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  • Old Nollywood movies all had the same formula for falling in love, and the couples always seemed to live happily ever after. So, here are some tips and tricks that can help you trap meet the love of your life.

    1. Find someone significantly poorer than you.

    The bigger the wealth gap, the stronger the love.

    2. Hit that person with your car.

    Not too hard sha, you can’t go and kill your future spouse.

    3. Pretend to be poor so they fall in love with the “real you”.

    As per rich people are artificial.

    4. Go eat jollof rice at Mr. Biggs.

    …or any other poorly-lit eatery.

    5. Slowly sip juice through straws.

    While looking lovingly into each others’ eyes.

    6. Run on the beach and ride a horse together.

    This is the peak of your romance.

    7. Chase each other around the nearest tree.

    In slow motion, of course.

    8. Push each other on a swing set.

    While laughing and smiling at nothing in particular.

    9. Throw popcorn at each other.

    While Celine Dion plays in the background.

    10. Go shopping at a “boutique”.

    …and never look at the price.

    11. Feed each other icecream.

    Then playfully smear a little on their nose.

    12. Have someone bitterly scheming to break you up.

    Either the secretary or the housegirl.

    13. Have your parents irrationally disapprove of the relationship.

    The more ridiculous their reasons, the stronger your love.

    14. Prayerfully overcome all the haters.

    Your love must win.

    15. Marry and finally have sex fully-clothed under the covers.

    TO GOD BE THE GLORY.

  • 1. The Nigerian tailor motto:

    They will sha use you and practice.

    2. This apt description:

    Is it a lie?

    3. When you show them one thing but they see something completely different.

    Hay God!

    4. When you trust a Nigerian tailor.

    I pity you.

    5. How to speak ‘Nigerian tailor’:

    Add it to your vocabulary.

    6. Every Nigerian tailor’s worst nightmare:

    You go call tire.

    7. When your tailor knows they will still do what they want.

    You’ll manage it like that.

    8. When they are ‘busy’ doing nothing:

    We need answers.

    9. The pre-excuse face:

    Brace yourself for the lies.

    10. The official Nigerian tailor excuses:

    ALL. OF. THEM.

    11. When you finally know their lies.

    I resemble ode, abi?

    12. What would happen if superheroes had to work with them:

    E pele Batman.

    13. When they are the reason you’re still single.

    See my life.

  • What is ‘Resting Bitch Face’?

    Here are 13 things you’ll get if you have this syndrome:

    1. When all your extreme emotions look identical:

    The struggle.

    2. When people think you’re a bad belle because this is how you listen to good news:

    I’m actually happy for you.

    3. You, whenever people ask “What’s wrong?” or “Are you ok?”

    IT’S JUST MY FACE.

    4. How people avoid you because they think you are vexing:

    Hay God!

    5. When people say they thought you were a snob before talking to you.

    EVERYTIME!

    6. You, wondering if you’ve missed the love of your life because they were too scared to talk to you.

    God forbid!

    7. When you can’t walk three steps without one stranger asking, “Why you dey squeeze face?”

    What is there to smile about? Did you dash me money?

    8. What you look like when you actually make an effort to smile.

    A for effort, biko.

    9. When people stop giving you gist halfway because they think you’re uninterested.

    Hian! Should I be shining teeth on top amebo?

    10. When you talk and people just assume you’re being sarcastic.

    Ugh! Stress.

    11. When even your mother always thinks you’re being rude.

    See me see trouble.

    12. How people react when they find out you’re actually nice:

    I don’t blame you.

    13. How you feel when you finally find a kindred spirit:

    Let us frown together.

  • You might know all 54 African countries, but can you accurately spell them all? Well, this quiz is here to test that. We’ve gathered 17 of the most commonly misspelt countries to see just how well you’ll do.

    Go ahead:

  • Due to all the lies we were sold by our Nigerian parents, a lot of us grew up with serious trust issues. Here are 15 of the worst ones that shaped the way we behave today.

    1. Hearing “Beans will make you tall,” but you’re still the size of bedside fridge.

    Chai! All that beans I ate.

    2. When your father told you to go and wear your shoes, but then drove off.

    The pain is still fresh.

    3. When you asked your parents for a Game Boy and they got you:

    ARE THEY THE SAME?

    4. The Barney and Father Christmas your school brought for the end-of-the-year party:

    Who are these ones?

    5. When you finally came first and reminded your father that he promised to buy you something.

    Ah! Is it like that?

    6. When you ask your mother for all the money she has been “helping” you save.

    “Have you not been eating in my house?”

    7. When your mother told you that your agemates will be at the Owambe, but you only see adults.

    The worst.

    8. You, the first time you saw someone put stew on their jollof rice:

    What is doing you?

    9. Whenever you opened that icecream container you saw in the freezer.

    THE DISAPPOINTMENT!

    10. When your mother that beat you for lying told you to lie that she is not around.

    Oh? It’s like that?

    11. Whenever you opened the Danish cookies container in your mother’s room.

    THE BETRAYAL!

    12. When that shirt your mother swore you’d “grow into” is still not your size 10 years later.

    See why I don’t trust people.

    13. When your father just zooms past Mr. Biggs on the way from church.

    If we don’t eat meatpie on Sunday, when will we ehn?

    14. When your mother that said “let’s be going” an hour ago is still gisting.

    Can we go oh?

    15. When your mother that said “tell the truth, I won’t beat you” says “go and bring the cane.”

    Na me mess up sha.

  • The moment you get engaged, you have to let all your single friends know that you are no longer their mate. Here are a few easy steps you can use to tension the hell out of them.

    1. How you upload your ring picture on Instagram:

    They must see it oh.

    2. You, writing that ‘deep’ epistle for your Instagram caption.

    Extra points if it’s a bible verse.

    3. You changing your name on social media to “Mrs…” before the wedding.

    No time to waste.

    4. You, rushing to Facebook to change your relationship status:

    No time.

    5. You to all your single friends: “Don’t worry. God will do your own.”

    They need the prayer.

    6. How you do your hand whenever you are talking to them:

    They must remember that you’re not like them again.

    7. How you now see all the singles:

    See their life.

    8. You, planning to set them up with every single person you’ve ever met.

    You don’t need their permission.

    9. You, turning into a relationship counsellor overnight.

    It’s now your second job.

    10. When it’s been 5 minutes and you haven’t worked “my fiancé” into the conversation.

    It needs to be like breathing for you.

    11. You, dropping your couple hashtag months to the wedding.

    They must not see road.

    12. You, doing your pre-pre-wedding shoot.

    You can never have too many pictures.

  • First, we asked you to identify the capitals of all 54 African countries, and you guys killed it. Then, we asked you to identify those same countries by their flags alone, and you struggled a bit. Then, we gave you the toughest one yet: matching African countries to their currencies.

    Now, we are back with presidents of African countries and we are curious to see how well you perform.

    Let’s start:

  • First, we asked you to identify the capitals of all 54 African countries, and you guys killed it. Then, we asked you to identify those same countries by their flags alone, and you struggled a bit. Now, we’re back with the toughest one yet: matching African countries to their currencies.

    HINT: The Central African CFA franc is used by 6 countries, while the West African CFA franc is used by 8 countries. We hope that helps.

    Now, go for it:

  • We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.

    Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

    As of yesterday, 9/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

    Compared to yesterday, the discharge stats are encouraging.

    Africa’s Stats:

    Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the fight against Corona in Africa.

    Today’s dilemma:

    As part of the efforts by the Nigerian Government to stop the spread of COVID-19, is there going to be a nationwide lockdown? We’ll know after the meeting today with President Buhari.

    Read the full thing here.

    The Ministry of Power also had this to say:

    https://twitter.com/PowerMinNigeria/status/1248520355846721536?s=20

    Nigeria, which way?

    Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

    Follow one or more of these tips to boost your immunity. Stay at home but also stay healthy.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B-wyHYwFVE8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    Stay updated:

    Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

    Click here for happy thoughts.

  • Last week, we created a viral quiz that tested your knowledge on the capitals of all 54 African countries and y’all did pretty great. Now, we want to see how well you know the flags of those same countries.

    Give it a shot: