Recently, I read an article — I don’t remember the title — about the reasons people go into relationships. The author argued that for most people, it’s a result of a well-thought-out process. I thought I should put that theory to the test, so I spoke to 5 Nigerian men about their relationships. The conversations revolved mainly around the “hows” and the “whys”. Did I get the clarity I was looking for? Well, in some ways. But I found their answers very interesting, and I think you will too.
I knew I wanted to be in a relationship before I met my current partner. At the time, I was serving in Ogun State and hadn’t been in a serious relationship in a year. I was pretty damn lonely and suspected that the quality of my life would be better if I had a companion. I travelled to Lagos to attend a festival and met her there. Actually, we saw each other once at the festival, but we exchanged numbers.
After texting for three weeks, I asked her out, although we had not met a second time. She said yes, but apparently, she still had doubts. It was when we met a second time and had sex that she decided “Yeah, I am ready to commit.” It’s understandable. No one wants a serious commitment full of bad sex. Imagine already agreeing to date before finding out if you’re sexually compatible. That could have gone wrong in so many ways.
In my first year at Uni, I was the resident bad boy because I had a lot of female friends. I went to my faculty end of year dinner with one of them, and one of the guys in class gave me hell all night. He labelled her a new catch I was about to use and dump. Apparently, he thought I was sleeping with all my female friends. I told him he was wrong, but he called bullshit. Sha, before the night ended, he made a bet with me. If the girl and I were still together after two weeks, I would win. I took up the challenge and continued seeing her. Before the two weeks ended, I had completely forgotten about the stupid bet. It turned out that I was genuinely interested in her. We started dating officially, and we’ve been taking on the world together; since 2013.
Does my girlfriend know this story? Not yet. I might share it with her on a special day.
The idea of being in a relationship has always appealed to me. I had plans to get married in 2020 as far back as 2013. The way I saw it, there was a deadline I needed to beat. From that time, every girl I dated was a potential wife. Unfortunately, the two most promising ones didn’t work out. I met someone else in 2018, and everything changed. We got married earlier this year.
My first relationship happened because I was bored and wanted to catch a cruise. I wasn’t interested in her, but she was so into me. So I thought, “Hell, go for it.” Of course, it didn’t end well for either of us — but she took most of the hit. I practically ghosted her too. I did a bit of growing up after that and realised how fucked-up that was. I’m in a different relationship now, and I’d like to think that there is mutual respect and we are only in it because we saw something in each other. This is my chance at a do-over, and I’m trying hard not to ruin it. Sometimes, I fear that she might do to me what I did to my ex. It’s a gnawing feeling I try to ignore, but it’s there.
I don’t think I’ve dated someone who was my spec, and I’ve been in three relationships. If I wanted to paint a picture of my girlfriend, she would be tall and slim. She would definitely have an ass too. My girlfriend — like the others — wasn’t built that way. I like to think that my search for an emotional connection trumped everything else. I know that I vibed with her a lot and saw myself tolerating her for a long time. That was all the reason I needed. Well, she broke things off with me a little over a week ago, but we move.
Man Like – A series about men, for men, by men. Every Sunday by 12PM.