An Unfortunate Smiling Buddha Story

March 29, 2019

The night is dark and full of scams.

Unsmiling Buddha

The idea of posting photos of smiling buddhas for good luck isn’t really new. I’d seen it before, but I noticed that sometime around last week, everyone was posting the smiling Buddha.

I kept telling myself this couldn’t be real. I was so disappointed when one of my guys put up the Buddha pic that I texted him to let him know.

For my troubles, he told me a story about some lady who got paid by a client who’d been owing her for months. Yeah right.

I wasn’t going to take the bait. It had to be some sort of coincidence.

Right? Right?!

Then the “testimonies” began to show up online.

“Could it be that this is just free good luck?”, I asked myself.

“How soon does the money come?” “Will I get three blessings if I post three photos? So many questions. I just had to try.

Now, one of my hustles is graphic design. Unfortunately, I’m yet to build a strong portfolio so most of my clients aren’t willing to pay good money.

Even worse, they’re not willing to pay on time. My pocket was running dry.

So I told myself “trying this Buddha thing won’t hurt. If it works, I’m getting money or good news or whatever. Worst-case scenario, it doesn’t work and I look stupid. I won’t die”.

Na so I carry the picture distribute for all my social media.

The next day, I went to see one of my guys on his birthday.

Men were chilling, playing FIFA, you know, the regular stuff, when someone brought up the Buddha issue. Everybody in the room started preaching about how stupid it was. I just close ear dey look my small chops.

On getting home that day, I got a call from a client who wanted to brand his outfit. I charged him my regular rate. He didn’t even negotiate.

Less than one hour later, another client who was owing me asked me to send my account details so she could pay the balance. 

Yes Lord Buddha!

I immediately got to work.

It took all night till I was satisfied with the logo I’d made. But good luck was coming in the morning.

In the interest of full disclosure, I had put Buddha on my phone wallpaper by the time.

The next morning, I contacted the client. The first drafts were ready. He wasn’t.

Bro! Already?! But I didn’t tell you to start now! I was going to tell you to start once I had the money!

Panic poured over me like a cold shower.

Barely thirty minutes after, the other lady who was supposed to pay in the balance called me.

She claimed her bank had debited her and the money didn’t reflect. 

My despair could not be put into words. Hayy God!

Now just imagine buying Coldstone on your way home for some form of respite.

Then the overzealous okada man channels his inner Valentino Rossi and pulls a weird move.

And then it happens; the ice-cream falls off the bike and spills all over the road. I had to sit down in order to stop my brain from turnioniown. Everything was reminding me of my poverty.

I had been scammed, by myself and Buddha.

Kene is a record producer and recording artist who also enjoys channelling his creativity through other means. Check his work out on Instagram @KevinXavierCreative.

You can stream his new project – “Totally Xperimental 2“.

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