him made me realise that romantic feelings can influence how great sex is. It was very intense, and I enjoyed it. He was also very great at it. 

    He had more sexual experience than I did, so he knew just what to do. Most times, my lack of experience hindered me from fully enjoying sex. I’d spend so much time wondering if I was doing everything right. Sex felt like an exam I had to pass,and it made me very self-conscious. I had doubts. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Wasn’t Having Good Sex Until I Started Listening to My Partners

    What kind of doubts? 

    Well, since my ex had all this knowledge about sex, I wondered if I was good enough for him. It didn’t help that it turned out he was dating someone else while also simultaneously dating me which led to us breaking up. This person he was dating, there were rumours about his sexual prowess. 

    After we broke up, I didn’t have sex with anyone for the next two years. Not really because of him, but because I had moved states and was finding it difficult to meet people. So, I was just masturbating and minding my business. 

    Eventually, when I was 24, I was back in familiar territory and I wanted to have a hoe phase. It felt necessary. 

    How did the hoe phase go? 

    It didn’t really happen. I did get my body count up, but I don’t consider it a hoe phase because I wasn’t having as much sex as I wanted. If I had my way, I’d have been having sex every day. However, sex is very stressful and has a low reward.  Most times, I’d just masturbate and post-nut clarity would remind me that sex is not all that, especially for a gay man on the receiving end. 

    Explain, please.

    Sex for people on the receiving end as a gay man is different. You have to watch what you eat so your digestive system is clear, douche and clean for like an hour before sex just to make sure there’s no accident, for what? Thirty minutes of sex? When I gauge it, it doesn’t seem worth it. 

    I see. Sounds stressful. 

    It is. Add the fact that I’m also not the most sexual person, so sometimes I’d forget to have sex. As much as I wanted a hoe phase, I wasn’t thinking of it enough for a phase. 

    My relationship was sex was tied to my body. Sometimes if I add weight, I would go without sex till I had lost the weight. The body standards in the gay community also don’t make it any easier to deal with. 

    I had a lot of insecurities around my body and it affected how I viewed myself and what I had to offer. I grew up as a fat child and no matter how much I work out and how healthy I eat, I still see myself as I was a lot of years ago. Add the fact that with sex you have to be naked and open to whoever you’re sleeping with? I was struggling. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was Missing Out Because I Hated My Body

    What kind of body standards? 

    A lot of people in the community want to either look really skinny or really muscular. Then you have the men who fit into neither of these labels being excluded from the conversation. I enjoy working out but then I feel like the community adds to the pressure.

    When I started working out and getting more muscular at the age of 25, a lot of people started hitting on me. People I was friends with and looked up to started to hint at having sex with me. It felt very strange because these people had never hinted at it before I started going to the gym. 

    So were you having more sex? 

    Not really. I tend to go long periods without having sex. I have had sex three times in the past year and it’s because the opportunities presented themselves. 

    I’m not the most spontaneous person, so sex means I’d have to plan a lot. To plan, I need a set schedule and there’s currently a lot I’m juggling. Fitting in sex will take a lot from me. There’s the fact that I still feel a certain way about my body. I said I’d have more sex when I get hotter, but with the way I view myself, that’s not anything that might change anytime soon. 

    Also, 90% of the people that move to me are not people I find sexually attractive. As much as I complain about the body standards in the gay community, I feel like I am still part of the problem. 

    With all of this, how would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’d give it a 2. I want to be sexually active, but I’m too lazy for the work needed. I want to be able to have sex at least thrice a week. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: My Goal Is to Pleasure Myself Not to Orgasm

    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing. 

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 33-year-old woman who’s been out of the BDSM scene for three years. She talks about starting with extreme things like fire and blood play, a dom that helped her find herself, and retiring from the scene until someone exciting comes along. 

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    My first time was a birthday gift from a friend. It was my 18th. I had told him I was bored and ready to try sex, so he linked me up with a friend of his. 

    There was nothing spectacular about it. If anything, I found it quite boring. I thought something was missing.  Something I needed to make me enjoy sex. So I went to look for it. 

    What did you do?. 

    I started my exploration on the internet. Google was my friend. I searched for edgier ways to have sex, and kept reading and clicking links till I stumbled upon BDSM. 

    I was 19 and in the USA for university when all my research finally led me to groups of free-spirited people. These people invited me to sex parties and dungeons. 

    The more parties I attended, the more people I met and they let me know when the next party would happen. 

    Was it safe?

    Yes. Some of these parties you’d have to register for. You’d fill out forms, pay a fee, and also present tests that showed you were free from any sexually transmitted disease or infection. 

    The ones that didn’t require forms are just regular parties that sometimes spiral into something else. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Attended Sex Parties Every Weekend For Three Years

    Did you like the parties? 

    I did enjoy it. I was a very curious person who wanted to try everything she saw, and I got the chance when I was 20. 

    I met a man during one of these BDSM events. He was my very first dom and I felt safe enough to tell him about activities I was curious about. Sex with him included activities that caused pain. There was the bondage as well as the flogging. He once used a paddle with holes in them. Those paddles hurt a lot and the actions helped me realise I didn’t have a high threshold for pain. 

    There were a lot of things he was into that after trying out, I realised weren’t for me. He was into fire and blood play. He’d ash cigarettes on my body, run lighters over his skin, and use candles… The candles were the only thing I didn’t mind, and that’s when it’s done with low heat. 

    When he cut himself sometimes, the blood would make a mess. I wasn’t a big fan of being cut, but I liked to watch when he did it to himself. It was intriguing. 

    My earlier experience was very extreme. The things I did were considered extremities in the BDSM community, but that was my introduction. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Hated Sex Till I Discovered BDSM

    How long did it last? 

    It lasted for about a year because I came back to Nigeria at 21. When I got back to Nigeria, I got reintroduced to someone I had known since secondary school but never really spoke to. 

    We met at a party and hit it off quite well. He was also trying to figure out what he liked as well, and we did a lot of exploring together. He didn’t know he was a dom, but he had a very domineering personality and was willing to explore a bunch of kinky things. 

    After facing extremes, I had gotten a good amount of information on what I didn’t like and what could be modified to fit my taste, but there was a lot more to figure out. I mean, I didn’t even know what kind of sub I was. 

    With this guy, we were both young and curious. It felt slower than the last one, but there was enough curiosity to keep us going. 

    At this time, what were some things you were sure you weren’t into?

    The only two definite things I never wanted to try were age play and race play. I felt like with those two things, the lines can be very easily blurred. 

    How did you go about trying them out? 

    Parties. In my early twenties, I was still very active on Facebook and was present in a bunch of BDSM groups. They’d organise parties and sometimes to attend, you’d have to pay a fee. Not only that, but you’d have to share results that showed you didn’t have any STDs or STIs. During one of such parties, I met a woman who indulged my need to have unplanned sex. 

    Tell me about her.

    She was not a constant in my life, and we had an off-and-on relationship from when I was 21 till I was 24 years old.  I liked our relationship because it worked for us extremely well. 

    Explain “extremely well.”

    My early twenties was when I explored the most, and she was responsible for it. 

    Having to plan sex made me very uninterested because I believe that sex is something that happens in the heat of the moment. Planning takes away the excitement.  

    So if I had a fantasy, I’d mention it to her and she’d do all the planning. The next time we see, it’ll unfold in front of me. 

    That must’ve been nice.

    It was. I travelled to the UK at 24, so we weren’t able to continue the relationship we had. 

    Then at 26, I met another dom who was in his mid-forties. We met at another one of the sex parties. At the party, we chatted a bit and then linked up later to discuss boundaries and set up our agreement. 

    The relationship was the grounding point in my BDSM journey. He helped me discover I was a brat, schooled me a lot about the power that came with being a sub and helped me find a balance between the pleasure I wanted and the pain I liked. 

    With everything else I did when I was younger, I was inexperienced. He took me under his wing and made me more aware of myself. 

    Sounds like a mentor. 

    Exactly! A dom is your teacher and confidant. They look after your interests. That’s why it’s so easy for subs who don’t know what they’re doing to get abused and taken advantage of. There’s a lot of power you hand over to a dom. Anyone can misuse that. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Want to Dom a Man 

    What about romance? 

    It wasn’t a romantic relationship, just an agreement between two adults who knew what they wanted. We still talk but are no longer involved in that way. Mainly because I came back to Nigeria two years later. 

    Did you have another dom after him? 

    Yes, but it didn’t last long because he wasn’t exciting enough for me. Lack of excitement made me go kinda celibate. 

    Kinda celibate? 

    Well, I haven’t met anyone that excites me enough that I’d want to share my body with, but I also have needs. All the sex I’m currently having is with myself.

    A lot of the people I’ve met in the Nigerian BDSM space are clueless or just experimenting. It’s not their fault. A lot of people are scared because of cultural, religious, and social biases against sex and sensuality. 

    However, I know what I want, and that’s to be more emotionally engaged. It’s interesting to me how what I’m looking for in a dom has changed over the years. Initially, I wanted someone strong-handed who would take charge of things and tell me what to do even though I’d fight. 

    Now, I’m more interested in someone that’ll engage my senses while they still have mental control. I want someone that’s completely invested in me as a person. Also, I’ve not been in the mental space to act as a sub for a long time. I feel like anyone who tries to come at me forcefully would have to fight me. 

    So, what will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    The sex I’m having with myself? A 10. Sex with a partner? 0.

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was Celibate For Almost a Decade

  • Hear Me Out is a weekly limited series where Ifoghale and Ibukun share the unsolicited opinions some people are thinking, others are living but everyone should hear.

    I like the idea of phone sex because I often find myself pitying long-distance couples. If you spend hours talking on the phone with your partner, have virtual dates and parties on Zoom, should phone sex seem that weird?

    On a Sunday morning about six months ago, I got three separate voice notes from a friend on Snapchat — a three act narration of her phone sex experience. I don’t usually consider myself an amebo, but I was eating this gist up like ewa agoyin and then asking for more.

    What had started out for my friend as a lonely evening in a hotel bed in Abuja with an admittedly big bottle of wine in the space beside her, had turned into a restless need to be touched. When it became clear her usual people were too far away to come over, she decided to browse through her FaceTime contacts for some company. That’s where she found him.

    Honestly, she didn’t even consider this guy to be a friend. He was someone she knew a long time ago who had indicated interest in her. Nothing else was special about him. At that moment when she needed to feel something, to have someone watch her and desire her in the watching, his face on her phone screen was good enough. By the time she sent me those voice notes, my friend’s wants were  satisfied.

    Phone sex, before anything else, satisfies a special kind of horny. It’s for that urgent horny. The horny that believes it’s strong enough to defeat the wahala of Nigerian networks.

    I get it — I do. I’ve found myself far away from my love interests for most of my life. At first, it was university whisking me away from my secondary school love, and later, work. Most recently, it was NYSC. Because of these, phone sex was simply where my life naturally arrived — but why exactly did I turn to it?

    Phone sex, before anything else, satisfies a specific kind of horny. It’s for that urgent horny. The horny that believes it’s strong enough to defeat the wahala of Nigerian networks and doesn’t care for all the awkwardness of purely talking someone else to the point where they satisfy their needs. And it can get awkward, I’ll admit.

    In my first experience, there were moments where we both fell silent because I didn’t know what to say. When I did speak, I was a little worried I was saying the wrong things.

    The thoughts in my head  went from “Is this what she wants to hear?” to “Should I fake a moan? Would that be obvious?” and finally, some minutes into the thick of it, “So I can join Twitter moaning competitions like this?”

    Later, when I wasn’t lowkey cringing at how thirsty two people can sound when they’re horny, I thought about how I was forced to open up. I had shared entirely new things with my partner, and this brought us closer.

    Our conversations became vast and more fluid. We’d moved past the phase of trying to figure out what we couldn’t say in the relationship, and suddenly we could talk about sex without holding back. I felt like our relationship had reached the next level.

    My desire to keep my partner interested forces me to become vulnerable. When I fear I’m about to kill the vibe, the only thing left to do is to become explicit about what I want to see, feel or hear. My least favourite thing about phone sex — the part where I worry about saying something so boring, my partner starts to roll their eyes  — is also the part I need the most.

    Another great thing about phone sex is the way it can turn just about anybody into a listener. If you’re worried your partner isn’t paying attention to you, let me tell you about the give and take energy in phone sex.

    Like with all sex, there’s very little fulfilment if your partner is not interested. Though, the stakes are much higher with phone sex. It’s tough to fake interest behind a screen from many miles away; you’ll really need to listen to what your partner enjoys.

    I was curious about whether I was the only person who sometimes found it awkward, and so I went around asking.

    Someone told me on WhatsApp: “If I’m not comfortable with the person or not in the mood, then shit, it’s probably going to suck. There’s no point.”

    And another friend on iMessage: “I was sometimes confused about what he was saying, but it wasn’t all bad once I got into it. The problem was that I wasn’t always into it. But video calls and voice notes work like magic!”

    The cool thing about phone sex is there are so many ways it can happen: over texts, voice call, video call, whatever you and your partner find most comfortable. Just because they’re not in the same room as you doesn’t mean you have to pocket your desires and go to bed.

    Thinking back to those three voicenotes, I remember my friend swearing that the best part of phone sex is the hunger.

    “I love that my partner thinks my body is such a turn on, even if they can’t touch me at that moment. Sometimes, it helps to build momentum for when you actually get to see the person.” I agree with this, especially when I remember the times my in-person sexual experiences started off over phone calls.

    I’m single now and about 16 hours away from my current love interest. Whether or not they’ll eventually love me back (don’t ask me about this) is uncertain, but I plan to bring up phone sex if we ever take things forward. Because I know for sure that I might be on the move again soon, and my horny will likely come along with me. If you’re like me, young and unsettled — hear me out — you might want to read this again.

    Hear Me Out is a brand new limited series from Zikoko, and you can check back every Saturday by 9 a.m. for new episodes from Ifoghale and Ibukun.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old man with a big dick. He talks about realising how his penis size might be a problem for him and the insecurities that come with having a big penis. 

    What’s the most significant thing that happened on your first sexual encounter?

    I realised I might have a big penis. The first time a woman mentioned my penis was big, I thought she was lying and just wanted to stroke my ego. It’s not like I knew what the average size of a penis was, and I wasn’t out there comparing my dick sizes to that of men I met on the road. It didn’t click till 2014. 

    I was 19 years old and in university at the time. I had a serious girlfriend that was a year older than me in age and class.

    One day, when my girlfriend came to the house, she climbed on top of me and said we should have sex. She’s someone with very  high energy, so I wasn’t surprised she did that. 

    We started with foreplay, and I tried to make her good before I did whatever would pleasure me. 

    On penetration, her face turned reddish. I got a bit scared and asked her if she was okay. She said I should keep going slowly. As my strokes slowly increased, she passed out. 

    What happened? 

    I got her some water, and she just lay there till she eventually had the strength to go home. We didn’t bring up the passing out incident until she got home. 

    When I asked her how she was doing, she just kept talking about how big my dick is and how she couldn’t believe I was hiding all that with my small body. That was when I realised that my penis might become a problem in the future. 

    Did it become a problem?

    Not with her, but unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last longer than a year. I started sleeping with people I wasn’t in a relationship with. When you have a big penis, there’s a lot of trial and error involved because you’re not sure whoever you’re sleeping with will be able to handle it. When I was 22, there was this babe that I reconnected with.

    While we were hanging out, she told me about all the fantasies she wanted me to fulfil and I agreed. She sounded like she knew what she wanted and I was ready to give it to her. We set up a date to meet. 

    Immediately she entered my house that day, we went down to business. When she pulled down my briefs, her face was shocked. Then she went, “Is it inside my vagina this thing is going to enter?” I thought she was joking and trying to ease the tension. Before I knew it, she had started putting her clothes back on. She asked me to escort her out and I did. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. 

    RELATED: I Put Uterus-Killing Dicks Behind Me in 2020

    Didn’t you warn her? 

    I did. I always try to warn women about the size of my penis. But they usually think I’m lying or trying to hype up my dick. Meanwhile, I just don’t want a situation where someone will collapse on my dick or leave upon sighting it. 

    That’s why my solution to that problem is to send pictures and videos beforehand. So they can realise what I’m working with and what they’re going to see when we choose to have sex. 

    And then if they say they want it? 

    I still hold back my expectations. Most of them agree to it online, but once they come face to face with it, they chicken out. If you don’t have high hopes, you won’t be disappointed when it eventually doesn’t work out. 

    It’s kind of annoying. I don’t have control over the size of my penis, and with the exclamations and comments some of the women make, it makes me feel like I should reduce its size. Constantly getting blue balls because of something that is definitely beyond my control is very destabilising. I sometimes wish I had a smaller penis. 

    So, are you still doing trial and error? 

    Luckily, not anymore. I found a partner who actually loves the size of my penis. She says the length and girth is perfect for her and fills her up very well. I feel our relationship can evolve to something more than just sex. 

    What then would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I’d give it an 8. As much as there are bad times, there’s also some good times.

    RELATED: 7 Nigerian Men Confess Their Biggest Big Dick Struggles

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old heterosexual woman whose encounter with a freaky partner helped her enjoy sex. She talks about entering a hoe stage after a failed relationship and how losing weight helped her love sex. 

    What was your first sexual experience?

    I was 20 years old, and it was with my boyfriend at the time. I had been telling my boyfriend I wanted to have sex, but finding the place and time to do it was quite difficult. Honestly, I just wanted to get this sex thing over and done with and stop being a virgin. One day, we booked a hotel in Ibadan, got passes to leave school and then went with his friend and his friend’s babe. I had sex that night.

    I stayed sober because I wanted to remember everything about it. 

    Why did you want to have sex so bad? 

    Maybe you can say it’s peer pressure, but I was twenty and everyone around me was having sex. I wanted to see what everyone was so hyped up about. I was very disappointed because the sex was very mid. Nothing too exciting, just there. 

    After all the hype? 

    Sis! I mean I had very high expectations because of how everyone talked about it, but the math wasn’t mathing. I thought my mind would be blown, and I’d feel like I was missing out on something, but none of that. 

    The second day was a bit better because there was no pain, but it was still mid. 

    The only difference about my approach to sex was that after the first time, I wanted to do it some more. I wanted lots of it.

    Unfortunately, all the sex I was having with my then-boyfriend was just mid. Unfantabulous sex for about a year. Then we broke up and I realised that sex wasn’t overhyped, my partner wasn’t just great. 

    I sense a revelation coming.

    LMAO. When this man and I broke up, I got into another relationship. I was 21 years old when I realised that I truly did like receiving oral sex. All my talk about sex being overrated vanished from my mouth because sex is very much all that it’s cracked up to be. 

    He was much better at sex than my ex. He knew what to do with my body and how to do it. Unlike my ex, he also had more experience, so I think that helped. 

    However, this was still my second ever sexual partner, and I felt I had more exploring to do. I didn’t know much about it, and I felt there could be more. 

    So what did you do?

    When my second boyfriend and I broke up, I sprinted to the streets. My time on the streets lasted for about three years, but it was interesting. 

    She’s a runner, she’s a track star. 

    One thing about not having a permanent partner is that it opens you up to a lot of things. There’s the bad sex, and when it’s bad, it’s really bad. Also, when you add the fact that I was struggling with a lot of body image issues, it didn’t particularly make the sex enjoyable. 

    Tell me about these body image issues. 

    I was fat. There are so many beautiful plus-size women out there who carry themselves properly and look stunning, but I wasn’t one of them. I felt very unfit, and hated how I looked. 

    It was so bad that I always had sex with the light off and never walked around naked after sex. Once we were done, I’d put my clothes back on. I didn’t want the people I was having sex with to see me. 

    This made no sense because obviously they were attracted to what they saw, but I kept trying to hide myself. Whenever people indicated an interest in me enough to want to sleep with me, I was always so confused. How could they want me?. How did they enjoy it? 

    Damn, that sucks. 

    You don’t even know half of it. During my hoe phase, I met a man, and we had arranged to meet to have sex. 

    On the day of the meeting, I was very nervous. I scrubbed my body clean, shaved everywhere, used a lot of perfume, and even wore makeup. I don’t wear makeup. He was just so attractive and I felt like I had to overcompensate for how I looked. 

    I got very drunk to ease my nerves, and this led to the worst sex ever. 

    To compensate, I gave him good head. I always give great head —  was my way of trying to make up for not looking great and for the fact that I never did anything. 

    What do you mean by “you never did anything”? 

    Well, remember how I said I was very unfit? It meant I was very inactive during sex. If I so much as attempted to ride dick, I could do thirty seconds max. Anything else meant you wanted me to die. 

    I think being unfit added to how trash sex was for me. Some women bigger than me do stunts during sex, but I was just unable to. I wasn’t participating, I wasn’t able to bend into a lot of positions or put in extra effort. It was ridiculous. Men would ask me to sit on their faces, and I would be confused. Do they have a death wish? 

    So it was just mid sex and vibes for you? 

    For the bulk of it, it was. 

    Then when I was 24, I stumbled into a FWB, and he was everything. Sex with him was truly amazing. 

    First thing first, my man was a FREAK. He was sucking my toes, sticking fingers up my ass, fucking me in public, etc. As someone who had had only two boyfriends and not a lot of sexual partners, that was a lot. He had been in the sex game for a long time and knew just exactly what he liked. He asked questions and created a space where I was comfortable enough to try new things and just enjoy sex. When it came down to it, he was down for anything, and for me, that was wild. 

    Another thing that made the sex with him so delicious was the fact that I started losing weight. 

    I’m taking notes. Go on.

    I was deeply unhappy with how I looked, and I knew that until I did something about it, I wouldn’t particularly love my body. That’s why I went to the gym. I was invested in losing enough weight that’ll help me love my body. 

    Oh I thought it was se—

    It’s a continuous journey, but I find sex much more enjoyable now. I no longer sit still; I put in the work. 

    A working-class queen. Tell us about some of your tricks. 

    Before, when men asked to carry me, I’d refuse vehemently. Now? I like to be flung like a toy. 

    I do a lot more than I used to, and I even ride dick now. Trying various riding styles because I too want to make it pleasurable for the person I’m having sex with. 

    And they say Nigerian women don’t ride dick. Smh. 

    Lmao, riding dick is stressful please, but yeah, I do it now. I do a thousand squats one day a week, so riding dick is much easier than it was when I felt unfit. 

    I also am more flexible and find it easier to try out all the positions I know. I’m currently doing split training, and very soon, I’d be splitting on dicks. 

    The most important thing for me with this weight gain is finally loving my body. I walk around naked and don’t mind my partners staring at me after sex. I’m more confident in myself. 

    How then would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    I think I’d give it an 8. I’m glad I got to explore myself sexually to an extent, but I think there are more things I’d like to do. I’m just not sure what those things are yet.

    [donation]

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 24-year-old pansexual woman with bipolar disorder and depression. She talks about prefering dry humping to touching herself as a coping mechanism, her love for sex leading her to chase orgasms, and the effect of her antidepressants and mood stabilisers on her sex life.

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    I humped a toy on my bed while pretending I was Gabriella from High School Musical,  and Troy was talking to me. I didn’t have an orgasm, but it felt nice. I was 8.

    How did you know what humping was at 8? 

    At the time, I technically didn’t. While I was pretending to be Gabriella, I just did what felt right in that moment. Humping the toy made me feel good, so I did it. 

    After the Troy and Gabriella incident, I didn’t feel the need to try humping anything till I was 9. I was on the floor of my grandma’s house reading my uncle’s copy of a Danielle Steele book. 

    While reading, I felt like I wanted to pee. I liked how it felt and bunched up the wrapper I was tying. I humped it till I came. It was my very first orgasm, and I tried so hard to recreate it. 

    I got an orgasm the next day by humping another thing I owned. I’m very relentless in chasing orgasms, and it started when I was a child. It got so bad, I thought I was addicted. 

    How bad did it get? 

    I moved to a boarding school at 13 years old. You’d think being in a boarding school would stop me, but it didn’t. I brought a toy plushie with me to school for humping. I also hid in empty classrooms to hump a sweater. 

    I was masturbating like three times a day, humping different things because that was the only way I knew how. I was Madam Humps-A-Lot.

    Why do you think you were so into it? 

    I was a very unhappy child. I was either masturbating or self-harming — I would take my release anywhere I found it, and humping was that place. It also helped me sleep.

    I tried other things, like touching myself, but it never felt right. The rhythm was off, and I couldn’t replicate the orgasmic feeling humping gave me. 

    All right. Let’s talk about sex with other people. When was your first time?

    I was 17 years old, and it was with my then-girlfriend. We were able to recreate that orgasmic feeling I got from humping. We tried every single form of sex that one can have without a penis, and it was awesome. 

    The year we started dating was the peak of my mental health issues. I was in SS 3, applying to universities I had no chance of getting into, and it was making me anxious. I wasn’t eating and I was oversleeping. I went through periods where I refused to look anyone in the eye because I felt like a failure. I was self-harming every other day, but she took care of me. 

    She wasn’t too scared to walk on eggshells around me and was genuinely interested in making sure I was as okay as possible. That turned me on all the time.

    This didn’t mean I stopped humping sha because we couldn’t have sex all the time. I didn’t start hacking other forms of masturbation till I was 21 years old. By this time, I had already started having penetrative sex. 

    Wait, let’s take it back. Penetrative sex? 

    The first time I had penetrative sex was when I was 18 years old. My then-girlfriend and I had broken up because school had ended. 

    I woke up that day in June and decided I was tired of my hymen. That’s when I told a guy to come over. 

    The sex was extremely painful. It wasn’t a particularly good experience because I kept cringing when he touched me, and he just grabbed me and shoved it in. 

    After that experience, I saw him for six weeks though I hated it and hated every time he touched me. It was even supposed to be a one-time thing, but he told me he liked me and I felt flattered. I didn’t like sex for a very long time after those six weeks. 

    How long is a long time? 

    7 months. I wasn’t able to have sex again till January. 

    When Christmas break ended, my friend linked me up with this man who brought my vagina back to life. Sex with him hurt, but in a good way. I particularly enjoyed his reactions when we had sex — he didn’t hold back expressing his enjoyment.. 

    From then on, I started to spread my legs with careless abandon. I’m one of those people that loves to experience things. So an opportunity for a new experience comes, and I’d take it. I was having as much sex as I could.  Plus carelessly spreading my legs led me to the man who taught me how to masturbate properly. 

    Please explain. 

    We didn’t have a masturbating lesson or anything like that. We were having sex, and he played with my clit til I came. I remember being shocked and trembling while he held me. I went there expecting to suck the soul out of his dick, but here I was shaking from my soul. 

    No man had ever made me cum by touching me before. I’d had plenty of orgasms, but none had been gotten by a man simply rubbing my clit. I tried to replicate what he did when it was just me, and that’s when I hacked masturbation with my fingers. I now know the pattern that works. and I masturbate often. I think frequent masturbation is healthy, but all that became difficult once I got on meds. 

    What meds? 

    Well, antidepressants for my depression and mood stabilisers because I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve been on and off treatment for depression since I was 15. 

    I had a really bad episode in secondary school that got me suspended. The terms for my return were that a psychologist had to prove I wasn’t a danger to anyone else. I’ve never been violent toward others, but the violence I showed myself freaked people out. My dad wasn’t happy to hear that I was self-harming, but he wanted me to get back to school. 

    I was on antidepressant for a year. As soon as those meds were done, I knew I didn’t want any more of it. 

    But you got more? 

    At 20 years old, I  went to a mental health institution and got put on medication again. I stayed on it for two months before I went off. 

    Why? 

    The first time I had sex while on my medication, I couldn’t get very wet and was drying out super quick. I got frustrated too and then we ran out of lube. So I let him finish and then went home to sleep. 

    When I tried masturbating, it didn’t work. I wasn’t horny or as wet as I should have been. 

    How did you know it was the meds? 

    I’m a psychology major, so I did have a bit of knowledge of what happens when you’re on medication. I just never made the connection to myself until I tried to masturbate and absolutely nothing was happening. That’s when I talked to one of my friends who was on the same medication and had an “aha” moment. 

    The thing about the medication is that they make me feel worse for at least the first 2-4 weeks. When I start them, I’m the unhappiest and most suicidal you’d find me. My mind hardly ever goes to sex, and I’m just stressed all the time. Not being able to masturbate makes me upset. 

    The emotions  eventually balance out and I feel better, but my sex drive disappears for at least six months. It’s torture. 

    I’m sorry.

    Most of the time when someone I like turns me on during sex, I don’t need lube. Like at all. When I’m on my meds, I use all the lube I can get, and I still won’t orgasm. The sex doesn’t feel as good. 

    How long have you been on your meds? 

    I was on this current set of medication for 6-7 weeks, but I went off my medication in late February, 2022. 

    Why? 

    One of the people I’m currently sleeping with has a penis that’s too sweet. I need one thing to go well for me in this life. I deserve good sex. 

    Did you go off your meds for penis? 

    Something like that. I nearly lost my job because my meds had me fucked up. I couldn’t physically make myself do anything. I was barely getting out of bed. 

    I hated myself for feeling this way too. I know I should’ve been patient and let the effects wear off, but omo. When they told me at work that they were letting me go because I was underperforming, I had to stop the medication. I needed a break. 

    How’s the break going?

    Well, I’m currently trying to convince myself that drinking sniper is not a very bad bitch thing to do. 

    So, what will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    A 6 or 7. I’m currently having good sex with a lot of people, but I want a partner or my own. I just want a partner who knows how to give painful pleasure and isn’t a complete dickhead. 

  • The subject of this sex life is a 29-year-old man who likes having sex immediately he feels like it — no matter where. He talks about his first time masturbating, how his first relationship led him down a path of public sex and how random hookups make him feel unsatisfied with his sex life.  

    Tell me about your first sexual experience

    When I was 12 years old, I stumbled on a movie with plenty of nudity. The title was 40 days and 40 nights. While I watched it, I noticed something was happening to my penis. It was strange, interesting and a little exciting. I was experiencing my first erection. After that, I wanted to know all about what I had just felt. 

    They gave us a book in our secondary school called “Questions Boys Ask”. It was written by some evangelist type people and the goal was to answer some frequently asked questions by boys concerning their body and sex. Some of the questions were about wet dreams, masturbation, etc. I was 11 when I first read it, but I felt a type of disconnect from what the book tried to explain. After my first erection, e enter. Although the book said we shouldn’t do any of the sexual things it contained, all I wanted to do was sexually stimulating things. 

    That’s why later that year, I jerked off to some women in the newspaper at home. I tried soap, but it didn’t work, then I tried water and it still didn’t work. Eventually, I used pomade, and it felt so good. The erection was weird, but the feeling like I was about to burst from the orgasm felt weirder. It felt like I was about to pee. 

    How did you feel about that? 

    I liked it a lot. I stopped jerking off to women in the newspaper after two years of exploring. My classmates in secondary school introduced me to porn. I would borrow some to take home and watch when my parents weren’t around, but I eventually started buying my own. 

    What changed? 

    I broke someone’s CD, and they needed me to replace it, so I had to buy another one. I couldn’t do it in the area I lived in because I didn’t want anyone to recognise me. I trekked somewhere farther, looked for a film rental and bought it. Anxiety nearly killed me and that was the last time I entered the shop. 

    I didn’t like buying from the same place twice, so I switched to buying from the men that sold CDs on wheelbarrows. They were in motion, and barely passed the same route — if they did, they wouldn’t remember me. 

    They were selling porn to kids? 

    I mean, it is what it is. My classmates talked about being sent to buy condoms and cigars all the time. The people selling these things never scolded the kids or anything. I don’t think they really cared. 

    Did they ever send you to buy condoms? 

    No o. I never actually bought a condom until after the first time I had sex. 

    I didn’t use a condom. I was 18 and in university. It was also with my very first girlfriend. We were in love and adored each other’s body a lot. 

    We were on a walk at around 11 p.m. one day, when we stopped by the side of the road to make out. One thing led to another, we moved to a heap of granite by an uncompleted building and had sex. 

    It was my first time but definitely not hers. After we were done, she asked me if I was sure it was my first time because of how good it was. Apparently, all my porn watching was useful. 

    So your first time having sex was public…

    I think my first happening the way it did set me on a path. We started having a lot of sex in a lot of random places. 

    I’m afraid to ask, but how random? 

    We had sex everywhere. We had sex in a bush on the side of the road leading to my hostel, in one primary school, in campus, off-campus, in the bush, incomplete buildings… For me, sex wasn’t something I had to plan, plus my girlfriend was a very spontaneous person. Wherever the thing hold me, I go just run am.

    I remember when we were worried we were having too much sex and decided to not have any at all. We went to read on campus, and she sat opposite me. She raised her gown up, and her pussy was just in my face. I had to do something about it, so we had sex in the hall. 

    Weren’t you ever scared of getting caught? 

    Not really. So there’s this place on our campus they called pre-degree hall. It shared a fence with a hostel and so people could see into the hall. That didn’t bother us honestly. It was a place we had sex commonly. 

    One day, while I was giving her head, a security man tapped me and asked me what I was doing. I was confused and asked him if he couldn’t see what I was doing. He told us to leave the campus but we didn’t. We just went to the faculty of education which was an incomplete building at the time and had sex. Funny enough, days we’d go there to have sex, we’d meet other people having sex. We made it our sex spot on campus. 

    Is it safe to say you got off on the thrill of getting caught? 

    Yes and no. Sure the adrenaline rush was great, but I also just view sex as something you did when the feeling and urge came — no matter the place or time. 

    My relationship with this babe lasted three years. From 2009 to 2012, there was a lot of sex happening, but eventually, I got served breakfast. She cheated on me with one guy she’s currently married to. After I got heartbroken, I didn’t feel the need to enter another relationship. I was just having sex and falling in and out of love. 

    I have slept with about 50-60 women, and while I don’t think it’s as high as some people’s, it’s still a bit much. 

    But was the sex good? 

    How I determine good sex is how random it is and how good she sounds while we’re at it. If she’s a squirter, I’d never forget her. It’s just that it’s not as spontaneous as I’d like. 

    How do you meet your partners? 

    There are a lot of places to meet people you want to have sex with. For me, the bulk of them are acquaintances. We could be texting, and they’d just bring it up. They’d say things like, “It’s been a while since I had sex,” and I’d offer my services. Some are my close friends, and some women refer me to their friends. 

    I don’t have the kind of access to them that a romantic partner does, so there’s a lot of planning I do. I have to reach out, check if times align and then plan a location. That’s too much planning just to have sex. 

    In 2019 though, I fell in love and got into another relationship, but that ended in 2020 when I fell in love with someone else while also with her. 

    How did your two relationships compare sex-wise? 

    Sex with my first girlfriend was great, but while I had seen a lot of porn and we were having sex in a lot of places, she was my first and my experience was limited. 

    The time between my first and my second girlfriend was a lot, and I had time to grow in the foki foki aspect of my life. I would like to think that sex with my second girlfriend was better, but only because I had improved sexually. 

    At this time, how will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10?

    7. I’m currently not having a lot of sex now, and I’d like for that to change. I really enjoy having “as e dey hot” sex and a steady partner is the way to ensure that. Since I don’t have one, it’s back to planning and execution. 

    [donation]

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this sex life is a 26-year-old pansexual woman. She talks about her first time with a woman and a man, why she is very particular about the perfect dick size, and how she became a femme dominant.

    Tell me about your first sexual encounter

    I had recently turned 20, and it was with a woman my friend introduced me to at the beach. The woman is the reason I believe in love at first sight because from the moment I saw her, I was tongue-tied and all the alarms in my body went off. Throughout the night, we kept looking at each other. Eventually, she gave me a lap dance and I just kept smiling and blushing. 

    When school resumed a few weeks later, I found out we were in the same university and our halls were connected. It gave me a chance to see her almost every day. Weeks after we started talking, she asked how I’d feel if she kissed me. I had basically fallen in love with her since the first time I saw her. Of course, I wanted her to kiss me. I told her I wouldn’t have a problem with it, so she did and it felt like the best kiss of my life. The next day, when I went to see her, we got more intense. We had to turn off the lights and put down the windows because if we were caught, we were getting expelled, but it was worth it. We made out and she fingered me to the heavens. It was amazing. 

    Even after we went on holiday and left school, we linked up a couple of times. Unfortunately, after three years of us knowing each other, she told me she found Christ and was no longer queer. I thought that was the end of great sex for me, but then there was a guy. 

    Go on… 

    LMAO. We’d been friends for four years. Throughout the friendship, there was this subtle sexual attraction, but we never really acted on it until the night he invited me to a party. 

    That night, my parents weren’t around because they travelled. So, I invited him over to my place after the party. On our way, we picked up condoms. I knew it was going down that night.

    One thing I liked about him was that he was very reassuring. He kept asking at various points if I was okay with it. It was extra sweet considering it was my first time having penetrative sex with a dick. 

    What was it like? 

    Pain! It hurt a lot. There wasn’t a lot of bleeding, save for some spotting. That’s why the reassurance was great. I got comfortable, but I still couldn’t take it all in. I think I got halfway and realised I was done. Any more and I’d faint. Another reason it hurt so much was because his dick was the perfect kind of big. 

    Was that the only time it happened? 

    Most definitely not. He lived close to my parents’ house, so we could link quite easily. The sex was great every time and my body adjusted to the size of his dick. He listened, was very into foreplay and just knew how to work my body. He was the kind of person if I got into a relationship with, would turn me into a sex addict. We could barely keep our hands off of each other. However, because of NYSC and life in general, we couldn’t meet up as much anymore, and then that fizzled to not meeting up at all. We still talk occasionally and I think if we decide to see each other again, we’d probably have sex.

    Meet Aunty Z!, overall best in relationship advice

    Look at you being God’s favourite. Have you ever had bad sex? 

    Yes o. For NYSC, I was posted to a school in Kaduna. I met this man who was also a corper in the school, and we started dating. We were having a lot of sex, but I was still sexually starved. Usually, I’m not a fan of people touching me and I just want to do what I want, but it felt like he was not even trying to make it good for me. There was no foreplay, and it was just penetrative sex when he wanted it. His dick was quite long, and he did know how to use it, but he almost always came before I did. So he was having the time of his life, but there I was, barely having any orgasms. 

    I found out he was cheating on me. He was having sex with me and four other babes that I knew, raw. I could have caught something, but luckily I didn’t. Ontop all that, he was emotionally manipulative. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just leave him since I wasn’t really gaining anything from the relationship. After a couple of months of us being together, I finally had the guts to leave the relationship. 

    The break-up really took a toll on me and my self-esteem. I kept asking myself what made me remain with someone so manipulative, but I don’t think I’ve found the answer to that. 

    The decline of my mental health didn’t stop me from having good sex, however. I hooked up with my friend again and hooked up with some other people. I have been very opportuned to have big dicks. 

    I’m curious. What makes a dick perfect-sized?

    I think that if a dick is short, it should have girth. If it’s skinny, it has to be long. The most important thing is the owner knowing how to use it, but size is important either in length or in breadth. When people talk about size, people think we’re always shaming small dicks, but that’s not the case. There’s a possibility of a dick being too big. 

    There was a guy I once linked with in Owerri, and his dick was almost as thick as a 60cl Coca-cola   bottle. How was he expecting anyone to have sex with that kind of weapon? That thing was dragging thickness with cans of insecticide. Who is that one trying to kill? 

    In 2020, I put all those uterus-killing dicks behind me when I fell for a woman I met on Twitter. She was a dominant and was constantly teaching me about the lifestyle and what she did. The more she taught me, the more I realised this was something I enjoyed and had been low-key doing in my previous relationships with people. I enjoyed commanding men and making them do things.

    Out of curiosity, I opened a burner account on Twitter. One thing about submissives and slaves is that they just find you. Once you’re a mistress, there’s a plethora of submissives throwing themselves at you. It can be overwhelming. My DMs were full of requests. So, you find a way to weed out the sensible from the foolish. For example, a foolish person would text me “Hi”. Why’d you text me that?  It’s “Good morning, mistress” or nothing at all. The disrespectful ones never get a chance. 

    Sorry, mistress. How was it like when you started? 

    Lmao. It was nice. My partner and I were in an open relationship, so I could meet up with these people and have sessions. The thing about these kinds of sub/dom relationships is that it’s all about the sub. Sure, as the dom, you need to have your own personal boundaries. There are some things I can’t do, and I tell my subs beforehand. I’m only here to give you a good time; we can’t be best of friends or anything. I’m not completely heartless because they can always talk to me about anything, but they should not just expect us to be best friends.

    Anyways, my job is to provide an experience. They don’t all like the same things — some enjoy being degraded, some want to be spat on, insulted and given a golden shower, while others just want to be told what to do. I also have male subs. One thing I’ve noticed is that the male subs are whinier and generally have a lot of problems. So, you have to be harder on them.

    Meet Aunty Z!, overall best in relationship advice

    So, how do these sessions work? 

    Well, I choose a hotel and they book the room in my name. Then we meet up at an appointed time and I give them a worthwhile experience. 

    Sometimes, I do it as a job and get paid, but not all the time. I always collect gifts though. I’m a goddess, and you can’t just approach me empty-handed. Also, not all my sessions are physical. Some scenes are done over the phone. I’d tell them what to do and how to touch themselves. With my physical sessions, I hardly ever let them touch me. I’m very strict about that. It’s fun, however, watching them struggle to not touch me. I get off on the fact that they’re not even tied up, but they can’t do one thing they want so badly to do. It’s fun having that kind of power. 

    I’m not a completely terrible person, so if they’ve been good, I let them kiss or touch my feet. If I feel like it, I let them eat me out. However, that’s a privilege not many get — only two of my subs have ever been allowed to. When they eat me out, they’re doing it because I have an itch to scratch and they’re available, like toys I can use. 

    Interesting… 

    For the past couple of months, I’ve spent way less time in that space because of where I’ve been mentally. As much as I’m not a sub’s friend, I have to be intentional about them. That includes checking up on them amongst many things. I barely have the energy to show up for myself, talk less of showing up for another person. I don’t just think I can right now. 

    Do you want to talk about this mental state?

    Not really. But I’m taking it one day at a time. 

    Meet Aunty Z!, overall best in relationship advice

    Do you think exploring your dominant side gave you better sex? 

    It gave me a chance to explore. It doesn’t necessarily make the sex better. My sex life has sections,; and different parts of me are satisfied by different things., I can’t pick one over the other. 

    Interesting. So what’ll you rate your sex life? 

    I’d rate it a 7 because right now I’m not having as much sex as I want to. My mind is currently on one person and his own focus is on work and getting his life together.

    [donation]

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    Last week, we did a recap of the Sex Life stories you read the most in 2021. Here’s a list of five stories that you probably missed but you really should read.

    5. Get the lube…

    The subject of this Sex Life story had some great advice to give to women (and men) regarding lube: it’s only going to make things better, so use it. She’s also hoping to leave the streets and all the problems they bring. Read her story below.

    Sex Life: “Lube Is Your Comrade In Arms”

    4. What do you do when it gets too hard

    Our subject for this week is a sickle-cell warrior. I learnt about priapism from speaking with him. It’s a condition he has that will sometimes cause him to have lingering erections. He talks to us about how he deals with this and how it affects his sex life.

    Sex Life: “I Do Push-ups To Get Rid Of Erections”

    3. So when you say “cheating”

    For the subject of this Sex Life, it was important that her first time having penetrative sex was someone she did not particularly fancy. Why? You should read on that and a lot more.

    Sex Life: “I Didn’t Think It Was Cheating If It Was With A Woman”

    2. Listen up!

    My people, it is necessary that you listen to your partners. Find out what they like, tell them what you like. Communicate. The subject of this Sex Life learned this lesson over a number of years and also lets us into his experiences at sex parties.

    Sex Life: “I Wasn’t Having Good Sex Until I Started Listening To My Partners”

    1. The sex life of an asexual woman

    The asexual spectrum is one that doesn’t find a lot of representation in Nigerian media and this story was a move to start the very necessary conversation of exploring all shades of sex lives.

    Sex Life: “I’ve Only Found 5 People Sexually Attractive In My Life”

  • Sex — or talking about sex — is generally regarded as taboo in Nigerian society. But it’s important that we talk about sex. From how we discover our sexualities to how we satisfy our sexual curiosities. We learn so much when we talk about these things openly and honestly.

    To help these conversations happen, we’ve been anonymously telling the stories of Nigerians and how they navigate sex through our Sex Life flagship.

    So as we say goodby to the year 2021 and it is only right that we take a look back at the 10 Sex Life stories you loved the most.

    10. What if sex came with a report card?

    In this edition, we spoke to a 29-year-old woman who spoke to us about how she grades her male sexual partners. You should really read this story — if for nothing else, just so you can see the grading system. One partner scored an E8 (this is bad) in Basic Human Decency. Yikes.

    Sex Life: I Grade The Men I Sleep With

    9. To Nut or Not To Nut?

    Doesn’t matter to the subject of this edition.

    After a series of horrible sexual experiences, this 20-year-old woman finally starts to have pleasant sexual experiences. She even describes foreplay with one of her partners as “stupendously excellent”.

    Having an orgasm is great but for this subject, it’s all about the journey. So maybe you get there, maybe you don’t but make sure it’s a fun ride.

    Sex Life: The Sex Is Good Even Without Orgasms

    8. “Ruthless sex. The kind devoid of emotion”

    Those were the words this edition’s subject described the sex she enjoys. The 21-year-old woman tells us of her sex life and all the ways BDSM made it better. From blindfolding to gagging, she finds out how all of these ‘ruthless’ and very importantly, consensual methods thrill her.

    “But how?” You may ask. The story reveals plenty.

    Sex Life: I Hated Sex Till I Discovered BDSM

    7. Yes you hear them. But are you listening?

    The subject of this edition was not. Not for a while.

    The 33-year-old heterosexual man tells us about his journey to having good sex. He tells us about his first sex party and the one time he had sex with a man, just to see if it was something he’d be into.

    He says his sex life with his 8 partners has been great because he’s learnt to listen to the women in his life to make sure they’re getting the most pleasure.

    Sex Life: “I Wasn’t Having Good Sex Until I Started Listening To My Partners”

    6. Playing catch-up with sex

    This edition’s subject is a 36-year-old man who has slept with almost 200 women. Why? Well, he had what he considered a late sexual awakening and so as a young man he felt the need to catch up. To have all of the sex.

    From his perspective that came with a lot of stress. The sheer energy it must demand to be with multiple people.

    But how did he get here? Read and find out.

    Sex Life: I’ve Slept With Almost 200 Women But I Wish I Hadn’t

    5. When you’re both fine with “ruining” the friendship with sex

    Can we all agree there’d be less pressure if friends who found each other attractive just had sex with each other? No? Okay.

    This 25-year-old woman gets it though. It makes sense to have sex with someone you already consider to be a safe place. She also tells us about discovering her attraction to women and can you guess who was involved? Rihanna, of course.

    Sex Life: “It Just Made Sense To Sleep With My Friends”

    4. Practice makes perfect

    You may think you’re not killing it at sex now but what you may need is a number of people to safely explore things with. That’s what happened with this edition’s subject.

    The 25-year-old woman is currently having great sex after taking the time to sharpen her skills with 4 different men on her roster.

    Sex Life: I Sharpened My Skills With Four Partners On My Roster

    3. How do you tell this story?

    This story was met with a lot of shock and people were rightly appalled by some of the things they read. We had to include an editor’s note and several trigger warnings because we wanted to protect any members of our audience who may be triggered by stories of sexual abuse and assault.

    But the story is up because it is a real sex life story of a 19-year-old Nigerian whose experiences are as valid as the next person’s. There is a lot that can be done about the way sex is taught to our children. Beyond informing them so they are aware, it is also important so that they know they have a voice to speak up when they feel things go wrong.

    Sex Life: I Was A Dominant At 13

    2. You did what? Where?

    This story starts at Redeem camp. And that’s really all I need to say for you to understand what you’re getting into.

    The 26-year-old subject of this story tells us about the many places he’s had sex.

    Sex Life: My Sex Addiction Made Me Have Sex In Strange Places

    1. She eats danger for breakfast

    This was the most read Sex Life story this year and I must tell you, it deserves this spot. The 20-year-old woman in this story is not kidding when she says she likes danger.

    From the first time she got slapped in the middle of sex to an actual kink for sleeping with encumbered individuals, this story thrills and thrills.

    Sex Life: “I like to sleep with people in relationships”