If ‘Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness’ Happened in Nigeria

May 11, 2022

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is finally out, and I’m living for the chaos. From Wanda serving Khaleesi realness as the Scarlet Witch to Doctor Strange finding out he has zero hoes across the multiverse, this movie gave us everything. Listening to Wanda talk about villains and heroes had me thinking: Why is it that when Nigerians practice witchcraft, it’s a sin, but when white people do it, it becomes an award-winning book series about teenagers fighting a bald agbaya that doesn’t have a nose? 

This had me wondering what Doctor Strange’s adventures would look like in Nigeria. Here’s what I came up with. 

1. Doctor Strange would’ve been a Yoruba man 

Because only a Yoruba demon would think it makes sense to attend his ex’s wedding when he still likes her. He’s also technically the reason that the monster appeared — if the other universe’s Doctor Strange didn’t try to take America’s powers, she wouldn’t have freaked out and opened the portal by mistake. So he also ruined her wedding. Doctor Adekunle Strange, we see you and your gold chain. 

2. Doctor Strange would’ve taken America to MFM the minute he realised The Scarlet Witch was after her

As Nigerians, we don’t mind doing a little ritualism or jazz, but when it’s about to backfire, we find our way back to the Holy Father. A real Nigerian man would’ve taken America to the nearest Mountain of Fire Ministries (MFM) the minute he found out Wanda was after her. Nothing like a good binding and casting session to remove bad luck from someone’s body.

3. Wong and the other sorcerers would’ve handed America over to Wanda the minute she showed up in her red jumpsuit 

Imagine losing your friends and home for some random girl you just met yesterday, all because she says her name is America and she has some immigration powers she can’t even control. God forbid! Aunty Wanda, please take her. They would’ve literally tied her up and shipped her on a night bus to Wanda. 

4. Buhari would’ve told Lai Mohammed to ban magic 

Bubu doesn’t waste time with things like this. He might not sign an important bill on time, but he will definitely ban anything that stresses him. The minute witches and wizards start flying up and down without shame, Lai Mohammed will make an announcement on NTA sharp sharp. It won’t make a difference but when was the last time any policy from this government made a (positive) difference?

5. Wanda would’ve tried other means to get her children back 

Mama Ibeji was really doing the most for her Powerpuff children she created using magic. Why didn’t she just remake them? It can’t be that hard. If the Wanda’s in other universes got it right, that means she could too. 

6. Wong would’ve poisoned Dr Strange a long time ago

We love Dr Strange, but he’s always rude to Wong and constantly stresses that poor man out by doing things he’s not supposed to. Imagine how easy Wong’s life would be if Dr Strange gets taken out of the picture. There’s also the fact that Wong is superior in ranking, but Dr Strange keeps insulting him like he’s doing NYSC with the sanctum. Wong, it’s time to tap into your inner Chiwetalu Agu and make your life easier. No one will judge you. 

7. Doctor Strange would’ve asked the Illuminati for a music career

Imagine meeting the same Illuminati that blew up Jay Z, Beyoncé, and Rihanna’s careers and not asking for them to do your own. American Doctor Strange might be white and slow, but the Nigerian version is a soji guy that knows that opportunity only comes but once. Wanda can carry Australia or whatever her name is. The time has come to win Grammys! 

8. Wanda would’ve exited the temple before destroying it 

So you want to tell me that the woman that turned Mr Fantastic into Golden Penny spaghetti can’t destroy a temple without leaving first? Marvel, y’all are detty liars. If Wanda was Nigerian, she would’ve gone a safe distance before blowing up that temple. Self preservation is important to us. Our existence might be hell lite but we love staying alive.

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