Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Bolaji, 30, and Fareedah, 30, have been dating for eleven months. Today on Love Life, they talk about meeting through a friend, texting their way into a relationship and how they got engaged after doing their traditional introduction.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Bolaji: It was February 2021. I’d just ended a relationship and was ready to start dating again. I was seeing a lot of women but my friend, M, wanted me to meet this girl — Fareedah — whom she’d just met because she felt I might like her. I agreed and M sent Fareedah’s number to me on WhatsApp. She also sent pictures and I thought Fareedah looked nice.
Fareedah: He texted me on a Friday but I was busy at work, so we rain-checked for the next day. He called in the evening and we talked for about an hour. His voice sounded nice; even though I concluded he was a player, I kept talking to him.
We talked about our hobbies and daily activities. The conversation felt easy.
Bolaji: I was interested in her right from when she said, “Hello.”. She seemed smart and sweet and I just wanted to keep talking to her. We spoke for about 30 minutes and the conversation flowed smoothly. I told her I lived in Ogun state while she lived in Lekki. We shared a few things in common. For example, she worked for a telecommunication company and so did I. We made jokes about our jobs and I felt connected to her.
After the call, I told M I liked Fareedah. I continued texting with Fareedah for a few days, and then her replies started coming in slower. I started asking myself whether the first call was too good to be true.
Was it?
Bolaji: It wasn’t. I spoke to her about it, and asked if there was a problem. She said she’d been busy with something: she told me she was in a situationship that was making her uncomfortable. I then told her about my last breakup and how the breakfast affected my confidence. I wanted her to know I was someone she could talk to.
That conversation made us even closer. We started talking every day. I’d ask her about five questions about her and she’d respond as soon as she could answer them. During that time, I learnt that she’d prioritise her happiness over a job. She loves baking too.
All this talking and no feelings?
Bolaji: Ah, I caught feelings oh! I even wrote her a letter confessing my feelings. She said she liked me too but she wanted to know if I was in any other relationship or situationship.
Fareedah: I asked him if he had any babe that was dating him but he’s not dating her.
LOL, did he?
Bolaji: To be honest, I did but Fareedah was my number one. I used to call her contestant six initially, but as time passed, she became my number one. When she asked that question, I was honest with her and she said she’ll give me some time to settle with the other women. Let me just say, I started serving breakfast left, right and centre.
May they not serve you the breakfast you served others.
Bolaji: LOL. I wanted to be intentional with her. When I was done two weeks later, I asked her out on a date and she agreed.
Fareedah: I was so nervous because I was thinking, “What if I meet him and I don’t like him anymore? What if I meet him and he looks uglier than his pictures?” Because me, I like fine men o.
LOL. Tell me about the date.
Fareedah: He got to the restaurant before me, even though he came from Ogun state. By the time I got there, he was standing outside, making a call. He looked really good in his blue shirt.
Bolaji: I wore my best shirt that day. She wore these blue jeans that made her ass look amazing. I was just thinking, “Omo, I go smash this girl, nothing will happen.”
Fareedah: LMAO. He gave me a hug when he saw me. If I was white, he would have seen that I was flushed all over. I kept stealing glances at him while we ate. He was quite chatty which made it easy for me to talk to him and get over my shyness. We took walks inside the compound after a while and I felt at peace with him. I decided I was definitely going to date him even though he had not asked me out officially.
How did he ask you out?
Fareedah: After the date, we kept talking. The conversations were longer and I looked forward to them. On Thursday, May 6th 2021, he came to Lagos for work and asked if he could see me. We planned to meet during my lunch break and I was excited to see him.
When I got to Nike Art Gallery, he gave me a bag with boxes of chocolates in it and a handwritten note. In the letter, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was just too cute. Of course, I said yes then I hugged and kissed him.
For the longest time, I had lots of chocolates to binge on. I even gave some of it to my friends and colleagues.
Bolaji: You deserve good things. Immediately she said yes, I added her to my Apple Music family plan.
LMAO. Tell me about the relationship.
Bolaji: It’s been the best thing that ever happened to me. She visits me in Ogun state every month. I go to Lagos as often as I can, so we spend a lot of time together. Initially, she was worried that we weren’t friends first before we started dating. She felt this way because I had a lot of inside jokes with my female friends that I had to explain to her. Now though, we’ve grown even closer now that we spend so much time together.
Fareedah: Plus, we have a communication system. From the moment we started dating, we established that communication is the most important thing to us. Whatever is happening or not happening should be communicated with the other person so resentment doesn’t build between us.
Bolaji: Another thing I do to maintain the relationship is to send her songs every day. I promised her that the songs I send her will always reassure her of my love. The song I sent today is Angel of Mine by Monica. I also write her poems as often as I can.
Fareedah: Yeah, he’s romantic like that. We go on dates quite often too. We made this rule that we have to go on dates at least once every month. So far, we’ve been to a tonne of restaurants and art galleries. I like that our communication is great because I’m not the best communicator. Every time an issue comes up, we sit down and talk about it until we reach a consensus. We don’t carry our fights to bed.
What was your biggest fight about?
Bolaji: Two months after we started dating, her ex tried to get back with her. He called her mom to help him get through to her. Her mum knew we were dating but she still tried to get Fareedah to hear the guy out. I felt bad about it, because, the audacity! I know no one can collect my babe from me but I got upset that it was a thing that was even up for discussion.
Anyways, one day, I called her and I could hear a guy’s voice in the background. I asked who that was and she said it was the guy. I felt like my head would explode. I asked if she was joking. At that moment, my phone died. Normally, I would try to charge and reach out to her so she doesn’t get worried but I was like, “Abeg, let her suffer small.”
Fareedah: Wow. And my ex came without my permission oh. I explained this to Bolaji when he charged his phone but was still angry so I made a tweet about how we met.
Bolaji: I sha told her thank you o for the tweet. My problem with her was that she wasn’t firm with her mum and her ex. They both felt like she was going to listen to their pleas and I expected her to be more assertive. I gave her some space for a few hours before sharing how I felt with her. It was an intense conversation.
Fareedah: I even cried sef. The thing is, I didn’t want to disrespect my mum. The guy wasn’t an issue but my mum was insistent. The next day, I told my mum off and blocked the guy. Then I made plans for Bolaji to meet my family.
Ouu! How did that happen?
Bolaji: Fareedah invited me to her sister’s wedding in September 2021. I was anxious to meet her family, but they welcomed me well when I got there. She’d told her family members I was coming, so they were expecting me. They were quite warm and made sure I was well taken care of while I was there. They even gave me a nickname — Bros BJ. Fareedah and I took such cute pictures that day. The whole time, I kept thinking, “Is this how it feels to actually be in a relationship?” I felt appreciated. There and then, I knew I was going to marry this babe. I told her I will marry her one day over dinner and she said okay.
God doesn’t answer me anymore so I’m just going to ask, what’s the best part of the relationship?
Fareedah: Easy. The proposal.
As in, marriage proposal?
Bolaji: Yes. It happened two weeks ago.
Fareedah: After we’d already done introduction.
Wait first — when did the introduction happen?
Bolaji: It was completely random. We just wanted our parents to meet each other officially since they all know we are dating and we planned to get married. Next thing, I was prostrating in front of her dad. I didn’t even plan well enough for it, but it happened. So I decided that I would plan well for the proposal, even though we already knew we were going to get married. I knew it was simply formality but I wanted to do it anyways.
I planned the whole thing with her sister. She was the one that told me that Fareedah wouldn’t like a public proposal. We opted for something more private — we went on a date at a hotel restaurant. It was a beautiful place with a mini waterfall in the middle of the room. I had already told the hotel management what to do so when it was time to eat, Fareedah was served with a silver ring on a plate with the words, “Will you marry me, F baby girl?”
Aww.
Fareedah: Bolaji knows how to surprise somebody. He later told me all the lies he said to make the proposal work. I was very pleased because I wasn’t expecting it at all. In my head, we already skipped that step.
Congratulations to both of you. Before we talk about invitations, tell me what attracts you to each other.
Bolaji: Omo, I love her ass. Her entire body is a banger. I’m really attracted to her. Aside from this, she gives me peace of mind and she’s very understanding. Everything with her is easy.
Fareedah: I love how intelligent he is. He knows how to take care of me even more than I take care of myself. I love the way he loves his family. He’s also a very intentional man. Not just with me but also with his family and every other thing in his life.
Sweet. Rate your relationship on a scale of one to ten.
Bolaji: 9, because it’s so perfect. It reminds me of Jon Bellion’s Simple and Sweet. I don’t have any complaints about our relationship.
Fareedah: It’s a 10 for me because there’s nothing I’d change about our relationship.
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