Love Life: I Didn’t Want to Date Him Because I Didn’t Want to Bleed on Him

January 20, 2022

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.


Olanrewaju*, 27, and Temi*, 27, have been dating for a year. Today on Love Life, they talk about meeting on Twitter, starting a relationship after reading a Zikoko article and  their plans for the future.

What’s your earliest memory of each other? 

Temi: In January 2021, I saw his tweet on my timeline. He quoted a tweet of a fat guy and said, “If you’re built like this, DM”. The tweet was about two weeks old when I saw it, but I sent that DM. I said, “I think I have what you’re looking for.”

Olanrewaju: I got a lot of DMs because of that tweet. I was scrolling through when I saw his message. His account was faceless and had 20 followers. I don’t like interacting with accounts like that, but I liked his message. I replied and that was how we started talking. 

Temi: I don’t remember exactly what we talked about, but we bonded very well within the first few hours. He was funny and expressive. I didn’t want our conversation to stop. 

Olanrewaju: I was a bit worried though because he was anonymous. I wanted him to be comfortable with me, so I didn’t ask for his pictures until two weeks later. He gave me his Instagram handle, and I checked it out. He was tall and fat. He looked soft, just like I wanted. I decided to keep texting him. 

How long did you two text before meeting physically? 

Olanrewaju: I was away with my family in Ibadan when we started texting. Two days after I returned, I asked where he lived. He said Surulere. I lived a hundred naira away. So the next day, I went over to his house. 

Ouuuuuu. 

Temi: Haha. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but when I saw him, I was impressed. He looked so hot. He wore a shirt that I immediately wanted to tear off him. 

Olanrewaju: Trust me, I made extra effort to look good. I picked that shirt because I knew how it looked on me.  

Temi: We spent the day talking. I made him pasta and sauce, which he spilled on my sheets. After we ate, we took a nap. He went home later that evening. 

Olanrewaju: When I was about leaving, I saw from his face that he wanted to kiss me, so I hugged him. I was trying to tease him, give him a feel of me without doing anything. 

Temi: To be honest, I wasn’t particular about anything happening that day, but if it had happened, I would’ve welcomed it. 

Okay. So what happened after that day? 

Temi: He visited again and spilled sauce on my sheets again. LOL. Nothing happened that day as well. The next time we saw each other, I went over to his house. 

Olanrewaju: The visits became regular as we got closer. He’d cook for me or I’d eat from whatever he was eating. We talked a lot during these visits. 

One day, I slept off at his house and couldn’t go home. In the middle of the night, I could sense the tension between us, but I didn’t want to act on it. He tried to touch me, but I said no. 

Can I ask why?

Temi: I felt bad, but I liked him so I continued talking to him. The visits and the texting continued. I saw him almost everyday. Either he came to mine or I went to his place after work. I was quite vocal about how I liked him, but he would remind me that nothing was ever going to happen between us. 

One day in March 2021, I stopped at his house on my way back from work, and he asked me to go on a date with him. I won’t lie, I was terrified. 

Why?

Temi: It came from nowhere.


Olanrewaju, explain.

Olanrewaju: LOL. That day, he told me he saw some kids on his way to work and took them to school. He said while he was driving, he pictured himself taking his own kids to school someday. I thought, ”Temi is so cute and selfless.” I thought about asking him out the entire day.  

When he stopped by my house, I shared a Zikoko article about a couple in an open relationship with him and asked for his thoughts about it. He said open relationships were cool, but he didn’t want an open marriage. That’s when I told him I liked him and wanted to take him out on a date. 

Sweet. Tell me about the date!

Olanrewaju: The day we were supposed to go on the date, he had an accident. 

Temi: Because I was on a call with you while driving.  

I was running late for our date because my boss asked me to complete a task before leaving. When I was done and on my way out of the office, I called Ola. As we were talking, a car ran into my car. I wasn’t hurt but the car was badly damaged. Don’t call your lover and drive, folks.

Olanrewaju: That night, he slept at my place. When he was asleep, I went through his note pad. There, I saw a note he wrote a few weeks before. It was addressed, “Dear husband”. I don’t remember all the words, but he was trying to say he was tired of waiting for me to come around. LOL. In that moment, I was glad I made my move when I did.  

LOL. How has the relationship been so far? 

Temi: It’s been my best. I love how thoughtful he is and how he takes care of me. We haven’t even had the chance to explore other people because we are too busy exploring each other. I know all relationships have their ups and downs, but the downside of this isn’t bad at all. 

Olanrewaju: The early stage of the relationship — when we just met and were getting to know each other — was fun, but it’s a different ballgame when you start dating people. I noticed some things when we became official. For example, I don’t have a high libido but he does. I can go a month without sex, but he needs us to have sex often. We had a fight about it once. After we cooled down, he told me that one of his love languages is physical touch, so now I make more effort to have sex with him. 

Aside from that, the relationship has been great. 

I’m curious about your biggest fight. What was it like?  

Temi: In August, we were supposed to go to a friend’s birthday party but we both decided that we weren’t feeling up to it. Olanrewaju said I should reach out to the person and let them know that we won’t be available. I said I would but I didn’t do it immediately. 

He reminded me twice but I felt like the birthday was still a couple of weeks ahead and I could still reach out to the person much later. The third time he brought it up, he said, “Somebody will tell you to do something, and you’ll act deaf.” I was so mad. 

Olanrewaju: I regretted it the moment I said it. That’s why I don’t talk when I’m angry. I can be rude and won’t care about the consequences. He knows that. We had an argument that night. 

Temi: And then he didn’t speak to me for a week. 

Olanrewaju: I was texting you. 

Temi: Oh please. You were not your usual self. I could not reach you for a while. I had to report to your aunty. She knows about us, and I knew she could talk some sense into his head. She helped me reach out to him. When we settled, she spoke to both of us individually about where we went wrong. It was interesting for me to learn about his behaviour from someone who watched him grow up. I think that conversation helped us understand each other better. 

Cool aunties are the best. What’s the best part of the relationship? 

Olanrewaju: For me, it’s getting to meet his father and his elder sister. I met his dad during Ramadan 2021. One of his cousins was getting married and he asked me to join him. He introduced me to his dad as a friend. His dad was very warm to me. We danced together at the wedding. He even sprayed me money LOL. Since then, he calls or texts to check up on me. Whenever he’s in town, he would ask to meet up so we can run one or two errands together. He’s such a sweet man. 

Aww, Temi, have you met his family?

Temi: Yeah, and I was nervous as fuck that day. His family knows he’s queer, but I was still worried about what would go wrong. I met his siblings first. His sister made  jokes while his brother made me noodles. We spent the day gisting, and it ended up being fun. They even washed my car sef. LOL.


That’s so sweet. Do you have any future plans for each other?

Olanrewaju: We plan on getting married and having kids. 

Temi: I want to travel around the world with him, and we will get there someday. Currently, we are looking forward to getting a bigger apartment and starting our life together as a live-in couple.  The kids, the pets and travel will follow soon.


That’s nice. Rate your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?

Temi: 25 out of 10. I have dated men before but no relationship has been this good. I don’t have to displease myself to make this work; we just work. 

Olanrewaju: For me, 11. Temi is my answered prayer. He gives me peace of mind, and I don’t take that for granted. 



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