Childhood | Page 3 of 5

Childhood was the ghetto because we believed so many ridiculous things. Here are some of the unforgivable things I believed as a child.

Laugh at your own peril:

1) If your food falls on the floor, Satan has eaten it.

Satan can’t do fit-fam in peace without blasphemy.

2) If you want grow taller, eat beans.

Crying from my 5’6 palace of gold. What matters the most is how I perceive myself sha. My personality is at least 6’5.

3) Eating fish head makes you bad at math.

Alexa, play olodo rabata.

4) If you eat chicken bum bum, you will be an amebo.

*Instablog 9ja left the chat*

5) Coconut water makes you dull.

*Sips* tell *sips* me *sips* more.

6) Eating with your left hand means you are eating with the devil.

huhuhuhu.

7) If you eat your meat before finishing your food, you will grow up to be a thief.

Well, bring my mask and a gun.

8) Drinking Garri worsens your eyesight.

Who off light? Why can’t I read this post?

9) If you put banana peel under your armpit and get flogged, you will faint.

I did this and Mr Idowu still gave me twenty strokes that day. Tell me why I didn’t faint.

10) If you sing to Agbalumo, it will be sweet.

Alkaline tears.

What food myths did you believe growing up? Share in the comments section.

Oh, by the way, you should totally read this next: 7 Funny Souvenirs From Nigerian Weddings That Actually…Exist?
Growing up in Nigeria, there were a lot of ridiculous myths we all believed. From food combinations that could kill to ways to make your tooth grow back, our younger selves were just too gullible. Now, many years later, we want to see if you remember some of those myths.

Test your memory:
Long before we had Burna boy or Mr. Eazi, we had songs with local spice. Even though they didn’t have the greatest lyrics, they made us dance. And some even had moral instructions for us. Part of me wishes we had the adult version of these songs that made childhood a lot more bearable. I keep wondering: What happened to them? Where did they go? Give me a name.

#bringbackthesechildhoodsongs

#weneednewsongs

1) Wherever you go.

Do not say YES where you need to say NO. This is the most adult instruction eight year old me didn’t know he needed to hear. Next time someone from work asks me to do something I don’t want to do, I am just going to sing this song to them.

Wherever you go .. Gogogongo… Do not say yes when u need to say NO … Baba Ibadan !!!
— Olamidé (@Olamide) March 2, 2014

2) Paw paw.

Stay with me here. Paw paw is a kind of fruit, sweet like sugar, yellow like Fanta, everyone loves paw paw. The confidence of these lyrics is how I want to approach adult life. Because it must be crack.

3) Parents listen to your children.

We already know this one failed to do its job because Nigerian parents surely do not listen to their children. And with the age range of our president and politicians, we are definitely not the leaders of tomorrow. But the song made us happy sha.

4) Some have food.

Ah. Take me back to the time where my biggest worry was “Jesus come and eat, Satan go away.” These days we don’t even bless the food, we just eat it.

5) Holiday is coming.

The adult version should be “Holiday is coming, holiday is coming, no more 5 am alarms, no more Slack messages, goodbye employer, goodbye capitalism, I am going to spend my jolly one month leave. One month leave.”

6) Home my Home.

When shall I see my home, when shall I see my native fowl? I will never forget my home! – Me singing this song from Canada.
“Don’t grow up, it’s a trap” but we didn’t listen. Now, here we are, all grown, reading this post about a time we wanted to so desperately leave behind.

Here are some things we now miss:

1) Exchange rate.

I miss the days of 1 Dollar = 150 Naira.

2) Proper holidays.

I can’t believe I ever complained about being free from June till August without having money worries. I am sorry, Mum and Dad.

3) Being carefree.

Need that child-like lack of awareness during these Corona over-information times.

4) Saturday morning cartoons.

I can’t remember the last time I gave something my complete attention like this.

5) Birthday excitement.

This used to be exciting to look forward to because of sharing of cake and biscuits with friends. And especially not giving your haters anything.

6) Looking forward to Sundays.

As a child, Sunday = Jollof rice and enjoyment.

As an adult, Sunday = Office email and plan for the week.

7) Copious amounts of restless energy.

The older you get, the more tired you become. Because I recall a time where I could do 5 intense activities in a day and not get tired. However, these days, if I climb the stairs twice, it’s a wrap for that day.

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I promise you that this is not nostalgia, but why did I have to grow up? Childhood was fun because things were simpler and I didn’t overthink. Also, it was easier to take anything at face value.

As an adult, not so much. Overthinking left and right.

Here is a list of absolutely silly yet funny things we all believed as kids growing up:

1) Ojuju Calabar.

If you don’t go to bed at a particular time, a mysterious monster would come and carry you. It’s so funny that as an adult you wish it exists so you don’t have to go to work the next day. Come out, you coward!

2) Touch to impregnate.

If you sit next to a girl or hold her hands, she will get pregnant and other tales.

3) Adulthood is fun.

Seeing adults sleep anytime they wanted to and also being able to buy anything convinced us that growing up was utopia. LOL!

If only I could turn back the hands of time.

4) Parents have all the answers.

It’s only funny when you think about it that you realize that as a child, the go-to answer for any problem was “I’ll tell my mummy for you.”

So, that she will do what exactly?

5) Satan is on the floor.

Food falls on the floor and you assume Satan has eaten out of the food. Cute.

6) Children come from heaven.

God gives kids. Periodt.

7) Actors die in real life.

Seeing an actor off the screen and running away because you saw them die in a Nollywood movie on T.v. Screaming ghost, ghost everywhere.

8) Age of players displayed on their jerseys.

Maybe I am alone in this one but I thought players had their age shown on their jerseys. I didn’t question why a full-grown person had number 1 on their back.

9) If you lie once, hell-fire straight.

I was raised that one lie = hellfire. Thank goodness God is merciful because…

10) People live inside Television.

Saying goodnight to people inside the Telly because I thought they slept inside.

11) We could all be Presidents.

“I want to be President of Nigeria” was the most common answer to questions about the future. Lewl.

12) Whistle at night and snakes will come.

How??? Is it like catcalling the snake?

13) Swallow seed and it’ll grow in your stomach.

Man, how??

14) When the sun is out and it’s raining, a lion is giving birth.

Damn.
Growing up as a Nigerian, there were very few career options to aspire to, unless you wanted your parents to kick you out. So, we’ve created a quiz that can guess what your younger self hoped to become, whether it was a doctor, a pilot or a lawyer.

Take and see if we got it right:
1) Not dropping offering money so you can buy ice cream after church.

God pls forgive me

2) Your parents offering to help you “save” the money visitors dash you.

Mummy, where is my 1 million?

3) Keeping the change when you run an errand.

Turn up

4) Greeting the visitor over and over again so they will drop money.

Help me pls.

5) Slightly inflating the price of textbooks.

6) Volunteering to wash clothes in the hope of seeing free money inside pockets.

Rich!
Growing up in Nigeria can be all shades of awesome, weird and just plain insane, depending on the kind of Nigerian parents you had. But, the awesomeness of playground time cannot be disputed, sometimes I want to shed off this adult skin and dance in the rain while playing suwe or ten-ten.

We’ve listed seven games that make us reminisce about our childhood. Do you remember any?

Ten-Ten

This involves a lot of hand and leg movement; clapping your hands against your partner’s in a fast rhythm while moving your legs in a opposite direction to theirs, trying to best them.

Suwe

Multiple squares are drawn within a big rectangle on the floor, then each player hops on one leg after throwing a pebble in a square. The goal is to avoid stepping on the square with the pebble in it.

Boju-Boju

This is Nigeria’s equivalent of hide and seek. The only difference being that the seeker must sing; “boju-boju, oloro nbo, shey kin shi? (close your eyes, close your eyes, a maquerade is coming, should I open my eyes?)” while others find hiding places until they give permission to the seeker to open his/her eyes.

Who Is In The Garden?

After forming “a big circle like your mother’s cooking pot”, the next step is for someone to get within the circle then begin a call and response chant; “Who is in the garden? A little fine girl. Can I come and see her? No no no no. I beg my sister/brother follow me.“

I Call On!

This is an indoor game that requires each player to write the letters of the alphabet on a notebook, then proceed to write names of people, places, animals, fruits and things that begins with any letter that is called on. The player with the highest results wins.

Who Stole The Meat From The Cooking Pot?

This is also a call and response outdoor game that also involves forming a circle. An accusation of who stole the imaginary meat is made and everyone shifts the blame, you are out of the game if you get caught unaware with no response ready.

“Number one stole the meat from the cooking pot. You mean me? Yes you. It couldn’t be. Then who? Number two stole the meat from the cooking pot.“

When Will You Marry?

This involves a round of questions that must be answered while the player skips rope. Questions usually include; “When will you marry, this year, next year, single forever? How many wives/husbands will you have? How many kids would you have? How many cars would you buy? How many houses would you build?”

So, which of these were your favorite?
Growing up, a number of games shaped our childhoods and frankly our whole lives. Tinko-tinko taught us pristine hand-eye co-ordination, Ayo sharpened our math skills. We are pretty sure this list isn’t exhaustive, but for me these are the most memorable childhood games I can remember.
Who is in the garden?

Who remembers how the chant went? “Who is in the garden?” “A little fine girl” “Can I come and see her?” “No no no no”
Suwe

To the ajebos its hopscotch but to me, it’ll always be Suwe. Who remembers slipping bits of chalk stolen from class to draw the lines for Suwe during break?
Ten-ten

For reasons I’ll never understand, this game was only ever played by girls. It was mad fun though.
After round one

This game was the bane of my existence because I always lost, but that didn’t stop me from playing it every day. I’d go home with my hands red and smarting but would still play it the next day.
When will you marry?

It’s funny how for me this went from being just a childhood game to a real-life question I’m asked every day.
Tinko-tinko

Your hand-eye coordination needed to be on point for this one. Miss a beat and you lose.
Name, Place, Animal, Food, Thing

Trying to fill out this form for X, U, V and Q used to be so hard.
Fire on the mountain

I remember never really running too far once I heard “There is fire on the mountain, run run run” so that I could easily get a partner once I heard “the fire is out”.
Boju-boju

You might know this one as hide and seek, but the real OGs remember this as boju-boju.
Form a big circle

This might not have exactly been a game itself but it was the start of all the greatest games from there is fire on the mountain to ‘who stole the meat from the cooking pot?’
I’m sure I left many out so please help me jog my memory!
I’m walking home on a rather sunny evening, thinking about how I’m going to acquire my lamborghini, when I notice 2 kids who seem to be having a good time.

Okay boy’s don’t forget talk to about what aunty taught you in school today.
I decide to keep minding my business, since it seemed like a harmless gathering.

“Let me be fast before these children come and ask me 2×2 that I don’t even remember”
After increasing my pace, I had to pause when I heard one of them say “your daddy is a bombastic element”

And the next kid replies; “You mean my daddy? it’s my own father you’re calling bombastic”
I took a few steps back, and tried to ask..

..what’s going on here boys?
It’s this American dustbin that called my own father a bombastic element, my father !

Wawu this is getting serious o. But why did you say that to him?
Haa aunty this boy is a Jabajantis stupendus liar.

Meee! Ohh my life
We were just playing oh, that’s how he said my head is like watermelon. Then I abused his daddy.

Small abuse and he is now angry, rubbish
Meanwhile, their noise had attracted all the kids on the street.

Oyaa continue
This boy is just an Unflushable toilet. Can’t you see his head? Was I lying aunty?

The other kids were already shouting ‘yeeeeeee’
Since I was the only old person there, I tried to counsel them.

Everybody, just calm down, it’s not good to fight, if you fight you will go to hell fire.
While I was being a saviour, one of the kids said ” this aunty is a nonsense and ingredient konkorbility, who put her mouth? “

wait, but, what? what did I do?
They all started laughing at me, and then I realised I had overstayed my welcome.

I took a long miserable walk of shame back home.
I wondered if they were alright, but realised even I wasn’t alright for not minding my business.

1) If your food falls on the floor, Satan has eaten it.

2) If you want grow taller, eat beans.

3) Eating fish head makes you bad at math.

4) If you eat chicken bum bum, you will be an amebo.

5) Coconut water makes you dull.

6) Eating with your left hand means you are eating with the devil.

7) If you eat your meat before finishing your food, you will grow up to be a thief.

8) Drinking Garri worsens your eyesight.

9) If you put banana peel under your armpit and get flogged, you will faint.

10) If you sing to Agbalumo, it will be sweet.

1) Wherever you go.

2) Paw paw.

3) Parents listen to your children.

4) Some have food.

5) Holiday is coming.

6) Home my Home.

1) Exchange rate.

2) Proper holidays.

3) Being carefree.

4) Saturday morning cartoons.

5) Birthday excitement.

6) Looking forward to Sundays.

7) Copious amounts of restless energy.

1) Ojuju Calabar.

2) Touch to impregnate.

3) Adulthood is fun.

4) Parents have all the answers.

5) Satan is on the floor.

6) Children come from heaven.

7) Actors die in real life.

8) Age of players displayed on their jerseys.

9) If you lie once, hell-fire straight.

10) People live inside Television.

11) We could all be Presidents.

12) Whistle at night and snakes will come.

13) Swallow seed and it’ll grow in your stomach.

14) When the sun is out and it’s raining, a lion is giving birth.

Ten-Ten

Suwe

Boju-Boju

Who Is In The Garden?

I Call On!

Who Stole The Meat From The Cooking Pot?

When Will You Marry?

Who is in the garden?

Suwe

Ten-ten

After round one

When will you marry?

Tinko-tinko

Name, Place, Animal, Food, Thing

Fire on the mountain

Boju-boju

Form a big circle

I’m sure I left many out so please help me jog my memory!

I’m walking home on a rather sunny evening, thinking about how I’m going to acquire my lamborghini, when I notice 2 kids who seem to be having a good time.

I decide to keep minding my business, since it seemed like a harmless gathering.

After increasing my pace, I had to pause when I heard one of them say “your daddy is a bombastic element”

I took a few steps back, and tried to ask..

It’s this American dustbin that called my own father a bombastic element, my father !

Haa aunty this boy is a Jabajantis stupendus liar.

We were just playing oh, that’s how he said my head is like watermelon. Then I abused his daddy.

Meanwhile, their noise had attracted all the kids on the street.

This boy is just an Unflushable toilet. Can’t you see his head? Was I lying aunty?

Since I was the only old person there, I tried to counsel them.

While I was being a saviour, one of the kids said ” this aunty is a nonsense and ingredient konkorbility, who put her mouth? “

They all started laughing at me, and then I realised I had overstayed my welcome.

I wondered if they were alright, but realised even I wasn’t alright for not minding my business.