I Went Through The Reviews Of Adamu Garba’s Crowwe App So You Don’t Have To

October 30, 2020

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, we’ll be going over the reviews of the app, Crowwe.

Adamu Garber is a dude best known for having the guts to threaten Jack Dorsey, the CEO of Twitter, on Twitter. He also shamelessly tried to use the #EndSARS protests to promote his app, Crowwe. The app has been described as an instant messaging and financial transaction app that comes with an easy-to-activate digital wallet that helps you transfer and receive money while chatting with your loved ones.

You see, someone suggested that I do a review of Crowwe for fun (like we do in this series) and I thought it was a good idea. So I went to the app store to download it when I decided to check out the reviews. You guys, the reviews I saw had me like:

That is how the direction of this week’s instalment of “So You Don’t Have To” came to be about me sifting through the Croww app’s worst reviews and bringing you the funniest ones.

Let’s start with Bode, who thinks that the app’s logo looks like the logo for ISIS.

He also thinks the dashboard looks fraudulent. I laughed till I cried.

Oreoluwa calls the app a terrible knockoff of Twitter, Instagram, and WhatsApp with a picture quality so shitty that looking at it is like watching a snuff film on NTA.

She mentioned the picture quality twice so you know it’s really bad.

Austin is convinced that the app is lowkey being used to recruit members for terrorist organisations.

Damn.

Igy says that the app turns phones into one of those hot stones they use for massages.

Or a literal time bomb.

Fache claims the app gave him a plethora of infectious diseases.

Even the Hantavirus???

Eunice says the app’s very existence is creating holes in the ozone layer.

Shoutout to Eunice for looking out for the environment.

Olalekan says that this app is the best way to have the EFCC knocking down your door.

It sets you up AND jails you? It really do be your own app.

According to Pelumi, the app looks like it was designed by a child.

This makes me imagine a sick Victorian-era child sitting in front of a computer and I am wheezing.

Precious says the app destroyed a transformer in his area.

My prayers go out to Precious in this (literal) dark time.

Bennette is upset that the app keeps attacking people with porn ads. Kinda like that one episode of Black Mirror starring Daniel Kaluuya.

Imagine using the app in public and a very loud ad for “Backdoor Sluts 9: Brianna’s Revenge” starts playing.

Chizor says that this app is responsible for giving President Buhari arthritis and destroying his ears.

Well, that one guy did claim that the antichrist will be an artificially intelligent robot. Could this app be that?

In the sea of negative reviews, I found a few good ones. Without commentary, here are 10 good reviews I found. See if you can spot a pattern.

Well, let me be going sha.

Stay jiggy.

Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.

Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.


RECOMMENDED: I Went Through Weird Sex Toy Shops So You Don’t Have To

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 16, 2021

International advocacy organization, Global Citizen, has revealed the local hosts TV personalities Ebuka Obi-Uchendu and Nancy Isime for the Global Citizen Live event in Lagos, Nigeria. Pan-African broadcast partners are AIM Group, MultiChoice and The SABC. Performances from Lagos will be given by Tiwa Savage, Davido, Femi Kuti and Made Kuti, among others. Burna Boy […]

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

More from So You Don't Have To

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X