So, you just got paid. But it’s been three days, your account is back to factory settings and you constantly find yourself dreaming about food.
You looking at all the debits coming in without conscience
As if you’re not someone’s precious child.
Now you’ve kept money aside for rent, data and transport but no money for food
Fear not, Zikoko to the rescue. What is better than spaghetti Bolognese in real life? Spaghetti Bolognese in your dreams.
The first thing you need to do is learn how to manifest
The same mind that imagined that perfect smelling jollof rice can manifest it into existence. If you learnt nothing from the astrology girlies, learn this.
Kidnap the witch giving you the dream food
Not everyone’s mind is strong enough, but if you can imprison the food creator you’ll never run out of food. And then they won’t even be able to use your destiny.
The witch might try putting up a fight, so be ready to negotiate
If you can’t beat them, join them, innit? You don’t even have to quit your day job since they move at night. When they share their monthly flour for puff-puff and sweets to sell to children, just keep yours and start a provision store.
The only problem is that the food is cursed, and people may start disappearing
But as a sharp-thinking Nigerian, every problem is an opportunity to make money. You now have free dream food, and you can return those people to their families for a price. Innovate, expatiate, activate.
Now, you have enough money to buy plenty anointing oil to bless the food
Don’t forget the mission. It’s the dream food we are here for, after all. Get that pastor to bless as many anointing oils to sprinkle on the now blessed spirit amala and ewedu with ten pieces of ogunfe.
Rinse and repeat for the rest of your life
And if you’re wondering how you’ll leave the coven when you get tired, this is just supposed to help you teleport the food from your dream, so you’re on your own. Please don’t disturb me.