Nigerian weddings | Page 2 of 2

Nigerian weddings are the best from the small chops to the outfits to the music, what’s not to love? Well, these ten things.
You’ll spend 4 hours in Lagos traffic trying to get to a wedding, you get there and they tell you food has finished.

Better bring out the small chops if you don’t want me to show my true colours
When your primary school friend’s sister’s cousin brings a bill for Aso-Ebi for her wedding

Where do I know you from, please?
When you get a wedding invitation for yet another Saturday you wanted to spend in your bed

Must you people marry sef?
When your friend brings the Aso-Ebi bill and it’s almost the same amount as your monthly salary

Are you trying to send me to an early grave
When after buying 50k Aso-Ebi the person serving small chops tries to walk past you

Do you think I’m here to play? Abi you thought the Aso-Ebi was free?
When they tell you that the wedding is strictly by invitation so you stroll in at 4 expecting to find a seat

It’s first come first serve my brother
How the bouncers block you if you make the mistake of coming without your invitation

Ahan it’s wedding now not Escape
When they tell you it’s a destination wedding after you’ve paid for the Aso-Ebi

Did I tell you I have money to go to Enugu, you want me to follow you to Seychelles??!!
When the couple tells you it’s just a small wedding so you keep it simple only for you to get to the wedding and it’s bigger than OLIC

So you people’s plan was to disgrace me
After buying Aso-Ebi and the souvenir doesn’t get to you

You people had better go and bring out my own bucket
While we are on the topic of weddings, do you think bride price is necessary?
It’s no news that Nigerian mothers have wahala.

And when it comes to weddings, they are always extra-hyped!

Let’s just bless you with this woman dancing at her son’s wedding.

https://twitter.com/asherstuta/status/805762149519945728

This woman can dab better than you, though!

Shout out to all Nigerian mothers everywhere! You guys are the best!
1. This guy proposed aboard an Arik flight.

He couldn’t even wait for the plane to land.
2. This Twitter proposal.

So extra!
3. This guy disguised as a waiter.

On top ring o!
4. This guy brought the whole of New York to his proposal.

Instead of him to propose in Idumota.
5. This photoshoot that ended up as a wedding proposal.

See these ones.
6. Another really extra photoshoot.

If she fell while she was twirling nko?
7. This guy that proposed with a car.

https://youtu.be/SmQa4-3byGQ
Instead of him to dash us the car.
8. That time Eva Alordiah’s boyfriend proposed to her while she was performing at the Headies.

He couldn’t even let her finish her song, smh.
1. This one where the bride was basically flying up and down.

Because sitting down is too much stress.
2. This couple that doesn’t understand why there are locks on toilet doors.

Na wa!
3. This couple that decided this calabash was too heavy for one of them to carry.

They found love by the riverside.
4. These ones that were doing bad things in the corner.

See how people are looking at them.
5. This groom that was doing yoga in the air.

As per yoga master.
6. This couple that were the only black people in their own shoot.

What’s happening here?
7. These ones that were doing shakara in the village.

See wahala.
8. These ones that staged a kidnap scene.

On top wedding again?
9. This I-must-be-Sango-by-force groom.

So extra!
10. These ones that kuku went all the way underwater to take their own pictures.

As per dry land is not fine enough for them.
11. These ones that were just unserious.

They need that red card in real life.
12. This couple kuku went to shoot a music video.

As per they’re no longer anybody’s mates.
By the time you’re done reading this, you’ll be convinced beyond reasonable doubt that Nigerian weddings are the new club.

Here are 10 reasons why:
1. No invitation card, no turn up!

Just like club parties, there are bouncers waiting to kick you out of a Nigerian wedding if you dare to mogbo moya.
2. And even if you manage to get in, there is a VIP section for people cooler and fresher than you.

Just because, you’re not so special.
3. Popping of champagne bottles.

Because, the wedding must be lit by force.
4. They’re even sponsored by luxury brands.

Yes! This one was sponsored by Rolex, The Rolex!
5. Special live performances by A-list musicians.

Because playing their CDs has become too mainstream.
6. Everybody comes with the mission to slay.

Without any chill in the universe.
7. The party and after party is a license to turn up.

Shoki!
8. Some of these Nigerian weddings are now themed…

Exactly like those Halloween-themed club parties.
9. And are avenues to connect with the big boys and girls in town.

Famzing is always allowed.
10. You might even get lucky…

And get to seize the bae.
If you went to school in Nigeria, you probably know this nursery rhyme: “When will you marry? This year, next year, sometime or never”.
Take this quiz and find out.

You’ll spend 4 hours in Lagos traffic trying to get to a wedding, you get there and they tell you food has finished.

When your primary school friend’s sister’s cousin brings a bill for Aso-Ebi for her wedding

When you get a wedding invitation for yet another Saturday you wanted to spend in your bed

When your friend brings the Aso-Ebi bill and it’s almost the same amount as your monthly salary

When after buying 50k Aso-Ebi the person serving small chops tries to walk past you

When they tell you that the wedding is strictly by invitation so you stroll in at 4 expecting to find a seat

How the bouncers block you if you make the mistake of coming without your invitation

When they tell you it’s a destination wedding after you’ve paid for the Aso-Ebi

When the couple tells you it’s just a small wedding so you keep it simple only for you to get to the wedding and it’s bigger than OLIC

After buying Aso-Ebi and the souvenir doesn’t get to you

While we are on the topic of weddings, do you think bride price is necessary?

It’s no news that Nigerian mothers have wahala.

And when it comes to weddings, they are always extra-hyped!

Let’s just bless you with this woman dancing at her son’s wedding.

This woman can dab better than you, though!

1. This guy proposed aboard an Arik flight.

2. This Twitter proposal.

3. This guy disguised as a waiter.

4. This guy brought the whole of New York to his proposal.

5. This photoshoot that ended up as a wedding proposal.

6. Another really extra photoshoot.

7. This guy that proposed with a car.

8. That time Eva Alordiah’s boyfriend proposed to her while she was performing at the Headies.

1. This one where the bride was basically flying up and down.

2. This couple that doesn’t understand why there are locks on toilet doors.

3. This couple that decided this calabash was too heavy for one of them to carry.

4. These ones that were doing bad things in the corner.

5. This groom that was doing yoga in the air.

6. This couple that were the only black people in their own shoot.

7. These ones that were doing shakara in the village.

8. These ones that staged a kidnap scene.

9. This I-must-be-Sango-by-force groom.

10. These ones that kuku went all the way underwater to take their own pictures.

11. These ones that were just unserious.

12. This couple kuku went to shoot a music video.

By the time you’re done reading this, you’ll be convinced beyond reasonable doubt that Nigerian weddings are the new club.

1. No invitation card, no turn up!

2. And even if you manage to get in, there is a VIP section for people cooler and fresher than you.

3. Popping of champagne bottles.

4. They’re even sponsored by luxury brands.

5. Special live performances by A-list musicians.

6. Everybody comes with the mission to slay.

7. The party and after party is a license to turn up.

8. Some of these Nigerian weddings are now themed…

9. And are avenues to connect with the big boys and girls in town.

10. You might even get lucky…

If you went to school in Nigeria, you probably know this nursery rhyme: “When will you marry? This year, next year, sometime or never”.