1. You move to a new area and finally make a rich friend
“Hey man. I’m new to the area. Is that your Range Rover outside?”
2. Then he invites you to meet his other friends at his expensive house.
And you’re wondering why one of them reminds you of Kanayo O. Kanayo.
3. They finally ask where you live so they can come check on you.
So you have to make up the craziest lie about how your estate only allows visitors on Monday morning and Saturday midnight.
4. First night out as guys, and they decide to order at a fancy restaurant
“Can I have a bottle of water, please? I’m fasting”
5. When they talk about their vacation trips but you’ve only gone to Ogbomosho
“God. Why is my life like this? Who do I have to beg?”
6. Sharing interesting stories about the most trying times in their lives
But you can’t say your own because it sounds like something from “Labe Orun”.
7. Everyone says you’re the most humble of your friends
But you can’t afford to be carrying shoulder. You actually can’t afford anything.
8. You and your self-esteem
Because your confidence is tied to your account balance.
9. One day your rich friend comes to you for an emergency loan.
*laughs in long-term poverty*
10. When they eventually start doing things without you
Loneliness is a social construct.
11. So you decide to hustle your way up.
“If we no get money, wetin we gain” – Victor AD. 2018.
Yet another payday is always upon us and we can’t hide our excitement.
We know it’s very hard, actually scratch that, it’s almost impossible for any of us to make our salaries last till payday. But we’ve got a few tricks up our sleeves that might just help you out.
Always remember that there is rice at home.
If you want to save money on food, the next time you drive past your favourite restaurant, just remember that there’s rice at home.
Record all your expenses.
Seriously, even the 200 naira you used to buy gala and lacasera in traffic, put it down somewhere. Review it at the end of the month so you can figure out where your excesses lie.
Put some of your salary in a place you won’t be able to touch it.
Decide on a percentage you want and keep that away every month. You know you are only deceiving yourself using a bank account you have an ATM card for, to save some of your salary.
Just start saving the money right now.
You can start with as little as 50 naira a day and go from there. Or the 100 naira you use to buy pure bliss in traffic every day, save it and go and eat rice at home.
Enter your kitchen and cook.
The 500 naira you are giving to Iya Bas everyday at lunch might not seem like much, but it adds up.
Make a budget.
Just using your mouth to say you won’t finish your salary doesn’t work, we know you know it from experience, so make a strict budget and stick to it.
Don’t be shy to take advantage of discounts.
Whether it’s Jumia Black Friday or Instagram giveaways, sign up for everything that’ll help you save your salary.
Stop the impulse buying.
You don’t need those shoes you saw on Instagram just because it’s half off, or that t-shirt you saw on Twitter that you’ll only wear once. Keep your money.
It’s not by force to go out, not everyday 57.
Don’t let all those friends whose middle names are Dangote drag you down. Sit in your house.
Have any other tips or tricks you swear by? Share them with us now, don’t be stingy.
As we await payday and look upon our empty bank accounts, we decided to come up with ten Nigerian songs to add to our playlists to sha comfort ourselves.
Money – M.I.
“Money slow to enter, money quick to go”
One day e go better – Safari
Don’t worry, dry your tears, one day one day e go better.
Money – Timaya ft. Flavour
You might be broke but at least you’ll discover who your true friends are.
Penalty – Small Doctor
“If you no get money hide your face” – Small Doctor, 2017
Rich and Famous – Praiz
Because the struggle is temporary.
Rich – M.I. ft. Koker
Because your situation right now is only temporary last last.
Ojuelegba – Wizkid
Let Wizkid inspire you, the same way he came out of Ojuelegba is the same way you’ll come out of this brokeness.
Fake Love – Wizkid ft. Duncan Mighty
Send this to the love of your life, to remind them that a small thing like lack of money shouldn’t come between your love.
Because we know that this brokeness is only temporary we also added the perfect song to add to your playlist on payday.
Don’t worry you too will be balling from Monday to Sunday soon.
If you are anything like us and you lack self-control and home training then your June salary has probably finished and you are currently going through these struggles with us.
They just paid salary last week but your account balance is confusing you.
Wait but did someone rob me?
This is you trying to calculate how you are going to feed for the month of July after looking at your account balance.
This is the perfect month to start 30 days dry fast.
You start thinking back to how you were flexing like there was no tomorrow during salary week.
Yours is now a case of had I known.
As you are trying to calculate how you’ll find money to pay your NEPA bill one family member calls you to remind you to send something for the month.
It’s a little too late for that.
You start to notice that any small thing suddenly makes you unnecessarily angry.
Your colleague will tell you good morning and you’ll ask them what’s good about the morning.
You start counting down again to salary week and wonder why the days are going by so slow.
Time moves slower when you are broke – Albert Einstein
Your taste in things will suddenly drop. You’ll start buying puff puff instead of pancakes.
You’ll start to realize that you actually like cooking and you don’t even like eating out like that. Who knew.
You’ll suddenly remember all the people that are owing you money and start hitting them up.
It’s time to collect your money back from that your colleague that needed 200 naira change for bus. Abi did he think it was dash?
You’ll start appreciating the little things like the fact there’s water dispenser in your office or your parents live an hour away so you can go and beg for food.
Isn’t the Lord good?
You also start to seriously rethink your priorities in life.
Do you really need to pay for internet this month? Shebi office WiFi is there?
Long story short, July is about to be a very difficult month but we are here to tell you that last last you won’t sha die before they pay your July salary.
