The way Nigeria is hot right now, there’s no point doubting if the last Nigerians who went to hellfire left the gates open. They threw that shit wild ajar and left us to cook in our bodily fluids. 

But we know just how to win this battle and get your beauty sleep despite it all. 

On your tiled floor

Before you say it’s giving sufferhead, think about it. What part of your house stays cool no matter how hot it is? Exactly. To really enjoy this spot, strip naked first.

On your deep freezer 

If the floor doesn’t appeal to you, consider sleeping on top of your deep freezer. The metal exterior is a good conductor of heat. It’ll absorb the heat from your body and make your skin cool.

Or inside it

With PHCN’s epileptic power supply, there’s no point storing food inside your freezer. It won’t get cold enough to preserve shit. But what’s to say it cannot keep you cool? Just make sure you tell your family members where you are. That way, you’ll rest in peace without the fear of freezing to death when the light returns.

Your balcony

You might think it’s a joke, but once you spend that first night outside, you’ll relocate your bedroom to the balcony.

The bathroom

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you run there to pour water on your head when heat threatens to take your life, you might as well spend the night there. 

Inside your gated compound 

You already spread your mattress outside when it’s wet or you want to roast the bedbugs in it. So, it won’t be a strange occurrence when you leave it there permanently. Just wait for your neighbours to go to bed at night, and return with your blanket and cover cloth. 

On the roof

Whether it’s the roof of your house or the roof of your car, that mattress will stay on it and cool breeze will cuddle you throughout the night. But please, avoid these spots if you stir in your sleep.

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