Dear employers, recruiters and whoever is in charge of writing job vacancy announcements, we’re tired of seeing only job requirements and duties. It’s giving nothing.

I took it upon myself to ask job seekers what they’d rather like to see, so you may want to answer these questions in the next job opening announcement you put out.

What are the coworkers like?

What’s the work culture? And no, we don’t mean putting the “We’re a family” sentence. We’re not family members. You know it, I know it. Let’s cut the crap.

Why is the position vacant?

Did the last three people who held this position resign in tears? Did they last three months? Before I’ll go and use my hand to sign my prison sentence.

How many interviews will I need to do?

These days, some recruiters state the interview procedure, but it needs to be normalised everywhere. Not that someone will apply now and hear, “Do these three assignments before you can scale through to the preliminary interview”.

How long will the application process take?

Will you guys reply within a month, or should I just go and sleep? At least, even if someone doesn’t fit the role, gently break up with them. Don’t ghost them.

How much is the salary?

This is the real star of the show. Do you think I’m applying to enter capitalism because of passion?

Is it eye service you want?

Because some of you will put 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. as working hours, but if an employee tries to leave work immediately it’s 5, you start squeezing face. Let’s not be unfortunate, dear.

Does the boss’s head usually touch?

They don’t use to shout at some of us o. If you know you’ll raise your voice because you “can’t control your passion” or you “expect excellence”, better write it there.

Can I fall in love with my coworker?

It’s not like we’ll set out to catch feelings, but sometimes, people want to make their work spouses their actual spouses. If it’s a no-no, write it in the job vacancies so the romantics can find love elsewhere.

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