Due to the strain of Corona virus pandemic, the government has been taking a number of measures to prevent its spread. One of these measures includes shutting down NYSC orientation camps and suspending CDS gatherings. We compiled a list of reactions to this development.
1. The happy ones.
They don’t want to come to CDS anyway. So when they hear that CDS has been suspended indefinitely, they are happy that something good has finally come out of this Corona thing. They probably don’t have anything to do at home, but at least there is no boring CDS to attend.
2. The latecomers who will come to the venue after everyone has gone home.
They probably spent all the day pissed off about CDS, which is why they are late. By the time they get to the venue and find out that Sisi Coro has caused them to suspend CDS, they return home, angry but a little happy that CDS is out of the story.
3. The ones who don’t see the reason why CDS should be suspended.
They believe Corona Virus is a fabrication of the government and that it is not real. Besides, didn’t they say Africans (Nigerians especially) are immune to Corona Virus? This category of people will go about telling everyone that NYSC officials are lazy. Don’t mind the, they’re simply suffer-head people.
4. The ones who came prepared.
These ones already know that CDS will be postponed. They have seen WhatsApp BCs from different people. So when they attend that day’s CDS, they have clothes in their bag. As soon as they hear that CDS is cancelled, the next thing to do is to dust their bum-bum, go to the nearest bus park and enter bus to their family house. It’s going to be a long weekend.
5. Those who believe themselves to be Corona-proof.
They came to CDS with gloves, hand sanitizer, their own sneezing handkerchiefs, everything in place. If they had their way, they would come with their own seats. When they hear that CDS has been postponed, they are indifferent about it. No Corona fashioned against them shall prosper.
6. The ones who will go home and have Corona sex.
To these ones, a good knack will cure Corona any day any time. And so when they hear the news, the next thing they feel is intense arousal. Farm implements, these ones.
7. The ones who believe the world is ending and so decide to preach to you all to repent.
As soon as you step out of the CDS venue, they are quick to offer you a pamphlet. “The world is coming to an end, dear corper,” they will say. “Have you served God with your life?” And you too will collect the pamphlet and keep it in your bag.
Tell us, which of these categories do you belong to?
A tiny update about Nigeria’s response to the virus: The Nigerian Ministry Of Health Just Announced 5 New Coronavirus Cases, And Here’s What We Know.