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  • If you’re constantly being betrayed by friends, maybe it’s because you’re befriending the wrong species. Befriend a chicken today and save yourself all of the stress that comes with human friendships. Need further convincing? Here you go: 

    1) Cheap friends to have 

    Unlike humans that are always asking you about the next motive, trying to do brunch and trying to link at the club, chickens don’t stress about that. Wetin concern chicken concern club? You save money by keeping them as friends. 

    2) They’ll pursue your haters 

    Unlike humans who backstab you and stand by your enemies, chickens will never. Infact, if any of your haters come too close to you, your chicken bestie will peck them out of your life. 

    RELATED: 8 Nigerian Women Share the Best Thing a Friend Has Done For Them

    3) They don’t keep grudges against you

    You can offend your chicken friend right now and they’ll forgive you in less than five minutes. The best part is that you won’t even need to beg too much. 

    4) Constant givers 

    Your chicken bestie will constantly lay eggs for you. Do you know how much they’re selling eggs in the market? That’s a friend that cares for your well-being. 

    5) Partners in crime 

    If you need to distract someone in order to help you commit a crime, a chicken will help you. They’re such great partners in crime, they’re ready to lay down their life for you to pull all the pranks you need. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Old is Your Longest Friendship 

    6) They’re the best reminders

    If you need to be awake at the crack of dawn, your chicken bestie is ready to shout into your ear like an alarm clock. Can a human being do that? 

    7) You can eat them and not go to jail 

    When SAPA is knocking on the door, you can eat your bestie. It’s not like you can’t eat a human being, but eating a human being will probably land you in prison. Eating a chicken will not. The choice is yours. 

    RELATED: 10 Signs You’re the Toxic Friend in The Group

  • Friendship transcends age, and that’s why many people have friends that are older than they are. If you’re one of these people, here are some things you can need to keep in mind when making friends with older people

    1) Age bothers them more than you

    They’ll take every chance to remind you that they’re older. Just smile and let it pass. Eventually, they’ll get tired and find new material.

    2) They won’t let you pay for anything

    It doesn’t matter if you’re working fifteen jobs and can buy their entire family, it’s a pride thing. Better pocket your money and don’t do too much. Consider it reparations. 

    RELATED: 8 Things to Know Before Making Friends As an Adult 

    3) They think their kind of entertainment is the best

    Even though some of them actually grew up watching the same shows you did, it’s not their business. The ones they watched on their 21 inch TVs are better than the ones you watched on your plasma TVs. 

    4) You’re not stupid. They just think you are

    Treating you like a baby will come with many fun things like money and nice gifts, but it’ll also come with a lot of condescending attitudes. If you like, be the president of Nigeria. They’ll still treat you like a child just because you’re Gen Z

    5) You don’t have money, so problem dey

    There’s a huge chance you’ll not be able to match the kind of gifts they give to you. Partly because they’ve also spent more time in the workforce, and also have connections that they’ve built over the years. Your older friends  can get your favourite celebrity to wish you a happy birthday or buy you an iPad. Will you be able to reciprocate? 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Old Is Your Oldest Friendship?

    6) You’ll barely spend enough time together 

    You’ll sometimes have more free time than they do because you’re in a different stage of life than they are. You’ll also be more interested in certain activities that they don’t have the energy for. You want to invite your friend that’s married with two kids to the club on a Tuesday night? Do you want to scatter their marriage? 

    7) You’ll spend too much time teaching them pop culture trends 

    You’re constantly explaining to them what certain phrases mean. It’s your way of trying to bridge the communication gap, but there’s a very high possibility that they’d forget by the next conversation. 

    8) You feel older than you are

    After spending so much time with these people, you start looking and talking like them. When you now hang outh with fellow Gen Zers, you’ll be feeling much older than you really are. 

    RELATED: 5 Nigerian Women Talk About Looking Older Than Their Age

  • Wherever one or two queer friends are gathered, you’d find at least four of these people in their midst. It’s almost like they can’t survive without each other, and it’s cute to see. Every queer friend group/chosen family has one of these people.  

    1. The athletic cat mom lesbian

    They behave like those house masters in secondary school that make you do exercises by 4 am. But they’re also so sweet and are usually the moms of the group. When they aren’t busy helping you fix shit, they’re taking pictures of their cats. 

    2. The asexual bookworm friend with the worst sex jokes

    These ones have the nastiest sex jokes you’ll ever hear. They flirt so much, you either catch feelings or want to deck them. They should do a master class sha — asking for a friend. They also give the best book recommendations because they’d read anything.

    3. The super chill bisexual that loves plants 

    This person doesn’t send anybody. They just wear their bralette and jeans and smoke or take care of their plants when they’re stressed — nevermind that most of these plants die. They  don’t chase, they attract, and we can only perspire to aspire…

    4. The soft enby 

    All they do is send TikToks and memes to their friends every day, take one picture a month and use it as their profile picture everywhere and be broke. They are the most unproblematic friends.

    5. The Shane wannabe that is a musician 

    This person watched “The L word” once and stole Shane’s entire personality. Get in a stable relationship? Why would they do that? What will they sing about? If they are not busy breaking someone’s heart, they won’t be happy. If you date this person, then you enjoy crying and you might as well date an onion (an onion that is good at hot fok sha). They’re just lucky that they’re unusually the kindest people you’ll ever meet. 

    6. The cute couple 

    You’re either jealous or sick of their shit, and even then, you secretly love to see them loved up. They behave like an old married couple, and if they didn’t live in Nigeria with strict parents, they’d have already moved in together. 

    7. The visibly queer friend

    If you don’t know who this is in your friend group, it’s you. There is no one way to look queer, but these guys come close to having “the look.” They usually have the best style, they’re usually the artsiest people in the friend group and they can’t sit “straight”. If they could, they’d wear the pride flag as clothes.

    8. The child 

    The youngest in the friend group who is everyone’s baby. Everyone always checks up on them and instantly becomes a Nigerian parent — gentle parent edition — whenever they’re around

    . If you enjoyed this, you’d definitely love our Rainbow stack

  • It’s time to create your dream celebrity squad, and we’ll tell you whether you’ll be a famous tik toker or Instagram influencer. Go on:

  • Are you the mom friend or not? Take this quiz to find out what type of friend you are.

    Select all that apply to you:

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  • Everything about being an adult is the freaking ghetto, including making friends. There are a lot of things you’ll experience that’ll be beyond what you could have imagined. 

    Here are a couple of things you need to know before making friends as an adult.

    1. They can try to steal your man.

    To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Find a way to make your man unstealable, especially if you live in Lagos. There are a lot of pickpockets going around stealing people’s men.

    2. Everyone is 30+ and wants to be home early.

    Everyone is too old and wants to be home in bed before 11 pm. Even your friend who isn’t 30 yet is already masquerading as a 30+ man with a bad back. 

    3. You’ll need to learn your friends love languages.

    Being friends with people doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn their love languages and how they want you to be their friend. Make sure you aren’t the only one learning love languages, the best friendships are the reciprocated ones. 

    4. Your friends will try to finish your money.

    Especially those friends who don’t remember what the four walls of their houses look like. They’ll always expect you to go out with them every Friday till things go south and you are broke. 

    5. Your new friend might be a crazy person.

    This is the craziest part about making friends when you get older. After all, craziness isn’t written on the forehead and you’ll have to find that out after becoming friends with them. Finding out your new friend is not ok in the head is both revealing and stressful. 

    6. Your friends won’t always be there for you and vice versa.

    You won’t always be available for friends and vice versa and that’s absolutely ok. But not being available for your friend and being a shitty friend are two different things. 

    7. They may have shitty tastes and opinions. 

    I can’t even imagine being friends with someone who doesn’t like Beyonce or someone who thinks the earth is flat. It’s hard work, but sometimes you have to make peace with knowing your friend has very questionable tastes and opinions. Some opinions however can’t be ignored.

    8. They can fall in love with you and make you leave your partner.

    Everyone knows a good love story starts with good friendships and every adult needs a good friend and partner all in one person. 

  • In this adulting thing, you don’t really notice the friendship vacuum until you’re 25 and only your mum calls you. If you find that relatable, you’re not alone. This struggle is more common than you’d think.

    I spoke with 7 Nigerians to find out what making friends as an adult is like for them, and how they navigate this part of the “twenties” phase.

    Okey, 26

    Friendships seemed easier when we were younger because of places where people of the same age group would gather; school, church, Mosque, and the streets where we played. Also, there was a lot of free time then. It’s the same in the university where people of the same age group and similar interests are gathered in one place. But once you get out of the university in your twenties, you’re looking for different things. For some people, it’s friends, relationships, business partners, or friends with benefits. The ease or difficulty then depends on what one is looking for. Our immediate environment doesn’t necessarily offer a place where people of similar interests can gather. You have to intentionally create them, that is why it feels a bit more difficult. Before, it was certain that if I go to class at 12 p.m. I’ll meet people of my age group doing the same subjects, and care about similar things as I do, and I can pick a friend among them. Now, there’s no schedule. Most times you are going to work, church, and all of that where you come across people with different objectives and interests. So, you have to identify people who have similar interests as you and ensure they want you as well. That is what makes it look difficult, but it really isn’t. People still make amazing friends. There’s even have a wider option. You could make friends with someone far out in Japan or Australia, and thanks to being in your twenties, you can travel to all of these places and nobody will tell you you can’t go anywhere or you’re too young to travel on your own.

    Somto, 23

    I’ll say it’s just in-between. As much as I seem more open-minded and find it easier making friends now, I still find it difficult being a really good friend and building a relationship with people, because life happens. I’m literally just scared of all who come my way as I can’t really tell those who are genuine or not. I was an only child for a long time, and grew up to be all alone. Then in secondary school I had friends, but then I tried making more than one person a priority and it didn’t work out well. There was always quarrelling because of this one person. I tried to settle things, but shit happened so I had to change schools. When I got to the new school, I was all alone there because I was still bleeding as a result of my experience in the former school. It was a same-sex school, and that affected how I relate with the opposite sex. Although, I recently started trying to navigate that, I’ve discovered that guys hardly want to remain just friends. So, I’m in-between shutting them out or not. I’ve grown to be quiet because I don’t ever find my kind of people. It’s tiring and I feel alone most of the time.

    Dorcas, 26

    For me, it’s easier making friends now. In secondary school, I always tried to fit in and never really got around to doing that. I wasn’t cool enough for the cool kids or weird enough for the weird kids, so I was on the edge of both groups. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends but it was kind of out of necessity and proximity. Now, it’s much easier because I know what I want in a friend. It’s just about going to places or having people with similar interests. Though life and adulting is not ready to give you time to go out and make friends, at least I know whenever I find time, I’ll make quality friends. I’ll always go for quality over quantity any day.

    Jasmine, 25

    Adulting sucks, true, and life’s happening to everyone all at once, but I won’t say that’s why adult friendships seem harder. I’ve realised that it’s about our response to the situations life throws at us. So, for me, I first look out for how a person handles challenges before I make a move to be their friend. I feel when you see someone that’ll be a potential long-term friend, you can tell. It’s in the way they reciprocate your energy. There’ll be mutual likeness and effort. The conversation will flow naturally, and you’ll be able to relate on different levels. Also, when we understand that we’re not the only ones life is “happening” to, it adds a certain layer of comfort to the friendship.

    Nene, 23

    I’m more or less an introvert and this makes building friendships both easy and hard at the same time. Sometimes the whole thing just gives me anxiety, coupled with the fact that life seems to be happening fast. I have thoughts like: What if I’m not able to do well at school? Why are things moving so fast? Can we all fucking slow down? I don’t think it’s fair how life is happening all at once. There’s no space to breathe. Even if you say you want to calm down and breathe, omo before you know it, you’ve wasted time. Then you have to struggle to catch up again. Sometimes I wish I was an inanimate object like a ball or chair. It’s very tough.

    Ayo, 23

    Thankfully, I have close friends from when I was in Yabatech. We don’t talk that much, because everyone is hustling and bustling, but when we see, it’s like old times. Making friends has been hard. I used to know how to hold a conversation, but now, everything don wipe. I get tired easily and find myself at a loss for words. I’m trying to force myself to start shooting friendship shots though.

    Zara, 25

    It’s hard to make friends because I don’t go out. I met most of the people I know on the internet. Again, I don’t approach people even if I like them. I’m not going to say, “Let’s be friends.” I’m more receptive when people come on to me. I also never really had friends while growing up because there was no time. It was either home, church, or my mum’s shop where I used to help out, and that’s how I got accustomed to staying on my own. When I see close-knit friend groups, especially females, I kind of wish I had that. Making friends is even harder for me when it comes to guys. They mostly just want to have sex with you or they don’t take you seriously. I noticed that when guys come across opportunities, they always share it with their male friends, never the females. It’s like they see you, but they don’t really see you. Then girls at this my age mostly talk about guys and marriage, but those things don’t interest me much. I hardly find people who match my vibe, mental capacity or who just “get” me. Right now, I don’t even have the time to invest in finding such people, because my life mostly revolves around work. It sucks, but what can I say?

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old woman who isn’t thrilled about tagging her sexuality. She talks about her attraction to women starting with Rihanna, how sleeping with friends can be more convenient and her experiences with heterosexual women.

    TW: Sexual Abuse

    What was your first sexual experience?

    My first time having penetrative sex was very calculated. It was a month before I turned 18, and I’d been dating this guy for about a year. We’d done everything but have sex.

    We’d talked about having sex before then but I kept changing my mind until the day came and we were in front of each other and it felt like that scene in the movie where the two characters know what they’re there for but they still talk through it like “Oh, do you want to do this” “Are you ready”. That’s how it went.

    I didn’t have anything to compare it to but the sex wasn’t impressive. It didn’t help that we were both virgins and he had a huge penis. It wasn’t terrible but I didn’t cum. We kept having sex for about a year before we broke up.

    And did you figure it out eventually?

    Well, compared to the sex I’m having now, I look back and just want to vomit because what was I even doing then?

    Were you only attracted to men?

    Oh hell no. I already knew in secondary school that I was attracted to women, and I have Rihanna to thank for that.

    I’d heard a rumour that there were naked pictures of Rihanna online. Out of curiosity, when I went home, I picked up my cousin’s phone and searched the internet for these images. I legit couldn’t believe that people had naked pictures of themselves online.

    I found some of these rumoured pictures, and I swear I spent about an hour just staring at them. I remember that these pictures did something to me that I didn’t think they should have done. It was an awakening.

    My teenage version of porn became to look up pictures of female celebs. I started to notice girls and see them as pretty. It was one of those things I didn’t allow myself to think about but I definitely was crushing hard on so many girls and chucked it up to “she’s pretty”.

    Did anything change in that regard?

    Well, from secondary school till my first boyfriend in uni, I kept seeing men and convincing myself that girls were just “really cool”. But I noticed I would constantly develop tiny crushes on my friends’ girlfriends. It didn’t make sense, so I didn’t act on these crushes until the day my boyfriend told me “You know the way you talk about these your friends’ girlfriends is not normal right?” He didn’t even say it in a judgemental way. He was very encouraging when we talked about me exploring things with women but also made it clear he wasn’t sure how he felt about all of it. 

    Talking about it made it feel less taboo, but I was in the university and didn’t know any girls who liked girls or wanted to sleep with me. Most of the time I would only get chances to kiss girls during truth or dare games.

    Ah yes, the famous Truth or Dare. Did you continue trying to explore with women?

    Nothing really happened for me until I got drunk at a party and a girl there took advantage of me. I remember not being sober and failing at stopping any of the things she was trying to do. At some point, the room that had a few people when the party started was suddenly empty and I was alone with her.

    That sort of put a pause on me trying things with women for the rest of university.

    I’m so sorry. What came after uni?

    My relationship while I was in school lasted about 3 years, which felt quite long. When I came out of school, I wasn’t really interested in getting into another one; I just wanted to hook up with people. And I did, but mostly with guys because they are always readily available. But the best part was probably that they were mostly my friends.

    Did sleeping with friends start after you left uni?

    It actually started in uni. I had this friend who I hooked up with after breaking up with my first boyfriend — I’m not sure I can say he was a friend at first because we kissed the first time we met — but we never did anything while I was dating my boyfriend. After my breakup, I was vulnerable and he was there for me. So it was pretty simple: he liked me, I was heartbroken and looking to get laid, we hooked up. After the first time went well, we decided to keep doing it. It just became a thing.

    That sounds like a great arrangement.

    It was, then it spoiled. He started to want more because he actually liked me while I was still in that weird space where I didn’t want to do romance, I just wanted to have sex. That was the end of that.

    Because we live in a society obsessed with purity culture, it’s hard for me to just go to a stranger and say “hey let’s fuck” without the fear of being tagged a whore or — even worse — getting attacked by this stranger.

    With your friends, and friends of friends, it’s safer and a lot more convenient. Following that, it just made sense to sleep with my friends.

    So far you’ve slept with only friends?

    Well, the one time I met someone and we talked about having sex that first day, we actually did it two weeks after but now he’s one of my closest friends. 

    And the best part of these arrangements with friends is that they don’t have a specific stop date. I have some that have gone on for weeks and even months sometimes. It doesn’t even have to be a regular thing; you just know that if you guys are ever in the same city or are feeling up to it, you can hit each other up. Like leaving a bunch of doors open.

    I notice you only talk about male friends, does anything ever happen with your female friends?

    When it comes to women, I have only hooked up with strangers. I think there’s only been one time I hooked up with a female friend, and I just kept questioning the whole thing and whether she was actually really into it.

    I may be projecting because of all the many times I’ve met women who weren’t particularly bisexual or lesbian. They were just straight women having fun, and so while I would be there planning how we would probably hook up a second time, the babe is already over it. 

    There was this one time I went to a house party with this guy I was sleeping with and there was this other girl there and she was with another guy. At some point that night, after a lot of drinking, my head was between her thighs and a lot was happening. I remember we both came a few times. And then the next morning I woke up alone in a room in the house and that was the last I saw of that babe.

    Those are extraordinary doings. Would you say you prefer sex with men or women?

    I can’t answer accurately. I’ve mostly been sleeping with men lately so I may be biased in that regard. But then, there’s also an excitement that comes with hooking up with women that I do not feel with men.

    I mean, I will still enjoy sex with men but usually, I get there and I know this person, it’s familiar and we get to it. With women, it’s just more exciting. Like you’re on drugs.

    Okay so back to these friends, what would you say is the longest you’ve had a door open for?

    I’d say, my first boyfriend. We met when I was 17 and till now whenever we’re both single — I’m usually always single — and in the same city, we are likely to have sex.

    How would you rate your sex life now over 10?

    I’d rate it a 7/10, but it’s about to go up to a 9. I’m having a lot of sex with this male friend I have who is invested in helping me sleep with more people. He’s literally said that the next time we are out, we will be with his other friends who are lesbians and all I’d need to do would be point out who I liked and he would make it happen. So basically, my sex life is about to be very very interesting.

  • Everyone needs a friend they can count on but what if you can count on ten? 

    Here’s a list of ten friends every woman should have in her life: 

    black friends

    1. The Jesus baby 

    Everyone needs a friend that can pray for them. but we also need variety in our lives and this is why we have other friends. 

    2. The bestie that will go everywhere with you. 

    As a woman, you need a witness in your life — someone that will be there for you through it all —  someone you don’t have to tell what happened because they were there when it happened. 

    3. The younger friend

    You can’t know it all. This is why you need younger friends — they always have something new to share. This is how you make sure you are always popping. The Gen Z friend that’s not afraid to say it as it is. 

    4. The older one 

    The older friend always has gist that you can’t begin to fathom. Asides from the thrill it brings, you are learning how to navigate life better. What have their eyes not seen? Nothing!

    5. The rich one

    Everybody needs a rich friend. How else will you get random nice things you didn’t buy with your money? Also, rich friends do heartbreak care better. 

    6. The one that can fight

    So that when people move mad, you and your friend can move madder. 

    7. The laid back one 

    Not every time going out, sometimes indoors chilling with your best friend. Your couch potato friend brings balance to your life.

    8. The good listener

    There are friends that are specifically good for listening to you. Not advice, just sit and listen. Everyone needs that. 

    9. The one that gives good advice

    We all need a voice of reason. 

     10. The Owambe friend

    Friends that will party all night with you and do the walk of shame with you the next day are real ones. 

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  • Toxic friends are everywhere and they are a big problem. If you don’t know the toxic friend in your friend group, it’s probably you. To prove this to you just, we wrote this for you. 

    If you display any of these signs, you’re the toxic friend in your friend group.

    1. You  steal your friend’s parents 

    You go into your friend’s life and suddenly, you are their parent’s favourite child? How and why? The position they had to fight hard to get, you gained it by prostrating that one time to greet, and by calling more often than them. Are you not an evil spirit?

    2. You  steal their food 

    Anybody that can steal food can kill. I hope they kill that friendship before you empty their fridge and bank account. No one should have to share shawarma, please.

    3. You sleep when they are awake 

    This takes toxic friends to another level because what sort of wickedness is this? How dare you be asleep when they can’t sleep? Is that not witchcraft? 

    4. You save their number with their name 

    You hate them and it shows. No pet name? Not even an insult like “Tobi Idiot”? Be honest, you don’t like your friends, do you?

    5. You always see the other side 

    Imagine your friend telling you about that coworker that annoys them and instead of insulting the person, you start seeing the coworker’s point. Tell me you hate your friend without telling me you hate them.

    6. You have fun without them

    After going out without them and posting videos without their face you’ll now come on their birthday to say “thank you for bringing fun into my life”. If you don’t geddifok.

    7. You move far away from them

    Why? If it’s not hatred, why would you move far away from them? Only toxic friends live far away from each other, please.

    8. You steal their clothes 

    You are an armed robber. Know this and know peace. Clothes are expensive, why is their wardrobe your private bend down select? 

    9. You don’t add their name in your project’s acknowledgement 

    Their existence alone is enough reason for their name to be in your project’s acknowledgement. If it wasn’t for them taking you out when you should have been writing it, would you have had enough guilt to work twice as hard on it? I think the fuck not.

    10. You don’t name your kids after them

    No really, it’s the audacity. How can you create a whole human being and not name them after your friend? Who will you now name the child after?  You are a toxic friend, know this and know peace.

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