Do you really deserve enjoyment?
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Find a getaway partner
You need someone to bring along who’ll remind you about all the stress you ran away from. That way, you won’t be eager to come back. You’re here for soft life only.
Clear your schedule
If you check your schedule well, it’s screaming stress. Drop some things off so you can see clearly and plan a proper getaway.
Quit your job
If your schedule can’t be cleared, your employer is most likely to blame. You need to call and tell them, “E go be”. Kill your employment before it kills you.
Go on Instagram one last time
If you need motivation for your getaway, go on social media and see how everyone on your timeline is travelling and living their best life. That should give you enough morale to take yours seriously.
Then get off social media
Now that you’re motivated, get off social media and face the getaway squarely. Your weekend is about to be soft. Don’t let Twitter gist ruin it for you.
Find a hotel to stay
You need a soft place to stay. Somewhere that makes it easy for you to forget everything you’re running away from. And we hear Aura by Transcorp Hotels is the right platform for this. The upgraded bookings platform makes it easy for you to book hotels, homes and experiences, and soon make flexible payments.
Book a flight
You can’t start the special weekend caught up in traffic. It’s off-brand for the kind of softness you need. Book a flight instead so you can move from comfort to even more comfort.
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Do you have what it takes to be a glucose guardian? Take this quiz to find out.
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Soft life means excess enjoyment and this quiz knows if it will fit you or not.
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Are you Gulder or Heineken? Take this quiz to find out.
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If you’re a Gen Z, premium enjoyment is most likely your first, second, and third priority. Apart from that, nothing else really concerns you. So, here’s everything you need to truly settle into that soft life.
First, you need to have zero tolerance for stress
If you think you can still manage with a little inconvenience here or there, then you’re not ready yet. You’re still catching feelings for the struggle life. But if you don’t like a single bit of stress, then here’s what you need to do.
Have money
You can’t be saying no to stress without having plenty of money to speak for you. If you want to taste the soft life while broke, you will see pepper.
Or have rich parents
Your life will be even easier if your parents are wealthy. But you still need to have your own money because they might not approve of the extent of your enjoyment.
Have a second passport
You need to stay guided with your second passport, preferably from a country that uses +44 or +91. Because Nigeria will stress you so much, you’ll need to take trips to cool your head off.
Have constant light
“Up NEPA” cannot be your portion if you’re planning to enjoy yourself as a Gen Z. If you don’t have light for at least 20 hours a day, how exactly is your life soft?
Your drip needs to scream “luxury”
You need to make a statement with your dress. You can’t be planning for enjoyment and wearing clothes that’ll make your estate security stop you at the gate . Your wardrobe needs to fall in line with your plans.
Make sure to add a pair of crocs
You can trust me because I’m Gen Z. This is the maggi that brings together the school uniform for Gen Zs that are enjoying the soft life. Will you start wearing it everywhere you go and look like a homeless person sometimes? Yes. Will it be worth it? Also yes.
Try out new restaurants every weekend
A bit of ambience and variety are what you’re going for here. You can sample a Chinese restaurant this week and visit a roadside buka the next weekend, just to confuse your enemies.
Make your Instagram lit
Document the life of leisure that you’re living with full doses of inspirational captions: Iskelebetiolebebebee — nobody knows what it means, but it gets the people going.
The intensity of your enjoyment needs to be felt everywhere please, both offline and online.
Have fast internet
We don’t need to say much about this one. You know half of your life is going to be on the internet, so don’t make the mistake of having a slow internet connection because your life will be hard for no reason. Pick a good service provider and save yourself any stress.
Use Paga to handle your money
You need to use Paga because you’re not a maga, and you can’t have your money giving you an attitude when you’re trying to spend it. If fast payments, better cards experience and total freedom with your money sound good to you, then you definitely want to use it to handle your money. Start your journey here.
NEXT READ: People, This Is What Soft Life Actually Means
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You don’t have baller money to flaunt, but you’re tired of the mechanic life, these tips will help you live your dream while staying within your budget.
It’s all in the mind
Yes, we’re starting with a motivational speech. First of all, if you can dream it, you can achieve it. Look in the mirror, place your hand on your chest, and say out loud: “I am a baller!”
Make your budget
Who’re you kidding? You’re obviously not a baller yet but you’ve just passed stage one. Next, you need to draft out a budget so your baller lifestyle doesn’t carry you where you don’t know. These things cost money, you know.
Dress the part
This is where you’ll need to get creative. Put on a choirmaster’s suit and combine it with the shoes you only reserve for the special Singles Connect service in church. Your drip may not be 100% but you’ll please God as you ball.
Go to nice restauants…
…And buy the cheapest thing on the menu.. You’re working with a budget, remember? Don’t go and bite more than you can chew o. You’ll wash plates.
RELATED: The Zikoko Guide to Becoming a Baller
Take some lit pictures
It’s all about perception. Deep down, you know you’re a mechanic. But the rest of the world can’t know that. You need to take awesome pictures for the internet so everyone buys into your baller narrative.
Hang around rich people
You might actually increase your chances of becoming a proper baller by hanging around rich people. But if you don’t, at least you’ll look the part when you take those lit pictures for October dump.
Don’t lose focus
The last thing you need is to be distracted. You don’t want to lose focus and start spending beyond your budget to maintain your baller status. If inflation starts making it too expensive, go back to being a mechanic.
QUIZ: Are You a Baller or a Mechanic?
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Before today, I’d have argued with anyone who told me they didn’t understand the meaning of the term “soft life” because it’s literally in the name.
But alas, I found this on Twitter streets, and it turns out not everyone really knows what it means.
So, this article is just evidence of me doing the Lord’s work. You’re welcome.
Soft life originated in Nigeria
It’s not my business if you disagree. Nigerian pidgin speakers have used “soft” to describe enjoyment since they started crawling, and the “soft life” term gained popularity among the Nigerian influencer community in recent years.
It means enjoyment
Soft life is slang for living a life of comfort and zero stress — one where sapa and village people don’t exist.
It isn’t just about having money
Especially if said money only comes after spending the whole day Lagosing. Did you read the part where I said “zero stress”?
Soft life is the Nigerian dream
In a country that’ll always find different ways to stress you, soft life is the dream. We all want it so much, Lady Donli had to release a whole song about it.
Soft life is not ashawo work
If you think anyone who uses this term is referring to “doing runs” or must be a sugar baby, stop it, please. Let’s not be unfortunate.
In conclusion
To live a soft life is to live a life of ease and money. Everything is better with money. How you want to get that life is entirely up to you.
READ THIS NEXT: Zikoko’s Guide to Chopping Life in Your 20s
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This is an ultimate test to separate the mechanics from the ballers. So take this quiz to find out where you belong.
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Even though Nigeria is carrying all of us to where we don’t know, some people are enjoying their lives and having none of it. If you can relate to the things on this quiz, the soft life is for you.
Questions
This is a question
How many of these can you relate to?
